Oh, what's-- What's that?

哦，那是... 那是什麼？

This is a picture of my vagina

這是我陰道的照片

after my hysterectomy.

我的子宮切除術後。

Okay.

好吧，我知道了

This is what happens when you get old.

這就是你老了的後果。

Good thing is that you still young.

好在你還年輕。

And more important, your vagina's still young.

而且更重要的是，你的陰道還很年輕。

Right.

好吧，我知道了

You have your whole life ahead of you.

你有你的整個生活在前面。

I know you will live special life.

我知道你會過上特別的生活。

(plastic crinkling, dramatic music playing)

（塑膠皺紋，戲劇性的音樂播放）

(plastic crinkling, dramatic music playing)

（塑膠皺紋，戲劇性的音樂播放）

Oh, I got something stuck to my teeth.

哦，我有東西卡在我的牙齒上。

(dramatic music continues)

（戲劇性的音樂繼續）

(scratching)

（撓癢癢）

You know what? It is, Grandma.

你知道嗎？它是，奶奶。

I-- I-- You know what?

我--我--你知道嗎？

I can't live a special life...

我不能過特別的生活... ...

here, right?

在這裡，對嗎？

I think-- I think I need to move out.

我想... ... 我想我需要搬出去。

Well, then move out.

好吧，那就搬出去。

Yeah.

是啊。

You don't wanna end up like Esther Wong,

你可不想落得像Esther Wong那樣的下場。

sleeping in the same room as her 89-year-old parents.

和她89歲的父母睡在同一個房間裡。

Jesus.

我的天啊

It's like a Chinese version

這就像一箇中國版的

of "Willy Wonka."

的 "威利旺卡"。

Right.

好吧，我知道了

She's starting her own career.

她開始了自己的事業。

Oh, yeah? How's that going?

哦，是嗎？進展如何？

It's going super dope, super dope, super dope.

它將會是超級笨蛋，超級笨蛋，超級笨蛋。

Uh, got temporarily fired from Commutez.

呃，被Commutez暫時解僱了。

Yeah.

是啊。

What? Where does this Commutez live?

什麼？這個Commutez住在哪裡？

I'm gonna eat her ass.

我要吃她的屁股。

Grandma, it's "beat" her ass.

奶奶的，是 "打 "她的屁股。

Yeah.

是啊。

Hey.

嘿嘿

Maybe Edmund can get you a job. Huh?

也許埃德蒙能給你找份工作咦？

What do you say, bro?

你說什麼，兄弟？

Uh, well, Uncle Wally,

呃，好吧，沃利叔叔。

it's kinda hard to get a job in tech.

在科技界找工作挺難的。

Most of my colleagues went to Ivy League schools.

我的大部分同事都上了常春藤盟校。

Most have advanced degrees.

大多數人都有高學歷。

And Nora has a certificate from ITT Tech?

而諾拉有ITT科技的證書？

Oh, she loves computers.

哦，她喜歡電腦。

Maybe she work for Apple store.

也許她在蘋果商店工作。

Yeah, more like the Microsoft store.

是啊，更像是微軟商店。

(laughing)

（笑）

Bill Gates sucks.

比爾-蓋茨很爛。

Yeah.

是啊。

You know, actually, Edmund, I just got offered

你知道嗎，事實上，埃德蒙，我剛剛得到了邀請

a really cool job in tech.

一個真正的酷工作在技術。

Really cool, solid pay, good benefits, yeah.

真的很酷，工資穩定，福利好，是的。

What?

什麼？

I get Delta Dental.

我得到了三角洲牙科。

Really?

真的嗎？

Yeah.

是啊。

Oh, you see? My girl got special job.

哦，你看？我的女孩得到了特殊的工作。

Thanks, Grandma.

謝謝你，奶奶。

Yeah.

是啊。

I asked the hairdresser,

我問美髮師。

I said I wanted to look like Eminem.

我說我想看起來像埃米納姆。

You succeeded. It looks awesome.

你成功了它看起來真棒。

Thank you.

謝謝你了

You want to go to Atlantic City with me today?

你今天想和我去大西洋城嗎？

We have an extra ticket

我們有多一張票

because my friend Shu Shu

因為我的朋友舒舒

got hit by a Citibike.

