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  • Excellent

  • So... now is the time to move those bones

  • scratch those itches, cough those coughs,

  • in a minute or two's time we begin this evening's talk.

  • So, okay, here we go.

  • So I'll try to give a talk which is relevant

  • sometimes to some which has happened to me recently

  • and yesterday I was doing an interview for

  • a guy doing a thesis in psychology

  • at one of our local universities.

  • And he was talking about something which keeps

  • coming up again and again and again -

  • people who have got low self esteem..

  • And how does that really tie in with the idea

  • in Buddhism of no self at all?

  • So the title of this talk today is "no-self esteem" [laughs]

  • But working it out in a brilliant, brilliant, beautiful way.

  • But in brief I was saying, that you just can't move

  • from people who've got <u>low</u> self esteem,

  • how feel they're hopeless, they're useless,

  • they're a failure, they're not good enough,

  • to move from that, straight to this incredibly wonderful idea

  • of non-self in Buddhism.

  • You can't just make that jump.

  • You've got to go through the stepping stone of

  • no self esteem, to feeling good about yourself,

  • and then from feeling good about yourself,

  • to feeling good about your no-self. [laughs]

  • And that's actually how it usually works.

  • But it comes up again and again and again.

  • I'm sure that many people here feel they're not good enough,

  • they should be better, that happens over in Boddhinyana monastery,

  • and probably in the nun's monastery as well.

  • People think they aren't good enough,

  • they've got low self-esteem.

  • My goodness, if anyone should have low self-esteem,

  • it's me. I'm a total failure in life.

  • I'm over sixty years of age and I've got no superannuation.

  • No bank accounts, no assets, no visible means of support.

  • That's what happens sometimes when you go to

  • government agencies, and they say what means

  • of support have you got? I say - nothing - I'm totally

  • poor, I'm under, totally under, the poverty level.

  • That's why I sometimes like going to government departments.

  • You know, when you go to government departments,

  • they ask you all these questions and it's really

  • easy to put no, no, no, no, no. And that really confuses

  • the hell out of them. They don't know what to do with you

  • because you've go no marriage license, you've got no property,

  • you don't own a car, you haven't got a drivers license,

  • no marriage certificate. You don't exist. [laugh]

  • You're totally off the scale being a monk or a nun

  • in our modern world because everything which they

  • measure you by, you don't qualify.

  • That's why I love going to government departments

  • and they get very upset with me.

  • So anyway, but, I've got, have I got self-esteem,

  • no-self esteem or whatever it is, I certainly

  • haven't got low self esteem.

  • You know when we first came to Australia, that was

  • 28 years ago, as monks.

  • You'd never get so many people come to a talk like this.

  • You'd be lucky if you get 5 come to a talk.

  • That's at the beginning and maybe half of those

  • would leave, or maybe more,

  • before the talk was finished, and the other

  • two were fast asleep. [laughter]

  • So in those days it was very tough and in those

  • days people weren't used to men walking around in dresses,

  • which is what I looked like.

  • They weren't used to you. And so many times

  • people would criticise you, and they'd shout at you,

  • and they would even once they threw stones at me.

  • And that was over in Bunbury beach many years ago.

  • These kids - I was just meditating there, minding my own

  • business - and this stone came whizzing past my ears.

  • Very good they were bad shots, but as they got closer

  • and closer, I thought I better do something.

  • So I just stood up and turned around.

  • And there were these kids.

  • For those of you who were old enough, that was when

  • the orange people were here.

  • They thought I was an orange person,

  • fair enough mistake, this is pretty orange.

  • But I actually started walking to them, and it's

  • amazing, when you face people who do things like that, as soon

  • as I started walking <u>towards</u> them, they started running away. [laughs]

  • There was about six or seven kids there, and they

  • could have easily beaten me up,

  • but just the confidence there was enough to get them to scatter.

  • And I just rushed after them, caught them up,

  • and said "Look, why are you throwing stones? I'm a Buddhist monk".

  • "Ohh, you're a Buddhist monk, sorry! We thought

  • you were an orange person. Buddhist monks are cool." [laughter]

  • So we had a nice conversation about Buddhist afterwards.

  • But sometimes you do get criticised like that,

  • you do get put down, but as a monk you don't

  • lose your self esteem. Somebody called me up from,

  • where was it, today, a visitor or something, I can't remember.

  • They said their son was being bullied at school,

  • bullying is a big thing. And they said

  • a little teaching which really helped them,

  • a very simple teaching, was that teaching which I took

  • back from Thailand, which means that you don't

  • listen to other people's criticisms.

  • It was that teaching, if somebody calls you a dog,

  • you look at your bottom to see if you've got a tail.

  • If you haven't got a tail, you're not a dog, it is the end of the problem.

  • And this actually happened because these bullies,

  • they called this kid a dog, and he would

  • remember the story, this was a kid at school,

  • remember the story, he looked at his bottom,

  • "sorry I haven't got a tail, I'm not a dog".

  • And those kids stopped bullying him after that.

  • Because he had some sense of confidence there.

  • They were just trying to press his buttons,

  • to make him upset, he decided not to allow his buttons

  • to be pressed, and you have the choice for that.

