[ Cheers and applause ]

[歡呼聲和掌聲]

Welcome.

歡迎你的到來

Well, guys, I have some news

好了，夥計們，我有一些消息

to make people feel a little better.

讓人們感覺更好一點。

And that is the royal family

這就是皇室

is just as messed up as everyone else's.

是和大家的一樣亂七八糟的。

[ Laughter and applause ]

[笑聲和掌聲]

Yeah, last night, Oprah sat down with

是啊，昨晚，奧普拉坐下來，與

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle

哈里王子和梅根-馬克爾

for a two-hour prime-time special.

為兩小時的黃金時段特別節目。

I actually thought it was a great interview.

其實我覺得這是一個很好的採訪。

Obviously, I love Oprah. She's the best.

很顯然，我愛奧普拉。她是最棒的

But good on Meghan Markle for being brave enough to talk about

但好在梅根-馬克爾足夠勇敢地談及

her own mental-health struggles

她自己的心理健康鬥爭

and all the stuff she had to deal with.

和所有的東西，她不得不處理。

[ Cheers and applause ]

[歡呼聲和掌聲]

Yeah, we learned quite a bit

是啊，我們學到了不少東西

about the rules, the protocols, the firm.

關於規則、協議、公司。

We even learned that Tyler Perry took them in

我們甚至得知泰勒-佩裡把他們帶進去了。

when they came to America and provided them with security.

當他們來到美國，併為他們提供安全。

Basically, if you missed the interview,

基本上，如果你錯過了採訪。

the royal family was like, "Goodbye,"

王室是這樣的，"再見，"

and Tyler Perry was like, "Heller."

和泰勒-佩裡一樣，"海勒"。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Yeah, last night was an intense and emotional two hours.

是啊，昨晚是一個緊張而又激動的兩個小時。

My wife, she walked in and asked why I was crying.

我的妻子，她走進來，問我為什麼哭。

I was like, "The NBA all-star game is really good this year."

我當時想，"今年的NBA全明星賽真的很不錯。"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

"Steph Curry sank a Mountain Dew ball."

"斯蒂芬-庫裡打進了一個山露球。"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Yeah, we learned quite a bit from the interview,

是的，我們從採訪中瞭解到不少情況。

like what we've been missing all year wasn't a normal life.

就像我們這一年來所缺少的不是正常的生活。

It was Oprah.

是奧普拉。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Yeah, it was a big event, mainly because they revealed

是啊，這是一個大事件，主要是因為他們揭示了：

the baby's gender in California

胎兒性別

without burning down an entire forest.

而不需要燒掉整個森林。

[ Laughter and applause ]

[笑聲和掌聲]

Last night, 17 million people watched the special,

昨晚，1700萬人觀看了特別節目。

which means the biggest shows on TV this weekend

這意味著本週末最重要的節目在電視上

were all about powerful women and redheads.

都是關於女強人和紅顏知己的。

[ Laughter and applause ]

[笑聲和掌聲]

17 million.

一千七百萬。

The ratings were so big, ABC just offered the couple

收視率如此之高，ABC只是提供了這對夫婦。

their own weekly show called "Royal-ish."

他們自己的周播節目 叫做 "Royal -ish"。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Yeah, over 17 million viewers tuned in.

是啊，超過1700萬觀眾收看。

CBS celebrated until they heard that more than 600 million

CBS慶祝，直到他們聽到超過6億的

watched a TikTok about feta cheese.

看了一個關於羊奶酪的TikTok。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

If you thought this interview was big, tune in next Sunday

如果你覺得這次採訪很重要，請在下週日收看。

when Prince Charles is on "Dr. Phil" like, "Catch me outside."

當查爾斯王子在 "菲爾博士 "上說 "在外面等我 "的時候。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

"How about that?

"怎麼樣？

Catch me outside?"

在外面接我？"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Yeah, Oprah's interview was such a big ratings success,

是啊，奧普拉的採訪是如此的收視率成功。

she's already got another prime-time special in the works.

