"The Tonight Show," everybody.

"今夜秀"，各位。

[ Cheers and applause ]

[歡呼聲和掌聲]

Well, guys, today is February 2nd,

好了，夥計們，今天是2月2日。

which, of course, means it is Groundhog Day.

當然，這意味著今天是土撥鼠日。

Yep, first thing this morning, Punxsutawney Phil

是的，今天早上第一件事，Punxsutawney Phil。

made his annual prediction on when winter will end.

對冬天何時結束做出了年度預測。

Here it is.

在這裡，它是。

-Hear ye, hear ye, hear ye!

-你們聽，你們聽，你們聽！

There's a perfect shadow cast of me.

有一個完美的影子投我。

Six more weeks of winter there will be.

再有六個星期的冬天，就會有。

[ Cheers and applause ]

[歡呼聲和掌聲]

-Yeah.

-是的

And then he said, "Mask upon my face is not seen,

然後他說："我臉上的面具是看不到的。

so two more weeks of quarantine."

所以還要再隔離兩個星期。"

I'm just glad we are still holding up wild rodents.

我只是很高興我們還能撐起野生齧齒動物。

Clearly, we've learned a lot about

很明顯，我們已經學到了很多東西。

public health from the pandemic.

公共衛生免受大流行病的影響；

But it seems Punxsutawney Phil has been spending lockdown

但似乎Punxsutawney Phil已經度過了禁閉期。

like the rest of us, because he came out in stretchy pants,

像我們其他人一樣，因為他穿著彈力褲出來了。

eating a tube of cookie dough.

吃一管餅乾麵糰。

I thought that was...

我以為那是...

I'm all for this non-political news,

我很喜歡這種非政治性的新聞。

but this whole thing is getting a little silly, isn't it?

但這整件事變得有點愚蠢，不是嗎？

I mean, top hats and scrolls and wall-to-wall coverage?

我的意思是，頂帽子和卷軸和牆壁到牆壁的覆蓋率？

It's a groundhog.

這是一隻土撥鼠。

It's not a royal wedding.

這不是皇室婚禮。

I mean, Biden's inauguration didn't get this much attention.

我的意思是，拜登的就職典禮沒有得到這麼多的關注。

Hear ye, hear ye!

聽著，聽著！

Everyone's talking about six more weeks of winter,

每個人都在談論六個星期的冬天。

but there was a strange moment

但有一個奇怪的時刻

when they first greeted Punxsutawney Phil.

當他們第一次迎接Punxsutawney Phil。

Now, this is real. See if you think this is odd.

現在，這是真的。看看你是否認為這是奇怪的。

I don't know. Listen to this.

我不知道，你聽聽這個 I don't know.聽聽這個。

-Oh!

-哦！

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

-Ahh!

-啊！

Yeah, I think I have a prediction.

是的，我想我有一個預測。

A restraining order is about to filed by a groundhog.

一個土撥鼠即將申請限制令。

That guy cracked on Day 3 of the pandemic

這傢伙在大流行的第三天就崩潰了。

and hasn't cracked back.

而且還沒有回過神來。

"You look beautiful today.

"你今天看起來很美。

You're the special one. You're my special one.

你是特別的一個。你是我的特別的一個。

You would never block me on Instagram, would you?"

你不會在Instagram上屏蔽我吧？"

Well, guys, it must be Groundhog Day,

好了，夥計們，今天一定是土撥鼠日。

because we're living through Trump's impeachment again.

因為我們又要經歷特朗普的彈劾了。

That's right.

是的

Today, House Democrats filed a brief that says

今天，眾議院民主黨人提交了一份簡報，稱

Trump's singularly responsible for the Capitol riots.

特朗普要對國會大廈的騷亂負單一責任。

When the news broke, Trump was furious,

消息一出，特朗普大怒。

while Rudy was heartbroken.

而魯迪則是傷心欲絕。

"Singularly responsible?

