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  • - Gosh darn, flim flarm, ding dang, gobbledyguk,

  • we gotta go back to PT-Bergy, H-E-double-hockey-sticks.

  • You know, Pennsylvania.

  • (majestic fanfare musical sting)

  • - Hello, I'm Doug Jones,

  • and today we're gonna talk about Lawnchair Larry.

  • - Cheers. - Cheers.

  • Our story begins in 1962.

  • A 13-year-old boy named Larry Walters

  • walks into an Army-Navy surplus store,

  • and amongst the Swiss Army knives

  • and the heavy duty flashlights,

  • he sees right before him a weather balloon.

  • Suddenly inspiration hits him like a bolt of lightning.

  • He says, oh my God,

  • if I had enough of these balloons, I could fly.

  • He graduates from high school

  • and enlists in the US Air Force,

  • but due to his poor eyesight, he's rejected

  • and this devastates him, but he says, you know what?

  • I'm not gonna let this stop me.

  • Fast forward to 1982.

  • Larry is now a 33-year-old truck driver,

  • and he still hasn't been able

  • to get this idea of flying out of his head.

  • Larry's driving his truck.

  • He hears an airplane.

  • He looks up and he's like, son of a bitch,

  • That's gonna be me someday.

  • Out of my way, asshole. (mimics horn honking)

  • (Derek laughing)

  • Let it out.

  • (Derek laughing)

  • So he brings his girlfriend, Carol,

  • into the very same Army-Navy surplus store

  • he went to as a kid, and he says,

  • I'm gonna buy a bunch of these balloons,

  • I'm gonna tie them to a lawn chair,

  • and then I'm gonna fly.

  • She says, you can't do that,

  • that's way too danger. (burps)

  • Excuse me.

  • That's way too dangerous.

  • He says, no, no, no, no, no, I know what I'm doing.

  • And Carol says, wow, okay, I'm in.

  • Takes out her credit card,

  • and spends over $4,000 on weather balloons,

  • a lawn chair, helium tanks, CB radio set, a BB pellet gun.

  • So, Larry lays out the plan, and he says,

  • okay, I'm gonna take off from your backyard in San Pedro.

  • I'm gonna fly over the San Gabriel Mountains.

  • When I reach an altitude of approximately 7,000 feet,

  • I'm gonna use the BB pistol to shoot out the balloons.

  • And then I'll gradually begin

  • my safe descent into the Mojave Desert.

  • Now, here's the important part.

  • Right before I take off,

  • you're gonna notify the FAA

  • so that I don't get hit by a plane.

  • I really don't wanna get hit by a plane.

  • I spilled on my nuts.

  • (Derek snorts)

  • So, July second, 1982, Larry establishes his ground crew,

  • which consists of his girlfriend, Carol, and his buddy, Ron.

  • He's like, hey, what's up?

  • I'm Ron.

  • They take 42 weather balloons and fill them with helium,

  • tie it to a aluminum lawn chair,

  • tie that to two dozen jugs water for ballast.

  • Larry christens his contraption Inspiration I.

  • And he's like, okay, it's go time, let's rock and roll.

  • They cut the first tether, suddenly Carol's like,

  • whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, wait a minute, Larry.

  • This is a big mistake.

  • Larry turns to Carol and says, baby,

  • I'm sorry, but a man can't just sit around.

  • (Derek laughing)

  • Right then and there, a gust of wind comes along

  • and the second tether snaps in half,

  • and Larry shoots off into the sky

  • at a thousand feet per minute.

  • Larry, uh, Carol freaks out.

  • Larry is up in the sky, and he's like,

  • oh my God, my greatest wish has come true.

  • Ron turns to Carol and says, my God, Carol,

  • we forgot to notify the FAA.

  • Oh my God, I'm so drunk. (Derek laughs)

  • So, Larry gets on his CB radio,

  • and he's like, (mics static) okay, I'm at 500 feet.

  • I am now entering federal airspace.

  • (mimics static) I am at 1,450 feet,

  • higher than the Sears Tower.

  • (mimics static) I am now at 6,500 feet,

  • I'm above the clouds.

  • At that very moment,

  • two commercial airline pilot (burps) flying by.

  • He's like, see the game last night?

  • That Fernando Valenzuela has one hell of an arm. (laughs)

  • That son of a bitch.

  • And then Larry's like, (Derek laughing)

  • (mimics stic) now I'm at 8,000 feet.

  • (heavy breathing) Oxygen becomes scarce at 8,500 feet.

