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  • - I drank my urine in front of a guest this year.

    - 今年我當著客人的面喝了尿。

  • - Like your actual urine?

    - 像你的真實尿液?

  • - Pissed in a cup and swallowed it.

    - 在杯子裡撒了一泡尿,然後吞了下去。

  • (upbeat music)

    (歡快的音樂)

  • - Hey guys, welcome to Stir Crazy.

    - 嘿,夥計們,歡迎來到 "瘋狂攪拌"。

  • The show that a global pandemic willed into existence.

    節目中,全球流行病將成。

  • My guest today is an actor,

    我今天的嘉賓是一位演員。

  • comedian, and the next host of the Ellen DeGeneres Show.

    喜劇演員,也是艾倫-德傑尼勒斯秀的下一任主持人。

  • It's the host of the Eric Andre Show, Eric Andre.

    這是埃裡克-安德烈節目的主持人,埃裡克-安德烈。

  • - What's up

    - 什麼事

  • - (laughs) That's what the kids say now, right?

    - (笑)現在的孩子都這麼說,對吧?

  • Wassup?

    Wassup?

  • - How are you at me?

    - 你對我怎麼樣?

  • Me likey.

    我喜歡。

  • - Me likey seeing you, sir.

    - 我想見到你,先生。

  • I'm relieved that I feel

    我鬆了一口氣,我覺得

  • like you're Pavlovian response.

    就像你的巴甫洛夫式的反應。

  • When you hear it's the Eric Andre Show

    當你聽到是埃裡克-安德烈秀的時候。

  • should be to destroy things,

    應該是毀滅事物。

  • but you're not doing that.

    但你沒有這樣做。

  • Thank you.

    謝謝你了

  • - No, I'm off the clock.

    - 不,我不上班了。

  • I'm very old now.

    我現在已經很老了。

  • The show aged me.

    這個節目讓我老了。

  • - By the way, is this your apartment?

    - 對了,這是你的公寓嗎?

  • Your apartment looks remarkably like

    你的公寓看起來非常像

  • a coffee shop in Los Angeles.

    洛杉磯的一家咖啡店。

  • - I'm going to get my bathroom redone

    - 我打算把我的浴室重新裝修一下。

  • so I'm like homeless during the day.

    所以我就像白天無家可歸。

  • I'm a wanderer.

    我是一個流浪者。

  • I'm a drifter.

    我是個流浪漢。

  • I'm a loner.

    我是一個孤獨的人。

  • Dottie a rebel.

    多蒂是個叛逆者。

  • Get a bio danke schoen.

    獲取生物danke schoen。

  • Alone from night to night, ya find me?

    一個人從晚上到晚上,你能找到我嗎?

  • Damn.

    該死的。

  • Papa's got a brand new bag. (chuckles)

    爸爸有一個全新的包。(笑聲)

  • - Oh no.

    - 哦,不。

  • The meds have kicked in or they've run out?

    藥效發作了還是用完了?

  • What happened?

    怎麼了?

  • (both laugh)

    (兩者笑)

  • - The SSRIs are long gone.

    - SSRIs早已不復存在。

  • - I hear you've been making

    - 我聽說你一直在做

  • a lot of cocktails in quarantine.

    隔離區裡有很多雞尾酒。

  • I've got my stash here.

    我把我的藏品藏在這裡。

  • Can you walk me through making

    你能指導我如何製作

  • a delicious-- - Well what do ya got?

    好吃的... ...你有什麼發現?

  • What ingredients you got?

    你有什麼原料?

  • (upbeat music)

    (歡快的音樂)

  • - I got some mescal here.

    - 我這裡有一些麥斯卡爾酒。

  • I got some tequila, juices.

    我有一些龍舌蘭酒,果汁。

  • I got orange and grapefruit.

    我有橙子和柚子。

  • I got some limes.

    我有一些萊姆。

  • I got gin, whiskey, campari, vodka.

    我有杜松子酒,威士忌,卡巴里酒,伏特加。

  • - You can make a Paloma.

    - 你可以做一個帕洛瑪。

  • Do you have a jigger?

    你有跳跳機嗎?

  • - [Host] I don't have a jigger.

    - 我沒有跳跳虎。

  • I'm a novice man.

    我是個新手

  • - Two ounces of tequila.

    - 兩盎司的龍舌蘭酒。

  • 1.25 ounces of grapefruit juice.

    1.25盎司的葡萄柚汁。

  • We'll do 0.75 lime.

