MAKE.

使。

THIS IS A LATE-NIGHT SHOW.

這是一個深夜的節目。

WHICH MEANS THIS SHOW IS PRETTY MUCH A NEWS SHOW.

這意味著這個節目是相當多的新聞節目。

IT'S THE NEWS.

這是新聞。

YOU KNOW.

你知道的。

( LAUGHTER ) I DON'T BELIEVE I'M EXAGGERATING

（笑）我不相信我是誇張的

WHEN I SAY WE'RE THE CROWN JEWEL IN THE CBS NEWS EMPIRE.

當我說我們是CBS新聞帝國中的皇冠明珠時，

RIGHT, REG?

右，REG？

THANK YOU.

謝謝你。

( LAUGHTER ) WE KNOW THAT YOU COME HERE FOR

我們知道你來這裡是為了...

UNVARNISHED FACTS.

鮮為人知的事實：

IT'S WHAT YOU DESERVE.

這是你應該得到的。

AND I REGRET TO SAY THAT WE GOT ONE WRONG, AND FOR THAT WE ARE

我很遺憾地說，我們錯了一個，為此我們要

DEEPLY SORRY.

非常抱歉。

LAST WEEK, YOU MAY REMEMBER WE TOLD YOU THIS -- BIDEN IS MAKING

上週，你可能還記得我們告訴過你這個--比登要做的事情。

SOME OTHER CHANGES AS WELL, HE APPARENTLY HAS REMOVED DONALD

一些其他的變化，他顯然已經刪除了唐納德。

TRUMP'S DIET COKE BUTTON FROM THE OVAL OFFICE.

特朗普在橢圓辦公室的減肥可樂按鈕。

>> AH!

>> 啊！

>> James: AND IT FALLS ON ME TO INFORM YOU THAT ISN'T TRUE.

>> 詹姆斯。這就落在我身上，告訴你這不是真的。

PRESIDENT BIDEN DID NOT IN FACT REMOVE TRUMP'S DIET COKE BUTTON.

比登總統事實上並沒有取消特朗普的減肥可樂按鈕。

I ASSURE YOU THE PERSON WHO'S RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS HAS BEEN

我向你保證，這次的責任人是誰？

FIRED.

FIRED：

THEY WILL NEVER WORK IN HOLLYWOOD AGAIN.

他們再也不會在好萊塢工作了。

( LAUGHTER ) STEVE, WE'RE GOING TO MISS YOU.

史蒂夫，我們會想念你的。

( LAUGHTER ) GREAT RUN.

（笑）偉大的奔跑。

BUT THE WHITE HOUSE CLARIFIED THAT THE SO-CALLED USHER BUTTON

但白宮明確表示，所謂的 "副官按鈕"。

IS NOT GONE FROM HIS DESK, BUT

並沒有從他的辦公桌上消失，但。

WOULDN'T SAY WHAT BIDEN WILL USE IT FOR.

不敢說比登會用它來做什麼。

YOU KNOW WHAT HE SHOULD USE IT FOR?

你知道他應該用它來做什麼嗎？

HE SHOULD USE IT FOR USHER.

他應該用它來做主祭。

HOW COOL WOULD IT BE IF A WORLD LEADER WAS LIKE, "DO YOU AGREE

如果一個世界領袖說："你同意嗎？"那該有多酷？

TO THIS TREATY?" AND BIDEN WAS LIKE...

對這種治療？"和比登喜歡... ...

♪ YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪ ♪ YEAH, YEAH ♪

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH YEAH YEAH, YEAH

( LAUGHTER ) WHILE WE'RE MAKING CORRECTIONS

（笑） 當我們正在做的更正，

I ALSO SAID LAST NIGHT THAT WE HAD A GREAT SHOW PLANNED FOR

我昨晚還說，我們有一個偉大的演出計劃。

YOU -- ( LAUGHTER )

你 - （笑）

IT WAS FINE.

