[ Cheers and applause ]

[歡呼聲和掌聲]

Thank you very much.

非常感謝你。

Well, guys, I want to say congrats to

好了，夥計們，我想說的祝賀

the Tampa Bay Buccaneers on winning Super Bowl LV.

坦帕灣海盜隊贏得超級碗LV。

[ Cheers and applause ]

[歡呼聲和掌聲]

What a weekend for the people of Tampa.

對於坦帕的人民來說，這是一個多麼美好的週末。

48 hours of nonstop drinking and partying in the streets

48小時不間斷的飲酒和在街上開派對。

and then the Super Bowl.

然後是超級碗。

Yeah, they partied hard in Tampa.

是啊，他們在坦帕市狂歡了。

One girl was so drunk,

有一個女孩醉得不輕。

she made out with the Vince Lombardi hologram.

她和文斯・倫巴第的全息圖像親熱。

That's right -- Tampa Bay blew out the Kansas City Chiefs.

沒錯，坦帕灣隊擊敗了堪薩斯城酋長隊。

The final score was Chiefs 9, Bucs 31,

最終比分是酋長隊9分，布克隊31分。

Paramount+ commercials 12,000.

派拉蒙+商業廣告12000個。

Yeah, the game was over pretty early.

是啊，遊戲很早就結束了。

For the people of Tampa, that was a great night.

對於坦帕的人民來說，這是一個偉大的夜晚。

For the rest of the country,

對於國內其他地區。

it was a ZzzQuil injection.

這是一個ZzzQuil注射。

Yep, it wasn't the most suspenseful game.

沒錯，這不是最懸念的遊戲。

The most exciting part of the night was Bruce Springsteen

當晚最激動人心的部分是布魯斯-斯普林斯汀的表演。

wandering around a town in Kansas.

在堪薩斯州的一個小鎮上閒逛。

At a certain point, even Buccaneers fans were like,

到了一定程度，連布坎普人的球迷都喜歡。

"Just end the game so we can get to Queen Latifah.

"只要結束遊戲，我們就可以去找拉蒂法女王。

Come on. That show looks good.

來吧。這個節目看起來不錯。

It's a good show, by the way. -Yeah.

順便說一句，這是個好節目。-是的

-Seriously, the game was such a dud,

-說真的，這遊戲就是個啞巴。

I watched it from home

我在家裡看的

and I still left early to beat traffic.

而我還是早早地離開了，趕不上交通。

But the big story, of course, is that Tom Brady

但最大的故事，當然是湯姆-布雷迪。

won his seventh championship and fifth Super Bowl MVP.

贏得了他的第七個冠軍和第五個超級碗MVP。

Can we see Tom Brady after the game?

賽後我們能看到湯姆-布雷迪嗎？

Yeah. He just played four hours of football

是啊，他剛打了四個小時的橄欖球

and he looks like he's about to go to a wedding.

他看起來像他要去參加婚禮。

Yeah, Brady has cemented his place on

是啊，布雷迪已經鞏固了他的地位，他是一個很好的人。

the sports Mount Rushmore,

的體育拉什莫爾山。

alongside Michael Jordan, Muhammad Ali,

和邁克爾-喬丹、穆罕默德-阿里一起。

and that fan who took a home-run ball

還有那個拿著全壘打球的球迷。

to the chest to save his beers.

到胸前，以節省他的啤酒。

That guy's a Bud Light legend right there.

這傢伙是百威啤酒的傳奇。

That was like, "Oof!"

這就像，"Oof！"

Meanwhile, last night's game was

同時，昨晚的比賽是

tough to watch for Patriots fans.

對於愛國者球迷來說，很難看。

Right now, there are 2-year-olds in Boston going,

現在，波士頓有2歲的孩子去。

"When will this championship drought end?"

"這場冠軍荒何時才能結束？"

Yep, today in Boston, fans are happy for Brady,

是的，今天在波士頓，球迷們都為布雷迪高興。

but sad that he left the Patriots,

但遺憾的是他離開了愛國者隊。

which probably explains Sam Adams' new beer,

這大概可以解釋山姆亞當斯的新啤酒。

Sam Adams Bittahsweet Teahhs.

