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Hello everyone, today I'm going to talk to you about self trust.
Most of all I'm going to teach you how to trust yourself
self trust can be summed up as the assured reliance on your character, ability, strength and truth
most of us have spent our lives listening to our parents, to our government, to our teachers and to our bosses
We've been raised with the idea that we do not know whats best for ourselves
Instead we're taught that other people who "know more than we do", know whats best for us.
because of this we choose what we think we are supposed to choose
we try to live according to what society says is right, we allow ourselves to be who we are told that we are
and we are caught in an endless struggle of seeking approval and reaching for recognition
The result is that we lose trust in ourselves
the cost of shaping ourselves to fit the desires preferences and expectations of others
is losing ourselves
and when we lose ourselves we become frozen without direction
unable to make our own choices
in my opinion the two most painful states that you can be in, in this particular universe
is the state of self-hate and the state of self-distrust
but the funny thing is, one of them comes from the other
self-hate comes from self-distrust
self hate is the result of you proving to yourself
that you are not on your side
instead of beating around the bush, I'm just going to jump right into the tips
I'm going to give you a handful of tips on how to begin to trust yourself
Tip number 1 is: Develop Self-Confidence
self-trust and self-confidence are like a married couple
they go hand in hand.
when we use the word confidence what we mean is your ability to depend on yourself
If you don't have self confidence you wont feel able to depend on yourself.
when we understand that lack of self-trust goes hand in hand with self-confidence
We can easily see that not trusting ourselves, is a self-worth issue
It's an issue if devaluing and invalidating ourselves.
We don't trust ourselves, we lack self esteem
and we do not perceive our own values.
One of the reasons that we don't trust ourselves is that we do not
accept our own abilities, talents, intentions, and value.
This means that step one is, you have to begin to acknowledge and take not of
your own abilities, your strengths your talents, your virtues
anything that you could see as positive about yourself
is going to enable you to find more trust in yourself
tip number 2 is allow yourself to do what you're good at
and what comes easily to you
we live in a culture that's based around the idea that effort is virtuous
you'll notice that things which you are really passionate about, which you are meant to do, are actually things that you are very good at.
But we keep telling ourselves the lie, that anything worth having is hard won
so we don't allow ourselves to the things that come the most naturally to us
this is a detriment to society because imagine the kind of society we
could have if we could allow ourselves to specialize in what we're good at
and allow other people to specialize in what they're good at.
and now when have the perfect society made of people who specialize at what they are good at
if you continue to do things that you are not good a that you struggle at
that you think you need to or should do you'll continue to feel as if
there's something wrong with you as if you're not good enough
this will decrease your ability to trust yourself, if we always feel as if it is a struggle
to do things we will always feel as if we are behind the pack
so own up to the things which you excel at and focus on designing
your life around those things,
give yourself permission to take pride in them
and give yourself credit for your successes
this step will give a healthy boost to your self confidence
and subsequently your self-trust
if we're doing the things which were really meant to be doing
which really give us joy, and of course we
honest about that
what you'll notice is that they are effortless
even if you have to extend some sort of energy towards them
it wont feel like effort
its not going to feel like struggle. Tip number 3:
let go of your attachment of finding the right answer and instead
find your right answer
those of us who have a decreased self-confidence and a lack of self trust
are obsessed with idea of right and wrong
we have to figure out the right answer
the problem is we cant get anyone to agree
because this life is lived through perspective
and no one person share their perspective exactly with someone else
that means everyone is going to disagree
those of us who don't trust ourselves, fear making the wrong decisions so much
that we procrastinate making any choice.
we trust everyone's opinions except for our own
its important for us to realize that when we're facing
a problem or decision, there is no such thing as one right answer
that we have to somehow find, so we have to gain perspective by
illiciting other people's opinions, but by not weighing them
to make our final decision. instead we need to make our own decision
we can use inquiry to question our current perspective and consciously
choose a perspective which serves our highest good
every single person experiences the world in their own way
so we make decisions about what right based on our own individual assumption, perceptions and
past experiences
and like I said no two perspectives will be the same.
an no one can see the situation from your perspective.
your also never going to be able to have all the information that you would like to have
in order to make your decision
you cant know everything
and so sometimes you have to take a risk by making a choice anyway
you cannot A right answer, all you can find is your right answer
Tip number 4 is: Take risk. even if those risk might result in mistake.