  • But why is it that people do have this sense of

  • low self esteem? Which becomes very very big problem

  • for many people. There's so many people who

  • think they're not clever enough, girls who

  • think they're not beautiful enough,

  • even though they are really gorgeous.

  • Guys who think they're not attractive enough,

  • even though they're really good people.

  • Why is it monks, who think they're not good enough

  • as a teacher; they're not good enough as a novice

  • or as a nun. Why do people think that way?

  • The reason is because in our society we have

  • this terrible thing about attaining for the highest,

  • have really high goals and expectations in life.

  • We see that on the advertisements - you haven't lived

  • until you've actually driven a....

  • Actually, I saw one of those new Triumphs

  • on the road the other day - 2.3 litre, you know,

  • motorbikes. Wow! You haven't lived until you've

  • gone on a 2.3 - the biggest engine on a motorbike

  • ever built! Wow, you haven't lived!

  • I was thinking about that, getting on one of those,

  • finding someone who's got one, and see if

  • they wanted to make some good karma. [laughter]

  • But you know it's not good - a monk going

  • on a motorbike - and the reason is these

  • robes - that's the trouble. [laughter]

  • As soon you get any wind in them, they blow up,

  • and off you go like a balloon, like a parachute [laughter]

  • But anyway, the idea was there [laughs]

  • But why is that that people think they have to have

  • all these things to be <u>worth-while</u> in this world?

  • And that is one of the problems - our expectations are

  • just too high for ourselves, let alone of others.

  • So my buzzword for the last month to my monks,

  • to the people I teach internationally is please

  • <u>lower</u> your expectations..

  • And the beautiful thing - I don't <u>have</u> to be so

  • pretty, I don't <u>have</u> to be so strong,

  • I don't <u>have</u> to be so successful.

  • Oh, bliss at last, I can just be me!

  • Now that is a powerful teaching because where

  • do we get all these expectations from?

  • And you know a lot of the times it's not from

  • the people who really love us and care for us -

  • they just want us to be happy, that's all.

  • Yeah, if you're happy being a billionaire, fine.

  • But if you're not we can still love you.

  • Yeah, we're happy if you're very successful

  • in your career, but we love you nevertheless if

  • you're not. If you're a total failure your

  • loved ones love you nevertheless.

  • So you can lower your expectations and not try

  • so hard to meet these goals which other people

  • give you. Because sometimes when we have all

  • these expectations, now you tell your kids that,

  • because sometimes the sort of expectations

  • you give your kids - if you're not top of the class or

  • at least in the top five percent - you're not good enough.

  • Only one twentieth of kids can come up in the top

  • five percent. So you've got to have some kids

  • in the bottom half.

  • They're the very happy..they're the smart kids, I keep on saying

  • this, that as soon as you fail your first

  • examination at school then you're out of

  • there, you're free at last.

  • You're out of prison, because if you pass

  • the exam you have to go back to school next

  • year and do another exam. And then another

  • and another and another. So when you fail your first

  • exam - yeah! I'm free now!

  • I'm doing that because half the children in the

  • school will be in the bottom fifty percent.

  • So you've got a fifty-fifty chance that's your

  • children. Please love them to bits.

  • They don't <u>have</u> to be good at school.

  • As anyone who's read that wonderful book by

  • Daniel Coleman - who is a Buddhist - the

  • emotional intelligence - people are successful

  • not because they do well at school, not

  • because they come in the top ten, fifteen, twenty,

  • fifty percent. Because they're emotionally intelligent,

  • they feel loved, they feel accepted, they have

  • self-esteem because that comes from their parents,

  • never criticising them, never pulling them down,

  • never feeling they have to attain what is beyond

  • their abilities. They feel that they are worthwhile.

  • Those are the people who become successful in life.

  • So for goodness sake stop imbuing your children with

  • what will later be their low self-esteem because they

  • are in that bottom fifty percent who don't do so well.

  • Even bottom fifty percent, even the bottom seventy

  • percent you feel a failure. You feel a failure

  • if you're not the top, if you're not the most beutiful,

  • if you're not the most successful in life.

  • Come on. You can be real that you have to learn

  • how to lower expectations, to learn how to be

  • yourself and then you are successful.

  • Then you have the happiness in life.

  • So instead of asking too much of people,

  • especially asking too much of yourself,

  • we have this wonderful openness of character to

  • love ourselves for who we are.

  • That famous "opening the door of your heart to

  • yourself no matter who you ever be".

  • Now a lot of times you can't get that from others,

  • because others will always be criticising you

  • when you don't meet the goal. If you meet the

  • goal they set the goal higher for you.

  • And they think that's really encouraging you

  • to achieve more in life. The so-called persuit of

  • excellence is just the pursuit of stress and an

  • early death through heart attack. And you don't

  • really want to follow that course, do you, in

  • this life? That's one of the reasons why such

  • a stressful life. Is that really what excellence

  • truly is? With all these achievements, and

  • all these honours, and all these possessions which

  • you have, is that really achievements in life?

  • Is that excellence? Or is excellence being at

  • peace with yourself, being able to go sleep at

  • night with no feeling that you've failed today.

  • At the end of the year, not feeling that you're

  • a hopeless case.

  • Is that worth so-called pursuit of material excellence?

