His first word was why?

他的第一句話就是為什麼？

And actually was the only word he spoke until he was about five.

而實際上這也是他在五歲之前唯一會說的話。

Why Michael's curiosity turned to paranoia when he was eight and found out Santa wasn't really.

為什麼邁克爾的好奇心變成了偏執狂，當他八歲時，發現聖誕老人並不是真的。

He stopped trusting our parents, teachers, even newscasters for tracking Santa's sleigh.

他不再相信我們的父母，老師，甚至是跟蹤聖誕老人雪橇的新聞記者。

He really started to spiral.

他真的開始發飆了。

When that blink 1 82 song aliens exist came out.

當那首82年的《外星人的存在》問世時。

Fuck you, Tom DeLonge.

去你媽的 Tom DeLonge

Also, sometimes he talks about how he doesn't trust the government.

另外，有時他也會說起他不信任政府。

And he won't get a driver's license because he thinks that's how they steal our organs.

而且他也不會拿到駕照 因為他認為這就是他們偷取我們器官的方式。

Michael doesn't stop this soon.

Michael不會很快停下來的

He's gonna get himself killed by somebody killing him for being so fucking annoying.

他要被別人殺了，因為他太煩人了。

Person who kills it might be me.

殺死它的人可能是我。

So you hit all of his weapons, right?

所以你打中了他所有的武器，對嗎？

Oh, wait, Sorry.

哦，等等，對不起。

Sorry.

對不起，我不知道

Way.

辦法。

God, is it a sort?

上帝，是一種?

Michael only dates because he thinks I'm part of the Illuminati.

邁克爾之所以約會，是因為他認為我是光明會的一員。

That's why I got you.

這就是為什麼我有你。

See it?

看到了嗎？

It's permanent.

這是永久的。

Got him Mr Christmas last year.

去年給他找了個聖誕先生。

Rob.

搶。

Kelsey, Get there.

凱爾西，去那裡。

I mean, I'm sorry.

我的意思是，我很抱歉。

Are you?

你是嗎？

Of course not.

當然不是。

But you do crazy things for people you love.

但你為了你愛的人做了很多瘋狂的事情。

Every girl doesn't ask your wife what I was doing.

每個女孩都不會問你老婆我在做什麼。

Good man.

好人。

Just I knew it.

我就知道。

I fucking knew it.

我他媽的就知道。

You what?

你什麼？

You literally just walked in.

你真的是剛走進來。

I'm just surprised it took you guys so long to go through the intervention.

我只是很驚訝，你們花了這麼久的時間來進行干預。

Wait.

等一下

You know you have a problem after everything you told me you're gonna play dumb.

你知道你有一個問題，在你告訴我一切後，你會裝傻。

You and I both know you set this up for the Illuminati to silence Michael, Baby, we've been dating for four years.

你我都知道是你為了讓光明會閉嘴而設下的圈套，寶貝，我們已經交往了四年了。

You know, I have never planned.

你知道，我從來沒有計劃過。

You're the only one here who was in the Illuminati.

你是這裡唯一一個參加過光明會的人。

Or so I thought like this has nothing to do with the Illuminati, man.

或者說我覺得這跟光明會沒有關係，夥計。

Oh, yeah?

哦，是嗎？

Then why the hell you all wearing green shirts then?

那為什麼你們都穿著綠色的襯衫呢？

I fucking told you we had a coordinate outfits.

我他媽的告訴你，我們有一個協調的服裝。

It's ST Patrick's Day.

今天是聖帕特里克節。

Who the hell is that guy?

那人到底是誰？

I'm Larry.

我是拉里

Just here to help moderate.

只是來幫忙調節一下。

He's any tension.

他是任何緊張。

I'm an independent contractor.

我是一個獨立的承包商。

You hear that, tractor?

你聽到了嗎，拖拉機？

This guy is a farmer and we're a bunch of sheep.

這傢伙是個農民，我們是一群羊。

Dude, Reddit is ruining your life, man.

夥計，Reddit正在毀掉你的生活，夥計。

And who do you think created Reddit?

你認為是誰創造了Reddit？

Steve Huffman and Alexis?

史蒂夫-赫夫曼和亞歷克西斯?

Okay.