她已經得到了另一個黃金時段的特別作品。

Check out this promo I saw.

看看我看到的這個宣傳片。

-Oprah is back with another prime-time interview

-奧普拉又在黃金時間接受採訪了

with another powerhouse couple.

與另一對實力派夫妻。

-You don't know what I'm going to ask.

-你不知道我要問什麼。

-And it's her most intense... -What was that conversation?

-這是她最強烈的... ...-那是什麼對話？

-...interview... -Wait, hold up.

-...採訪...-等等，等一下

-...yet. -So, are you ready?

-...還沒有-那麼，你準備好了嗎？

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

-Oprah with Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head.

-奧普拉與洋芋頭夫婦。

-Unbelievable.

-難以置信

Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head.

洋芋頭先生和夫人。

Another big moment during the interview was when Harry was

在採訪過程中，另一個重要的時刻是，當哈利被

asked about his dad, and he casually mentioned this.

問起他的爸爸，他隨口就提到了這個。

-When we were in Canada, I had three conversations

-當我們在加拿大的時候，我有三次談話。

with my grandmother and two conversations with my father

與祖母的談話和與父親的兩次談話。

before he stopped taking my calls.

在他停止接聽我的電話之前

-Even worse, he'd respond to texts with,

-更糟糕的是，他回覆簡訊的時候會說：

"New mobile, whom is this?"

"新手機，這是誰？"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

"New mobile, of whom is this?"

"新手機，這是誰的？"

We actually got our hands on the last phone call

其實我們已經接到了最後一個電話

between Harry and Prince Charles.

哈里和查爾斯王子之間。

It's pretty intense. Check this out.

這是相當激烈的。看看這個。

[ Cheers and applause ]

[歡呼聲和掌聲]

-That can't be a real phone call, right?

-這不可能是一個真正的電話，對吧？

Where are we getting that?

我們從哪裡得到的？

That can't be real. -No way.

這不可能是真的-不可能

-Another big revelation was that Meghan said she and Harry

-另一個大的啟示是，梅根說，她和哈里

actually got married three days before the royal wedding.

其實結婚前三天 王室婚禮。

Great, now I feel like a fool for waking up at 5:00 a.m.

很好，現在我覺得自己像個傻瓜，早上5點就醒了。

to watch two married people get married.

看著兩個已婚人士結婚。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

When she heard about the secret wedding, the Queen was so upset,

聽到祕密婚禮的消息，皇后很不高興。

she asked for her panini maker back.

她要回了她的帕尼尼機。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Yeah, it was a truly explosive interview

是啊，這是一個真正的爆炸性採訪

with shocking revelations that will stick with us for decades,

與令人震驚的啟示，將與我們保持幾十年。

like this one.

像這個。

-My first job was when I was 13 at a frozen yogurt shop

-我的第一份工作是在我13歲的時候，在一家冰凍酸奶店做的

called Humphrey Yogart.

叫做Humphrey Yogart

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

-Even weirder, Harry worked at a sewing shop

-更詭異的是，哈利在一家縫紉店工作過

called Alfred Stitchcock's.

叫阿爾弗雷德-史迪奇科克的。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Well, guys, let's switch gears here a little bit.

好了，夥計們，讓我們在這裡切換齒輪一點點。

During a press briefing today, the director of the CDC

在今天的新聞發佈會上，中國疾病預防控制中心主任

announced new guidelines for vaccinated Americans.

宣佈了美國人接種疫苗的新指南。

Watch this.

看這個。

-If you're fully vaccinated and you're indoors,

-如果你已經完全接種了疫苗，而且你在室內。

there is no need for masks or social distancing

無須戴面具，無須拉遠距離

if everyone there is fully vaccinated.

如果那裡的每個人都完全接種了疫苗。

-Oh, man, bingo halls are about to look like

-哦，夥計，賓果廳看起來就像...

a Señor Frog's on spring break.

a Señor Frog's on spring break. A Señor Frog's on spring break.

