Hello!

你好！

(choo-choo-choo-choo...)

(choo -choo -choo... )

So many realities...

這麼多現實...

(whoa!)

(哇)

I like drinking cider because it tastes like beer for kids.

我喜歡喝蘋果酒，因為對孩子來說，它的味道像啤酒。

(ga-doosh!)

(ga-doosh! )

I use the term pie...

我用派這個詞...

...loosely.

................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

In honor of America Day, we're gonna bake.

為了紀念美國日，我們'要去烘焙。

Now, as some of you may recall, baking is not necessarily my...

現在，你可能還記得，烘焙不一定是我... ...

...my specialty.

...我的專業。

Unlike all the other cooking I do - which never goes wrong and is perfect...

不像我做的所有其他烹飪--從來沒有出過錯，而且很完美... ...

[I don't actually have any cheese]

[我其實沒有任何奶酪]

[Cheese is trapped]

[奶酪被困住了]

[Buiscuits]

[管狀電路]

[I broke it]

[我打破了它]

So, that's why it's important to face it...

所以，這就是為什麼要面對它... ...

because that's what Americans do:

因為那是美國人做的事。

When we make a mistake, we do the same thing again and hope something different happens this time.

當我們犯了錯誤時，我們會再次做同樣的事情，並希望這次會發生一些不同的事情。

He's a little turtle...

他是一隻小烏龜... ...

...for drinking!

...喝！

Maybe if I just open the oven, somehow there will be a pie in there already...?!

也許我只要打開烤箱，不知怎麼的，裡面就已經有餡餅了......？

.... No!

....不！

We can do it, we can do it.

我們能做到，我們能做到。

"apple pie recipe"... I guess... [clicks]

蘋果派食譜"... 我想... [點擊率]

"search"

"搜索&quot。

The problem with finding recipes online:

網上找菜單的問題。

They always give you, like, this three paragraph introduction...

他們總是給你三段的介紹...

...to why you should give a fuck about the recipe you're about to be reading.

......為什麼你應該給一個他媽的 關於食譜你'閱讀。

I personally don't care. I just wanna see the recipe.

我個人不'不在乎。我只是想看看配方。

I also like it when there are pictures!

我也喜歡有圖片的時候!

Here we go:

我們走吧

Two cups of fluor, blabla blabla blablabla, blabla blabla bla.

兩杯氟化物，blabla blabla blabla，blabla blabla。

Rolling pin?! Let's just focus on mixing everything together in a bowl.

擀麵杖？讓我們只專注於將所有的東西混合在一個碗裡。

So, get your bowl...

所以，拿起你的碗...

[uses bowl as percussive instrument] [drops it]

[把碗當作敲擊樂器] [放下它]

There's music everywhere.

到處都有音樂。

So, I think we'll need sugar, ...

所以，我想我們需要糖，......。

...butter, ...

...黃油，...

...probably an egg, ...

...可能是一個雞蛋，... ...

...maybe some sort of liquid addition?

......也許是某種液體的補充？

Put all the stuff I said in there. YAAAY!

把我說的東西都放在裡面。 YAAAY！

Two cups of flour.

兩杯麵粉。

Yay.

呀。

I think part of the reason I don't like baking so much is that baking...

我想我不喜歡烘焙的部分原因是烘焙... ...

sucks.

吮吸。

Major. Lots.

主要的。很多。

So, one tablespoon.

所以，一湯匙。

Some people are like - "You have to sift it so blablablablabla",

有些人就像--"你要這麼blablablablabla"的篩選。

and then you're like - "Can you just shut up?!"

然後你'就像--"你能閉嘴嗎！&quot。

Add an egg.

加入一個雞蛋。

Flour, sugar, egg, ...

麵粉，糖，雞蛋，... ...

Oh.

哦。

You weren't... You weren't supposed to add the egg.

你不... 你不應該添加雞蛋。

Let's just forget we read that.

就當我們沒讀過這本書吧。

"warm butter till soft, not melted."

"溫熱的黃油，直到軟，不融化.&quot。

God! Dammit! Why would you say that?!