被一輛Citibike撞了

Oh, no.

哦，不

Oh, shattered her pelvis.

哦，打碎了她的骨盆。

It's multiple fragments,

這是多個碎片。

some of them as small as a mouse tooth.

有的小如鼠牙。

Jesus.

我的天啊

Anyway, we don't want

總之，我們不希望

to let her bus ticket go to waste.

讓她的車票白白浪費。

Wanna go?

想去嗎？

You know, I--

你知道，我...

I have a lot of things to be doing today.

我今天有很多事情要做。

And I'm just gonna tie up some bells and whistles

我只是要去綁一些鐘聲和口哨。

and some mends and looses and things like that...

還有一些修補和鬆動之類的東西... ...

Okay, I understand.

好吧，我明白了。

It's just that Shu Shu,

只是，舒舒。

my best best friend from way back,

我最好的最好的朋友 從回來的路上。

do you know what she says?

你知道她說什麼嗎？

"I wish I had a granddaughter like yours.

"我希望我有一個像你這樣的孫女。

"She's so well-behaved and so beautiful.

"她好乖，好漂亮。

And she always does everything for her grandmother."

而且她總是為奶奶做一切事情。"

And now she is paralyzed from the waist down

現在她的腰部以下都癱瘓了

and up and all around.

和上和四周。

And she could really use some good news,

她真的可以用一些好消息。

like her bus ticket not going to waste.

就像她的車票不會浪費一樣。

Because it's such a shame to waste money.

因為浪費錢實在是太可惜了。

(sighs) But Grandma understands.

(嘆氣)但奶奶明白。

(sobbing)

（抽泣）

Oh, Shu Shu...

哦，舒舒...

All right, Grandma, I'll go with you

好吧，奶奶，我跟你一起去。

to Atlantic City!

去大西洋城！

Okay, see you downstairs.

好吧，樓下見。

And don't embarrass me.

別讓我難堪

Just let us use the outlet.

就讓我們使用插座。

Maybe you all should just read a book.

也許你們都應該讀一本書。

Then you won't need an outlet.

那你就不需要插座了。

Don't talk to us Chinese about books, bitch.

不要和我們中國人談書，婊子。

We invented paper.

我們發明了紙。

Don't talk to Koreans about charging, bitch.

不要和韓國人談充電，婊子。

We invented Samsung.

我們發明了三星。

Then where are all the Galaxies?

那銀河系都在哪裡？

All I see are iPhones.

我看到的都是iPhone。

(speaking Korean)

(講韓語)

That's what I thought.

我也是這麼想的。

(speaking Korean)

(講韓語)

What do you think you're doing?

你認為你在做什麼？

What I shoulda done this morning!

我今天早上應該做什麼！

Don't you have a floor to spit on somewhere?

你就沒有可以吐痰的地方嗎？

Ah, don't mess with me.

啊，別惹我。

I will cut you and I will bite you.

我要砍你，我要咬你。

Chinese teeth are harder than Korean teeth.

中國人的牙齒比韓國人的牙齒要硬。

Really?

真的嗎？

Yeah.

是啊。

(overlapping shouting)

(重疊的叫喊聲)

Kimchi bitches!

泡菜婊子！

(overlapping shouting)

(重疊的叫喊聲)

We both got Marcia Clarks!

我們都有瑪西婭-克拉克！

Oh, Ma.

哦，媽

(laughing)

（笑）

that Nancy Hong is looking for an office assistant

洪秀賢在找一個辦公室助理

at her real estate firm.

在她的房地產公司。

You're on Weibo?

你上微博了？

Well, yeah!

嗯，是的！

Weibo, American Twitter, Reddit, Xanga.

微博、美國推特、Reddit、Xanga。

I got a lot to say.

我有很多話要說

(sighs, whispering) Dad, can you call Nancy, please? Please?

爸爸，你能給南希打電話嗎？求你了？

I gotta get my car out of jail, Dad.

我得把我的車從監獄裡弄出來，爸爸。

All right, fine, fine. I'll see what I can do.

好吧，好吧，好吧。我看看我能做什麼。

(alert chimes)

（警報鐘聲）

Whoa...

