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  • -Thank you so much, everyone.

    -非常感謝大家

  • Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to "The Tonight Show"!

    歡迎,歡迎,歡迎,歡迎來到 "今夜秀"!

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

    [歡呼聲和掌聲]

  • Well, guys, the big story today

    好了,夥計們,今天的大新聞

  • is that following this week's Supreme Court ruling,

    是,在本週最高法院的裁決之後。

  • Trump was forced to turn over

    特朗普被迫交出

  • millions of pages of his tax records

    數百萬頁的納稅記錄

  • to the Manhattan District Attorney's Office.

    到曼哈頓地區檢察官辦公室。

  • Millions of pages, yeah.

    數百萬頁,是的。

  • The only place you'll find more ink

    你唯一能找到更多墨水的地方

  • is Rudy Giuliani's sideburns.

    是魯迪-朱利安尼的鬢角。

  • I feel bad for whoever's second in line

    誰排在第二位,我就為誰感到難過。

  • to use the copier in that office.

    在該辦公室使用複印機。

  • Like, "Uh, how long you going to be?"

    就像,"呃,你要去多久?"

  • Like, "Oh, shouldn't be -- There's only like 100,000 more.

    就像,"哦,不應該是... ... 只有像10萬多。

  • Double sided, so maybe go get a frappuccino and come back."

    雙面,所以也許去喝杯咖啡再回來。"

  • But this really is big news because after they thoroughly

    但這確實是個大新聞,因為在他們徹底的

  • go through each document,

    查看每份文件。

  • Trump could be charged around the year 3000.

    特朗普可能在3000年左右被起訴。

  • You can tell that they're Trump's real tax returns because

    你可以看出這是特朗普的真實納稅申報單,因為...

  • under total loss, he still didn't declare the election.

    在全軍覆沒的情況下,他還是沒有宣佈選舉。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • [ Applause ]

    [掌聲]

  • We're having a good time.

    我們有一個很好的時間。

  • Speaking of Trump, President Biden's been in an office

    說到特朗普,拜登總統一直在辦公室裡。

  • just over a month, and people have noticed

    一個多月,人們已經注意到

  • that he never calls Trump by name.

    他從來沒有叫過特朗普的名字。

  • He'll call him "the former guy"

    他會叫他 "以前的那個人"

  • or mention "the previous administration."

    或提及 "上屆政府"。

  • I mean, he's even called him things like --

    我的意思是,他甚至叫他的東西,如 -

  • -Oh, here we go.

    -哦,我們走吧

  • -Tariq? What's up? -Let me guess.

    -塔裡克?什麼事?-讓我猜猜看

  • Now you're going to do a silly bit where you list a bunch

    現在你要做一個愚蠢的位 在那裡你列舉了一堆

  • of funny "nicknames" that Biden called Trump.

    的有趣 "綽號",拜登稱特朗普。

  • -I mean, yeah, that was -- that was the plan.

    -我的意思是,是的,那是... ... 那是計劃。

  • -And each joke will pop up as a graphic

    -每個笑話都會以圖形的形式出現

  • so everyone can see it and "laugh" about it.

    好讓大家看到,並 "一笑了之"。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • -Right, right. Jokes work better

    -對,對對,對。

  • when there's a visual component, sure.

    當有一個視覺組件,當然。

  • -It's all so predictable.

    -這一切都太容易預測了

  • Like, the graphic will be a photo of Biden and Trump,

    就像,圖形將是拜登和特朗普的照片。

  • and then under Trump, you'll list names like

    然後在特朗普下面,你會列出一些名字,如

  • LL Coup J...

    LL Coup J...

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • ...or One Term-inator...

    ...或一個任期結束者... ...。

  • -Uh-huh.

    -嗯哼

  • -...or, uh, Don Jr. Sr.

    -或者,呃,小唐老。

  • Or, uh, Princess Impeached.

    或者,呃,公主被彈劾。

  • Or something like "only guy on Myspace right now."

    或者類似 "現在Myspace上唯一的男人 "之類的。

  • And then you'll close with something

    然後你會用一些東西來結束

  • a little more risqué like... YMCA-Hole.

    更多一點的淫蕩喜歡... ...YMCA -Hole.

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • Is --

    是 --

  • [ Applause ]

    [掌聲]

  • Is that how this is gonna go?

    這就是我們要去的地方嗎?

  • -Yeah, you -- you nailed it.

    -是的,你... ... 你做到了。

  • -Yeah, seems like a fun bit. You should do it.

    -是啊,似乎是一個有趣的位。你應該做的。

  • -Great. Well, we'll do it tomorrow.

    -很好好吧,我們明天再做

  • -Can't wait.

    -等不及了

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

    [歡呼聲和掌聲]

  • -Well, this is crazy.

    -好吧,這太瘋狂了

  • On a recent flight from Cincinnati to Phoenix,

    在最近一次從辛辛那提飛往鳳凰城的班機上。

  • a pilot noticed something strange in the air.

    一個飛行員注意到了空氣中的一些奇怪的東西。

  • Listen to this.