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Most Americans are like, "Great news!"

大多數美國人都說："好消息！"

While Texas is like, "What the hell's a CDC?"

而德州卻說："CDC是什麼鬼東西？"

[ Laughter and applause ]

[笑聲和掌聲]

Yeah, you can gather with anyone who is vaccinated,

是啊，你可以和任何一個打過疫苗的人聚在一起。

and more importantly, you can act like a smug A-hole

更重要的是，你可以像一個自以為是的A-混蛋

around anyone who's not.

周圍的人誰不是。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

You can tell things are getting better because the head of

你可以告訴你，事情正在變得更好，因為頭的。

the CDC came out and asked

疾控中心出來問

if anyone wanted the rest of her breath mint.

如果有人想要她的呼吸薄荷的其餘部分，

Like, "Oh, come on, hey."

就像，"哦，來吧，嘿。"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

You're taking it too far now.

你現在做得太過分了

"Who wants it? Who wants it? Huh, huh?"

"誰要？誰要啊？哼，哼？"

[ Laughter ] -Eww!

[笑] -Eww！

-That's right. According to the CDC,

-沒錯根據疾控中心的說法

two weeks after getting vaccinated --

接種疫苗兩週後--

[ Laughter ] Did you like that?

[笑] 你喜歡嗎？

Did you see what I'm saying, dude?

你看到我說的了嗎，夥計？

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

That's right. According to the CDC,

是的 That's right.根據疾控中心的說法。

two weeks after getting vaccinated,

接種疫苗後兩週。

grandparents can hug their grandchildren.

爺爺奶奶可以抱孫子了。

Or as this grandmother put it,

或如這位奶奶所說。

"Yeah, it might be a bit longer than that."

"是啊，可能會比這個時間長一點。"

[ Laughter and applause ]

[笑聲和掌聲]

Well, guys, everyone is talking about this.

好了，夥計們，每個人都在談論這個。

Today, Burger King U.K. announced a new program

今天，英國漢堡王宣佈了一項新計劃

that helps female employees who are pursuing culinary careers,

幫助從事烹飪職業的女性僱員。

but they're getting a lot of criticism

但他們得到了很多責備

for how they went about it.

對於他們如何去做。

They sent a tweet out that said,

他們發了一條微博，說。

"Women belong in the kitchen."

"女人屬於廚房"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

-What?

-什麼？

-Anyway, happy International Women's Day, everyone.

-無論如何，國際婦女節快樂，大家。

[ Laughter and applause ]

[笑聲和掌聲]

I'm pretty sure one PR person just flame-broiled their career.

我敢肯定，有一個公關人員剛剛火燒他們的職業生涯。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

As soon as it happened, 10,000 people broke their fingers

事情一發生，就有一萬人斷指

rushing to be the first one to tweet,

趕忙第一個發微博。

"What a whopper of a mistake."

"真是個天大的錯誤。"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Man, but what a gaffe for Burger King U.K.

夥計，但是英國漢堡王的失誤真大啊。

Overall, just a brutal week for the British royals.

總的來說，對於英國皇室來說，只是殘酷的一週。

[ Laughter and applause ]

[笑聲和掌聲]

And finally, in Oklahoma, there's a reward being offered

最後，在俄克拉荷馬州，有一個懸賞提供了

for something pretty interesting.

為相當有趣的東西。

Listen to this.

聽聽這個。

-A sizable bounty is now on a legendary figure.

-一個可觀的賞金現在在一個傳奇人物身上。

Bigfoot is now wanted in Oklahoma

大腳怪現在在俄克拉荷馬州被通緝

for more than $2 million.

200多萬。

-Nice try, Oklahoma.

-不錯的嘗試，俄克拉荷馬州。

You're still not as crazy as Texas.

你還是沒有德州那麼瘋狂。