Tell me how you think other people would describe you.

跟我說說你認為其他人會怎麼形容你。

Probably like, "That guy? Huh, I couldn't say; I've never really thought much about him."

大概會說：「那個傢伙？哼，我說不了，我從來都不覺得他有什麼好的。」

Okay. What motivates you?

好的。什麼東西可以激勵你？

I'm very self-motivated when I want to accomplish something, but the chances of that happening with something work-related are, like, zero.

當我想要達成某件事的時候，非常能夠自我激勵，但是在工作上發生那個狀況的機會基本上是零。

Mm-hmm. Would you ever lie for a company?

嗯哼，你會為公司說謊嗎？

No, but I would lie to this company, specifically to get this job.

不會，但我會對這間公司說謊，目的是為了得到這份工作。

Uh, of course.

呃，當然。

Tell me about a difficult work situation and how you overcame it.

跟我形容一個工作上棘手的狀況以及你是如何克服的。

There was a time I had to collaborate on a team project, which was very difficult.

我曾經有過必須參與團隊專案的經驗，那非常困難。

I overcame it by calling in sick that whole week.

我克服的方式是請了一週的病假。

Creative.

真有創意。

What did you like least about your last position?

你對於上一個職務最不喜歡的地方是什麼？

Oh, man, the office had an open floor plan, so anyone could walk up and start talking to me at any time.

喔，老兄，那間辦公室採取了開放式設計，所以任何人都可以隨時走到我身邊開始跟我說話。

Plus, it's really hard to watch YouTube videos at work when everyone can see your screen.

而且，如果大家都可以看到你的螢幕，那就很難在上班時看 YouTube 影片了。

What is your ideal working environment?

你理想的工作環境是怎麼樣的？

A door that I can shut and lock, and if anyone comes looking for me, I can pretend like I'm not there, and watch YouTube in peace.

有一扇我可以關起來、上鎖的門，然後如果有人來找我，我可以假裝不在，然後可以靜靜地看 YouTube 影片。

How do you handle stress?

你都如何應付壓力？

I suppress my emotions all day, and then I eat and drink all night to numb myself.

我會整天壓抑我的情緒，然後會整晚吃喝來麻痺自己。

Wow.

哇。

Uh... what is your greatest accomplishment?

呃⋯⋯你最大的成就是什麼？

I can make phone calls now without drowning in anxiety for hours before I force myself to finally dial the number.

我現在打電話之前，可以不用在逼迫自己撥號前焦慮無數個小時了。

I couldn't do that before.

我以前是做不到那件事的。

Good for you.

幹得好。

Uh, do you work well under pressure?

呃，你在有壓力的狀況下表現好嗎？

Not particularly well.

不太好。

Okay, fantastic.

好，太棒了。

Uh, what is your dream job?

呃，你夢想的工作是什麼？

I'm not certain, but I can say for sure it's not this job or anything remotely close to this career path.

我不確定，但我可以很肯定地說不是這份工作或是任何跟這個職業生涯規劃有些微關聯的工作。

And, honestly, I don't see how any position at your company could be anyone's dream job.

老實說，我也不認為 貴公司任何一個職務都會成為任何人的夢想工作。

Okay.

好的。

Uh, describe a time where you had to give a person difficult feedback.

呃，形容一下你必須給人難以啟齒回饋的經驗。

I've never done that.

我從來沒做過那件事。

I would literally rather let everything burn down around me than give anyone any difficult feedback.

我真的寧願我身邊的一切都付之一炬也不想任何人不好說出口的回饋。

Uh-huh; what is your management style?

嗯哼，你的管理風格是怎麼樣的？

Sort of, uh, passive aggressive, I guess.

呃，被動攻擊型吧，我想。

Okay, interesting.

好，真有意思。

Let's do a little role play, okay, as though you have to fire me.

我們來個角色扮演吧，假裝你必須要開除我。

Well...

那個⋯⋯

I've got something to tell you.

我有一件事情要告訴你。

Yes, what is it?

嗯，什麼是？

Um...

嗯⋯⋯

Go on.

說吧。

I just wanted to say...

我只想要說⋯⋯

Yes?

什麼？

You're doing a great job.

你表現得很好。

Ah, so close.

啊，就差一點。

No, you're supposed to fire me.

不，你應該是要開除我。

This is really hard.

這真的很難。

Just say, "You're fired."

就說：「你被開除了」就可以了。

Hey...

嘿⋯⋯

You know how you said you always wanted to take a vacation?

你不是說過你一直都想要好好度個假嗎？

Well, now you can.

這個嘛，現在可以了。

Yay.

耶。

Not... not exactly what we're going for.

不⋯⋯這不完全是我們的目標。

Can't we just lock them out of the office and hope they get the hint?

我們不能就把他鎖在辦公室外，希望他們讀懂暗示嗎？

Tell me about the last mistake you made.

跟我說說你最近一次犯的錯誤。

I feel like every answer I've given you today is a mistake.

我覺得我今天給你的所有回答都是錯誤。

Well, well, well, those are all the questions I have for you.

嗯⋯⋯我要問你的問題就這樣了。

I'll talk it over with the hiring director and we'll get back to you within a week.

我會跟召募主管討論一下，然後在一週內回覆你。

So you can tell me you were impressed, but you decided to go with another candidate, right?

好讓你可以跟我說，你對我的表現滿意，但你們決定選擇另一個人選，對吧？

Exactly.

沒錯。

You're not even gonna go over this with the hiring director, are you?

你也根本不會跟招募主管討論這個面試吧？

0% chance.

機率是 0%。