Where?

在哪裡？

Australia?

澳洲？

Yes, 100%.

是的，100%。

Please.

求你了

Please.

求你了

Absolutely buzzing out there.

外面絕對是熱鬧非凡。

Yeah, we should do it, shouldn't we?

是啊，我們應該這樣做，不是嗎？

Yes, but by the time we've done the mandatory quarantine, we'll have all been fired.

是的，但等我們做完強制隔離後，我們就會被解僱了。

It's the network would be like one.

是網絡會像一。

Although that would be fun.

雖然那會很有趣。

Do the show from a hotel room in quarantine, Coming fun for, like, an hour.

在隔離區的酒店房間裡做節目，來了樂趣，就像，一個小時。

Well, that's how long the show is.

嗯，這就是節目的長度。

So they were after that.

所以他們在那之後。

What are you Are you saying that we have a fun hour every night?

你說什麼？ 你是說我們每天晚上都有一個有趣的小時？

I think the audience at home would disagree.

我想國內的觀眾是不會同意的。

I think if you piece up the best bits of the week, we scraped 48 minutes of fun and the rest the rest is just like the best we've got is a bow talking about sizzle.

我想如果把這周最精彩的部分拼湊起來，我們刮出了48分鐘的樂趣，剩下的就像我們最擅長的是鞠躬談吐。

Do you want to do the headlines, Ian?

你想做頭條嗎，伊恩？

You What do you?

你是什麼人？

Your co head writer on the show Permanent fixture in that corner.

你在節目中的合作編劇 在那個角落裡的永久固定。

Do you want to do the headlines now?

你現在想做頭條嗎？

Uh huh.

嗯哼。

Wow.

哇哦

Co head and Cambria says no.

Co head and Cambria says no.

Lauren is the other co head writer.

勞倫是另一位聯合主筆。

Lauren joins in the headlines.

勞倫加入到頭條新聞中。

No, go ahead.

不，繼續。

I honestly thought you were gonna save me.

我真的以為你會救我。

Then you looked at me like, come to me because he's really put you in a corner.

然後你看著我說，來找我吧，因為他真的把你逼急了。

I'll save you.

我會救你的

You don't want to do the headlines either.

你也不想做頭條。

Really?

真的嗎？

So no headlines.

所以沒有頭條。

Yeah.

是啊。

No, that's fine, John.

不，這很好，約翰。

How do you feel about it?

你是怎麼想的？

You were very involved in the writing of the headlines today.

今天的頭條新聞，你寫得很投入。

I think my part of it's done.

我想我的部分已經完成了。

My mom was done.

我媽媽已經完了。

Read it or don't, Buddy, I'll get paid.

不看就不看，夥計，我會拿到錢的。

Either way, I'll be here tomorrow.

無論如何，我明天會在這裡。

Doesn't matter.

無所謂了

All right, Well, you were doing them because Donald Trump gave the keynote address at the Conservative Political Action Conference yesterday and he started his speech like this.

好吧，好吧，你在做這些，因為唐納德-特朗普昨天在保守派政治行動會議上做了主題演講，他的演講是這樣開始的。

Well, thank you very much.

嗯，非常感謝你。

And hello, CPAC.

還有，你好，CPAC。

Do you miss me yet?

你想我了嗎？

Do you, mister?

是嗎，先生？

And I think I speak for everyone when I say no.

我想我說不的時候是代表大家的。

Mhm.

嗯

Miss you been gone a month.

想你一個月了

That hasn't even been enough time for Mike Pence's hair to return to his natural pre campaign length.

這還沒來得及讓邁克-彭斯的頭髮恢復到競選前的自然長度。

Trump said, Did you miss me?

特朗普說，你想我了嗎？

Which is literally what every movie villain says when they come back.

這簡直是每個電影反派回來時說的話。

Did you miss me?

你想我了嗎？

Did you miss me?

你想我了嗎？

Did you Did you miss me, Richie?

你想我了嗎,Richie?

Because I've missed you.

因為我很想你。

Did everybody see this?

大家看到了嗎？

Japanese billionaire Yusaku Miyazawa is seeking eight volunteers for the first SpaceX flight around the moon in 2023.

日本億萬富翁宮澤雄策正在為2023年SpaceX首次繞月飛行尋找8名志願者。

Applications are now open for the trip, which will be completely paid for by the billionaire.

現在已經開始申請，這次旅行的費用將全部由這位億萬富翁支付。

So that guy is definitely hunting these people on the moon.

所以那個傢伙肯定是在月球上獵殺這些人。

Right?

對吧？

We thought this was interesting.

我們認為這很有趣。

In order to protect vaccines from being stolen, shipping companies are now using quote James bond level security measures, including panic buttons, kill switches and undercover guards.

為了保護疫苗不被盜，現在運輸公司都在使用報價詹姆斯邦德級的安全措施，包括緊急按鈕、殺傷開關和臥底警衛。

The name's chance Johnson.