"單單負責？

What am I? Chopped cigars?"

我是什麼？切碎的雪茄？"

After that, Trump's legal team filed their own brief

之後，特朗普的法律團隊提交了自己的訴狀

that claims that he isn't responsible.

聲稱他不負責任的。

It wasn't that hard to write.

寫起來並不難。

His lawyers just copied and pasted his defense

他的律師只是複製和粘貼了他的辯護詞。

from the last impeachment.

從上次彈劾開始。

"Control-F 'Ukraine,' replace with 'riot.'

"控制-F'烏克蘭'，改為'暴動'。

And send."

併發送。"

But get this -- there was actually a typo

但聽好了... 其實有一個錯別字。

on the first page of the Trump brief.

在特朗普簡報的第一頁。

But I'm sure it was a long, complicated legal term.

但我相信這是一個漫長而複雜的法律術語。

Nope.

不對

It's just the name of our country.

這只是我們國家的名字。

That's it. No big deal.

就是這樣，沒什麼大不了的。沒什麼大不了的。

Yeah, Trump was like, "Totally unfair.

是啊，特朗普當時就說："完全不公平。

The Microsoft paperclip is Antifa."

微軟的回形針就是反法。"

Well, here's some good news.

嗯，這裡有一些好消息。

Today, the Biden administration made a big announcement

今天，拜登政府宣佈了一個重大消息。

regarding vaccine distribution.

關於疫苗分發；

Listen to this.

聽聽這個。

-Starting on February 11th, the federal government

-從2月11日開始，聯邦政府。

will deliver vaccines directly to select pharmacies

將把疫苗直接送到指定的藥店。

across the country.

全國各地。

-Hmm. After Trump, Biden looks like a genius

-嗯在特朗普之後，拜登就像個天才了

for just being like, "I got an idea.

對於只是像， "我有一個想法，。

How about all the places that give flu shots --

那麼所有打流感疫苗的地方呢？

they should give vaccine shots."

他們應該給疫苗注射。"

Oh, thanks, professor! Wow! Amazing!

哦，謝謝，教授！厲害！厲害！

Yeah, it sounds like a smart idea.

是啊，這聽起來是個聰明的主意。

Although, CVS already shelved the vaccine

雖然，CVS已經下架了該疫苗

to make room for its Halloween decorations.

為其萬聖節裝飾騰出空間。

Some big business news today.

今天有些大的商業新聞。

Jeff Bezos announced that he is stepping down

傑夫-貝佐斯宣佈卸任。

as C.E.O. of Amazon.

作為亞馬遜的首席執行官。

Right now, his assistant is shipping his office stuff home

現在，他的助理正在把他辦公室的東西運回家去

in 47 different boxes.

在47個不同的盒子裡。

Yeah, Bezos knew it was time to go when an Amazon drone

是啊，當一架亞馬遜無人機出現時，貝佐斯就知道自己該走了。

showed up at his door and said, "I'm your boss now."

出現在他的門前，說："我現在是你的老闆。"

Some more business news.

還有一些商業新聞。

I saw that after Subway was sued for allegedly using fake tuna,

在Subway因涉嫌使用假金槍魚被起訴後，我看到了。

they decided to respond in an interesting way.

他們決定以一種有趣的方式迴應。

Listen to this.

聽聽這個。

-Subway is offering a 15% discount

-Subway提供15%的折扣

on any tuna foot-long in the app or online

在應用程序中或在線上的任何金槍魚英尺長的價格

with promo code "ITSREAL."

用促銷代碼 "ITSREAL"。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

-Unfortunately, the promo code they meant to use was "ITSSEAL."

-不幸的是，他們想使用的促銷代碼是 "ITSSEAL"。

[ Cymbal crash ] I think that is awful.

我覺得這太可怕了。

I think that...

我覺得...

Yeah, this promo thing is not working.