    我們將做0.75的石灰。

  • 0.75 simple syrup.

    0.75元糖漿。

  • - [Host] Any Bailey's?

    - [主持人]有貝利酒嗎?

  • I've got Bailey's here.

    我這裡有貝利的。

  • Should I add that to it?

    要不要加進去?

  • - No, Bailey's necessary.

    - 不,貝利是必要的。

  • No gold Schlagger.

    沒有金子施拉格。

  • Club soda.

    蘇打水俱樂部。

  • - Are you a happy drunk or an angry drunk?

    - 你是快樂的醉漢還是憤怒的醉漢?

  • What kind of a drunk are you?

    你是什麼樣的酒鬼?

  • - I'd say rum, happy drunk,

    - 我想說朗姆酒,幸福的醉。

  • tequila, crazy drunk.

    龍舌蘭酒,瘋狂的醉。

  • Vodka regular drunk,

    伏特加普通醉。

  • whiskey angry drunk.

    威士忌生氣的醉。

  • - Do you ever drink

    - 你喝過酒嗎?

  • while doing the Eric Andre Show

    在做埃裡克-安德烈節目的時候

  • or is that a bad idea?

    還是這是個壞主意?

  • - No, just coffee.

    - 不,只是咖啡。

  • On top of all the tensions.

    在所有的緊張局勢之上。

  • My lips I'm off the clock.

    我的嘴脣,我下班了。

  • I need the stress and anxiety

    我需要壓力和焦慮

  • of my own Judaism boiling my brain

    我自己的猶太教讓我頭腦發熱

  • against my skull

    頂著我的頭蓋骨

  • or I'm not gonna

    否則我就不

  • get anything done. - Right.

    得到任何東西完成。- 是啊

  • This is an exclusive, Eric.

    這是獨家報道,埃裡克。

  • This is our very first cooking segment.

    這是我們的第一個烹飪環節。

  • - Put a garnish on there,

    - 放個裝飾品在那裡。

  • but like a lime wheel

    卻像一個石灰輪

  • or a grapefruit wedge.

    或柚子片。

  • Like a very thin, it should be able to float.

    就像一個很薄的,它應該能浮起來。

  • You drink with your eyes first they say.

    他們說,你先用眼睛喝酒。

  • You drink with your butt hole second.

    你用你的屁股洞喝第二。

  • You know what I mean?

    你知道我的意思嗎?

  • (laughs) George Washington once said.

    (笑)喬治-華盛頓曾經說過。

  • (man laughs)

    (男人笑)

  • In there.

    在那裡。

  • How does it taste?

    味道如何?

  • - That's like a Paloma.

    - 這就像一個帕洛瑪。

  • From one talk show host to another,

    從一個脫口秀主持人到另一個。

  • I'm always looking for advice.

    我一直在尋求建議。

  • - I don't know (chuckles) if I have any good advice.

    - 我不知道(笑)我有沒有什麼好的建議。

  • - Is making your guests feel comfortable--

    - 是讓你的客人感到舒適 --

  • - Is my ear pod thing over there?

    - 我的耳艙的東西在那邊嗎?

  • - [Woman] What?

    - [女人]什麼?

  • - Is my ear pod case over there?

    - 我的耳麥盒在那邊嗎?

  • - Have you been robbed?

    - 你被搶了嗎?

  • What just happened?

    剛才發生了什麼?

  • Somebody.

    來人啊

  • - I got a hell's angel biker gang

    - 我有一個地獄天使摩托幫

  • all around me right now.

    現在我周圍的一切。

  • - (laughs) Is making

    - (笑)是使

  • your guests-- - So what's your ad--

    那麼你的廣告...

  • Uncomfortable?

    不舒服嗎?

  • - Well I was gonna say

    - 我本來想說

  • is making your guests comfortable overrated

    讓你的客人舒服是高估了

  • for a talk show host?

    為一個脫口秀主持人?

  • 'Cause it doesn't seem.

    因為它似乎並不。

  • Yeah. (laughs)

    是啊。(笑)

  • Congrats.

    祝賀你

  • - The right thing to do

    - 正確的做法

  • is make them comfortable.

    是讓他們舒服。

  • So my approach is

    所以我的做法是

  • to do everything wrong.

    要做的一切都錯了。

  • - Is there a good ice breaker question

    - 有沒有好的破冰題

  • to warm up a guest?

    暖客?

  • - Our icebreakers this year was just...

    - 我們今年的破冰活動只是... ...

  • Have you ever done coke?