Or what you would call failure
Those of us who don;t; trust ourselves, hate the idea of taking risk.
because we hate the idea of mistakes
because our self worth is so wrapped up in getting everything right
but here's the thing, if you don't take the risk, you've failed already.
I'll tell you a personal story.
Way back when, I was in my sports career, I was a professional skier.
And as usual before races, I would be in the bathroom throwing up.
because I hated the idea of potentially losing.
But one day, I was on the chair lift, on the way up to the start of the racing gate.
and I realized, I've lost 100 percent of the races that I didn't run.
It was a really important epiphany for me. One that people could really benefit by
when they're struggling with self distrust
we like to think that if we don't take risk we don't fail
but the truth is exactly the opposite, if we don't take the risk we've already failed
While it can be scary for us to take risk in life, It's one of the best ways that we can build our capacity for self-trust
Taking risk takes courage and courage makes us feel better about ourselves.
It allows us to see what we're really capable of which in turn helps us to trust ourselves
and don't forget... if you don't take a risk, to see if you can trust yourself, you'll never know that you can
Tip number 5: Take responsibility for your choices and consequences of those choices
Both if they be good, or bad
owning the responsibility for the decisions we make is crucial when were developing trust in ourselves
we need to experience both the process of making a decision
and the process of directly experiencing the results of that decision so that we can learn
if we fall into the trap of denying our part in the decision, or blame others for the decision we made
we end up depriving ourselves of the opportunity to learn
likewise if we escape from the consequence of our decisions we miss the opportunity
for getting the feedback we need to we can make different decisions in the future
this is the same thing as robbing ourselves of an improved life in the future
also you cant blame someone else, without simultaneously acknowledging your powerlessness
when were trying to trust ourselves we have to see ourselves as worthy of trust
we cant see ourselves as weak and trust ourselves at the same time
when you blame someone else, you're recognizing them as the victor and you as the loser
who are you really going to trust?
Someone who is going to let you down?
by blaming someone else, you acknowledge the fact that you can let yourself down,
that you are the one who is powerless
and so instead of it benefiting you in any way, you may have removed the blame from yourself, but you've also acknowledged yourself, as incapable.
Tip number 6: live your life according to a sense of integrity.
If you don't life your life according to Integrity, you cannot develop self trust.
take some time and ask yourself , what does integrity really mean?
You'll find that authenticity and integrity go hand in hand.
What does it mean to be authentic?
lack of integrity can reflect out into the world in big ways such as intentionally sabotaging someone else or stealing from them.
It can also reflect out into the world in small ways such as telling little white lies, gossiping, or not standing up for yourself.
Any lack of integrity, erodes the self concept
identify what it means to you personally, to have integrity.
No one can decide this for you because no two people have the dame values morals or ethics.
Identify the areas in your life where you are not living with integrity.
and then pick three changes you can make right now to restore that integrity.
For example in order to restore integrity you could write an I'm Sorry letter to somebody who you've
been feeling guilty about for quite some time.
You could come out of the closet, and admit that you're gay.
You could repay money that you stole, when you were younger,
the list goes on and on.
Tip number 7: Acknowledge the ways that you do trust yourself.
We when we identify that we don;t trust ourselves,
often feel like that's it's own statement, I don't trust myself, period, the end.
But the reality is we all trust ourselves relative to some things
and we distrust ourselves relative to other things
and when we're trying to develop our self trust
we have to acknowledge the things we do trust ourselves with
when we are looking to develop self trust,
like anything else we are looking to strengthen a vibration
focusing positively toward the ways you already do trust yourself
strengthens the vibration of self trust
So me, for example,
I might not trust myself to rebuild a car,
But I can trust myself to make a really good dish for dinner!