它很好。

( LAUGHTER ) MOVING ON, EARLIER TODAY, ALL

（笑）繼續前進，今天早些時候，所有的

100 SENATORS WERE SWORN IN AS JURORS FOR DONALD TRUMP'S

100名參議員宣誓就任特朗普的陪審員。

UPCOMING IMPEACHMENT TRIAL, WHICH STARTS ON FEBRUARY 8.

即將進行的執行審判，將於2月8日開始。

THE TRIAL IS TO DETERMINE IF THE ATTACK ON THE CAPITOL BY

審判的目的是要確定是否發生了攻擊首都的事件。

THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE WEARING FLAGS AND HATS THAT SAID "TRUMP"

數以千計的人戴著寫著 "特朗普 "的旗幟和帽子。

IS THE FAULT OF-- GET THIS-- TRUMP.

是錯的... ... 得到這個... ...

BUT HONESTLY, I THINK I SPEAK FOR EVERYONE WHEN I SAY THE

但老實說，我想我代表大家說的是

AMERICAN PEOPLE ARE HUNGRY FOR JUSTICE RIGHT NOW.

美國人民現在渴望正義。

AND I DON'T CARE IF IT'S TRUMP, OR VICTORIA FROM "THE BACHELOR,"

我不在乎它的特朗普，或維多利亞從 "學士"，"

BUT SOMEONE NEEDS TO PAY FOR THEIR ACTIONS.

但總得有人為他們的行為付出代價。

THE TRIAL STARTS FEBRUARY 8 I STRUGGLE WITH THE WORD

審判從2月8日開始，我與 "話語 "作鬥爭

FEBRUARY.

FEBRUARY.

I NEVER KNOW QUITE TO DO.

我永遠不知道該怎麼做。

>> Reggie: I WANT TO SAY FEBRUARY (PRONOUNCING THE R).

>> 我想說 "二月"（R的發音）。

>> James: SOMETIMES I JUST GO FEBRUARY -- HOW TO YOU SAY IT,

>> 詹姆斯：有時我只是去二月 - 你怎麼說呢。

AVO.

AVO：

>> I'M A BIG FEB GUY.

>> 我是一個大EB的傢伙。

I'M A FEB BOY.

我是一個EB男孩。

>> James: FEB14.

>> 詹姆斯。FEB14.

YEAH.

是的。

>> James: THAT'S SO SMART.

>> 詹姆斯。太聰明瞭。

I'M ALL FEB.

I'M ALL FEB.

>> Reggie: NOW YOU KNOW HOW JON FAVREAU HAD TO DEAL WITH A

>> Reggie: 現在你知道JON FAVREAU是如何處理的了吧？

LOT OF PEOPLE PRONOUNCING HIS NAME.

很多人都在唸他的名字。

>> HOW ELSE WOULD YOU PRONOUNCE THAT?

>> 你還能怎麼發音呢？

( REGGIE PRONOUNCING ) >> James: HAVE YOU EVER SEEN

( REGGIE PRONOUNCING ) >> James:你有沒有看到

JON FAVREAU DEEJAY?

JON FAVREAU DEEJAY？

>> Reggie: NO.

>> 雷吉：不。

>> James: OH, MY GOD HE IS THE GREATEST DEEJAY I HAVE EVER

>> 詹姆斯：哦，我的上帝，他是最偉大的DEEJAY，我曾經

WITNESSED, AND YOU KNOW I'M NEVER NOT IN THE CLUB, RIGHT?

證人，你知道我從來沒有不在俱樂部，對不對？

>> TOTALLY, YEP.

>> 完全是，是的。

>> James: PRIX COVID, POST-COVID, THAT'S WHERE YOU

>> 詹姆斯。科維碼，後科維碼，這就是你的地方。

WILL FIND ME, I WILL BE IN THE CLUB POPPING BOTTLES.