    你有沒有吸過可卡因?

  • And the guests would never want

    客人也不會願意

  • to answer that on camera.

    在鏡頭前回答這個問題。

  • Another icebreaker would be.

    另一個破冰的方法是:

  • Who would you rather (beeps) your mom or your dad?

    你寧願(嘟嘟)你媽還是你爸?

  • (man laughs)

    (男人笑)

  • - Right?

    - 對吧?

  • Because everybody knows that answer already.

    因為大家都已經知道這個答案了。

  • So you've got it at your fingertips.

    所以,你已經得到了它在你的指尖。

  • - The truth is out there already.

    - 真相已經在那裡了。

  • I'm at a live coffee shop.

    我在一家現場咖啡店。

  • - Yeah, no mask up, man.

    - 是啊,沒有面具,男人。

  • This is a PSA.

    這是一個公益廣告。

  • What's on the mask?

    面具上有什麼?

  • Oprah.

    奧普拉

  • Oprah.

    奧普拉

  • Oh yeah.

    哦,是的。

  • The inspiration for the Eric Andre Show.

    埃裡克-安德烈秀的靈感來源。

  • Have you ever tried to get Oprah on the show?

    你有沒有試過讓奧普拉上節目?

  • - She always wants to do it

    - 她總是想這樣做

  • and we just don't have the time

    而我們只是沒有時間

  • to slot her in.

    把她塞進去。

  • - Right, right.

    - 對,對。

  • (both laughs)

    (兩個笑)

  • You slotted in Lorenzo Lamas

    你把洛倫佐-拉瑪斯排在了第一位

  • because you wanted him instead of Oprah.

    因為你想要他而不是奧普拉

  • - No, I wish.

    - 不,我希望。

  • - I know we're outside already,

    - 我知道我們已經在外面了。

  • but I'd like to get some air on myself.

    但我想給自己通通氣。

  • I'm cooped up in my New York apartment.

    我被關在我的紐約公寓裡。

  • Would you indulge me?

    你能放縱我嗎?

  • Can we go outside?

    我們可以到外面去嗎?

  • - Sure, let's do it.

    - 當然,讓我們做吧。

  • (upbeat music)

    (歡快的音樂)

  • - Oh, look at this.

    - 哦,看這個。

  • Is this your house?

    這是你的房子嗎?

  • What's that?

    那是什麼?

  • - No, it's a house.

    - 不,這是一所房子。

  • It's a block away.

    就在一個街區外。

  • - How many people you think have been murdered there?

    - 你認為有多少人在那裡被謀殺了?

  • - I don't think you're committing fully to this bit.

    - 我覺得你沒有完全投入到這一點。

  • I don't think.

    我不這麼認為

  • - Me (laughs)?

    - 我(笑)?

  • - You're only like

    - 你只是喜歡

  • half in the premise.

    半的前提下。

  • You guys did not flesh this out.

    你們並沒有把這一切具體化。

  • (man laughs)

    (男人笑)

  • I have notes and they're like,

    我有筆記,他們就像。

  • all your act out is just like general Jew,

    你的行為就像一般的猶太人。

  • which is hovering.

    這是盤旋的。

  • Speakin' of Jews.

    說到猶太人

  • Here's a world war II beach.

    這裡是二戰時期的海灘。

  • (both laugh)

    (兩者笑)

  • - We queued that up just for you.

    - 我們專門為你排了隊。

  • - Oh and OJ.

    - 哦,還有OJ。

  • And you gotta get my black side's attention.

    你得引起我的黑方的注意。

  • You got OJ.

    你得到了OJ。

  • - Is it true

    - 是真的嗎?

  • I've heard you were close friends with OJ Simpson.

    我聽說你和OJ Simpson是好朋友。

  • Is that true?

    是真的嗎?

  • - Yeah he's here at the coffee shop actually.

    - 是啊,他在這裡的咖啡店其實。

  • He got a job here.

    他在這裡找到了一份工作。

  • The end.

    結束。

  • (man laughs)

    (男人笑)

  • - Was that your favorite bit ever?

    - 這是你最喜歡的一點嗎?

  • - I think I liked even better

    - 我想我更喜歡

  • your level of commitment.

    你的承諾水準。

  • You threw this bit under the bus.

    你把這一點扔到公車下。

  • - How dare you. (laughs)

    - 你怎麼敢。(笑)

  • So Eric it's been four long years

    所以埃裡克... 已經四年了

  • since the last season. - Yeah.