    聽聽這個。

  • -An American Airlines pilot radios in

    -一位美國航空公司的飛行員對講機

  • a mid-flight close encounter with an apparent UFO.

    在飛行中與明顯的UFO親密接觸。

  • -That's right. It could be a possible UFO.

    -沒錯這可能是一個可能的UFO。

  • Yeah, aliens were looking for intelligent life,

    是啊,外星人在尋找智慧生命。

  • and they didn't find any on an American Airlines flight

    他們在美國航空公司的班機上沒有找到任何東西。

  • during a pandemic.

    在大流行期間。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • [ Applause ]

    [掌聲]

  • I love UFO sightings. It's like...

    我喜歡UFO目擊事件。這就像...

  • "That could be an alien! Or a Domino's delivery drone."

    "那可能是個外星人!或者是多米諾的送貨無人機。"

  • When they heard, United was like, "Sorry. Our bad.

    當他們聽說後,美聯航就說:"對不起。我們的壞。

  • That was our plane. The wings just fell off."

    那是我們的飛機。機翼就這麼掉了。"

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • Hey, listen to this. The CDC just found out

    嘿,聽這個。疾控中心剛剛發現

  • that gyms with maskless users

    有無面具用戶的健身房

  • are considered to be high-risk for the spread of COVID.

    被認為是COVID傳播的高風險。

  • Yep, the report also found that people running

    是的,報告還發現,人們在運行

  • on the train tracks are more likely to get hit by a subway.

    在火車軌道上更容易被地鐵撞到。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • [ Applause ]

    [掌聲]

  • Americans are like, "Really? 'Cause I was about to go

    美國人都說,"真的嗎?"因為我正要去

  • to Planet Fitness and lick the elliptical!

    到Planet Fitness去舔橢圓機!

  • Is that okay?

    可以嗎?

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • I use the bicycle seat as a face mask!

    我把自行車座當做面膜!

  • Is that okay?!

    可以嗎?

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • I found this towel! Can I eat it?!

    我找到了這條毛巾!我可以吃嗎?

  • Is that okay?! Can I eat the towel?!"

    可以嗎?我可以吃毛巾嗎?"!

  • Get sued by Brian Regan.

    被Brian Regan起訴

  • Yeah, the CDC says people must wear masks

    是啊,疾控中心說人們必須戴口罩。

  • and put at least 20% more effort

    並投入至少20%以上的精力

  • into pretending to wipe down the machines.

    成假裝擦拭機器。

  • That's right. Gyms with maskless users

    沒錯,就是這樣。無面具用戶的健身房

  • are at high-risk for spread of COVID.

    是COVID傳播的高危人群;

  • And they're not the only risky places. Watch this.

    而且他們並不是唯一的風險場所。看好了

  • -Well, new this morning, CDC researchers say masks

    -今天早上,疾控中心的研究人員說,掩蓋了

  • may be key particularly

    尤為關鍵

  • to stopping the spread of COVID-19 at gyms.

    阻止COVID-19在健身房的傳播。

  • Masks are also key in stopping the spread of COVID

    口罩也是阻止COVID傳播的關鍵。

  • at the following places.

    在下列地點:

  • -Oh, come on, now!

    -哦,來吧,現在!

  • Fyre Festival 2?

    菲爾節2?

  • I got tickets to that!

    我買到票了!

  • "Hot breath" competition! That's...

    "熱氣騰騰 "的比賽!那是...那是...

  • Some entertainment news.

    一些娛樂新聞。

  • In a three-hour event yesterday, Paramount Plus revealed

    在昨天的三個小時的活動中,派拉蒙Plus透露了

  • all the content that will be available

    的所有內容,將可

  • on the new streaming service next month.

    在下個月的新流媒體服務上。

  • People are already calling it the best streaming service

    人們已經稱它為最好的流媒體服務

  • next to Netflix, Hulu, Apple TV, HBO Max, Disney Plus,

    旁邊有Netflix、Hulu、Apple TV、HBO Max、Disney Plus。

  • Discovery Plus, ESPN Plus, Amazon, and Peacock.

    Discovery Plus、ESPN Plus、亞馬遜和孔雀。

  • Soon people are going to be searching

    很快人們就會搜索

  • through 20 streaming platforms and go,

    通過20個流媒體平臺和去。

  • "I wish they'd invent something where you could find

    "我希望他們能發明一些東西,在那裡你可以找到...

  • all these shows in one place, and they should call it cable."

    所有這些節目在一個地方, 他們應該叫它有線電視。"

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • But the big Paramount Plus show that everyone's talking about

    但大家都在談論的派拉蒙加的大戲。

  • is the "Frasier" reboot with Kelsey Grammer.

    是 "Frasier "重啟與凱爾西-格拉默。

  • Yep, they want to attract young viewers,

    是的,他們想吸引年輕觀眾。

  • so, naturally, they rebooted a show

    所以,很自然地,他們重新啟動了一個節目

  • about a 70-year-old therapist.

    關於一個70歲的治療師。

  • I wonder if Kelsey Grammer's agent was like...