我叫約翰遜

I don't know why I put an American accent.

我不知道為什麼要加個美國口音。

Why don't do that?

為什麼不這樣做？

It's like we're doing Bond, in case you didn't.

這就像我們在做邦德，如果你不知道。

Yeah.

是啊。

Why don't do that?

為什麼不這樣做？

The most iconic British character outside of Paddington.

帕丁頓之外最具代表性的英國角色。

You're predicting the next James Bond won't be British?

你預測下一個詹姆斯-邦德不會是英國人？

I think he will be British.

我想他會是英國人。

You really think so?

你真的這麼認為？

I think so.

我想是的

I don't know.

我不知道。

Who do you think the next bond will be?

你覺得下一個債券會是誰？

You've got to put your money right now on someone.

你得把你的錢現在放在某人身上。

Who is it?

是誰？

You know, I wanted it to be interesting because I think that that would have been cool.

你知道，我希望它是有趣的，因為我認為這將是很酷。

But gosh, it's a hard one, man.

但天哪，這是個難題，夥計。

It's really I think it might be a British man.

真的我覺得可能是個英國人。

He's almost too beautiful to be James Bond.

他太漂亮了，不可能是詹姆斯-邦德。

You're absolutely right.

你說的很對

He's absolutely right.

他說的很對

He's so gorgeous that it's like I feel bad enough to get beat up.

他太美了，我覺得自己被打得夠嗆。

But then if it was by a guy that good looking, he wouldn't have to kill anybody.

但如果是被一個長得那麼帥的人殺了，他就不用殺人了。

They do it to themselves.

他們這樣做是為了自己。

He doesn't have the eyes.

他沒有眼睛。

He doesn't have the eyes of a killer like Daniel Craig.

他不像丹尼爾-克雷格那樣有一雙殺手的眼睛。

He's hot.

他很性感

Don't get me wrong.

別誤會我的意思

He's like, but he's rugged, you know?

他很喜歡，但他很粗獷，你知道嗎？

He's hot.

他很性感

But he could.

但他可以。

He could.

他可以。

He could be an uber driver.

他可能是一個uber司機。

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

是啊，是啊，是啊。

Five.

五是

Wrong turns in his life and he's an uber driver.

在他的生活中轉錯了彎，他是一個uber司機。

Three.

三號

Wrong choices.

錯誤的選擇。

Three.

三號

Wrong choices.

錯誤的選擇。

You're like tipping 20%.

你就像給20%的小費。

He was pretty hot.

他是相當熱的。

Okay, I'm always shocked in bond that when he says the name is Bond James Bond, nobody goes.

好吧，我在《邦德》裡一直很震驚，當他說名字是邦德詹姆斯-邦德時，沒有人去。

Oh, from the films.

哦，從電影中。

Yeah, not one character, not one character in bond Just watched a bond movie.

是啊，沒有一個角色，沒有一個角色的債券 剛看了一部債券電影。

I'm constantly amazed.

我不斷地感到驚奇。

They're like, Oh, my God, From their films based on the inflaming books.

他們就像，哦，我的上帝，從他們的電影根據炎之書。

You're that guys, Not one.

你是那個傢伙，不是一個。

So anyway, back to the original show.

所以不管怎麼說，還是要回到原來的節目。

Okay?

好嗎？

The name is Johnson, Johnson and Johnson.

名為強生、強生、強生。

Wow.

哇哦

a really itchy nose.

鼻子很癢

I'm trying to itch it in a discreet way when actually what I really need to do.

我想以一種謹慎的方式癢癢，其實我真正需要做的是。

You ever get that?

你收到過嗎？

You have, like, a full nose attack.

你有，像，一個完整的鼻子攻擊。

That was your discrete itch.

那是你的離散之癢。

No, I Here's your whole arm.

不，我這裡有你的整個手臂。

What?

什麼？

I didn't use my whole arm.

我沒有用我的整個手臂。

I was trying to do it at moments when I thought they might have cut you guys.

我是想在我覺得他們可能會把你們砍掉的時候做的。

I'm trying to do it as I throw it out.

我在嘗試著做，因為我把它扔出去了。

Quick it back.

快回來。

So you know what I mean?

所以你知道我的意思嗎？

Like I go, Don't you think in?

像我一樣，你不覺得嗎？

Yeah, yeah.

是啊，是啊。

Thinking in the edit.

在編輯中思考。

But what I really need to do is go.

但我真正需要做的是走。

Yeah, yeah.

是啊，是啊。

Ah, I stayed up all night watching videos on YouTube and learning new things I will now share said things with you.

啊，我熬夜看YouTube上的視頻，學到了新的東西，我現在要和你分享說的東西。

This is tonight.

這是今晚。

I learned.

我學會了。

Do not I learned that was appalling.

我不知道，這是令人震驚的。

Mm.

嗯。

That was appalling.

真是駭人聽聞。

That was absolutely appalling.