    自從上個賽季開始- 是啊 Yeah.

  • - What gives? - I put out the season

    - 怎麼了?- 我把季節放出來了

  • of the show like

    的節目,如

  • with each presidential campaign.

    與每次總統競選。

  • - You also change up your look

    - 你也可以改變你的造型

  • on each season of the show.

    在每一季的節目中。

  • This year you're somewhere in between

    今年你介於兩者之間

  • a Vin Diesel or a Pitbull.

    文-迪塞爾或皮特博爾。

  • - I look like Vin Diesel,

    - 我看起來像文-迪塞爾

  • like six weeks after he died.

    像六週後,他死了。

  • But so for season four, I lost weight,

    但如此第四季,我瘦了。

  • got as pale as I could,

    得到了儘可能的蒼白,我可以。

  • didn't brush or wash my hair.

    沒有梳頭或洗頭。

  • Didn't use deodorant.

    沒有用除臭劑。

  • I just got like really dirty.

    我只是得到了像真的很髒。

  • And then for the next season

    然後在下一季的時候

  • I gained a bunch of weight.

    我胖了一圈。

  • I tanned every day.

    我每天都在晒太陽。

  • I got rid of all my body hair.

    我把我所有的體毛都去掉了。

  • I waxed my pubic hair

    我給我的陰毛打了蠟

  • and I bleached my teeth.

    我漂白了我的牙齒。

  • And I would wear Brute cologne.

    我還會擦布魯特古龍水。

  • I did like everything on paper

    我確實喜歡紙上的一切

  • that was like the opposite.

    這就像相反的。

  • - How is the waxing of the pubic hair?

    - 陰毛的脫毛效果如何?

  • That sounds like a fun day.

    聽起來是很有趣的一天。

  • - Horrible.

    - 可怕的。

  • Brutal.

    殘忍的。

  • Never do it again.

    再也不做了。

  • Unbelievable pain.

    難以置信的痛苦。

  • (man chuckles)

    (男人笑著說)

  • Wouldn't wish it on my enemies.

    我可不想讓我的敵人受到傷害。

  • You look like you play

    你看起來像你玩

  • a scientist in a movie with Morgan Freeman.

    一個和摩根-弗里曼合作的電影裡的科學家。

  • - (laughs) I would.

    - (笑)我會的。

  • That's my goal in life.

    這就是我的人生目標。

  • Sir, if we don't stop the meteor

    長官,如果我們不阻止隕石的話

  • we're all gonna die.

    我們都會死。

  • How's that?

    怎麼樣?

  • (man laughs)

    (男人笑)

  • - Lights, camera, show biz.

    - 燈光,攝影機,演藝圈。

  • - Some provocative would you rather questions for you, Eric?

    - 一些挑釁性的問題,你寧願問你,埃裡克?

  • Are you ready?

    你準備好了嗎?

  • - Yes.

    - 是的,我知道

  • (upbeat music)

    (歡快的音樂)

  • - Would you rather (beeps) your mom or your dad?

    - 你寧願(嘟嘟)你媽還是你爸?

  • - Both.

    - 都有

  • - Same time?

    - 同一時間?

  • Wow. - Hell yeah, dude.

    哇哦- 地獄是啊,夥計。

  • That is one Thanksgiving

    那是一個感恩節

  • I will never remember, Brother bear.

    我永遠不會記得,熊哥。

  • - Would you rather live inside the but of Jennifer Lopez

    - 你願意住在詹妮弗-洛佩茲的體內嗎?

  • or the stomach of Jack Black?

    還是傑克-布萊克的胃?

  • - Gotta give it up from a main man, J. Bulls.

    - 得從主力隊員J.公牛身上放棄。

  • Jack Black all the way.

    傑克-布萊克一路走來。

  • (man chuckles)

    (男人笑著說)

  • - Would you rather have a two-foot long penis

    - 你是否願意有一個兩尺長的陰莖?

  • or two foot-long penises?

    還是兩根一尺長的陰莖?

  • - The former.

    - 前者。

  • - Would you rather have a 12-foot-long penis

    - 你是否願意有一個12英尺長的陰莖?

  • or 12 one-foot penises?

    還是12根一尺長的陰莖?

  • - The one and only. - You still just want--

    - 唯一的一個。- 你還只是想...

  • - I want like an (beeps) octopus down there.

    - 我希望像章魚一樣在下面。

  • It's horrendous.

    太可怕了

  • - Would you rather get eaten by a grizzly bear

    - 你寧願被灰熊吃了嗎?