  • He's like, when I was a teenager, I experienced Beatlemania,

  • but this is more like Fernandomania, am I right?

  • And then Larry's like, holy shit, oh my God.

  • I'm at 16,000 feet.

  • I'm three miles above sea level.

  • I thought I would stop at 7,000,

  • and now I am at two, double, two over double.

  • Oh God, dear God, oh, what have I done?

  • The pilot looks over, well, I'll be a son of a bitch.

  • (Derek laughs)

  • We got a guy on a lawn chair holding a gun.

  • Carol freaks out, she's like, Larry, you're too high.

  • You're gonna get in trouble.

  • But she's like, how's the view?

  • And he was like, it's nice, it's real good,

  • but you're right, it's time to come back down now.

  • He takes the BB pistol.

  • He shoots out, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew,

  • seven of the 42 weather balloons.

  • And then he sets the gun on his lap

  • and it falls into the sky, and it's gone,

  • and he's like, oh, my gun, whoa, no, oh no,

  • what am I gonna do now?

  • Well, as it turns out,

  • 35 weather balloons is the perfect amount of balloons

  • to make a safe and gradual descent into the land.

  • Inspiration I lands onto the power cords in Long Beach,

  • and knocking out the power in the entire neighborhood.

  • Carol runs up to him,

  • and Carol says, oh my God, thank God you're okay.

  • Gives him a big-ass hug and is like,

  • please tell me you're never gonna do that again.

  • He makes the evening news.

  • He never gets charged with anything.

  • The very next week,

  • Larry gets a special invitation to be a guest

  • on the "Late Night with David Letterman."

  • - [Derek] Wow.

  • - [Doug] Letterman says, wow, how does it feel to accomplish

  • something that you've always wanted to do?

  • And Larry says, I've achieved inner peace,

  • and I'm the happiest person alive today.

  • Taking me out of the space I was in

  • Making my wishes come true

  • Believe it or not, I'm walking on air

  • ♪ I never thought I could feel so free-ee-ee

  • Flying away on balloons in a chair

  • Who could it be

  • Believe it or not, it's Larry

  • - And that's now officially a parody, which is royalty-free,

  • so you can use this.

  • - To Larry Walters.

  • - Larry Walters. (glasses clink)

  • - Hi, my name is Laura,

  • my name is Laura Steinel, (lamp clinking)

  • and today, we're talking about Gordon Cooper.

  • The year is 1963, Gordon Cooper,

  • he's this military test pilot from Oklahoma.

  • NASA had just begun, and so, he was one

  • of seven astronauts chosen for the Project Mercury.

  • Also really chill, he was like,

  • please, call me Gordo, don't call me Gordon.

  • I'm not that official.

  • Right?

  • And so all these space missions go off without a hitch.

  • And NASA is like, we've done really well, congrats, NASA.

  • And they're patting themselves on the back,

  • and Gordo's like, guys, I totally get it,

  • like, that's really cool, like, pats on the back.

  • But if you want to send a man to the moon,

  • you should maybe see if someone could be in space for,

  • I don't know, 24 hours.

  • And NASA's like, ugh, yeah, I guess, Gus,

  • yeah, sure, Gus. - Gordo.

  • - Oh (bleep), sorry, I'm an idiot.

  • - [Derek] It's okay, you're fine.

  • - So Gordo goes on the launch pad.

  • And NASA be like, hey, just like really quick,

  • like, don't touch anything.

  • NASA would completely control everything.

  • It was so bad that the astronauts felt like spam in a can,

  • is what they referred to themselves as.

  • So anyway, well, he launches into space,

  • and he's like three, two, one, blastoff.

  • (Laura mimicking rocket exploding)

  • Are you shooting that?

  • Okay, good.

  • He gets up into space and everything's cool.

  • He's like, I'm orbiting the (bleep) Earth.

  • Oh, I'm sorry, or-

  • - [Derek] No can swear.

  • - No, my mom, I try, I'm not.

  • I'm gonna try not to swear.

  • So he's in space.

  • He sends back the first TV images of a human back to Earth.

  • He has a little powdered roast beef dinner.

  • He's just having a ball.

  • So he takes a nap, the first guy to ever sleep in space.

  • He wakes up and he's like, it's good to be Gordo.

  • And then he's like, oh (bleep), no, it's not because.

  • Beep, beep!

  • Oh (bleep), I have no stabilization unit.

  • Everyone on mission control is freaking out.