Take some time to compile a list of all the ways that you
currently know you can trust yourself
Compile this list, by filling in the blanks as many times as you can
fill in the bank
for example
I trust myself to be loyal to the person I committed to
or
regardless of weather or not that means breaking a commitment that I have made to someone
some other examples might be...
I trust myself to care for my pets
Or, I trust myself to do exactly what I say, I'm going to do
Nothing is to small or to large to included in this list,
any kind of trust, no matter it is in , is important because it is trust
tip number 8: Listen to your feelings
Feelings always have an important message to share
they always have value.
most of in this world have no idea what emotions actually are
we've lost touch with the fact that they are the compass,
leading you through life, they are always the instant feedback about the truth
of who you are and where you are in this moment
if you're ignoring that, then you're out of touch with yourself completely
the average person views feeling a a menace,
something to fight, something he or she is powerless to
a drawback, and even something to distrust
the average person has no idea what purpose they serve,
So most of us are living in a tug of war between binging a slave to our emotions
and flipping around to wage war with them
we have a multi-billion dollar pharmaceutical industry set up to make a profit
from chemically aiding people to suppress their feelings and change them.
this is especially sad considering that your feelings are the compass
guiding you through this adventure called life
they are all the guidance you will ever need
that why intuition speaks to you via the root of our feelings,
it is only when you ignore your feelings,
that you become convinced that your feeling have ever failed you
or are negative in nature
this tip goes hand in hand wit the last tip, when it comes to trusting yourself.
and the reason I saved this one for last
is because it is the Holy Grail of self-trust
The reason you don't trust yourself,
Is because you have made a living practice of abandoning yourself
the Holy Grail of learning to trust yourself
is to stop abandoning yourself
so, Ive invented an acronym.
the acronym is STAY
Stop Abandoning Yourself
The first way to stop abandoning yourself is to stop running away from your negative emotions
This might sound a little interesting because self help experts like myself are always
trying to teach you how to feel better, but the reality is
when you are attempting to fell better, or feel differ,
Some part of you is abandoning the truth of how you actually feel
have you notice that when you start to feel negative emotions , that negative emotion
is overlaid with a kind of panic,
its overlaid with a kind of panic because one aspect of you being knows
that the minuet you feel bad, your gonna want to escape yourself and escape that feeling
you cant try to escape the feeling with simultaneously trying to escape yourself
that is the same as abandoning yourself
so what we do when we're learning to trust ourselves is exactly the opposite
instead of trying to feel better or change our emotions or escape the way we feel,
we learn to completely be with our emotionalism unconditionally
regardless of weather they feel good, or feel bad
this teaches you that no matter how you feel, you will be there for yourself
which is the opposite of how the people in your childhood life, dealt with you
Their participation and approval of you, was conditioned upon you feeling good
every time you felt bad they tried to immediately change it as if something went wrong
or they tried to leave, until you felt better
all of those types of actions taught you to do the same thing to yourself
and a lot of us do it in very harmful ways, a lot of us use
A lot of us use addiction
we try to escape our emotions by doing something that ultimately
harms ourselves
so the message is when i feel bad
not only am I going to try to escape myself
which is abandoning myself
I'm also going to harm myself as well
I teach a process which enables you to be with yourself unconditionally in my other video
on YouTube titled, "healing the emotional body"
so if I were you I would look back at that video, and follow that process
and it will help you to learn how to not abandon yourself by running away from negative emotion.
if you begin to stop abandoning yourself when you're experiencing negative emotion
you will come to trust that you will always be there for yourself
you will feel a deep sense of inner peace arise within you
a deep sense of inner Peace you never knew could exist
the next part of the equation , of not abandoning yourself,
is to develop healthy boundaries
so I'm going to talk to you about boundaries for a minuet
boundaries basically mean having a sense of self versus other
when it come to participating in the physical dimension the individual perspectives,
and experiences what is currently serving the expansion of this universe and so
we perceive the indifference between ourselves and the rest of the world
this individual perspective is a kind of boundary that defines us form everything else
we have to hear again and again from self help persist sand physiologist
that it is crucial to our well begin to develop healthy boundaries
but what are boundaries really?
