Name: 美國宇航局驚心動魄的火星登陸是飽受疫情困擾的美國需要的好消息。 (NASA's Thrilling Mars Landing Is The Good News Pandemic-Weary America Needs)
Uploaded: 2021-03-02T20:52:31.000Z
Duration: 13 min 13 s

我是你的主播，史蒂芬-科爾伯特。

WELL, IN THE LAST 24 HOURS, THE BIGGEST STORIES ALL INVOLVE OLD

在過去的24小時裡，最大的故事都涉及到老

IT'S LIKE BEING AT DENNY'S THE DAY THEY DISCONTINUE THE $6.99

就像在DENNY'S停售6. 99美元的那天一樣。

THE FIRST WEEPING SEPTUAGENARIAN: PRESIDENT JOE

第一個流淚的休斯敦人：JOE主席。

AND IT IS OUR GOOD GRACE THAT HE IS WILLING TO WEEP.

COMMEMORATED THE HEARTBREAKING NUMBER OF AMERICANS WHO HAVE

悼念人數眾多、令人心碎的美國人。

>> TODAY, WE MARK A TRULY GRIM, HEARTBREAKING MILESTONE,

>> 今天，我們迎來了一個真正嚴峻的，令人心碎的里程碑。

THAT'S MORE AMERICANS WHO DIED IN ONE YEAR IN THIS PANDEMIC

這是更多的美國人誰在一年內死亡在此氾濫。

THAN IN WORLD WAR I, WORLD WAR II, AND THE VIETNAM WAR

比在第一次世界大戰，第二次世界大戰，和越南戰爭中

>> Stephen: THAT IS A HORRIFYING AND TRAGIC NUMBER THAT WAS

>> 斯蒂芬：這是一個可怕的和悲劇性的數字，這是

COMPLETELY AVOIDABLE, THAT WE COULD ALL SEE COMING, AND WAS

完全可以避免的，我們都可以看到即將到來的，是

AFTER ALL, THERE WOULD HAVE BEEN WAY MORE CASUALTIES IN WORLD

畢竟，在世界範圍內，會有更多的性愛事件發生

WAR II IF PATTON'S SPEECH WENT LIKE THIS:

第二次世界大戰，如果彭定康的演講是這樣的：

>> NOW, I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER THAT NO BASTARD EVER WON A WAR

>> 現在，我要你們記住，沒有一個混蛋能打贏一場戰爭。

SO DON'T LET THE NAZIS DOMINATE YOUR LIFE.

所以不要讓納粹統治你的生活。

NOW, TAKE THE ADVICE OF MY FAVORITE PILLOW SALESMAN, AND

現在，採取我最喜歡的枕頭銷售員的建議，和。

IT'LL GO THROUGH YOU LIKE CRAP THROUGH A GOOSE.

它會像糞便穿透鵝一樣穿透你。

>> Stephen: IT WAS A DEVASTATING, BUT POWERFUL SPEECH

>> 斯蒂芬：這是一次毀滅性的，但很有力量的演講。

BECAUSE OF BIDEN'S WILLINGNESS TO SHARE IN OUR NATIONAL GRIEF

因為比登願意分擔我們的民族苦難。

BY NAMING HIS PERSONAL EXPERIENCE WITH UNIMAGINABLE

命名他的個人經歷與難以想象的。

IT'S HARD FOOTAGE TO PLAY ON A COMEDY SHOW LIKE THIS, BUT IT'S

在這樣的喜劇節目上播放很難，但它是。

NUTRITIOUS TO THE SOUL TO SEE A PRESIDENT FINALLY FACING OUR

看到一個總統終於面對我們的靈魂，這對靈魂是有營養的。

BECAUSE THE PREVIOUS GUY'S EMOTIONAL RANGE RAN THE GAMUT

因為前一個傢伙的情感範圍超過了GAMUT。

TO PUT THE MONUMENTAL LOSS HE WAS ADDRESSING INTO PERSPECTIVE,

把他正在解決的單項損失放到視野中去。

THE U.S. HAS ABOUT 4% OF THE WORLD'S POPULATION AND RECORDED

美國的人口約佔世界人口的4%，並且記錄在案。

25% OF THE COVID CASES AND 20% OF THE FATALITIES.