  • Or is it much better to have this wonderful

  • emotional intelligence where you can love yourself for

  • who you are. When you realise you don't

  • <u>have</u> to be successful to feel at peace.

  • You don't have to meet all these goals which

  • other people put on you. That is why my

  • job as a teacher is to take away all those goals.

  • To tell people you don't <u>have</u> to be

  • the most beautiful, you don't <u>have</u> to be

  • the most rich. I've been telling this over in

  • Singapore and Malaysia to all the youth groups

  • which I teach. I tell the boys, please never marry a beautiful girl.

  • Because if you marry a beautiful woman, other

  • boys will be looking at her and you'll be jelaous

  • for the rest of your life. Marry an ugly one and

  • you'll never be jealous, because no other boy

  • look at her. [laughter] And if you're a girl

  • never marry a rich boy because if he's rich

  • he'll be able to afford a mistress [laughter].

  • Marry a poor boy and he will never be able to afford

  • another wife, you have him all for yourself. [laughs]

  • By saying things like that it gives all of the ugly

  • girls and poor boys a big boost of esteem [laugher].

  • I don't have to be rich to get a girl!

  • I don't have to beautiful to get a boy!

  • I can just be myself.

  • And you know, adding to that, when I do teach these

  • youth groups, especially these young people who

  • are starting out looking for a partner in their life,

  • a lot of times they say, look, just being beautiful,

  • being rich, that's not really important.

  • What people really find attractive is being confident.

  • Because when you're confident, you can have good fun,

  • you can relax, you're a person who's not really

  • stressed out trying to prove themselves to others.

  • Many people find that incredibly attractive.

  • Confidence, being at ease, being fun.

  • You don't get that by just being beautiful,

  • or being rich, you get that because of your

  • emotional intelligence. Basically, you're accepting

  • yourself as you are. Now in Buddhism,

  • especially in meditation, we have this beautiful little phrase

  • we say to ourselves - "good enough".

  • So in our life, we say it's good enough,

  • our monasteries they're good enough,

  • this hall here is good enough,

  • yeah it could be better, sometimes we fantasise about

  • how we could improve this hall for you so on

  • a Friday night you could be more comfortable.

  • You could have this electronic digital meditation

  • cushion - you press a button to make it sort-of come

  • up and become more fluffy. Another button to make it harder.

  • You could have it like electronically warmed.

  • You could even have it with a press of a button

  • you get a capuccino on the side or a latte [laughter]

  • in case you have sloth and torpor and feel tired,

  • you can have a quick cup of coffee [laughs]

  • So you can have all these ideas - but no - this is good enough.

  • Because when it's good enough, it means you can

  • just appreciate it, you don't have to go criticising and

  • thinking it has to be different.

  • And this hall is good enough..

  • And now your job - yeah you could get more money,

  • but if you get more money, you'd have to work harder,

  • that's the big problem. That's my problem in life - too many

  • people listen to my talks, so I want to try get rid of

  • more of you, because I'm too busy. I get all these

  • invitations. This evening somebody just came back

  • from Sri Lanka. Lucky, and you were telling me - oh you have

  • to go to Sri Lanka - people are missing you over there!

  • You have to go! You have to go!

  • I'm getting fed up with going in these aircraft all the time

  • and travelling around. I'm old, I want to rest!

  • I want to retire! Not go to, I want to go to the opposite

  • of charm school. If anybody wants to donate to me going

  • to un-charm school so I can be more mean and miserable [laughs]

  • and have a more peaceful life.

  • But no, it's good enough.. So during

  • the meditation, people are taking photographs

  • of me, like now look, why are you taking photographs

  • of me for? I'm old, fat, and ugly! [laughter]

  • That's good enough [laughter]

  • So please don't take too many photographs,

  • because when I was in Indonesia, people were telling

  • me that beautiful monument, Borobudur,

  • this incredible beautiful monument. It was built

  • six hundred, seven hundred years ago, it's a national

  • treasure, this old Buddhist monument.

  • People are taking so many photographs of it that

  • it's actually wearing out. So please, I'm wearing out too

  • [laughs] because too many photographs and all these lights on.

  • But no, no, being serious, you don't have to be anything

  • to have self-esteem. You are good enough.

  • You can make mistakes. You don't always have to perform

  • to the highest. Look, I said in the early years,

  • when I first came here, my talks were terrible.

  • People would actually walk out of the talks.

  • And I remember this one lady she's running our

  • Buddhist fellowship over in Singapore. Just to see

  • she went into the library, and got the oldest talk she

  • could find of mine, from the library, she

  • listened to it, and she said that was the worst talk

  • I've ever heard in my life. [laughs]

  • And it was right - it was a bad talk.

  • Because you just learn on the job.

  • I remember once giving a talk to a group of Thai

  • people. And they travelled all the way from Thailand

  • to visit this place and to give some donations and they

  • wanted a talk in Thai - so I gave them a talk in Thai.

  • And after the talk in Thai, because I was in

  • Thailand for many years, I was fluent when I lived there.

  • They all said, wow, that was so impressive,

  • we've never heard a talk in Sanskrit before [laughter].

  • And I said, actually that was in Thai..

  • "Oh!" said the Thai people, we didn't know [laughs]

  • we thought it was.. [laughs] That's really a put down!