會找到我的，我會在俱樂部開瓶。

JON FAVREAU, I WAS AT A PARTY AFTER THE GRAMMYS A FEW YEARS

JON FAVREAU，我幾年前在格萊美獎後的一個派對上。

AGO AND I WAS STILL CHATTING AND SONG AFTER SONG AFTER SONG, IT

前，我還在哈拉和歌曲後的歌曲，它。

WAS BANGER, HE WAS FLIPPING THINGS, AND I'VE NEVER SAID THIS

是BANGER，他是翻轉的東西，我從來沒有說過這個。

IN MY LIFE BEFORE, I SAID, I'M SO SORRY, I'VE GOT TO GO SEE WHO

在我之前的生活中，我說，我很抱歉，我得去看看誰的。

THIS DEEJAY WAS.

這個DEEJAY是。

I WALKED THROUGH A PACKED BUNCH OF PEOPLE AND FOUND THE DEEJAY

我穿過一大群人，找到了迪傑。

BOOTH, IT WAS FAVREAU SPINNING WAX, IT WAS UNBELIEVABLE!

攤位上，這是FAVREAU旋轉蠟，這是難以置信的!

( LAUGHTER ) I SAID WERE YOU DEEJAY ON THE

我說，你是DEEJAY上的。

SHOW?

SHOW？

AND HE SAID, NO, MAN, IT'S JUST FOR ME.

他說，不，夥計，這只是為了我。

MADE ME LOVE HIM ETCH MORE.

讓我愛上了他蝕更。

JUST IN ANOTHER WORLD.

只是在另一個世界。

I LOOK AT ME AND THEN AT FAVREAU AND I THINK, YOU'VE ACHIEVED

我看著我，然後看著FAVREAU，我想，你已經實現了。

NOTHING, JAMES.

什麼都沒有，詹姆斯。

I CAN'T DEEJAY, I CAN'T COOK THAT WELL -- NOT AS WELL AS HIM.

我不能DEEJAY，我不能做飯那麼好 - 不像他那麼好。

WELL, I'M GLAD WE WENT DOWN THIS ROAD.

好吧，我很高興我們走了這條路。

( LAUGHTER ) JOHN, IF YOU'RE WATCHING, I KNOW

約翰，如果你在看，我就知道了

YOU ARE, NEVER MISS AN EPISODE.

你是，永遠不會錯過任何一集。

( LAUGHTER ) I THINK I CAN SAFELY SAY WE

（笑）我想我可以放心地說，我們

WOULD LOVE JON FAVREAU TO COME SPIN SOME WAX ONE NIGHT,

我很想讓JON FAVREAU哪天晚上來轉轉蠟。

WOULDN'T WE?

難道我們不會嗎？

>> Reggie: OH, YEAH.

>> 雷吉：哦，是的。

[ APPLAUSE ] >> James: IN AND OUT, IN AND

[掌聲] >> 詹姆斯：IN和OUT，IN和

OUT, AND I WOULD SAY WE CAN'T AFFORD TO CLEAR THAT SONG, JOHN,

我想說，我們沒錢清除這首歌，約翰。

HAVE YOU GOT ANYTHING ELSE?

你還有什麼別的東西嗎？

( LAUGHTER ) SO FEBRUARY.

所以二月。

THE TRIAL STARTS FEBRUARY 8 THE DAY AFTER THE SUPER BOWL.

審判在2月8日超級碗後的第二天開始。

WHICH MEANS THERE'S A GOOD CHANCE CHUCK SCHUMER'S GOING TO

意思是說，丘克-舒默很有可能會去

SHOW UP TO THE TRIAL LIKE THIS: ( LAUGHTER )

出現在審判這樣的。（笑）

MEANWHILE, SENATE MINORITY LEADER -- HOW GREAT IS IT SAYING

與此同時，參議院多數黨領袖 -- 它是如何偉大的說。

THAT?