25%的COVID案例和20%的死亡案例。

IF A RESTAURANT HAD THE HEALTH RECORD THE UNITED STATES DOES,

如果一家餐館有健康記錄，美國就有。

THE LETTER GRADE OUT FRONT WOULD BE "NOT AVAILABLE-- INSPECTOR

前面的字母等級是 "不可用-------------------------檢查員

BUT DESPITE THE HISTORY OF BADNESS, THERE ARE REASONS FOR

但是，儘管有壞事的歷史，但還是有原因的。

AND, YESTERDAY, WE LEARNED ANOTHER ONE IS ABOUT TO COME ON

今天，我們又得知另一個人要來了。

THE MARKET, BECAUSE JOHNSON & JOHNSON ANNOUNCED IT CAN

市場，因為JOHNSON & JOHNSON宣佈它可以。

PROVIDE 20 MILLION VACCINE DOSES BY LATE MARCH.

在3月底之前提供2000萬劑疫苗。

這是如此巨大的新聞，我可以哭了！

BUT I KNOW JOHNSON & JOHNSON HAS A STRICT POLICY OF "NO MORE

但我知道JOHNSON & JOHNSON有一個嚴格的政策 "沒有更多的"。

OH, AND THERE'S MORE GOOD NEWS: THE SEVEN-DAY AVERAGE NUMBER OF

哦，還有更多的好消息。七天的平均數量為：

CASES IS DOWN 75%, DAILY HOSPITAL ADMISSION RATE DROPPED

病例減少75%，每天的醫院入院率下降。

60%, AND IN THE PAST WEEK, DEATHS HAVE DROPPED NEARLY 39%.

60%，而在過去的一週，死亡人數下降了近39%。

THAT IS WONDERFUL-- IF YOU IGNORE THE FACT THAT THESE

如果你忽略了這些人的事實，那就太美妙了。

NUMBERS ARE COMPARABLE TO LAST SUMMER'S PEAK.

WE'RE BACK WHERE WE WERE WHEN WE THOUGHT IT COULDN'T GET ANY

我們又回到了我們以為不會再發生的地方

I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE BANKING DOWN MY ENTHUSIASM.

我不是唯一的一個銀行我的愛好。

APPARENTLY, THE BIDEN ADMINISTRATION ITSELF HAS

REFUSED TO PUBLICLY CELEBRATE THE PROGRESS WE'RE MAKING

拒絕公開慶祝我們正在取得的進展。

BECAUSE THEY FEAR "IT WILL PROMPT PANDEMIC-WEARY

因為他們害怕 "會引發氾濫成災"。

THE BOTTOM OF THE TRASH CAN, YOU THINK IT'S A DEAD RAT, THEN IT

在垃圾桶的底部，你認為它是一隻死老鼠，然後它。

ANYWAY, STOP, DROP, AND ROLL-- DON'T DO DRUGS.

無論如何，停止，下降，並滾 - 不要做毒品。

THE POINT IS, I KNOW IT'S BEEN ALMOST A YEAR, BUT WE CAN'T LET

重點是，我知道已經過了一年了，但我們不能放任不管

AND SOMEBODY OUGHT TO TELL THAT TO NEW YORK GOVERNOR AND MAN

有人要把這話告訴紐約州的州長和市民。

JUST DARING YOU TO PULL HIS FINGER, ANDREW CUOMO.

只是怕你拉他的手指，安德魯・庫莫。

BECAUSE, YESTERDAY, THE GOVERNOR ANNOUNCED THAT, FOR THE FIRST

因為，昨天，州長宣佈，這是第一次

TIME IN NEARLY A YEAR, MOVIE THEATERS IN NEW YORK CITY WILL

在近一年的時間裡，紐約市的電影院將會

IT'S ALL PART OF CUOMO'S NEW COVID RESPONSE PLAN, "OPERATION:

這都是CUOMO新的COVID反應計劃 "行動 "的一部分。

PLEASE STOP TALKING ABOUT THE NURSING HOME THING."

請不要再談什麼養老院的事了。"

字幕列表影片播放

美國宇航局驚心動魄的火星登陸是飽受疫情困擾的美國需要的好消息。 (NASA's Thrilling Mars Landing Is The Good News Pandemic-Weary America Needs)

apparently

pandemic

instance

completely