好吧，我知道了

That's what they want you to think.

那是他們希望你這麼想的。

They hasn't the system.

他們沒有系統。

Everything is a system with you.

有你在，一切都是系統。

How many systems do you think there are?

你認為有多少個系統？

1576.

1576.

You're insane.

你瘋了

Insane is not a productive word.

瘋子不是一個有效的詞。

Let's just say he's living la Vida loca.

我們只能說他過著在地生活。

Of course I see him insane to a bunch of shape.

當然，我看他瘋到一堆形狀。

Sorry for questioning society.

對不起，對社會的質疑。

When you guys aimlessly just follow the leaders until you all off the side of the earth, Baby, you said you're going to stop thinking the Earth is flat.

當你們漫無目的的只是跟著上司走，直到你們都離開地球的那一邊，寶貝，你說你要不再認為地球是平的。

I stopped thinking when I started knowing Joe Rogan experience Episode 47.

當我開始知道喬-羅根經歷第47集的時候，我就停止了思考。

That was hot.

這是熱的。

What makes you think the Earth is round?

你憑什麼認為地球是圓的？

Because that's what we were taught in school with evidence, huh?

因為學校裡教給我們的都是有據可查的東西，呵呵。

From scientists?

從科學家那裡？

Yes.

是的，我知道

Feels pretty flat to me.

我覺得很平淡。

Are we not always staying on flat surfaces?

我們是不是總是呆在平面上？

Isn't there like evidence with the sun and the moon?

是不是有像證據與太陽和月亮？

Um, on, like like math and stuff Number?

嗯，在，像數學之類的東西數？

Honestly, nothing.

老實說，什麼都沒有。

Science aren't really my forte, Marv.

科學是不是真的我的特長，馬福。

A creative type.

一個創造性的類型。

Also, even if aliens are real, what are you gonna do about it?

還有，就算外星人是真的，你又能怎麼辦？

Escaped to my bunker.

逃到了我的地堡。

Why do you think we send beanbag chairs?

你覺得我們為什麼要送豆包椅？

I was always too afraid to ask.

我總是不敢問。

Do you hear yourself?

你聽到自己的聲音了嗎？

Would you rather just die than live in an underground hole and sleep on beanbag chairs for the rest of your life to words sheep.

你寧願就這麼死了，也不願意活在地下洞裡，一輩子睡在豆包椅上，對著文字羊。

That's exactly what a sheep would say.

這正是一隻羊會說的話。

Sheep is one word.

羊是一個字。

You know.

你知道的

It's to Bob.

這是給鮑勃的

You Those are not words.

你... ...這些都不是文字。

And one of the Baja man, huh?

還有一個巴哈人，嗯？

Come on.

來吧。

You got it, babe.

你得到了它，寶貝。

What about Jeffrey Epstein?

那Jeffrey Epstein呢?

I call this shit back in 95.

我在95年的時候就叫這個狗屎。

That wasn't a conspiracy.

這不是一個陰謀。

Prince Andrew is really blatant about that.

安德魯王子真的很明目張膽。

You spend all your time researching bullshit bullshit.

你把所有的時間都花在研究狗屁狗屁上。

Okay, Kelsey's in the Illuminati.

好吧，凱爾西是在光明會。

Tell him, maybe trip.

告訴他，也許是旅行。

Are you really gonna feed his insanity?

你真的要養活他的瘋狂嗎？

I mean, I get it.

我的意思是，我得到它。

I convinced my last boyfriend I was a hiker, so that's really different.

我讓我上一個男朋友相信我是個徒步旅行者，所以這真的很不一樣。

That's really gross.

這真的很噁心。

All I'm saying is, if you want to ruin your own life, that's your thing.

我想說的是，如果你想毀掉自己的生活，那是你的事。

But you're ruining mind to You set up cameras all over the apartment?

你在公寓裡裝滿了攝像頭？

No, no.

不，不。

Those air for sex.

這些空氣為性。

You know some of those cameras in my bedroom to Yeah.

你知道我臥室裡的一些攝像頭嗎？ 是的。

Oh, man.

哦，夥計。

Come on.

來吧。

Sorry, man.

對不起，夥計。

We have sex in there one time.