天啊！該死的！你為什麼要這麼說？

"warm your butter up somehow - don't melt it":

"以某種方式溫暖你的黃油--不要'融化它"。

Who's gonna finish that sentence?! NOBODY!

誰來完成這句話？沒有人！

Mix your shit... With your egg! And your melted brother -- butter...

把你的屎... 和你的雞蛋！ 還有你那融化的兄弟--黃油... ...

Everything is on your whisk and not in the bowl - that's how you know that yoooou.....

所有的東西都在你的打蛋器上，而不是在碗裡--這就是你怎麼知道悠悠......。

This whole cooking thing is a matter of opinion.

做飯這件事，是一個見仁見智的問題。

There is no right, and there is no wrong.

沒有對，也沒有錯。

There is just: food and...

有的只是：食物和...

inedible.

不能吃。

Okay...

好吧...

Now we're just gonna put this over here... And we're not gonna do anything else with it...

現在我們就把這個放在這裡... Now we're just gonna put this over here...我們不打算做任何其他的事情...

...because following instructions is for losers and we're the cool kids.

......因為聽從訓示是失敗者的事，而我們是酷小孩。

(blab)

To make apple pie, I bought apples...

為了做蘋果派，我買了蘋果... ...

That's a lemon.

這是一個檸檬。

I love apples...

我喜歡蘋果...

Ya.

呀。

They're perfect for eating.

他們'非常適合吃。

"peel the apple"

"削蘋果&quot。

The directions for apple pie turned out to be really, really, really long.

蘋果派的說明書原來是真的，真的，真的很長。

Sooo, I... skimmed 'em.

所以，我... ...略過了&#39；他們。

And I have determined the most important steps:

而我已經確定了最重要的步驟。

ONE! ...

一！

Cut your apple up to a bunch of pieces.

把蘋果切成一堆塊。

Make it into the bowl? Twenty bucks says I can!

能進碗嗎？二十塊錢，我說我可以!

Two... Put, like, vinegar on that apple. And then cinnemon.

二... 把，像，醋在蘋果上。 然後是肉桂。

(la la la) (doo dee dee dee dee) (boooop)

(la la la) (doo dee dee dee dee) (booop)

Three...

三...

bake.

烘烤。

I say go with what you know.

我說，去與你知道的。

mmmmh.

mmmmh。

(choop) (choop choop)

(chop) (chop choop)

Put it in the oven... ...and hope for the best.

把它放進爐子裡... ...然後希望最好的結果。

Timer.

定時器。

Baking, to me, seems like how parenting must be:

在我看來，烘焙，似乎是父母的必修課。

First, you have to create it...

首先，你要創造它... ...

...which is messy.

........這是混亂的。

Then... you have to watch it grow... in the oven.

然後... 你得看著它在烤箱裡... 長大。

And then... you have to eat it.

然後... ... 你必須吃它。

And that...

而那...

...could taste really bad.

...可能味道很差。

There's a train coming! [choo-choo sound on bottle]

有一列火車來了！[choo -choo聲對瓶子]

Oh my God, it's so magical

哦，我的上帝，它是如此的神奇。

I'm just an American. I want everything... ...constantly.

我只是個美國人 I'm just an American. 我什麼都想要... ...不斷地。

(bake-a-bake-a-bake)

(烤-烤-烤-烤)

[timer goes off]

[定時器關閉]

Alright, alright, alright, alright...

好吧，好吧，好吧，好吧... ...

Woooo.

Woooo.

Baking.

烘烤。

OU!

歐大！

Like Amer-- OU!

像Amer... OU!

I think I just burned my boob.

我想我只是燙傷了我的胸部。

This is like America:

這就像美國。

You got your big ones. And you got your little ones.

你有你的大的。你有你的小傢伙。

When did we add confetti?

我們什麼時候加了彩紙？

Step one: Give a fuck about baking.

第一步：給一個他媽的關於烘烤。

The fold in my forehead looks like a butt.

我額頭上的褶皺看起來像個屁股。

Seasonally inappropriate towel.

季節性不合適的毛巾。

Thumbs up!

豎起大拇指！

I take my glasses off because everything's already blurry.

我把眼鏡摘下來，因為一切'已經模糊不清了。