  • But look, would you lose your self-esteem as a result?

  • No for me, I thought that's wonderful, it's another

  • story I can tell to people to make them laugh.

  • So every time I make a mistake,

  • and do something stupid, I never think it is a reason

  • to lose my self esteem. Instead, I thought I'm a human being

  • I make mistakes, it's good enough.

  • What a wonderful thing it is to know that you can be wrong.

  • So please grab your right to be wrong.

  • You don't always have to do things in the perfect,

  • wonderful way. <u>Lower</u> your expectations.

  • Now I always expect during the meditation

  • at least I used to a few years ago,

  • that people would turn off their mobile phones

  • but I've lowered my expectations now, and as long as

  • there is not more than five calls I'm very very happy

  • during meditation [laughter]

  • Otherwise you get angry and upset, and it'll spoil

  • your whole day. But no, instead we lower expectations

  • and then we can have much more fun and

  • happiness when mistakes do happen in life,

  • when you make a mistake, you never feel that

  • it's some failure in yourself, that mistakes are

  • part of life, and we celebrate those mistakes

  • rather than thinking that we are a failure.

  • So you come here and you're hopeless, and I will

  • always tell you, very good. When people come up here

  • and they say, they've just robbed a bank, and I say

  • very good, ten percent to the nun's monastery [laughter]

  • No, I don't say that. If you said, you were just, uh,

  • meditating and you fell fast asleep, I say

  • very good. In fact I've learnt the word very good

  • in so many languages now. It's "bahu bahondai" in Sinhala,

  • "bagu sakali", that's over in Bahasa Indonesia, or

  • "manto mantong" I think that's in Sulawesi dialect.

  • Because that's a wonderful word to learn,

  • "very good". You know I don't know, "di mark"

  • in Thai, or "di lai", that's in Laotian,

  • I don't know how to say very bad except

  • in English. I don't learn that word, I don't

  • want to know it thank you very much.

  • Because that way whatever people do or say,

  • I say very good. And that way you're building

  • up people's confidence so they feel at ease with

  • themselves because at least I'm at ease with

  • you, I respect you no matter who you are.

  • And that's not just with you guys, I go in to prisons,

  • and people tell me that they've done this terrible crime,

  • I say "very good". And that really spins them out.

  • "What do you mean?"

  • Well I'll say you're a leader in your field,

  • there's never been a bank robber like you before,

  • it's amazing just [laughter] the skills which you. [laughs]

  • Because a lot of people in prison, they do have

  • this terrible lack of self esteem, which is one

  • of the reasons why they keep going back there.

  • Because they think they don't deserve to be free.

  • You get the idea here?

  • When you have lack of self-esteem, you punish yourself,

  • you can never be free. So as soon as I tell people

  • who've done terrible things, very good, what I'm

  • doing there is taking away the cause why they repeat

  • those bad things again. So if you go home this

  • weekend, and your husband says he's committed adultery,

  • he's slept with your best friend, please tell him,

  • "very good" [laughter].

  • That will spin him out [laughter]

  • "What the hell are you up to?"

  • What it really means there, what's going on here,

  • you're just, blows a few fuses in his brain,

  • so he can think, that's an amazing girl,

  • she's not going to get angry at me, well I'm

  • not going to go with that mistress, I'm going to

  • stay with her. Because a lot of time,

  • when you're allowed to make mistakes, number one

  • you're honest about them, as I've kept saying.

  • When you're not allowed to make mistakes,

  • we hide them, we're in denial, we don't admit them,

  • so we can never do anything about them.

  • You made a mistake, great! It's <u>allowed<u>.</u></u>

  • So don't use as losing your self esteem.

  • So what happens, you feel good about yourself.

  • You feel you're okay, you feel that you're not

  • some person in this world, who's somehow or other,

  • when you were made, that some parts were left out.

  • When you feel part of this world, when you feel

  • that you belong in this world, that's what we call

  • the self esteem, you're good enough.

  • You've lowered the expectations, you don't expect

  • to be perfect, you are who you are, and you belong.

  • And you are welcome. That's why we don't really have

  • a dress code when we come to this place.

  • Sometimes people try to impose one.

  • But you can come dressed whatever you like.

  • Except me, I've got a dress code. I have to wear these

  • robes because I'm a monk. We don't really have

  • bouncers at the door, keeping out the riff-raff.

  • All you riff-raff are welcome [laughs] in this hall.

  • So that's this beautiful openness.

  • When people feel welcome and they feel respected, that's where

  • all this lack of self-esteem vanish.

  • Isn't that what people want in this world,

  • to be respected, to be understood?

  • Yes, I'm not the best, yeah I'm a monk who keeps telling

  • the same jokes and stories every week,

  • but that's who I am. So you're at peace with yourself.

  • There's one story I haven't told for a long time which

  • I remembered today - and that was the story of the

  • two carrots. You remember this [laughs].

  • This is a golden oldie.

  • So once there were these two carrots and they

  • were walking down the road in St George's Terrace,

  • which is one of the main streets here in Perth.

  • And as they were walking down talking to each other,

  • minding their own business, one of these drunk drivers

  • lost control of the car, the car went up on the

  • pavement and hit one of the carrots.