哇哦...

Taye Diggs is following me.

泰伊-迪格斯在跟蹤我

He's hot.

他很性感

Wasn't he married to Adele...

他不是和阿黛爾結婚了嗎... ...

Idina Menzel.

Idina Menzel.

Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Adele...

嗯，是啊，是啊，是啊。阿黛爾...

Idina Menzel!

Idina Menzel!

You think this is nice for our dinner?

你覺得我們的晚餐吃這個好嗎？

It's my funeral outfit.

這是我的葬禮裝備。

Your funeral outfit is... hot.

你的殯葬服很... 性感

♪ I bump it with a trumpet ♪

我撞它與小號

♪ Bump, bump, bump

凸點，凸點，凸點

What about your car?

你的車呢？

Oh. It's out gettin' cleaned,

哦。這是在外面剛開了清潔。

'cause I gotta make it nice, right?

因為我得把它做好，對吧？

Because I'm taking you out to

因為我要帶你出去

the nicest restaurant in the city.

城市中最好的餐廳。

Okay. To...

好吧，為了...為了...

(both shouting in Chinese)

(兩人都用中文喊)

(both chuckling)

（兩個笑著）

♪ Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! ♪

♪ Go! Go!Go! Go!Go! Go!Go! Go!Go! Go!

♪ Get up Everybody get up ♪

起床 大家都起來

♪♪

♪♪

Hello.

你好啊

Hi .

嗨！

Remember me?

記得我嗎？

Um, I would like to reopen my bank account, please.

嗯，我想重新開設我的銀行賬戶，請。

As you will find here, I have my birth certificate.

在這裡你會發現，我有我的出生證明。

Yes, I was born.

是的，我出生了。

Great.

厲害

Social security card, right?

社保卡是吧？

There ya go. All right.

好了好了

Yeah.

是啊。

Me in elementary school as a baby.

小學時的我還是個嬰兒。

I went to school when I was a baby.

我小時候就去上學了。

Huh.

咦。

Yeah.

是啊。

Actually, we're good with the IDs.

其實，我們的身份證很好用。

And, uh, this check here,

還有，呃，這張支票在這裡。

that I would love to cash after I reopen my account.

我想在重新開戶後兌現。

Thank you very much.

非常感謝你。

I'm a very important customer here.

我是這裡很重要的客戶。

Don't mess with me. I know people.

別惹我。我認識的人。

I'll-- I'll get that taken care of right away, Mrs. Lin.

我會... ... 我會馬上處理好的，林太太。

Yeah.

是啊。

(keyboard clacking)

(鍵盤敲擊聲)

Whoa, Grandma, that was-- you're intense.

哇，奶奶，這是 - 你是激烈的。

(computer beeps)

（電腦嗶嗶聲）

Uh, Miss Lin.

呃，林小姐。

Your account has been reactivated

您的賬戶已被重新激活

and the check has been deposited.

而支票已經存入。

Cool.

爽啊

And, because you're technically opening a new account,

而且，因為你在技術上開了一個新賬戶。

I can offer you a $25 signing bonus.

我可以給你25美元的簽約獎金。

I would love that. Thank you.

我很喜歡。謝謝你。

Uh, would you like it deposited into the account?

呃，你想把錢存入賬戶嗎？

In cash, please!

請用現金！

Because I would like to use it

因為我想用它

to take my grandma to dinner.

帶我奶奶去吃飯。

Oh, Nora. You don't have to.

哦，諾拉。你不必這樣做。

I want to.

我也想。

Here you go.

給你

I want crispy bills for my granddaughter,

我想給我的孫女買脆皮鈔票。

None of that wrinkly shit that you pull out of your asshole.

你從屁眼裡掏出來的那些皺巴巴的東西都沒有。

(chuckles) Okay.

好吧

(sweetly) Pleasure doing business with you.

很高興與你做生意。

You too, Mrs. Lin. Always a pleasure.

你也是，林太太。總是很高興。

Bye.

掰掰

It's obvious.

這是顯而易見的。

He needs to bury the snake in the bush.

他需要把蛇埋在灌木叢中。

Yeah, exactly.

是的，沒錯。

He needs to take his baggage

他要帶著他的行李

and he needs to just bury it in his past.