那？

SENATE MINORITY LEADER MITCH McCONNELL HAS

參議院少數黨領袖MITCH McCONNELL HAS

DROPPED HIS DEMAND THAT DEMOCRATS COMMIT TO PRESERVING

放棄了他要求民主黨人承諾維護國家安全的要求。

THE FILIBUSTER, WHICH WILL NOW MAKE IT EASIER FOR THE TWO

噴射器，這會使兩個人的生活更方便。

PARTIES TO SHARE POWER TOGETHER.

各方共同分享權力。

MCCONNELL COMPROMISED WHEN CHUCK SCHUMER OFFERED HIM AN EXTRA TWO

MCCONNELL妥協了，當CHUCK SCHUMER給他提供了一個額外的兩個。

HOURS A DAY UNDER THE SUNLAMP IN HIS TERRARIUM.

在他的墓室裡的太陽燈下，每天都有幾個小時。

( LAUGHTER ) THAT JOKE FLEW FAR BETTER THAN I

那笑話比我的好聽多了。

THOUGHT.

思想。

( LAUGHTER ) IN OTHER NEWS, ACCORDING TO

在其他新聞中，據我所知......"。

RECENT REPORTS, THE BIDEN ADMINISTRATION IS LOOKING TO

最近的報道，比登行政當局正期待著能有更多的人参與進來。

SPEED UP THE RELEASE OF NEW $20 BILLS FEATURING HARRIET

加快發行新的20美元鈔票，由HARRIET主演。

TUBMAN.

TUBMAN：

TUBMAN WOULD REPLACE FORMER PROBLEMATIC PRESIDENT ANDREW

土布曼將取代前問題主席安德烈的位置

JACKSON ON THE 20.

傑克遜在20號。

BIDEN'S LOOKING TO REPLACE A PROBLEMATIC WHITE MAN WITH AN

比登想用一個白人代替一個有問題的白人。

INSPIRING BLACK WOMAN.

鼓舞人心的黑人婦女：

HE'S ALREADY DONE IT WITH MIKE PENCE, WHY NOT?

他已經和MIKE PENCE做了，為什麼不呢？

I FEEL LIKE EVERY FEW YEARS WE SHOULD BE CYCLING NEW PEOPLE ON

我覺得每隔幾年，我們就應該騎自行車去找新的人。

CURRENCY, JUST TO KEEP LIFE INTERESTING.

貨幣，只是為了讓生活變得有趣。

HOW COOL WOULD IT BE TO ONE DAY WALK INTO A CAR DEALERSHIP AND

如果有一天走進一家汽車經銷商，你會覺得有多酷？

SAY, "I'M GOING TO BUY THAT CAR AND I'M GOING TO PAY FOR IT IN

說："我要買那輛車，我要付清它的費用。

ALL TED DANSONS."

所有TED DANSONS。"

( LAUGHTER ) A NASAL SPRAY THAT BLOCKS

鼻腔噴霧劑，阻斷了

COVID 19 COULD REPLY BE AVAILABL OVER-THE-COUNTER BY SUMMER.

COVID 19可以在夏天之前在櫃檯上提供答覆。

FINALLY AN OPTION FOR THE MAN WHO REFUSES TO PULL THE MASK UP

拒絕揭開面具的男人終於有了一個選擇。

OVER HIS NOSE.

在他的鼻子。

IT IS EXCITING, A NASAL SPRAY, THIS MEANS PEOPLE MIGHT FINALLY

它是令人興奮的，一個鼻腔噴霧，這意味著人們可能終於

BE ABLE TO DATE PHENAND NOTHING CAN PUT YOUR PARTNER IN THE MOOD

能夠和PHENAND約會，沒有什麼能讓你的伴侶心情好起來。

LIKE, CAN WE GO UPSTAIRS?

就像，我們可以去樓上？

SURE.

當然了

HOLD ON, BABE -- ( SNORING )

堅持住，寶貝 - （打鼾）。

YOU GET CHANGE.