Sam Adams Bittahsweet Teahhs。

Bittahsweet Teahhs.

Bittahsweet Teahhs。

Of course, Tom Brady's longtime teammate Rob Gronkowski

當然，湯姆-布雷迪的長期隊友羅布-格隆科夫斯基。

also had a great game, scoring the first two touchdowns

本場比賽也有精彩表現，前兩次達陣得分

and winning his fourth Super Bowl.

並贏得他的第四個超級碗。

Yep, "Gronk" scored two touchdowns in the first half.

是的，"格朗克 "在上半場得了兩次達陣。

He would have had more, but he spent the whole second half

他本來有更多的，但他花了整個下半場。

stuck in The Weeknd's house of mirrors.

陷在周恩德的鏡子屋裡。

Yeah, a lot of people were talking about

是啊，很多人都在談論

The Weeknd's halftime performance.

The Weeknd的半場演出。

In case you missed it, grab a Dramamine and enjoy.

如果你錯過了，請拿起Dramamine享受一下。

-♪ She told me, "Don't worry about it" ♪

-她告訴我，"別擔心" "別擔心"？

♪ She told me to worry no more ♪ -Okay. Okay.

她告訴我不要再擔心了 好的好吧，好吧。

Well, if anyone's missed the feeling of

好吧，如果有人錯過了這種感覺

being drunk on a cruise,

在郵輪上喝醉了。

this was a nice walk down memory lane.

這是一個很好的走在記憶的道路上。

Yep, The Weeknd performed inside a gold house of mirrors.

是的，The Weeknd在一個金色的鏡子屋裡表演。

You know, I've never been to Mar-a-Lago, but...

你知道，我從來沒有去過Mar-a-Lago，但是... ...

Meanwhile, I read that over 16 million Americans were

同時，我讀到，超過1600萬美國人被

expected to miss work today because of the Super Bowl.

預計今天會因為超級碗缺勤。

16 million. Tariq, do you believe that?

一千六百萬塔裡克，你相信嗎？

-Ha ha ha! That's crazy.

-哈哈哈！這是瘋了。

-Tariq, something different about you today?

-塔裡克，你今天有什麼不一樣嗎？

-Ha ha ha! That's crazy.

-哈哈哈！這是瘋了。

-Maybe you went a little hard watching the game last night?

-也許你昨晚看球賽看得太辛苦了？

-Ha ha ha! That's crazy.

-哈哈哈！這是瘋了。

-Or maybe you got this giant cutout of yourself

-或者你有一個巨大的自己的剪影？

and just pre-recorded yourself saying something vague,

而只是預先錄下自己說的一些含糊不清的話。

like "Ha ha ha, that's crazy" and skipped work today.

就像 "哈哈哈，太瘋狂了"，今天還翹班了。

-Ha ha ha! That's crazy.

-哈哈哈！這是瘋了。

-Alright, let's just move on.

-好吧，我們繼續前進。

Well, before kickoff, President Biden

在開球前，拜登總統

was interviewed on CBS, and he talked about how

接受了CBS的採訪，他談到了如何。

he used to dream about playing in the NFL.

他曾經夢想在NFL打球。

But the position he mentioned sounded a little dated.

但他提到的職位聽起來有點過時。

Watch this.

看這個。

-So, many people may not know that you were once

-所以，很多人可能不知道，你曾經是

a pretty good receiver yourself back in the day.

一個相當不錯的接收器自己 回到了一天。

-I had wild dreams. It wasn't to be president.

-我曾有過瘋狂的夢想我的夢想不是當總統

I thought I could be a flanker back in the NFL.

我以為我可以成為NFL的側翼後衛。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

-Huh?

-嗯？

Flanker back?

側翼後衛？

Kind of crazy that our new president

有點瘋狂，我們的新總統

is older than the forward pass.

是比前傳老。

Isn't that wild?

是不是很狂野？

Even the Vince Lombardi hologram was like, "How old is this guy?"

就連文斯-倫巴第的全息圖都說："這傢伙多大了？"

Biden was like, "Just like every kid,

拜登就說："就像每個孩子一樣。

I wanted to be a flanker back for the NFL's top team,

我想成為NFL頂級球隊的側翼後衛。

the Delaware Dirt Devils,

特拉華州的 "邋遢魔"。

under coach Peppy Lagraine.