是啊，這個宣傳片的東西是不工作。

And they also have a discount on turkey subs

而且他們的火雞套餐也有優惠

with the code "DIDNT-DROP-THIS."

與代碼 "DIDNT -DROP -THIS。"

I mean, why?

我是說，為什麼？

Why bring it up? Why...

為什麼要提出來？為什麼...

Some entertainment news.

一些娛樂新聞。

I read that Netflix is already making a movie about

我讀到Netflix已經在拍一部關於...

the drama surrounding GameStop's stock.

圍繞著GameStop股票的劇情。

Meanwhile, when the news broke, Hulu panicked and green-lit

同時，消息一出，Hulu慌了，綠燈了。

a movie about the tuna at Subway.

一部關於地鐵金槍魚的電影。

Well, guys, there was a new episode of

好了，夥計們，有一個新的情節的

"Below Deck" last night, and things are really heating up.

昨晚的 "甲板之下"，事情真的在升溫。

The emotions on that show can be a little hard to handle.

那節目中的情緒可能有點難處理。

So to help, here's a scene from "Below Deck"

所以為了幫助大家，這裡有一個 "甲板之下 "的場景。

revoiced with the least-emotional person we know,

用我們認識的最不講情面的人重新發聲。

Siri.

Siri

It's time our latest installment of "Let's Get Siri-ous."

是時候我們最新一期的 "讓我們來看看Siri-ous "了。

♪♪ [ Cheers and applause ]

[歡呼聲和掌聲]

-Is it a "yes" or "no" you slept in the guest cabin?

-你睡在客房裡是 "是 "還是 "不是"？

-We were in the cabin.

-我們當時在船艙裡

-Did you sleep in the cabin?

-你在船艙裡睡過嗎？

-I wouldn't say it was like...

-我不會說它像... ...

-"Yes" or "no"?

-"是 "還是 "不是"？

-Yes, I was sitting on the bed.

-是的，我當時坐在床上。

-Take accountability for what you did.

-對自己的所作所為負責。

-I will ask you next time. I'm sorry.

-我下次會問你的我下次會問你的

-There is not going to be a next time.

-不會有下一次了。

I do want to keep things professional.

我確實想保持專業性。

You're not being professional.

你不專業。

I've had enough of you.

我受夠你了

-Wow. Unbelievable. That drama -- wow.

-哇哦哇。 難以置信。這部劇 - 哇。

-Yeah.

-是的

-Well, some sports news.

-好吧，一些體育新聞。

The Super Bowl is just a few days away,

距離超級碗還有幾天時間。

and during an interview yesterday,

並在昨天的採訪中。

Tom Brady was asked about his plans for the future.

湯姆-布雷迪被問到了他對未來的計劃。

Listen to what he said.

聽聽他怎麼說。

-Would you consider playing beyond 45,

-你會不會考慮打到45歲以後？

especially with the way you're playing right now?

尤其是你現在的表現？

-Yeah, definitely.

-是的，當然

I would definitely consider that.

我一定會考慮的。

-Yeah, you can tell the team wants him to keep playing.

-是的，你可以看出球隊希望他繼續打球。

Today, Brady's coach woke him up by whispering,

今天，布雷迪的教練用耳語叫醒了他。

"You look beautiful today."

"你今天看起來很美。"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

And, finally, I read about four travelers at an airport

最後，我讀到了四個旅行者在機場的故事。

in China who ate 66 pounds of oranges

在中國，他吃了66磅橙子。

to avoid paying a $46 luggage fee.

以免支付46元的行李費。

On the bright side,

從好的方面看。

with a little turbulence and a lot of vodka,

有一點動盪和大量的伏特加。

they were able to make the most amazing screwdrivers.

他們能夠製造出最神奇的螺絲刀。

Hey, guys, the Super Bowl is coming up,

嘿，夥計們，超級碗要來了。

and so this is big news here at the show.

所以這是展會上的大新聞。

This year, I challenged Tariq to a contest --

今年，我向塔裡克發起了挑戰，參加了一場比賽--------。

who can make the best dip?