你得到改變。

( LAUGHTER ) ( SNORING )

（笑） （打鼾）

JUST WANT TO BE SAFE.

只是想成為安全的。

I'M FEELING HORNY.

我感覺很煩。

( LAUGHTER ) DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THIS?

你聽說過這個嗎？

DOCTORS ARE WARNING PEOPLE AGAINST A NEW BEAUTY CRAZE

醫生警告人們警惕新的美容熱潮。

STARTED BY A TIKTOK INFLUENCER, WHERE YOU SMOTHER YOUR LIPS WITH

由一位TIKTOK影響者開始，在那裡你用TIKTOK來擦拭你的嘴脣。

CHEAP, OVER-THE-COUNTER "ERECTION CREAM" TO MAKE THEM

廉價的、非處方的 "修飾霜"，使它們變得更容易。

LOOK BIGGER.

看起來更大。

TALK ABOUT A STIFF UPPER LIP.

談談上嘴脣的問題。

( RIM SHOT ) THIS IS CRAZY.

（輪輞拍攝）這是瘋狂的。

WHO WOULD PUT CHEAP OVER-THE-COUNTER ERECTION CREAM

誰會把便宜的櫃檯修容霜放在這裡？

ON THEIR LIPS?

在他們的嘴脣上？

WHERE WOULD YOU EVEN GET SOMETHING LIKE THAT?

你從哪裡能得到這樣的東西？

AND THEY SAY IT DOESN'T PRIOR A PRESCRIPTION, AND IT'S

他們說，它不預先一個PRESCRIPTION，它是。

AFFORDABLE.

負擔得起的。

AND IT'S AFFORDABLE?

而且價格實惠？

WHERE EXACTLY ARE THEY SELLING IT?

他們到底在哪裡賣？

I WOULD LOVE TO JUST GO DOWN AND WARN PEOPLE.

我很想下去警告大家。

( LAUGHTER ) AND FINALLY, THIS IS FUN.

（笑）最後，這是有趣的。

A WOMAN RETURNED HOME TO THE U.K. AFTER VISITING -- ERECTION

一名婦女在訪問後返回英國 -- -- 蝕刻。

CREAM, YOU PUT IT ON BEFORE YOU'VE GOT AN ERECTION OR DOES

奶油，你要在鑲牙前塗上它，還是要在鑲牙後塗上它？

IT PROLONG THE ERECTION?

它延長了手術時間？

>> Reggie: I THINK IT PROLONGS IT BECAUSE IT WOULD BE REALLY

>> 雷吉：我認為它延長了它的時間，因為這將是真正的。

WEIRD -- NO -- YEAH, I THINK YOU OBTAIN -- YOU GET AN ERECTION,

奇怪的... 不... 是的，我想你得到了... 你得到了一個模型。

YOU PAY FOR IT, IT APPEARS, AND THEN YOU PUT THE SALVE ON THE --

你付了錢，它出現了，然後你把密封的 -

>> James: YOU PUT IT ON THE ERECTION.

>> 詹姆斯。你要把它放在選題上。

>> Reggie: RIGHT, IT REDUCES SENSITIVITY AND YOU'RE READY TO

>> 對，它能降低敏感度，你可以準備好了。

GO.

去。

>> James: AND HOW LONG DOES IT LAST, REG, BECAUSE YOU SEEM TO

>> 詹姆斯。能持續多久呢，瑞格，因為你似乎... ...

KNOW A LOT ABOUT IT.

知道很多關於它的事情。

>> Reggie: I USE IT ALL THE TIME.

>> 雷吉：我一直都在用它。

>> James: REALLY.

>> 詹姆斯。真的。

>> Reggie: THE MINIMUM YOU NEED TO MAKE LOVE IS 16 MINUTES,

>> 雷吉：你最起碼需要16分鐘來做愛。

SO 16 TO 17 MINUTES.