在教練Peppy Lagraine的帶領下。

He had one arm and three nipples."

他有一隻胳膊和三個乳頭。"

Get this.

得到這個。

I heard that, in Russia, they're offering free ice cream

我聽說，在俄羅斯，他們提供免費的冰淇淋。

as an incentive to get a COVID-19 vaccine.

作為對接種COVID-19疫苗的獎勵。

Yeah, that's what everyone in Russia wants in February --

是啊，這也是俄羅斯每個人在二月份想要的----。

ice cream.

冰淇淋。

Putin even came up with a catchy jingle for it.

普京甚至還為它想出了一首朗朗上口的廣告詞。

[ Russian accent ] "I scream, you scream, we all scream

[俄羅斯口音] "我尖叫，你尖叫，我們都在尖叫

'cause I poison your underpants."

"因為我在你的內褲裡下毒。"

[ Normal voice ] "What did you say?"

[正常聲音] "你說什麼？"

Well, this is fun.

嗯，這很有趣。

Serving the ice cream is the Russian version

冰淇淋的食用方法是俄羅斯版的

of Ben and Jerry, Bogdan and Yuri.

本和傑瑞，博格丹和尤里的。

Officials were like, "It's fresh.

官員們都說："這很新鮮。

It comes from milk of bears."

它來自於熊的乳汁。"

Some TV news.

一些電視新聞。

Well, guys, after being named in a multi-billion-dollar lawsuit

好了，夥計們，在被指名道姓地捲入一場數十億美元的訴訟之後

for spreading false claims of election fraud,

散佈選舉舞弊的虛假說法。

Fox Business has canceled "Lou Dobbs Tonight."

福克斯商業公司已經取消了 "盧-多布斯今晚"。

You know, there's a clip that we like to show sometimes

你知道，有一個片段，我們喜歡顯示有時。

where Lou Dobbs mispronounces the name of a Mexican town.

盧・多布斯把一個墨西哥小鎮的名字唸錯了。

Here, take a look.

來，看一看。

-The caravan of mostly Central American immigrants

-主要是中美洲移民的大篷車；

is now in the Mexican City of "Wa-kla-da."

現在是在墨西哥的 "華克拉達 "城。

-Yeah.

-是的

That's right.

是的

Well, out of respect, we will no longer

好吧，出於尊重，我們將不再...

show that clip on "The Tonight Show."

在 "今夜秀 "上展示這個片段。

We're retiring it.

我們要退役了

But just in case you forgot which clip I'm talking about,

不過，萬一你忘了我說的是哪個片段。

here it is one more time.

在這裡，它是一個更多的時間。

-...the Mexican City of "Wa-kla-da."

-...墨西哥城的 "Wa -kla -da"。

-To clarify, we will not show

-澄清一下，我們不會顯示

this clip on our show anymore.

這個片段在我們的節目了。

-..."Wa-kla-da."

-... "Wa -kla -da."

-That's right -- we will never show that clip again.

-沒錯，我們不會再播放那段視頻了。

That clip being...

那個片段是...

-...the Mexican City of "Wa-kla-da."

-...墨西哥城的 "Wa -kla -da"。

-Farewell, Lou Dobbs. We hardly knew ye.

-再見了，盧・多布斯。我們幾乎不認識你

And, finally, I heard about a Massachusetts man

最後，我聽說了一個馬薩諸塞州的人... ...

who got some interesting news at the hospital.

誰得到一些有趣的消息 在醫院。

Listen to this.

聽聽這個。

-A Massachusetts man who suddenly woke up

-馬薩諸塞州一名男子突然醒來

struggling to breathe was stunned when doctors told him

當醫生告訴他，他正在掙扎著呼吸時，他驚呆了。

he had swallowed one of his AirPods in his sleep.

他在睡夢中吞下了一個AirPods。

-He only realized it when his stomach

-他只有在他的胃裡

started singing "Drivers License."

開始唱 "駕駛執照"。

He also had a tough time hearing

他也很難聽到

'cause of the two Tic Tacs shoved in his ears.

因為他的耳朵裡被塞了兩個井字。

We have a great show.

我們有一個偉大的節目。