  • And the carrot was badly injured. The other carrot

  • rang zero zero zero. The ambulance came, straight

  • in the back with his friend, the other unhurt carrot

  • with him, straight to Royal Perth Hospital,

  • straight to the emergency room, straight to triage.

  • They realised this carrot was badly injured so they

  • took him in to the surgery. And his friend,

  • if ever you've been waiting in the emergency rooms,

  • in waiting rooms rather in hospitals, it's so tense,

  • you don't know what's going to happen.

  • After three hours the doctor came out, the surgeon,

  • and said, your friend Mr Carrot, I've got some good news

  • and bad news for you. The good news is your

  • friend, the carrot who was injured, he's going

  • to live, he's going to survive, but the bad news,

  • he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life! [laughter]

  • I just can't say that with a straight face [laughter]

  • One of my favourite jokes.

  • He's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life.

  • So I can't even tell a joke properly, but I'm

  • not going to lose my self-esteem for that.

  • So you can see that when you're at ease with yourself,

  • it means that you have your self-esteem,

  • but then you take that a little bit further, and make

  • it more full, going in the same direction,

  • by having this wonderful no-self

  • ..esteem. I had a pause there, it's not no self-esteem,

  • it's no-self esteem, valuing that you don't <u>own</u>

  • these things. I don't own my mistakes.

  • Because if I own my mistakes, I keep on remembering them,

  • and I remember all the terrible things which I did,

  • and all the hopeless things I did.

  • And the idea of no-self, instead of using it

  • as a philosophy, it's used as a practical means to say

  • what do you really own, what do you possess?

  • And this is a terrible thing about, when people make

  • mistakes <u>or</u> they're successful in life,

  • they tend to own those attainments, and they

  • own those failures. And that is where the Buddhist idea

  • of no-self - you don't own anything.

  • Was that really you, who did that mistake many many

  • years ago? Was that really <u>you</u> who did that amazing

  • wonderful thing, which you're so proud of,

  • and you're honoured by?

  • And a lot times you look back and if you own it,

  • <u>that</u> is where the trouble comes.

  • That is where people, they lose this lack of self-esteem,

  • and they get self-esteem, and that goes this terrible

  • thing as pride and arrogance.

  • That's where you get monks like me, coming up here

  • and saying, "I'm so humble. Oh, my humility, there's no

  • monk in the whole world as humble as I am.

  • In fact I have applied to the Guinness Book of Records,

  • to be entered as the most humble monk in the world" [laughs]

  • I say, if you're humble, you should flaunt it. [laughter]

  • Now you can see some people actually do get arrogance,

  • and that arrogance there, you know, if you think

  • I'm an arrogant guy, in the latest edition of the

  • Enlightened Times, there's a picture of me working on

  • the roof of the Jhana Grove. I actually get down there

  • and dirty, was mixing concrete the other day,

  • two or three days ago. I was a bit upset because

  • it almost happened again, that story which I love telling,

  • of when I was mixing concrete some years ago,

  • and this Sri Lankan lady came.

  • And, you know, a very high-class Sri Lankan lady.

  • Fortunately, we don't get any of that level here [laughs] in the centre

  • apparently. Because, dressed in a really really nice sari,

  • very expensive, lots of make up, and when you have

  • a high-class Sri Lankan girl, they wear all these bangles.

  • And there were so many bangles, kling-klang-klong,

  • it sounded like what I call an ice-cream truck coming to the monastery.

  • [laughter] And you Sri Lankans, know what I mean.

  • And when she saw me, I'd just come from the building site,

  • so I had cement all over me, spluttered on my face,

  • all over my robes. I looked real mess, like labourers

  • on building sites. You can't be smart when you've

  • just been building. And she came up to me and said,

  • "I'm looking for Ajahn Brahm."

  • And I'm very smart, I said straight away,

  • "Um, madam if you go to the hall there, he'll probably

  • be down there again in about five or ten minutes."

  • So she went to hall, I had a quick shower,

  • changed my robes to clean ones, went down there

  • and talked to her. You know, she didn't know

  • I was the same monk. [laughter] Because afterwards,

  • and this is a true story, afterwards she told me, she said,

  • "that was a wonderful talk, you've got a beautiful monastery

  • here but if you don't mind me criticising one thing,

  • on the way here I saw one of your monks, he

  • was very badly dressed, it's inappropriate for a monk

  • to be badly dressed like that." And I said,

  • "Oh, I will talk to that monk...later" [laughter]

  • She didn't know it was the same one.

  • So sometimes you're up there in front of thousands

  • of people, and sometimes you're getting dirty,

  • down there in the mud and the grime of a building site.

  • And I really love doing that because otherwise,

  • but sometimes I ask myself - who is the real Ajahn Brahm?

  • <u>Neither</u> is because you don't own any of those.

  • If you own the famous person you get proud.

  • If you own the person who's always down there in

  • the dirt building, then you get low self-esteem.

  • That's when you don't own any of these things,

  • that's when you have no-self...esteem.

  • None of these things are you.

  • When you don't define yourself as anything,

  • you have no more limitations.

  • The sky, or the trenches, they are the limit.

  • You can do anything when you don't have a sense

  • of self, an ego, and who you are supposed to be.