所以16到17分鐘。

>> James: 17 MINUTES.

>> 詹姆斯：17分鐘。

>> Reggie: 16 TO 17, YEAH.

>> 雷吉：16到17，YEAH。

>> James: FROM START TO FINISH.

>> 詹姆斯。從開始到結束。

>> Reggie: YEAH, DEPENDING ON THE PERSON, BUT THAT'S THE

>> 雷吉：是的，取決於人，但這是最重要的。

AVERAGE.

平均：

>> James: THAT'S THE AVERAGE.

>> 詹姆斯。這是平均水平。

>> Reggie: THAT'S THE AVERAGE, YEAH.

>> 這就是平均水平，是的。

>> James: SEEMS LIKE A LONG TIME TO ME.

>> 詹姆斯。我覺得時間很長。

( LAUGHTER ) AND FINALLY, THIS IS FUN,

（笑）最後，這是有趣的。

A WOMAN RETURNED HOME TO THE U.K. AFTER VISITING NEW YORK

一名婦女在訪問紐約後返回英國。

CITY, AND WHILE SHE WAS GOING THROUGH HER VACATION PHOTOS, SHE

城市，而當她去通過她的度假照片，她。

DISCOVERED THAT ONE OF THEM ACTUALLY FEATURED-- WELL, TAKE A

發現其中一個人居然有特色... ...好吧，來看看

LOOK.

看。

HERE SHE IS HAVING HER PHOTO TAKEN AND LOOK AT THIS, SIR PAUL

在這裡，她正在拍攝她的照片 看看這個，保羅先生

MCCARTNEY.

MCCARTNEY.

SHE WALKED BY HIM WITHOUT EVEN NOTICING.

她走過他身邊，甚至沒有注意到。

HOW DO YOU NOT NOTICE PAUL MCCARTNEY CROSSING A ROAD

你怎麼會沒注意到保羅-麥卡尼在過馬路呢？

IT'S LIKE HIS MOST FAMOUS ICONIC IMAGE.

這就像他最著名的圖標影像。

IT'S HIS FAMOUS ALBUM COVER IS HIM CROSSING A ROAD.

這是他著名的專輯封面是他穿越一條路。

YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED HERE?

你知道這裡發生了什麼嗎？

SHE WAS GOING TO PHOTOSHOP PAUL MCCARTNEY OUT, BUT THEN

她本想給保羅-麥卡尼拍照，但後來... ...

ULTIMATELY SHE DECIDED TO JUST... LET IT BE.

最終她決定... ...讓它成為。

( RIM SHOT ) >> OH!

( RIM SHOT ) >> 哦!

>> James: AND HERE'S THE THING - WASN'T HER ONLY SURPRISE

>> 詹姆斯。這就是問題所在--她不是唯一的驚喜嗎？

SIGHTING IN NEW YORK.

在紐約舉行的見面會。

TAKE A LOOK AT THIS OTHER PHOTO FROM JUST DOWN THE STREET.

看看這另一張從街上拍來的照片。

( LAUGHTER ) THAT'S EXACTLY THE LAUGH THAT

（笑） 這正是笑，

DESERVED, RIGHT?

應該的，對吧？

THAT IS EXACTLY THE LAUGH THAT DESERVED.

這正是該有的笑聲。

>> Reggie: WHO IS IT?

>> 雷吉：是誰？

LET'S HAVE A LOOK AT THAT PHOTO AGAIN.

讓我們再看看那張照片。

>> Reggie: YEAH, WHO IS THAT?

>> 雷吉：是啊，那是誰？

HARRY STILES FIANCEÉ AND -- LADY GAGA?

HARRY STILES FIANCEÉ 和 -- LADY GAGA?

TO BE CLEAR, THAT WAS A FAKE IMAGE.

澄清一下，那是一張假照片。

WE DID THAT.

我們做到了。