'Cause they have all kinds of things there, and they have every magazine you'd want, and here's what you can do, too. Here's a tip.

因為他們有賣各式各樣的東西，你想要的任何雜誌統統都有賣。接下來我要告訴你一個可以省錢的小撇步。

You can stand there in the store and read all the magazines for free.

你可以站在店裡看免費的雜誌。

You don't have to buy them. You just read them while you're there, and then with the money that I save, I buy my lotto tickets, my booze, and my bus pass.

你根本不需要花錢買。你就在那邊把雜誌全部看完，然後我所省下的錢， 我會去買彩券、買酒以及買公車月票。

Yeah... so... I'm always thinking.

沒錯... 我永遠都在動腦筋。

And when I was in there, I noticed that the fountain drink station.

然後我在店裡觀察的時候，注意到了飲料機台。

Have you noticed the fountain... Do you get your drinks there? Anybody?

你們有注意過飲料機... 你們有人會在那裡買飲料嗎？有嗎？

Okay well, if you do, or you don't, here's what I've noticed, right here. I'd like to show you something.

好吧，無論你們會不會買，這是我注意到的事情。我想要給你們看個東西。

Um, I can't believe this. I really can't.

我不敢相信。我真的不敢相信。

This is the smallest cup that they have, right here.

這就是他們那裡最小的杯子。就是這個。

That! You see my hand? You see the size of this?

這個！你看到我的手了嗎？你有看到這個大小嗎？

This is the Gulp. It's twenty ounces. It's almost as much as two cans of soda, alright?

這是大口杯，有 20 盎司的容量。這可是差不多兩罐鋁罐汽水的量欸？

I ordered an orange juice in a hotel this size. It was two hundred dollars.

我曾經在飯店點過相同大小的柳橙汁，花了我兩百美元。

Giant! Alright, but that's how they get you, because this is 69 cents.

超巨大！但這就是它們引誘你的花招，因為這只要 69 分錢。

Now, and why would you get... For ten cents more you get double the size. You get the Big Gulp, right here.

可是你為什麼會想買大口杯呢？畢竟你只要多花 10 分錢，就可以買到有著雙倍份量的重量杯。就是這個。

First of all... This is crazy!

首先... 這簡直是瘋了！

And it would never fit under my jacket when I'm sneaking it into the movie theater.

就算我想把這偷渡進去電影院，也沒辦法藏在外套底下。

And, why on Earth would anybody want this much soda, when they could have THIS much soda?

然後，如果你可以買更多汽水，你怎麼只會想買這麼一些呢？

I call this three-weeks-in-the-desert.

我稱這個為「沙漠求生三週指南」。(註：意指只有在沙漠中求生才需要這麼多液體)

It's ridiculous! This is insane! I am not joking about any of these.

太不可思議了！完全瘋了！我沒有在開玩笑。

You know our stomachs—by the way, in case you don't know this—our stomachs are the size of our fist. That's really how large our stomachs are.

順帶一提，以防你們不知道，我們的胃只有拳頭大小。我們的胃就這麼大。

I can fit my entire arm!

我整隻手臂都能塞進去了！

If you drink this much Coke, it's about 800 calories.

如果你喝這麼多可樂，總熱量差不多是 800 大卡。

And I guess why... the 7-11 symbol means, if you drink this much, you're gonna gain somewhere between 7 and 11 pounds.

我終於懂 7-11 的標誌是什麼意思了，就是說當你喝進這麼多糖分後，你會胖上 7 到 11 磅 (約 3.17 公斤到 4.99 公斤)。

This is huge! Look how much bigger this is. I brought my regular drink in.

太巨大了！你看這比平常還大多少。我把我日常的飲料帶來了。(註：Ellen喜歡在節目拿喝酒開玩笑)

This is so much bigger than the size...

這比平常的大小還要大...

And I know what you're thinking. You're saying, "Ellen, I only get coffee there." Well, they have a cup for you too.

我知道你們在想什麼你們在說：「Ellen，我只在那買咖啡。」 這樣的話，它們也有一個杯子給你。

You think this is a joke. It is not a joke.

你覺得這是開玩笑。我沒有開玩笑。

This is a coffee mug. It's called the Ultimate Gulp.

這是一個咖啡杯。它叫做「終極重量杯」。

How tired are you that it takes you this much coffee to wake up?

你到底有多累，需要到這麼多咖啡才能打起精神？

This is bigger than my head! The size of this... look at the size of this! Huge!

這比我的頭還大！這大小... 你看看這大小。超巨大的！

Walking around sipping this like...

想像一下，你走在路上，然後喝著這個...

Wouldn't you be embarrassed to walk in... "Sorry, I'm late Judy"

你進到公司說：「抱歉 Judy 我遲到了。」的時候不會尷尬嗎？

"I needed to grab a gallon of coffee real quick on the way."

「我非得要在路上很快速地買一大杯咖啡。」

And this is... this is a... Like some people use their mugs on their desk to put their pens in and store their things.

然後這是... 這是一個... 有些人會把杯子擺在桌上拿來放筆或是其他小東西。

You can put a fax machine in here.

我可以直接把一台傳真機塞進去。

This is insane! I don't know what's happening to people that they need this much liquid.

簡直是瘋了！我不知道為什麼大家需要喝這麼多的液體。

The only pick-me-up I ever need is dancing.

我想要振奮精神的時候，只需要跳舞就行了。(註：Ellen在每一次開場白之後，就會跟現場觀眾跳舞)