這絕對是駭人聽聞。

That I mean, that is that is that was a disgrace to jingles.

那我的意思是，那是那是那是叮叮噹噹的恥辱。

Yeah.

是啊。

How did that happen?

怎麼會這樣？

I don't think we remember.

我想我們不記得了。

We were supposed to do it.

我們應該這樣做。

Oh, really?

哦，真的嗎？

To be creative.

要有創造性。

You don't think you remembered you were supposed to do or you were just for all of us.

你以為你不記得自己應該做什麼，或者你只是為了我們大家。

So shut out of the show.

所以閉口不談。

You don't try again?

你不再試試？

Yes.

是的，我知道

Give it, please.

請給我吧

Yeah.

是啊。

Are you gonna say your thing?

你會說你的事嗎？

Did you say it, or are you gonna say it again or we just play?

是你說的，還是你再說一遍，還是我們就這麼玩？

How do you want to do?

你想怎麼做？

Is this the same plane?

這是同一架飛機嗎？

Are you going to say it?

你會說嗎？

And then we do it?

然後我們就動手了？

Uh, what am I gonna kill us?

呃，我怎麼會殺了我們？

Classic.

經典。

Stay in place.

呆在原地。

All cars.

所有的車。

Oh, gosh.

哦，天哪。

Technically, this is a This is a T V show.

嚴格來說，這是一個T V節目。

And here's some big international use.

而這裡有一些大的國際用途。

Former French President Nicolas Sarkozy was sentenced to jail today on corruption charges related to campaign finances.

法國前總統尼古拉-薩科齊今天因與競選資金有關的腐敗指控被判入獄。

The judge told Sarkozy his biggest mistake was not committing these crimes in America.

法官告訴薩科齊，他最大的錯誤是沒有在美國犯下這些罪行。

It sounds harsh a year in prison, but you've got to remember French prison is done entirely with mine.

聽起來很殘酷，一年的監獄，但你要記住法國的監獄是完全用我的。

Okay, I wonder what French prisons like what you like in French prisons?

好吧，我想知道法國監獄喜歡什麼你喜歡法國監獄裡的什麼？

Like, I bet it's like Paddington two level prison.

我敢說就像帕丁頓的兩層監獄一樣 Like, I bet it's like Paddington two level prison.

I bet it's correct.

我敢打賭，它是正確的。

You think Paddington two level prison.

你認為帕丁頓是兩層監獄

Ah, yeah.

啊，是的。

There's a lot of chains.

有很多鏈子。

Do you think Rachel and Cheese?

你認為瑞秋和奶酪？

Yeah, it's like I mean, but like the lowest quality cheese, which is still higher than most other countries.

是啊，這就像我的意思，但像最低品質的奶酪，這仍然高於大多數其他國家。

Yeah, it's low quality French cheese, which here in America, you can only get in Whole Foods for $500.

是的，這是低質量的法國奶酪，在美國，你只能在全食超市花500美元買到。

How do you eat that stuff?

你是怎麼吃那東西的？

Yeah.

是啊。

Oh, I can do French.

哦，我會說法語

Yeah.

是啊。

No, Absolutely not.

不，絕對不是。

Okay.

好吧，我知道了

I felt I felt with the French.

我覺得我和法國人的感覺。

You just have to debase yourself in front of him immediately.

你只要馬上在他面前貶低自己。

And then they're nice to you.

然後他們對你很好。

When I went to France, I was like, I'm so sorry.

當我去法國的時候，我想，我很抱歉。

I'm a stupid American.

我是一個愚蠢的美國人。

I don't speak French.

我不會說法語

I'm an idiot.

我是個白痴

I'm the worst.

我是最差的。

And then they're like, Come on me.

然後他們就像，來吧我。

And it's all right.

而它的所有權利。

Yeah.

是啊。

Mexican restaurant, Was it?

墨西哥餐廳，是嗎？

Yeah, that's right.

是的，這是正確的。

Italian restaurant, Italian.

意大利餐廳，意大利人。

Are you sure you're in France?

你確定你是在法國嗎？

Is there?

有嗎？

It's like, Come on in.

這就像，進來吧。

Let's hit your Madonna.

讓我們打你的麥當娜。

Yeah, you can do an English accent.

是的，你可以做一個英語口音。

They can Yeah.

他們可以啊。

Oh, yeah.

哦，是的。

Oh, wow.

哦，哇。

Yeah.

是啊。

So it's Go on.

所以，它的繼續。

Yeah, it's all right.

是的，它的所有權利。

Yeah, It's a bit of English accent.

是啊，這是一個有點英國口音。

It's an Englishman who just inhaled a helium balloon.

是一個英國人，他剛剛吸入了一個氦氣球。

That it's all right.

沒事的

It's all right.

沒事的

You all right?

你沒事吧？

They don't know.

他們不知道。

Yeah.

是啊。

Yeah, Well, that was fun.

是啊，這很有趣。

Amazing headlines.

驚人的標題。

Mhm.

嗯