  • They're like, oh God, this doesn't look good.

  • And Gus Grissom was like, bro, I love you.

  • I'm gonna tell your wife you're a hero.

  • Gordo's like, no, stop it,

  • I'm gonna take control over the spaceship.

  • Gus is like, you're about to do something none,

  • that no one has ever done before.

  • And Gordo's like, yeah, no, I know,

  • so just shut the (bleep) up, Gus, I've got control.

  • And he starts to take over manual control.

  • But at that moment, he loses radio signal with Gus Grissom.

  • And so, he gets a radio signal over to his friend,

  • John Glenn, who's on the recovery boat over in Japan.

  • And he's like, John Glenn, hey, it's me, Gordo.

  • I have absolutely no power in my spacecraft.

  • And I just wanna get back home

  • because I'm a really chill guy, it's me, Gordo.

  • And he's like, okay, here's what we're gonna do.

  • And so, together, they go through this checklist.

  • Put this thing up, like, press this button.

  • There's all these things he needs to do.

  • But then Gordo's like, oh, (bleep), beep!

  • And his carbon dioxide meter's going off.

  • And it's like, beep, beep, you're (bleep)ed!

  • And he's like, oh my God, you're right,

  • I'm totally (bleep)ing (bleep)ed.

  • But no, but he's chiller than that.

  • No, hold on, he's way calmer than that.

  • John Glenn, look, my carbon dioxide meter's going off,

  • and it's like a hundred degrees in my cabin,

  • which means he's (bleep) dying.

  • But he's not being a Debbie Downer about it.

  • And he's like, I need to get to Earth,

  • but like, manual reentry had never been done before.

  • So if he enters the Earth's atmosphere too steep,

  • he's gonna blow up.

  • So he says, okay, there's the Big Dipper,

  • there's the Little Dipper, Gemini.

  • He draws an axis on the window,

  • and uses the constellations as his constant.

  • And he says, this is going to be my angle

  • at which I can enter Earth's atmosphere,

  • which I think is pretty incredible.

  • So John Glenn is like, okay, 10, nine, eight, seven, six.

  • Gordo's like, let's just like, do it, I'm ready.

  • So he fires, uh, eh, eh.

  • What does this mean? (laughs)

  • (Derek chuckling)

  • What's it called when there's fire coming out of stuff?

  • When it's like a fire, aw! (laughs)

  • He fires the rockets. (Laura mimics exploding)

  • He had a five-dollar wristwatch,

  • and that's what he used to figure out

  • how long to fire his rockets. (Laura mimics exploding)

  • Gordo is like, I'm entering the Earth's atmosphere!

  • (bleep)ing bravo to me!

  • - [Derek] Wait, oh.

  • (lamp clinking)

  • (Derek laughs)

  • - And he splashes down,

  • and he has the most accurate splashdown

  • ever in NASA history.

  • And so, he's so chill.

  • He's like, hey guys, I made it, I'm not surprised,

  • it's me, Gordo.

  • Big whoop.

  • Gordo changed the game.

  • - Great.

  • - He had a five-dollar wristwatch!

  • - Hello, this is Solomon Georgio.

  • And today, we're gonna be talking about Mr. Fred Rogers.

  • - Mm!

  • Won't you be my neighbor?

  • - Won't you be my neighbor?

  • - [Derek] I would be your neighbor.

  • - Aw. (laughs)

  • So, it starts in 1951, Fred McFeely Rogers.

  • He watches children's TV for the first time.

  • And for the most part, it's just slapstick,

  • guys throwing pies on each other's faces,

  • someone who's being pranked,

  • and whatever nonsense is happening.

  • And he's like, well, this is just garbage, hot garbage,

  • what are we watching?

  • And he was like, I wanna do this,

  • but I wanna do it for the kids.

  • And he actually got a job at NBC,

  • but they're like we gotta do commercials for cigarettes,

  • alcohol, alcohol, man, and cigarettes.

  • - Yeah. - All that fun stuff.

  • - [Derek] Let's make the kids like this.

  • - And he just got fed up and was like,

  • that's not good enough for me.

  • I gotta (bleep)ing go back to PT-Burg,

  • (bleep)-off Pennsylvania, and see how I can, what I can do.

  • - [Derek] I can't believe Mr. Rogers would swear.

  • - Oh, I'm pretty sure he was like, gosh darn,

  • flim flarm, ding dang, goobledyguck,

  • we gotta go back to PT-Burgy, H-E-double-hockey-sticks,

  • you know, Pennsylvania.