    我想知道凱爾西-格拉默的經紀人是否像...

  • -[ Fingers snap ] -"I got it!

    -[手指彈出]-"我知道了!

  • You could be Frasier again."

    你可以再做一次Frasier。"

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • "Morty, you son of a bitch.

    "莫蒂,你這個王八蛋。

  • You did it again."

    你又來了。"

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • Listen to this. Hasbro is trying to be

    聽聽這個孩之寶想成為

  • more inclusive by dropping the "Mister"

    去掉 "先生 "的稱呼,更具包容性

  • from its Mr. Potato Head brand name.

    從其洋芋頭先生品牌名稱。

  • Yep, it's just going to be called Potato Head.

    是的,它只是要叫洋芋頭。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • I haven't checked, but I'm pretty sure Tucker Carlson

    我沒查過,但我很確定塔克-卡爾森... ...

  • has spent the last 12 hours foaming at the mouth.

    在過去的12小時裡,他口吐白沫。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • By the way, if the new Potato Head kneels during the anthem,

    對了,如果新任洋芋頭在國歌期間下跪。

  • every person on Fox News is going to explode.

    福克斯新聞的每個人都要爆炸。

  • That's just the way...

    這只是方式...

  • Meanwhile, conservatives are already striking back

    與此同時,保守派已經開始反擊了。

  • by releasing a Slinky with a penis.

    通過釋放一個帶陰莖的斯林基。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • [ Applause ]

    [掌聲]

  • Some news from overseas in England.

    一些來自英國海外的消息。

  • There are reports of counterfeit wine bottles.

    有報道稱,有假酒瓶。

  • Listen to this.

    聽聽這個。

  • -Cheap-wine lovers are the target of a scam.

    -廉價葡萄酒愛好者是一個騙局的目標。

  • Someone is mass-producing counterfeit Yellow Tail wine.

    有人大量生產假冒黃尾酒。

  • -Victims report that the color and that taste were off.

    -受害者報告說,顏色和味道都不對。

  • The maker of Yellow Tail wines

    黃尾巴酒的製造者

  • confirmed that the bottles were indeed rip-offs.

    證實了這些瓶子確實是騙人的。

  • -Who's counterfeiting Yellow Tail?

    -誰在假冒黃尾巴?

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • The Yellow Tail people were like, "We're so upset here,

    黃尾巴的人就說:"我們這裡很不爽。

  • because we know our wine is far superior

    因為我們知道我們的酒遠勝於其他的酒

  • thanks to our 30-minute aging process."

    由於我們30分鐘的老化過程。"

  • -[ Laughter ] -Get this.

    -拿著這個。

  • In Washington, a high-school band is practicing

    在華盛頓,一個高中樂隊正在練習。

  • in pop-up tents in an effort to prevent the spread of COVID.

    在彈出式帳篷中,以防止COVID的傳播。

  • Yeah. Practicing is easy. The hard part is marching.

    練功很容易練習很容易。困難的部分是行進。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • Parents at the concert will be like,

    演唱會上的家長會像。

  • "That's mine. Green tent number 24."

    "那是我的,24號綠色帳篷。24號綠色帳篷。"

  • I'm sure the kids are just happy to play.

    我相信孩子們玩的開心就好。

  • Can we see another picture? Whoa.

    我們能再看一張照片嗎?哇。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • The only kid who's got it worst is the cellist.

    唯一最慘的孩子是大提琴手。

  • It's like... -We need those.

    我們需要這些東西。

  • -Yeah, right. -Can we have those?

    -是的,沒錯-可以給我們這些嗎?

  • -Yeah. You guys -- Get the band together?

    -是啊,你們...你們... ... 把樂隊聚在一起?

  • -Please, please? Yeah. Yeah.

    -拜託,拜託?求你了,求你了?好的,好的

  • -Uh, asked why he decided to do it, the music teacher said...

    -問他為什麼決定這麼做,音樂老師說... ...

  • "Because it's funny."

    "因為這很有趣。"

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • And, finally, we're all bored during the pandemic,

    最後,在大流行期間,我們都很無聊。

  • but check out what this Colorado woman saw

    但看看這個科羅拉多州的女人看到了什麼

  • two guys doing in the snow last week.

    兩個傢伙上週在雪地裡做。

  • -Woman: Geez.

    -女人天啊

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • -One of the guys was like, "Join me,

    -其中一個傢伙說,"加入我吧。

  • and together we can rule Beaver Creek, Colorado."

    我們可以一起統治科羅拉多州的比弗溪。"

  • C-3PO was like, "I'm detecting signs of virginity."

    C-3PO說:"我檢測到了處女的跡象。"

-Thank you so much, everyone.

-非常感謝大家

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B1 中級 中文 TheTonightShow 笑聲 掌聲 特朗普 傳播 covid

檢察官獲得了數百萬頁的特朗普稅收記錄|《今夜秀》。 (Prosecutors Obtain Millions of Pages of Trump’s Tax Records | The Tonight Show)

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 02 月 26 日
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