having children is one of the most meaningful and  delightful moves anyone can make. Couples who do  

生兒育女是每個人都能做出的最有意義和最愉快的舉動之一。夫妻雙方如果

not – for whatever reason – have children tend  to be automatically almost universally pitied and  

不管出於什麼原因，不生孩子的人往往會自動地、幾乎普遍地被同情和

are assumed to have been denied the chance to have  offspring by biology. That one might freely choose  

被認為是被生物學剝奪了生育後代的機會。一個人可以自由選擇

not to have children, and yet be reasonably  content with one's choice, remains one of the  

不生孩子，但又對自己的選擇感到合理的滿足，這仍然是一個重要的問題。

most disturbing and unfathomed of all modern positions.

最令人不安的，也是現代所有立場中最深不可測的。

The basic dynamics of whether or not to have  children follow the very same pattern that we see  

是否要孩子的基本動力遵循了我們所看到的相同模式。

across a range of other so-called great choices  in emotional life: whether or not to get married,  

跨越了情感生活中其他一系列所謂的偉大選擇：是否結婚。

whether or not to stay faithful, whether to follow  the path of reason or the calls of the heart…We  

是否忠貞不渝，是追隨理智的道路還是心靈的呼喚......我們。

observe a very strong desire to try to identify  the 'right' choice accompanied by a frighteningly  

觀察到一個非常強烈的願望，試圖確定 "正確 "的選擇，伴隨著一個可怕的。

utopian belief that, once this choice has been  located, we will be able to flourish and find  

烏托邦式的信念，一旦找到了這個選擇，我們就能蓬勃發展，找到

peace.But the reality is very different, much more  sombre and more interesting: the large dilemmas of  

但現實情況卻大相徑庭，更加陰沉，更加有趣。

emotional life generally have no 'answer' in the  sense of a response that doesn't – somewhere along  

情感生活中一般沒有 "答案 "的意義上的反應，不--在某個地方。

the line – entail a great loss and an element of  extraordinary sacrifice. Whatever we choose will,  

這條線--意味著巨大的損失和非凡的犧牲。無論我們選擇什麼，都會：

in this sense, be wrong, and leave us regretting  some features of the choices we did not make.  

從這個意義上說，是錯誤的，讓我們對自己沒有做出的選擇的一些特點感到後悔。

There is no such thing as a cost-free choice,  a line of argument which continues (oddly) to  

根本不存在無代價的選擇，這種論點一直（奇怪地）延續到了

create surprise in contemporary life. Making a good  choice simply involves focusing on what variety of  

在當代生活中創造驚喜。做出一個好的選擇，只需要關注什麼品種的產品。

suffering we are best suited to – rather than  aiming with utopian zeal to try to avoid grief  

我們最適合的苦難--而不是以烏托邦式的熱情為目標，試圖避免悲痛。

and regret altogether. Consider, for example,  the varieties of suffering that are on offer  

和完全後悔。舉例來說，考慮一下，所提供的各種苦難

on both sides of the faithful/unfaithful ledger:  both options will at moments be very miserable,  

在忠實/不忠實賬目的兩邊：這兩種選擇都會在時刻非常痛苦。

so – when weighing up how to lead our lives – we  should work on knowing as much as possible about  

所以--在權衡如何過日子的時候--我們應該努力盡可能多地去了解

our specific taste in misery.

我們對苦難的特殊品味。

Let's look at a table; Monogamy:  the Misery, a Sense of Confinement, a Correct  

我們來看一張表；一夫一妻制：痛苦、禁錮感、正確的

impression that 'life is elsewhere', Irritability,  Narrow horizons, Sexual abandonment, 

印象中 "生活在別處"，易怒，視野狹窄，性放棄。

What about on the other side: Mulitple partners. What will be the misery there?

那另一邊呢。多人合作 那裡會有什麼苦惱？

There will be chaos, angry ex's, loneliness long term, Damaged children, Guilt. The very same  

會有混亂，憤怒的前男友，長期的孤獨，受損的孩子，內疚。同樣的

kind of trade-offs exist over the question of  children. No honest experience of parenting  

在孩子的問題上存在著什麼樣的取捨。沒有誠實的育兒經驗

is complete without an intermittent very strong  impression that in some ways children are both the  

是完整的，如果沒有一個間歇性的非常強烈的印象，在某些方面，兒童是既是

meaning of one's life and the cause of the ruin  of one's life. Children: the Misery Disappointment  

的意義，也是毀掉一個人生命的原因。孩子：痛苦失望

with oneself as a parent, Disappointment with how  they turn out, Guilt, exhaustion, lost opportunity  

作為父母的自己，對他們的結果感到失望，內疚，疲憊，失去的機會。

Sense of perpetuating human suffering, House sticky everywhere. What about no Children:  

感延續人類的痛苦，房子到處粘。 沒有孩子怎麼辦。

What's the Misery there? Society's constant message that one has 'missed out' Loneliness/boredom Lack of constant  

什麼是痛苦？ 社會不斷地傳遞著 "錯過了 "的資訊 孤獨/無聊 缺乏恆定的生活方式

distraction/calls on one's time… Sentimental  longing for comfort of children by the time one reaches the nursing home.  