誰能做出最好的蘸料？

So, this Thursday will be the first annual --

所以，本週四將是第一屆年度...

Do we have to put the word "annual" in there?

一定要把 "年 "字寫進去嗎？

The first annual "Tonight Show" Dip-Off.

首屆 "今夜秀 "浸。

-Well, you can say "annual," but you're not --

-你可以說 "年度"，但你不是... ...

Like, once you lose, it's not like you want to come back

就像，一旦你輸了，你就不會想回來了。

next year and do it again.

明年再做。

-Ooh!

-哦！

-Come on, man. I don't lose a dip-off, man.

-來吧，夥計。我不會失去一個dip -off，男人。

-Okay. -I don't lose a dip-off.

-好吧，我不會輸給你的。

So, here's the rules.

所以，這是規則。

For -- there's people online freaking out.

因為... 網上有人嚇壞了。

They go, "I understand you're doing this,

他們走了，"我理解你這樣做。

but what are the rules, Jimmy?

但規則是什麼，吉米？

Tell me what's up."

告訴我是怎麼回事。"

-What's the rules? -"Give it to me straight."

-規則是什麼？-"把它直接給我。"

You got 30 minutes to make it.

你有30分鐘的時間來做。

-What? -Oh, okay.

-什麼？

-Yeah. And it must include cheese of some kind, okay?

-是的它必須包括某種奶酪，好嗎？

-Okay.

-好吧

-And then we need a judge, and the judge is Questlove.

-然後我們需要一個法官，法官是Questlove.

-I got this in the bag. Like, come on.

-我有這個包。像，來吧。

You think my boy -- you think he's gonna pick you?

你認為我的孩子... 你認為他會選擇你嗎？

Come on.

來吧。

-Here's the -- Here is the deal.

-這就是... 這就是交易。

Here's the deal. It's a blind test.

這裡的交易。這是一個盲測。

-Oh! -So he doesn't know.

-所以他不知道。

We can -- You could do whatever.

我們可以... 你可以做任何事情。

So you think you have it in the bag.

所以，你認為你已經在包裡了。

By the way, I think your dip probably comes out of a bag.

對了，我想你的蘸料可能是用袋子裝出來的。

-Oh, wow! -Know what I'm saying, dude?

-知道我在說什麼嗎，夥計？

-Okay. Cool. Yeah. -Want to have a dip-off, man?

-好吧好的是啊 想來個大掃除嗎，夥計？

-Yeah, I do.

-是的，我有

I do. Okay. Cool, bro. -You know what I'm saying?

我是這麼想的好吧，我知道了酷，兄弟。-你知道我在說什麼嗎？

-Yep. We gonna see.

-是的是的。 我們會看到。

Well, I guess we won't see, because it's blind.

好吧，我想我們不會看到，因為它是盲目的。

-Yeah. So, this Thursday,

-是的所以，這個星期四。

Quest will -- He won't be blindfolded while eating,

任務將 - 他不會被矇住眼睛，而吃。

so we can -- But he --

所以我們可以... 但他...

-He won't know whose dip is whose.

-他不知道是誰的浸漬是誰的.

-He won't know whose dip -- He'll be dipping in some dip.

-他不知道是誰的蘸料 -- 他將會被浸泡在一些蘸料中.

-It comes down to the taste. He'll know.

-這要看口味了他知道的

He'll know. He'll know what's up.

他會知道的他會知道發生了什麼。

-No, he'll know -- He'll definitely know what's up.

-不，他會知道... ... 他一定會知道發生了什麼事。

-Wait. Why y'all talking about me in third person.

-等等，為什麼你們要用第三人稱談論我？為什麼你們用第三人稱談論我？

-Well, no.

-嗯，沒有。

Pretend that you're blindfolded now.

假裝你現在被矇住了眼睛。

-Yeah.