我們有一次在那裡做愛。

Just like approved Kelsey that those were for sex.

就像準許凱爾西那些是為了性。

They're not for sex.

它們不是用來做愛的。

No.

不知道

Who wants to watch themselves have sex?

誰願意看自己做愛？

What about Ray?

那雷呢？

J I thought you jerked off to What do you think I'm doing in there watching all this 9 11 documentaries?

我還以為你在打飛機呢 你以為我在裡面看這些911紀錄片幹什麼？

I told you this.

我告訴過你

My hands, The plane Penis is a town.

我的手，飛機老二是一個城市。

Stop!

停下來！

Stop!

停下來！

Stop!

停下來！

What can we do to make you stop doing this?

我們怎麼做才能讓你不再這樣做？

You can't do Benji Boy, because bad things are going to continue to happen.

你不能做班吉男孩，因為壞事會繼續發生。

All right?

好嗎？

And I can't be in control of that if I am so insane.

而我如此瘋狂，就無法控制了。

How do I have so much money?

我怎麼會有這麼多錢？

I know this one by never taking me out.

這個我知道，通過從不帶我出去。

I just assumed you were scanning people in the dark web.

我還以為你是在暗網裡掃描人呢。

I do that for fun.

我這樣做是為了好玩。

Plus, you can't make millions on the Dark Web.

另外，在暗網上你無法賺到幾百萬。

Tried it.

試過了

You're not a millionaire.

你不是百萬富翁。

You're full of shit.

你在胡說八道

Oh, am I?

哦，我是嗎？

Then how have I made millions of dollars by securing market tips via blackmail of government officials?

那麼，我是如何通過勒索政府官員獲取市場線索，賺取數百萬元的呢？

Riddle me that asshole.

給我猜猜那個混蛋。

Fuck, Fuck, fuck!

他媽的，他媽的，他媽的！

Why did I say that this was all part of your plan?

我為什麼說這是你計劃的一部分？

You did this to me.

你對我做的。

The green shirt shit is making sense.

綠襯衫的事是有意義的。

Okay, If you're a millionaire, then why are you covering this place?

好吧，如果你是個百萬富翁，那你為什麼要報道這個地方？

And bean bag chairs?

還有豆袋椅？

They're not even made a real beans Plus, you know, I'm trying to get into interior design, So how dare you not consult me on this?

而且，你知道，我正想進入室內設計，所以你怎麼敢不徵求我的意見？

I'm your goddamn sister.

我是你該死的妹妹。

It's called fun.

這就是所謂的樂趣。

Sway Fashion.

斯威時尚。

Google it, bitch beanbags, Somebody at the back door.

谷歌一下，婊子豆袋，有人在後門。

No, Dude, you have to realize this is all in your mind.

不，老兄，你要知道這都是你的想法。

You can still like aliens and start ever Levin from at least a distance of 500 ft away.

你仍然可以喜歡外星人，至少在500英尺以外的距離開始永遠萊文。

But you can't let these crazy conspiracy theories control your life.

但你不能讓這些瘋狂的陰謀論控制你的生活。

See nobody coming.

見沒人來。

Okay, Maybe you're right.

好吧，也許你是對的。

Maybe nobody bugged the apartment.

也許沒有人在公寓裡裝竊聽器。

Maybe you're just my sibling.

也許你只是我的兄弟姐妹。

Maybe you're just my roommate.

也許你只是我的室友。

You know, maybe you're just a girlfriend.

你知道，也許你只是一個女朋友。

Why did you only air quote girlfriend?

你為什麼只引用女朋友的名字？

But what's important here is nobody's out to get any of us bringing me.

但重要的是沒有人要把我們任何一個人帶到我這裡來。

Okay?

好嗎？

No.

不知道

All right, E still don't know about you.

好吧，E還是不知道你。

Come on.

來吧。

You have to stop living in paranoia.

你不要再活在妄想症中了。

Otherwise you're gonna be Oh, thanks for the help.

否則，你會是哦，謝謝你的幫助。

She Thanks for watching the video.

謝謝你看視頻。

If you want to do his favorite, go to the comments and leave us a nice, warm, heartfelt message.

如果你想做他的最愛，就去評論，給我們留下美好、溫暖、溫馨的留言。