Name: 吉姆-加菲根脫口秀｜《蒼白的遊客》｜Prime Video---------。 (Jim Gaffigan Stand-Up Special | The Pale Tourist | Prime Video)
Uploaded: 2021-01-27T20:27:59.000Z
Duration: 8 min 51 s

And I tell you, I don't feel like I was ready.

我告訴你，我覺得我還沒準備好。

I don't know how big I thought a moose was gonna be, but I was way off.

我不知道我以為麋鹿會有多大，但我錯了。

And I feel like I should have been warned.

Like someone should have been like, you might see a moose get ready.

就像有人應該一直喜歡， 你可能會看到一個駝鹿準備。

But my friend was like, You might see Mos have fun like it was a butterfly or something.

但我的朋友就說，你可能會看到Mos玩得很開心，就像它是一隻蝴蝶什麼的。

當我看到它的時候，我當時就想，哇!

Are they shooting a Star Wars movie up here?

他們在這裡拍《星球大戰》嗎？

How many people are in that most costume?

And then my friend was like, Don't get close.

然後我的朋友就說，不要靠近。

At that moment I realized my moose knowledge didn't exist.

那一刻，我發現我的麋鹿知識並不存在。

I knew nothing about moose like my most knowledge comes from cartoons in cartoons, Mr Like Hey, how you doing?

我對麋鹿一無所知，就像我最多的知識來自於卡通片中的漫畫一樣，像先生一樣嘿，你怎麼樣？

The oh, But in real life, like I gotta kill you How did that translate?

哦，但在現實生活中，就像我要殺了你一樣 怎麼翻譯？

Never hear Moose in those animal songs, right?

從來沒有在那些動物歌曲中聽到過麋鹿的聲音吧？

The cow goes moo The cat goes me out, the moose goes, I'm gonna stop you Toe death Those don't heir's heir.

牛走了，貓走了，我走了，麋鹿走了，我要阻止你的腳趾死了，這些都不是繼承人的繼承人。

You know, that's that's spicy meat with that sweet sauce which I'm almost positive is just melted ice cream.

你知道，那是... ...辣肉和甜醬... ...我幾乎可以肯定那只是融化的冰淇淋。

I'll have a don't air making cookies And Craig, don't air me.

我不做餅乾，克雷格也不做我。

I don't I still can't find out what it iss.

It's like, you know, dancer and Prancer and don't air and blitz.

就像，你知道的，舞者和魄力，別空和暴擊。

And but do you recall the most tasty diarrhea causing meat of all?

而但你還記得最好吃的致瀉肉嗎？

I'm convinced that the don't air was just created so we can digest poutine, right?

我相信，不要空氣只是為了讓我們能消化布丁而產生的，對嗎？

Doctors like I'm gonna prescribe you a don't air figured of work.

醫生像我要給你開一個不要空想的工作。

I'm also going to give you a prescription for a diaper.

我也要給你開個紙尿褲的處方。

Very important you put the diaper on before you eat the donation.

非常重要的是你把尿布穿上後再吃捐。

But you know poutine it's a little irresponsible.

但你知道布丁它有點不負責任。

我的意思是，畢竟，我不想死。

Yeah, It's almost like someone was just trying to make French fries mawr unhealthy.

是啊，這幾乎就像有人只是想讓薯條不健康。

What if we cover and everything that causes heart disease?

如果我們覆蓋和一切導致心臟病的因素呢？

Do you know that poutine and French means Vladimir Putin?

你知道布丁和法國的意思是弗拉基米爾-普京嗎？

I'm just saying, I have to admit I'm a little disappointed by the number of Tim Hortons in town.

我只是想說，我不得不承認我對鎮上的Tim Hortons的數量有點失望。

There's some, but you go, you go to some cities in Canada and the number of Tim Hortons.

有一些，但是你去，你去加拿大的一些城市，Tim Hortons的數量。

It is uncomfortable, like your drive by the fifth one.

它是不舒服的，就像你被第五個人開車。

Are we sure they're only selling coffee and doughnuts?

我們確定他們只賣咖啡和甜甜圈嗎？

You guys are always like, That's our Dunkin Donuts.

你們總是說，那是我們的Dunkin Donuts。

那是我們的，那是我們的沒有完成。

Yeah, in America, we don't have Duncan Donuts on every block.

是啊，在美國，我們並不是每個街區都有鄧肯甜甜圈。

Tim Hortons is like America's stop sign Now.

蒂姆-霍頓就像美國的站牌一樣，現在。

Now there's I've seen some Tim Hortons in American.

現在我在美國看到了一些Tim Hortons。

Whenever I see a Tim Hortons in America, I always have the same thought.

每當我在美國看到Tim Hortons的時候，我總是有同樣的想法。

So there's bound to be some Americans that threatened to move to Canada if if that person gets elected I'm moving to Canada.

所以一定會有一些美國人威脅說，如果那個人當選了，我就搬到加拿大去。

I don't remember Canada extending an invitation.

Yes, it's like and I've been coming to Canada for years.

是的，這就像和我多年來一直來加拿大。

I remember the first time I came to the Canada.

我記得我第一次來加拿大的時候。

The big difference I noticed was that, uh, things were measured differently, right?

我注意到最大的不同是，呃，東西的測量方式不同，對吧？

And remember, at the time being like, Well, that's annoying.

還記得，當時是這樣的，嗯，真煩人。

Then eventually, I realized it wasn't just Canada.

後來，我最終意識到，不只是加拿大。

Okay, that uses the metric system except for us.

好吧，除了我們之外，都是用公制的。

Is an American to realize every other country on the planet was wrong?

美國人要意識到地球上其他國家都是錯的嗎？

Right on should change for us because we all know God loves America more and that love is measured in feet.

對應該為我們改變，因為我們都知道上帝更愛美國，而這種愛是用腳來衡量的。

Yeah, I do love doing international shows.

是啊，我確實喜歡做國際演出。

I know you guys were all fans of his, but no, it's different with Trump.

我知道你們都是他的粉絲，但不，有了特朗普就不一樣了。

It's It's kind of like having a parent that's an alcoholic show up in a country like sorry about my dad the O Canada.

這有點像有一個父母是一個酒鬼出現在一個國家，像對不起我的爸爸，O加拿大。

The further east you go, the crazier it gets like Newfoundland is like Barbara Brand Burn, Ma'am.

越往東走，越是瘋狂，就像紐芬蘭就像芭芭拉-布蘭德燒傷一樣，女士。

Newfoundland is like the crazy uncle that you don't introduce to friends until you've known that for a long time.

紐芬蘭就像一個瘋狂的大叔，在你認識很久才會向朋友介紹。

E don't want them to think I'm like, I'm No.

我不想讓他們覺得我是個 "No"。