心煩意亂/打電話打擾自己的時間......到了養老院後，對子女安慰的感性渴望。

The insight that all choices are, in a sense,  hellish, was best expressed by the early 19th  

所有的選擇在某種意義上都是地獄，這一見解在19世紀初得到了最好的表達。

century Danish Existential philosopher Soren  Kierkegaard, who summed up our options in a  

世紀丹麥存在主義哲學家索倫-克爾凱郭爾，他把我們的選擇總結為："我們的選擇是什麼？

playful, but bleakly realistic and exasperated  outburst in his masterpiece, "Either/Or":  

在他的代表作《要麼/要麼》中，俏皮而又淒涼的現實主義和氣憤的爆發。

“Marry, and you will regret it; don't marry, you  will also regret it; marry or don't marry, you  

"嫁，你會後悔；不嫁，你也會後悔；嫁不嫁，你就

will regret it either way. Laugh at the world's  foolishness, you will regret it; weep over it,  

都會後悔。笑看世界的愚昧，你會後悔；為之哭泣。

you will regret that too; laugh at the world's  foolishness or weep over it, you will regret both.  

你也會後悔的，笑世界的愚昧或為世界哭泣，你都會後悔。

Believe a woman, you will regret it; believe  her not, you will also regret it… Hang yourself,  

相信一個女人，你會後悔；不相信她，你也會後悔......上吊吧。

you will regret it; do not hang yourself, and you  will regret that too; hang yourself or don't hang  

你會後悔的；不上吊，你也會後悔的；不上吊就不上吊吧

yourself, you'll regret it either way; whether  you hang yourself or do not hang yourself,  

自己，無論哪種方式都會後悔；無論是上吊還是不上吊。

you will regret both. This, gentlemen,  is the essence of all philosophy.”  

你會後悔這兩件事。先生們，這就是所有哲學的精髓。"

We deserve pity – as does everyone  else. We will make disastrous decisions,  

我們和其他人一樣，值得同情。我們會做出災難性的決定。

we will form mistaken relationships, we will  embark on misguided careers, we will invest  

我們會建立錯誤的關係，我們會從事錯誤的事業，我們會投資於

our savings foolishly, we will spend years  on friendships with unreliable idiots – and  

我們的積蓄被愚弄了，我們會花很多年的時間和不可靠的白痴交朋友--和

we will get it mostly wrong around children.  But we can we be consoled by a bitter truth:  

我們在孩子面前大多會出錯。 但我們可以用一個痛苦的事實來安慰自己。

there are no painless options, for the  conditions of existence are intrinsically  

沒有無痛的選擇，因為生存條件是內在的。

rather than accidentally frustrating. We can't  get through the tunnel of life without a mauling.  

而不是意外的挫折。我們不能不經過生活的隧道，不經意間就會被打倒。

For those of us contemplating whether or not to  have children, the message is dark but consoling  

對於我們這些正在考慮是否要孩子的人來說，這個資訊是黑暗的，但卻很有安慰性。

in its bleakness: you will be at points very  unhappy whatever you choose. With either option,  

在它的淒涼：無論你選擇什麼，你都會在某些點上非常不快樂。無論哪種選擇。

you will feel that you have ruined your life – and  you will be correct. We do not need to add to our  

你會覺得自己毀了自己的人生--你是對的。我們不需要再增加我們的

misery by insisting that there would have been  another, better way. There is, curiously, relief  

堅稱會有另一種更好的方法，從而使痛苦得到緩解。奇怪的是，有一種解脫

to be found in the knowledge of the inevitability  of suffering. It is, in the end, never darkness  

在對苦難的必然性的認識中發現。歸根結底，它永遠不會是黑暗的。

that dooms us, but the wrong sort of hope in  that most cruel of fantasies: 'the right choice'.

但在那最殘酷的幻想中，卻有一種錯誤的希望："正確的選擇"。