  • or swallowed by a Python?

    還是被蟒蛇吞了?

  • - Python.

    - 蟒蛇。

  • No, no, grizzly 'cause it'd be over quick.

    不,不,灰熊,因為它會很快結束。

  • - You think so?

    - 你覺得呢?

  • I don't think.

    我不這麼認為

  • I think he's going to chew on you.

    我想他會咬你的。

  • It's gonna like..

    它會像...

  • It's not gonna...

    這不是要去...

  • - Well either is (beeps) misery, man.

    - 要麼就是(嗶嗶聲)痛苦,夥計。

  • I hate animals.

    我討厭動物

  • - Yeah.

    - 是啊。

  • - I only like dogs.

    - 我只喜歡狗。

  • - You don't like dogs?

    - 你不喜歡狗?

  • - I only like dogs.

    - 我只喜歡狗。

  • - Sorry.

    - 對不起,我不知道

  • I'm not a good listener.

    我不是一個好的傾聽者。

  • I apologize. (laughs)

    我道歉。(笑)

  • Would you rather win an Academy award?

    你願意獲得奧斯卡獎嗎?

  • - Do you live with your longterm girlfriend?

    - 你和你的長期女友住在一起嗎?

  • - Why do you say long-term?

    - 為什麼說長期?

  • - I think of you as a serial monogamous.

    - 我認為你是一個連續的一夫一妻制。

  • - Married. - Taken.

    - 已婚。- 已婚。

  • - You got kids?

    - 你有孩子嗎?

  • - No kids.

    - 沒有孩子。

  • - You're going to be married to your wife

    - 你要和你老婆結婚了。

  • for a long time and you're going

    久而久之,你就會

  • to like put kids off for a long time

    讓孩子們久久不能釋懷

  • and then you're either going to have.

    然後你要麼要。

  • - How are you analyzing me?

    - 你怎麼分析我?

  • What are you reading about me?

    你在讀我的什麼?

  • - Your wife is probably very smart.

    - 你老婆可能很聰明。

  • Much smarter than you.

    比你聰明多了。

  • - Yeah, that's absolutely true.

    - 是的,這是絕對正確的。

  • She definitely settled.

    她肯定是定下來了。

  • - Definitely (laughs) settled.

    - 肯定(笑)定了。

  • Don't you feel like you have to like

    你不覺得你必須要喜歡

  • dupe smart, beautiful women

    騙取聰明的美女

  • into hanging out or like dating a man?

    成掛出或喜歡約會的男人?

  • Like who would want a man around?

    就像誰會想要一個男人在身邊?

  • It's like dangerous first of all, men.

    這就像危險的第一,男人。

  • - Right, right.

    - 對,對。

  • - Completely dangerous.

    - 完全危險的。

  • They could murder you.

    他們會殺了你的

  • Disgusting.

    噁心。

  • - Oh I smell horrible.

    - 哦,我聞起來很可怕。

  • - Hairy, shitting, and farting, and puking.

    - 發,拉屎,放屁,嘔吐。

  • - How's your love life, Eric?

    - 你的愛情生活如何,埃裡克?

  • - It's good.

    - 很好啊

  • I said the same thing to my girlfriend.

    我對我的女朋友也是這麼說的。

  • I go, "You have to have this shitting,

    我走了,"你必須有這個拉屎。

  • fucking dangerous, disgusting."

    他媽的危險,噁心。"

  • - Just every day you wake up apologizing.

    - 只是每天醒來都在道歉。

  • I'm so sorry.

    我很抱歉

  • I'm a monster.

    我是一個怪物。

  • Can we expect more bodily functions this season?

    本賽季我們能否期待更多的身體機能?

  • - But of course.

    - 但是,當然。

  • I drank my urine in front of a guest this year.

    今年我當著客人的面喝了尿。

  • - Like your actual urine?

    - 像你的真實尿液?

  • - Pissed in the cup and swallowed it.

    - 在杯子裡撒了一泡尿,然後吞了下去。

  • - How did it taste?

    - 味道如何?

  • It tasted like a hot Paloma. (laughs)

    味道像熱帕洛瑪。(笑)

  • Cheers.

    乾杯。

  • - Cheers. (laughs)

    - 乾杯。(笑)

  • - I'll drink to that.

    - 我為這個乾杯。

  • (upbeat music)

    (歡快的音樂)

- I drank my urine in front of a guest this year.

- 今年我當著客人的面喝了尿。

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