  • It's a great thing being a monk. You are totally

  • free of all of this status. You see the robe which

  • I wear, and the robe which the next monk wears,

  • they look the same. We don't have little stripes on our sides

  • to say how senior we are. We don't have little pips on

  • our side and on the shoulders to say who is the most

  • senior monk and who is the most junior.

  • This is why we don't have that status, because

  • we don't want to own anything. When you don't own

  • your attainments or your failures, when you don't own

  • the crime you committed many years ago,

  • this is for the prisoners, that's not you, don't own it.

  • Because if you own it, you become it.

  • When you become it, you repeat it.

  • Even, I do repeat myself very often, but these stories

  • they just come in. And that was that story of going

  • to the Singapore Institute of Mental Health,

  • just giving a presentation, being praised by one

  • of the heads of department of the schizophrenia unit.

  • And just inviting me back to his unit in this big complex,

  • and asking him on the way, how do you treat schizophrenia?

  • And he says, I don't treat schizophrenia.

  • And this is the head, of the unit, which deals with all cases

  • in that island, and many from overseas.

  • He says, "I don't treat schizophrenia".

  • "Well, what do you do?"

  • He said, "I treat the other part of the patient." Brilliant.

  • Otherwise, you're telling that person, that patient,

  • they're going to own their schizophrenia,

  • they are a schizophrenic.

  • That is not going to solve the problem, actually

  • that, I know this is not really what schizophrenics are,

  • but there was a good Buddhist joke.

  • What does a Buddhist schizophrenic aim for in life?

  • He wants to be two with the universe. [laughter]

  • Now that's not absolutely true, schizophrenics

  • are not like that, but it's a very good joke.

  • It's a Buddhist joke. Most people want to be one

  • with the universe.

  • Okay. So I apologise to all people who sometimes suffer

  • schizophrenic episodes, but, it's a good joke though. [laughs]

  • But when you own that problem, that's when it really

  • is a problem. So the idea of no-self esteem is, this isn't me,

  • I don't own this, this is an episode which happens

  • from time to time. But it's not me, I don't own it.

  • The crime, the mistake, which I did, I don't <u>own</u> that.

  • Which means it's more easy to <u>let it go<u>.</u></u>

  • Why is it that these things which happened to you,

  • or which you did yourself in the past, why is

  • it so hard to move away from it?

  • Why is it that it tends for these bad experiences

  • to almost be pursuing you, just like one of these

  • what is it the person who keep following, uhh,

  • the sexual predators..stalkers! Like stalker,

  • that's the word I was looking for, thank you.

  • You see even I sort-of forget sometimes,

  • but I'm very happy that I forget at my age that's

  • doing pretty good.

  • So these stalkers, it's like the past is a stalker

  • which keeps coming up. Why is it we can't let it go?

  • And a lot of time it's not the stalker's problem,

  • it's not the past acts, it's because we think we own that.

  • And the idea of no-self esteem, is esteem in that fact that

  • you don't own these things. The only thing you really

  • own is your present. That's the only thing you possess

  • and have in this life. If you think you own the past

  • you can't let it go, if you think you own the future

  • you'll always be worried and anxious about it.

  • When you realise the only thing you ever have is

  • what's right in front of you right now,

  • this present moment, that's what we call no-self esteem.

  • Esteemy, yes I agree with you [laughter]

  • So this is working from low self-esteem to

  • high self-esteem to then to no-self esteem.

  • So you kids if you fail an exam, don't worry about it,

  • that wasn't really you was it?

  • How many times have you said to yourself when you

  • make a mistake, "oh I wasn't feeling myself today"?

  • Excellent. Carry on. Every time [laughs] you make a mistake,

  • "oh that wasn't the real me."

  • There's an old Sufi story of actually how to have high

  • self-esteem, and that was this, sometimes people think

  • there is no wisdom in Islam, but in the Sufi tradition of

  • Islam, it's brilliant, it's really close to Buddhism.

  • And in that tradition, there was this guy Nasrudin,

  • you've got some great stories of this guy Nasrudin.

  • He was this Mullah in Persia, before it became Iran.

  • And one day he had his students, and he took them

  • to a fair just as a reward for all their hard studies.

  • And at these old fairs, like the Royal Show here in Perth,

  • they had all these stalls and competitions and being

  • a long time ago they had an archery competition,

  • just like you may have a shooting competition,

  • this was archery and for a couple of dollars you

  • can get three arrows and if you hit the bull

  • you get a little teddy bear or something.

  • And so this <u>master</u> , this religious leader,

  • gave a couple of dollars in front of all his students

  • and said okay I'll have a go, it's only shooting arrows,

  • anybody can do that. And even though his students,

  • adviced - you don't know what you're doing,

  • you'll make a fool of yourself - nevertheless he

  • had a go. He put the arrow in the bow and shot it.

  • It only made half the distance, he'd never shot

  • a bow and arrow before. And because this was a very

  • important figure in the community people started

  • giggling. This leader was making an idiot of himself.

  • And so he took his next arrow, and the students said,

  • quit, get out of here, you're embarrassing us.

  • He said, "no, no, no, that was the shot of a hasty man".