Boundaries are guidelines for how someone related the self to the rest of the world
they are rules of conduct built out of beliefs, opinions, attitudes past experiences
and social learning
personal boundaries operate in two directions
affecting both the incoming and the outgoing interactions in people
personal boundaries help to define and individual by outlining likes and dislikes
what is right for them personally, or wrong for them personally
defining these things helps us to know how we will and wont be treated
by ourselves and by others
here are some sign that you may have unhealthy boundaries
saying yes when you mean no
or no when you mean yes
feeling guilty when you say no
acting against your integrity or values in order to please
not speaking up when yo have something to say
adopting another persons beliefs or ideas so that you accepted
not calling out someone who mistreats you
accepting physical touch or sex when you don't want it
allowing yourself to be interrupted or distracted to accommodate
another persons immediate wants or needs
giving to much just to be perceived as a useful
becoming overly involved in someones problems or difficulties
allowing people to say things to you or in front of you
that make you uncomfortable
not defining and communicating your emotional needs in your relationship
now the biggest problem when it comes to boundaries is not
other people violating our boundaries
Its us violating our own boundaries
every time you let yourself do something that doesn't feel good to you
you arr violating your own boundaries.
you are betraying yourself
if you let someone violate your boundaries.
you are violating your own boundaries
because you are betraying yourself
anytime you go against, your personal boundaries
you violate yourself, you abandon yourself
and you allow hate to rule the day
I'm going to simplify the concept of boundaries to you in a very concrete way
for example if someone said something that hurt you
it means they crossed an emotional boundary and you will feel hurt
which is you indication that your boundaries need to be reasserted
another example could be
someone ask you to a party which you don't feel like you want to go to
but you go anyway
you feel bad. which is you indication that you have violated your own boundary
this is why it is so crucial to be in touch with how you feel all day everyday
we can think of a boundary as an imaginary line that defines and separates
your personal happiness, your personal integrity
your personal desires,you're personal needs and therefore your personal truth
from the rest f the universe
he who doesn't list to and respect his own feelings.
violates his own boundaries. end of story.
So what crucial to start paying attention to and listening to and discovering how you truly feel
its so important for you to know why you like and what you don't like
what you want and what you don't want
to start to define who you are, and really know who you are
so that you can live in state of authenticity
because then and only then will you be able to live according to your own boundaries
because only then will you be listening to your feelings
your feeling are speaking your personal truth
it is crucial that we not only know who we are and what we really want, but also
that we know that we are know for who we are and what we really want by others
when we are ashamed of who we are and what we want
we have poor boundaries
and we are shamed for who we are by others, all the time
this person has no self rust.
this is the person who's feeling were invalidated as a child
so you can understand what led to this issue of yours with self trust
and I'm going to explain a common scenario that arises from childhood
a child begins to feel angry because their parent is always working and never has
time to be with them. the child expresses that anger and is invalidated
the parent says:
I spend more time with you than any other parent I know spends with their child
And the child is shamed for being ungrateful
the child learns that the way they feel is not true and that they should
be ashamed for feeling the way they feel
that emotion is suppressed
anger is not acceptable, so the child creates a false self that cannot express anger
who says thank you, all the time
over time he or she believes that who they really are is happy grateful
they have never really admitted to the fact that deep down they truly feel angry,
so how do you know if you have setup a false self?
you feel other people thinking negatively of you.
Ask yourself these questions:
begging to pay attention to how you feel and honor your emotions
which leads to not abandoning yourself
is like Pandora's box
you can open that box and ever close it again
it changes everything about your life
absolutely every aspect of your life will change as a result of doing
this final step of the how to trust yourself process.
Now trusting yourself is a process, its not something that happens over night
but trusting yourself is the inevitable byproduct
of begining to really honor who you truly are
and admitting to who you truly are
Have a good week.
Subtitles by the Amara.org community
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如何相信自己 (How To Trust Yourself -Teal Swan-)

3746 分類 收藏
Hhart Budha 發佈於 2014 年 6 月 17 日
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