  • They get back to Pittsburgh,

  • and he starts working with WQED.

  • He gets an opportunity to have his own show.

  • And he's like, oh, that sounds wonderful.

  • Do you have any money?

  • And then they're like, (laughs) no.

  • So, figure that out.

  • And he was like, oh, great,

  • we gotta do something with this tight, tight budget.

  • Maybe we should just do puppets, puppets are tight.

  • Everybody loves puppets.

  • Then he's like, all right, we're going to call this

  • "Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood."

  • We got the puppets, we got the Land of Make-Believe,

  • we got Mr. McFeely, the weird postman

  • I named after my middle name.

  • And we're gonna make kids feel special.

  • And he does that.

  • And they started broadcasting

  • on the public broadcasting station.

  • And guess what he deals with again?

  • - What?

  • - Financial problems - Shit.

  • - He can't hide from them, they're everywhere.

  • All right, I need to do a fundraiser.

  • I guess I'll do a fundraiser in Boston.

  • That's a good place for fundraisers to happen.

  • And surprisingly, out of nowhere,

  • 10,000 people just show up.

  • - 10,000?

  • - 10,000 people, and that piqued the interest

  • of our president at the time, Mr. Lyndon B. Johnson.

  • - [Derek] Ooh, honestly, dope as hell.

  • - Hey, I wanna set up

  • the Corporation for Public Broadcasting.

  • You get to have $20 million.

  • So, Lyndon B. Johnson's like, peace.

  • And then Richard Nixon showed up, and he was like,

  • oh, the Vietnam War is happening.

  • I'm gonna cut the funding.

  • But before Nixon could take all that money away,

  • they had to have a Senate committee hearing

  • led by Rhode Island Senator John Pastore.

  • This is the one Mr. Rogers slides in,

  • like the part of me is like,

  • let's imagine Mr. Rogers just Moonwalking

  • into the committee hearing.

  • (Derek and Solomon laughing)

  • Mr. Rogers was like, this is what we do.

  • We look at kids and go, hey, you are legit a person,

  • and you have an importance in this world.

  • Also, your imagination is a brilliant thing

  • that you have going on in your head.

  • And we should develop it in this great, insane way.

  • He spoke the words of the song that he wrote

  • about what to do when you're mad.

  • He's like, well, what do you do when you're mad?

  • Do you wanna punch a wall?

  • You wanna rip your mama's hair out?

  • Do you wanna kick your kid sister in the face?

  • Well, and how about you just sing

  • this precious little song instead?

  • And John looked at him and was like,

  • (sighs) I am a rough, hard armadillo of a human man,

  • but you gave me goosebumps.

  • You gave me spine chills.

  • They were like, we get it, what you do is wonderful.

  • You deserve this $20 million,

  • we were dumb for even bringing you here, Mr. Rogers.

  • That day, PBS was legit saved,

  • they weren't losing any funding.

  • They were like, you are legit

  • the greatest thing ever happen to television.

  • You're doing such a great job

  • 'cause you're the best, and you're the best, and never stop.

  • If it wasn't for Mr. Rogers that day,

  • there would've been no "Sesame Street,"

  • there would've been no "Lamb Chop's Play-Along,"

  • there would have been no "Reading Rainbow."

  • It just, the list goes on and on and on and on and on.

  • He left behind several decades of some

  • of the best children's television programming ever

  • in the history of not only television, but the whole world.

  • - Humanity. - Humanity.

  • - To PBS! - To PBS!

  • - And Mr. Rogers. (glasses clink)

  • - And the good of humanity. - Amen.

  • (balloon farting)

  • (boy shrieks) (crew laughs)

  • - Hello. I'm Mike Still,

  • and today, we're gonna talk about Ernest Thompson Seton,

  • the founder of the Boy Scouts of America.

  • Cheers.

  • Ernest Thompson Seton was born to a really mean dad.

  • His life at home was awful.

  • So he ran out into the woods,

  • and it was a place that he could truly explore.

  • And he said, I am a human that exists among birds,

  • among beavers, among badgers, among animals.

  • He got to fantasize about being an Indian,

  • and he drew the most beautiful pictures of birds.

  • So in 1893, he meets his girlfriend's father, Fitz Randolph.

  • And he's like, we got all these problems out in New Mexico,

  • we got these wolves, they're killing us, all of our cattle.

  • They're getting out there, they're eating the cattle.

  • We just need someone to like help us out,

  • we just need someone.