-是的

-Who do you think -- Who --

-你覺得誰... 誰...

I'm telling you, he --

我告訴你，他...

I mean, I've known him for 12 years, man.

我的意思是，我已經認識他12年了，夥計。

-Yeah, that's nothing. -Quality. Quality.

-是的，這沒什麼-品質。品質。

-That's nothing. That's nothing.

-那不算什麼這沒什麼。

-No. I'm talking about Q.T., man.

-不，我說的是Q. T. ，夥計。

-Oh, quality time. Okay. Cool.

-哦，品質時間。好吧，好吧好的

Well, alright.

好吧，好吧。

-I mean, you've known each other how long?

-我是說，你們認識多久了？

-33 years. -Yeah.

-33年33歲 -是的

So half the time, and I still think I got it --

所以，一半的時間，我仍然認為我得到了它 -

-You think 12 times 2 is 33? [ Cymbal crash ]

-你以為12乘以2是33嗎？[鈸聲]

I've got this. I've got this in the bag.

我已經得到了這一點。我已經得到了這個在包裡。

-Yo, you didn't even have to do the math like...

-是的，你甚至不需要像... ...

-I'm not a gen-- Look, I'm just saying.

-我不是天才... 聽著，我只是說說而已。

I'm talking about quality time out of those 33 years.

我說的是這33年中的品質時間。

-Yeah. It's all --

-是的，這一切...

-Yeah, you guys are Larry Birding it, man,

是的，你們是拉里-伯德，夥計。

but I'm, like, you know...

但我一樣，你知道... ...

-Yeah. -I'm...

-是的 我...

-Kurt Rambis? -Who's...

庫爾特-蘭比斯？-誰是...

Is he number 12? Like, I don't know.

他是12號嗎？我不知道

I don't know who's number -- Tom Brady.

我不知道誰的號碼 湯姆・布雷迪。

-Tom Brady. -Okay.

-湯姆・布雷迪湯姆・布雷迪 -好的

-Yeah, there you go.

-是的，你去那裡。

-Well, when I dip, you dip, we will.

-好吧，當我浸泡的時候，你浸泡，我們會的。

-We'll find out Thursday who wins the dip-off.

-週四我們就會知道誰贏了這場比賽。

Yeah. And the winner also gets a bowl.

贏家還能得到一個碗。贏家還可以得到一個碗。

A -- I'm not going to say a crystal bowl,

A--我不會說是一個水晶碗。

but maybe a cubic zirconia.

但也許是立方氧化鋯。

As long as you know in your heart that it's -- that you won,

只要你心裡清楚，你會贏的。

you don't need to have the actual crystal.

你不需要有真正的水晶。

-Yeah, I feel like everybody wins, right?

-是的，我覺得大家都會贏，對吧？

-Well, no.

-嗯，沒有。

Sadly, the rules state that there is

遺憾的是，規則規定，有

one clear winner in this.

一個明顯的贏家在這。

And whoever wins gets a dip bowl.

誰贏了，誰就能得到一個蘸醬碗。

-I hear that, man. Well, sorry. -Yeah.

-我聽到了，夥計嗯，對不起-是啊

-Make room for Dipset, 'cause here we come.

-給Dipset騰出空間，因為我們來了.

-Did you ever hear that story?

-你聽過這個故事嗎？

I think it was Deion Sanders said that

我想是迪昂-桑德斯說的。

he doesn't wear diamond earrings.

他不戴鑽石耳環。

-Oh, yeah, he wears all, yeah, fake jewelry.

-哦，是的，他戴的都是，是的，假首飾。

-Yeah. Cubic zirconia.

-是的是的。 -立方氧化鋯。

He goes, "Because I know I can afford it,

他走了，"因為我知道我買得起。

but I just don't want to lose it."

但我就是不想失去它。"

-Yeah, true.

-是的，沒錯

-So that's kind of the same with our dip bowl.

-所以這和我們的蘸醬碗是一樣的.