  • So this time he took more time. He put the arrow in

  • the bow, he pulled it much further back and this

  • time it made the distance but about a hundred foot

  • to the left, it almost killed bystanders [laughter].

  • And he turned around and said, "that was the shot of

  • an arrogant man." And he put the bow in the third time,

  • and people were gigging and laughing at this idiot

  • trying to shoot an arrow. And this time he pulled the

  • arrow back, and he shot the arrow,

  • and it went right into the middle of the target.

  • And as he claimed his prize, a teddy bear,

  • they said, "well, if the first shot was a shot of a hasty

  • man, and the second shot was the shot of an arrogant

  • man, who was the third shot?"

  • He said "oh, that was me". [laughter]

  • Now you understand no-self esteem.

  • So if you have no self, if you don't own anything,

  • you can actually choose which one of those

  • you want to be. When you have a self, you are locked

  • in to this idea of who you think you are.

  • "I can't do maths at school", "I am ugly",

  • "I am schizophrenic". If you lock yourself in to that

  • then there's no freedom. If you let go of all of those

  • judgements, then you are free, you can be whoever

  • you want to be. That is my trick as a monk,

  • I can be the labourer, I can be the comedian,

  • I can be the person who does..ummm, funeral

  • services where I have to stop telling jokes.

  • You can be whatever you are and then you are free,

  • free to enjoy whatever life brings you in this moment.

  • So that is actually how we make the movement

  • from low self-esteem to self-esteem, eventually

  • to no self-esteem. You can be whoever, make mistakes,

  • do successful things, it's all the same.

  • Thank you for listening.

  • And sorry for the carrot joke.

  • Here we go...and also please we have three questions

  • at the end of every talk but a couple of weeks ago

  • during the meditation on a Saturday afternoon,

  • there was one guy sitting in here and he routed

  • his question via Indonesia so it came on the thing here

  • "John from Indonesia" when he was actually sitting

  • right in front [laughter], so please be honest.

  • "Ajahn Brahm", this is Chami from Melbourne

  • in Australia. "Ajahn Brahm, when bad things keep

  • on happening one after the other, how can anyone feel

  • strong under such circumstances and not feel helpless?"

  • They don't keep happening, bad one after another!

  • You have just asked a nice question, and you're

  • listening to your answer. A good thing has happened,

  • you get your question answered. We've broken the spell.

  • So the thing is our perception is, bad things happen

  • one after the other, but the truth of the matter is

  • that many good things happen as well.

  • Why is it that we pay attention only to the bad things

  • which happen? A lot of times we teach to change your

  • perceptions, and you'll find, yes, some bad things

  • happened to you today, but also many good things

  • happened as well, but we only remember the bad

  • things. It's the old story Chami, of the two chicken

  • farmers, again a golden oldie, but this is

  • the answer to your question, Chami.

  • Two chicken farmers, first chicken farmer

  • goes into the shed early in the morning with a

  • basket to collect the produce of the night before.

  • They go into the shed and they fill their basket full of

  • chicken shit. And they leave the eggs in the shed to rot.

  • They bring the shit back into their house and it makes

  • a smell - their family is very upset at them.

  • The second chicken farmer takes a basket into the shed,

  • and fills it full of eggs. They leave the shit in the shed

  • to rot, to become fertiliser later on.

  • They take the eggs back into the house where

  • they make and omelette for their family,

  • sell the rest of the eggs in the market for cash.

  • That's the smart chicken farmer.

  • The meaning of that story is, Chami, when you remember

  • your past, what do you put into the basket and take

  • home with you? If we keep remembering the bad things

  • which happen to us in life, we are shit collectors [laughs].

  • Leave the bad things in the past to rot.

  • Collect the eggs. There's many wonderful things which

  • happen to you Chami, beautiful things.

  • You put those in your basket and bring them home

  • with you, bring them into the present moment with you.

  • And leave the shit in the past to rot.

  • And then you find that actually many wonderful things

  • do happen to you, but you're leaving them in the past,

  • you're forgetting about them.

  • And that's why we come under the impression that

  • only bad things keep happening, they don't.

  • Wonderful things happen as well, remember those and

  • then we get a balanced view in life. We keep the

  • beautiful eggs because you can't make an

  • omelette out of chicken shit.

  • Next is Usitta from Sri Lanka, "Dear Ajahn Brahm,

  • how can karma exist if self does not exist?"

  • If you understand there is no self left, then

  • you are beyond the karma, you are enlightened,

  • and the karma will not send you to another rebirth.

  • But as long as you understand that there is a self,

  • if that's your perception, if that's your idea that you are,

  • then you'll make karma and suffer as a result.

  • So it's not if a self exists or not, if you think and act

  • and perceive a self exists, that is the problem.

  • Don't be philosophical. Usitta in Sri Lanka,

  • if you have any perception of a self, if you're not

  • fully enlightened, you have that perception,

  • therefore you're subject to karma.

  • If you're totally enlightened, you've realised that,

  • not just through a thought, but really realised that there's

  • nobody in here, you have no doubt about that,

  • it's an experience not just a philosophy then

  • you're beyond karma.

  • Question three, Sadi from New Zelealand,

  • "Dear Ajahn Brahm, as an artist I've lost confidence

  • in my work and I'm not sure how to revive it.

