even know what to do with Goemon yet, or even what to call him. But we didn’t care. All

甚至還不知道該怎麼處理五右衛門，甚至不知道該怎麼稱呼他。但我們並不在意。所有

that mattered was there was this weird game in Japan or whatever, and you beat the bejeezus

重要的是有這個奇怪的遊戲 在日本或什麼的，你打的bejeezus的

out of things with a pipe, and it was awesome. Six years later, we saw the return of this

的東西，用管子，它是真棒。六年後，我們看到了這個迴歸的。

madness in Mystical Ninja Starring Goemon for the N64. And a couple scant months after

瘋狂的神祕忍者明星五右衛門的N64。而幾個月後

that, a game by exactly the same name... for the Game Boy. The original-butt Game Boy.

那，一個遊戲由完全相同的名稱... 為遊戲男孩。原來的屁股遊戲機。

1998. Pokemon Gold and Silver could get away with something like that. Goemon? Not so much.

1998.口袋妖怪黃金和白銀可以擺脫這樣的事情。五右衛門？不太行

It offered scant few of the isometric antics of the Super NES original, and none of its

它提供了很少的等距滑稽動作的超級NES原版，和沒有其

successor’s 3D potential. Instead, it was... well, Zelda by any other name. Just without

繼任者的3D潛力。相反，它是... ... 好了，塞爾達通過任何其他名稱。只是沒有

Zelda’s level of depth or polish.

塞爾達的深度或拋光程度。

The Black Ship Gang’s sailed into Edo and are on the rampage, performing INDISCRIMINATE

"黑船幫 "駛入江戶，在江戶橫行霸道，肆意妄為，肆意妄為。

THEFTS! I hate indiscriminate thefts. Also, they kidnapped Yae, apparently because green-haired

盜竊！我討厭不分青紅皁白的偷竊。還有，他們綁架了八重，顯然是因為綠頭髮的人... ...

girls make the best sacrifices. It’s up to Goemon, Ebisumaru or Sasuke to make their

女孩們做出了最好的犧牲。就看五右衛門、惠比壽丸或佐助如何讓他們的。

way through overhead screen after overhead screen of wandering ronin, ninja, and rock-spitting

途徑一個又一個的高架螢幕，遊蕩的浪人，忍者，和吐石頭的螢幕。

sea creatures of various flavors. (Yep, this is getting more and more like Zelda.) Their

各種口味的海洋生物。(沒錯，這越來越像塞爾達了。)他們的。

only means of recourse against these foes are a close-range melee weapon that can fire

對付這些敵人的唯一手段是一個近距離的近戰武器，可以射擊

a small projectile at full health (Nintendo, start your lawyers) and shuriken, which account

一個小的彈丸在全健康狀態（任天堂，開始你的律師）和shuriken，這佔了

for about 65% of all the treasure boxes you’re going to find throughout the course of the

在整個遊戲過程中，你將會找到大約65%的寶箱。

game. The actual gameplay suffers from poor controls, annoying enemies, and a general

遊戲。實際的遊戲玩法存在著控制不力、敵人煩人、以及一般的

barrenness that really just makes me miss the bustle of the previous games in the series.

貧瘠，真的只是讓我懷念之前系列遊戲的繁華。

The saving grace, though, is in the mini-games. And that’s a depressing thing to say.

不過，救命稻草就在小遊戲裡。而這是一件讓人鬱悶的事情。

Yes, you might have to punch out an evil warlord using Goemon’s personal giant robot, the

是的，你可能要用五右衛門的私人巨型機器人，即 "五右衛門 "來打掉一個邪惡的軍閥。

Impact. (Which is awesome, because now I know I’m not the only one naming giant robots

衝擊這是真棒，因為現在我知道我不是唯一一個命名巨型機器人的人。

after fonts. I have a mecha in my driveway called the Copperplate.) You might have to

字體後。我的車道上有個機甲叫銅板）。)你可能要

defeat a giant octopus who, after taking several shuriken to each of eight knees, busts out

打敗了一個巨大的章魚，誰，後採取了幾個shuriken每八個膝蓋，破門而出

his TRUE FORM: Pick the Lantern that Doesn’t Match! And if you lose, you just die and have

他真正的形態。挑一個不匹配的燈籠！如果你輸了，你就死了，然後就有了

to start all over (unless you’ve written down slash drawn the latest password, all

從頭再來（除非你寫下斜槓畫出最新的密碼，否則所有的

Castlevania-style). I recognize that the release of Pokemon rejuvenated the Game Boy, and that

惡魔城式）。)我認識到，《口袋妖怪》的發佈讓Game Boy重新煥發了活力，而《口袋妖怪》的發佈讓Game Boy重新煥發了活力。

people again remembered that, hey, this thing exists. You’d think, nine years into the

人們又想起了，嘿，這個東西的存在。你會覺得，9年後的今天

system’s life, they’d be doing it a little bit better. You can’t even play Gradius.

系統的壽命，他們會做得更好一點。你連Gradius都玩不了。

And that’s as damning an indictment as any.

而這是最有力的起訴。