他需要把它埋在過去。

Oh, no, no. I meant throw a log in the fire.

哦，不，不。我的意思是扔一根木頭在火中。

Park the bus in tuna town.

把車停在金槍魚鎮。

Play mattress Macarena.

玩床墊馬卡麗娜。

Okay.

好吧，我知道了

Get it?

明白了嗎？

I have to go, Grandma. I'm gonna go.

我得走了，奶奶。我得走了

♪ Ay, Macarena

# Ay, Macarena

Hey, come out to Provo, Utah.

嘿，出來到猶他州的普羅沃。

And then we can do a cleanse.

然後我們就可以做一次清潔。

Grandma's definitely gonna eat it.

奶奶肯定會吃的。

All right.

好吧，我知道了

Bye, I miss ya already.

再見，我已經很想你了。

Bye.

掰掰

Are you gonna eat that?

你要吃那個嗎？

Hey. Put it in the garbage.

嘿，把它扔進垃圾桶

Anyway, do you like the dumplings, Grandma?

總之，奶奶，你喜歡吃餃子嗎？

Oh, yes, they're very tasty.

哦，是的，它們非常美味。

I'm so proud of you.

我真為你感到驕傲。

Oh, my two dumplings!

哦，我的兩個餃子！

(whispering) Just blink if you love me more.

(小聲)你再愛我就眨眨眼吧。

It's okay. He's not looking.

沒事的，他沒看。他不看。

I'm right here.

我就在這裡。

Oh, no, I can't do that.

哦，不，我不能這樣做。

♪♪

♪♪

(bell dings)

（鐘聲）

(phone beeping)

（電話嗶嗶聲）

(Grandma's voice) Winking rabbit giving a thumbs-up sign.

(奶奶的聲音)眨眼兔豎起大拇指的手勢。

Yeah!

是啊！

Ma?

馬？

Is this rehab?

這是康復中心嗎？

Oh, I knew you were on drugs.

哦，我就知道你在吸毒。

What is it?

什麼事？

Meth, shrooms...?

安非他命，蘑菇... ？

No. Ma!

不，媽！

Ice horse?

冰馬？

Ma.

馬。

Crack dabs?

裂縫dabs？

If you say opium...

如果你說鴉片...

What?

什麼？

...I will slap the yellow out of you.

......我會把你的黃種人拍死。

Ma! What are you doing here?

媽！你在這裡做什麼？

I'm glad that you're getting help

我很高興你能得到幫助。

from all these other losers.

從所有這些其他失敗者。

But why didn't you come to me first?

但你為什麼不先來找我？

Ma... this isn't rehab.

媽... 這不是康復中心。

It's a support group for single parents!

這是一個單親家庭的支持團體!

Oh, but you have that weird spoon.

哦，但你有那個奇怪的勺子。

And the other night with all that screaming.

有一天晚上，所有的尖叫聲。

I was on a date, okay?

我是在約會，好嗎？

With Brenda!

和布倫達一起！

I thought we weren't allowed to date in the group.

我以為我們不允許在群裡約會。

Oh, Toby... no.

哦，託比... 不

Ma, Brenda gave me the spoon.

媽，布蘭達把勺子給我了。

And it's not a spoon, all right?

而且這不是一把勺子，好嗎？

It's a deep and meaningful art piece

這是一件很有深度和意義的藝術作品。

about self-expression and quiet chaos!

關於自我表達和安靜的混亂!

Yes, thank you.

是的，謝謝你。

You're welcome.

不客氣

So you're not on drugs?

所以你沒有吸毒？

No.

不知道

And I didn't tell you about the date

我也沒有告訴你日期的事。

because I knew you would go crazy.

因為我知道你會瘋掉的

I'm not going crazy!

我沒有發瘋！

Hello.

你好啊

Hi.

嗨，我的天

Are you divorced or is your husband dead?

你是離了婚還是丈夫死了？

Uh...

呃...

Oh, my God!

哦，我的天！

because my son is on drugs!

因為我兒子在吸毒！

(sobbing hysterically)

（抽泣歇斯底里）

Even though you're gone,

儘管你已經離開了

it still smells like weed in here.