  • And Ernest is like, I'll do it.

  • No problem.

  • He spent a ton of time in the wild.

  • He's very used to this.

  • So, Ernest gets out to New Mexico.

  • And he like, I hear there's all these wolves to kill.

  • The cowboys are like, no, no, no, man, there's one.

  • His name is Lobo.

  • The King of Corrumpa, pa, pa.

  • The King of Corrumpa.

  • Seton's like, let's do this.

  • And he's just, and he works through the woods,

  • he's tracking the animal.

  • He looks, he picks up a leaf.

  • Oh, Lobo, you've been here.

  • And Lobo's like, yes, you know I have.

  • You know I have.

  • Well, I'm on my way to get you.

  • All he wants to do is kill this wolf.

  • Whoosh!

  • With some sort of bow and arrow,

  • a rifle, (smacks lips) (blows)

  • (smacks lips) pew pew.

  • (Derek laughs)

  • Just showing how you kill a wolf.

  • And he can't do it.

  • He's a total smart (bleep)ing wolf.

  • So he's hunting Lobo for four months.

  • All of a sudden, he's like looking out on the prairie,

  • and he's like, why am I seeing this wolf during the day?

  • And it turns out Lobo was hanging out

  • with the hottest wolf that's ever existed,

  • and she's super (bleep)ing hot, real hot.

  • So, (laughs) Lobo and Blanca were hanging out,

  • and they were the super coolest pumas to ever hang out.

  • They were super chill.

  • Ernest realizes the only thing that could kill Lobo

  • was the most dangerous weapon of all, love.

  • Ernest and his boys go after Blanca,

  • they go after her, and they capture Blanca.

  • They know that she is the way to get Lobo.

  • And they pull her back and they kill her.

  • Just totally done, it's done, they got her, they got her!

  • They got her.

  • And Seton's like, now we can get Lobo.

  • And he takes her corpse back to his camp,

  • and he hears at night, this sad, this sad howl.

  • (Mike howling)

  • (Mike laughs)

  • And Lobo came closer than he ever did before.

  • And (Mike mimicking clicking), he was caught by four traps.

  • And Seton came out, and was like, got him, we got him.

  • But then he looked in this animal's eyes,

  • and he realized this was someone that was heartbroken,

  • this was someone that was completely heartbroken.

  • So Seton said, I'm not gonna kill him.

  • I'm not, he carried him back, he gave him meat,

  • and then he died.

  • But this (bleep)ed him up.

  • He couldn't believe that he had like killed this animal.

  • Yeah, he was just like, what the (bleep) did I do here?

  • Like, I (bleep)ing killed this beautiful animal,

  • that somehow it was okay to like kill things.

  • Why, why, why?

  • Like, in capital letters.

  • So he put out a book,

  • it was called "Wild Animals I Have Known."

  • He gives the animals in his book personalities and thoughts,

  • and most people can't (bleep)ing deal with that.

  • It blows their (bleep)ing minds.

  • So after years,

  • years later, in 1902, he's writing books,

  • and he's drawing pictures of birds.

  • And then all of a sudden, he hears all this noise,

  • and he looks out, what is going on out here?

  • Tons of boys start vandalizing his house.

  • He just runs after these boys,

  • and they're like, sorry, man, we come from troubled homes,

  • we had abusive dads.

  • And Ernest is like, whoa, what the (bleep)?

  • You're just like me.

  • He says, all right, and he got all these boys together,

  • and hang out on Easter.

  • And they're like, what is this guy's deal?

  • We have no idea what he's going to do.

  • And he's like, you thought I was gonna reprimand you.

  • Guess what?

  • We're learning about woods,

  • we're learning about survival,

  • we're learning about trees,

  • we're learning about all of the things

  • that humans need to know to prosper.

  • And he called his hangout the Woodcraft Indians.

  • It eventually grew into the Boy Scouts of America.

  • (Mike howls)

  • All right, so here we have, we're gonna do a slipknot.

  • - Slipknot. - Pretty easy.

  • So, all we wanna do is go over,

  • oh, it's already pretty bad.

  • So we go over this, right?

  • And we over that.

  • Oh, so we go over each knot.

  • - Knot.

  • And it's right now just a rope.

  • (orchestral fanfare music)

- Gosh darn, flim flarm, ding dang, gobbledyguk,

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最好的科林-漢克斯 - 醉酒的歷史。 (The Best of Colin Hanks - Drunk History)

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 27 日
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