  • Please help me. Thank you!"

  • You know that most people, especially Sadi,

  • they become famous after they die [laughter].

  • That may be you. [laughter] So please if it is you please bequeath

  • all of your artwork to the nun's monastery in Perth [laughter].

  • We need the cash. [laughs]

  • That's interesting, why is it sometimes we lose

  • confidence and a lot of times, this may be, I haven't

  • seen your work Sadi, a lot of the times we look at the

  • work we see all the faults in it. Again because we are

  • the owner. Just like I mentioned a couple of weeks ago,

  • I go to Bodhinyana monastery, if I'm the abbot there,

  • I see all the things which are wrong with the place.

  • Just like your home, you go back to this evening,

  • you see all the things which need to be fixed up,

  • all the things which are wrong.

  • A visit never sees that.

  • They say "what a beautiful place this is".

  • Poor old Phil, where's he gone, he's the president

  • of this place, and so he sees all the things which

  • need to be fixed up. He's got this whole list of things

  • we're going to do to this place, especially the

  • community hall during the retreat period.

  • Paint it, change the roof here, put a new garden

  • over there. Can you see anything wrong with the place?

  • Because you're visitors, that's why.

  • The owners, we see all the things which are wrong.

  • So if you've an owner of your artwork, it'll

  • never be good enough. You'll only see the mistakes

  • in it, the faults. But if you're a visitor,

  • if somebody comes to see your artwork,

  • and they say, "that's beautiful, that's wonderful,

  • that's really impressive," believe them,

  • don't believe yourself.

  • So when people see your artwork, put it on show,

  • and when people say "wow, that's really interesting,"

  • they're the people to believe, not you, because

  • you're too close to it, you own it, you can't see

  • it's beauty. Same way as I couldn't see the beauty of

  • Bodhinyana monastery until I stopped owning it

  • and looked at it as a visitor. You can't see the

  • beauty in yourself, until you look at yourself

  • like other people look at you.

  • And then "wow, I'm actually okay."

  • You know that many monks, I got over this,

  • when they first come and give talks they can't

  • believe, like the nuns, they can't believe that

  • so many people come and listen to them.

  • It's an amazing thing, if you say

  • "I'm actually wise, people want to listen to me"

  • just like the artist, after a while you think,

  • "wow, I can actually paint, I can create,

  • I can do something which people want to buy."

  • Then you get your confidence, not from what <u>you</u> think

  • about your artwork, but seeing your artwork through

  • the eyes of a visitor. Then you get confidence in it.

  • It's amazing, this is absolutely true, that each one of you

  • when you come in here, I can only see the beauty

  • and good in you. When people come and they sort-of tell

  • me all their faults, and they can't find a partner in life,

  • and their career is really bad, and they've invested

  • and lost all their money, and bla bla bla,

  • and they feel so bad and down about themselves.

  • I say, "You're a really nice guy, you're a great girl.

  • What are you worried about?" I can see that.

  • And if only they could see what I could see in

  • themselves, then they would have their confidence.

  • If only the artist, Sadi from New Zealand, could see

  • what other people see in your artwork, you would

  • have confidence and realise, this beautiful work,

  • carry on. So it's actually seeing through the eyes

  • of another rather than your own eyes.

  • And no-self esteem. Many people like you, you have

  • many friends, you have great times together.

  • So why can't you accept that, rather than thinking,

  • "Oooh, I'm hopeless, ohhh I'm terrible, oooh

  • I can't do anything right, ooh.."

  • No. You can do many things right.

  • So anyway those are the answers for one, two and three,

  • I hope they're okay, I don't care if they're not,

  • [laughter], because I've got no-self esteem.

  • So any questions from here?

  • Any questions from the audience here? Give you

  • guys a chance as well so you don't have to re-route

  • your questions through Saudi Arabia or somewhere. [laughter]

  • Okay, so thank you all for listening to the talk about

  • no-self esteem.

  • There is a sutta class on Sunday.

  • But I'm a afraid it won't be from me,

  • it'll be Ajahn Appi's doing a sutta class on Sunday,

  • and a meditation tommorrow, because, oh it's

  • really hard work, I've got to fly all the way

  • to Frankfurt to teach a retreat, it's very tough

  • life being a monk [laughter].

  • So I'm going to Frankfurt on the weekend, because

  • there's lots of people in Germany also want to have some

  • meditation so I'm going to teach a retreat over there.

  • I don't carry any bags, so I've got thirty kilos of

  • free luggage. If anyone is under thirty kilos of weight,

  • [laughter], I could get you in my suitcase and

  • you could go to Europe for free. [laughs]

  • Unfortunately you're too heavy.

  • Okay, so let's just pay respects to Buddha,

  • Dhamma, Sandha and then we can go and do whatever

  • we want to do.

  • Araham samma-sambuddho bhagava

  • Buddham bhagavantam abhivademi.

  • Svakkhato bhagavata dhammo

  • Dhammam namassami.

  • Supatipanno bhagavato savakasangho

  • sangham namami.

  • [laughs] Good.

  • I'm still laughing at that carrot joke. [laughter]

Excellent

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A2 初級

"沒有自尊心 ('No-Self Esteem')

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    Hhart Budha 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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