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  • Humans are masters of self-deception.

    人類是自我欺騙的專家

  • We fool ourselves into believing things that are false

    我們騙自己相信假象

  • and we refuse to believe things that are true.

    並拒絕相信事實

  • I was in graduate school

    我念研究所時

  • when I really started delving into the topic of self-deception.

    真正深入研究自欺行為

  • And it rocked my world.

    這讓我大開眼界

  • I saw it everywhere,

    我到處都看得到

  • in everyone.

    在每個人身上都看得見

  • We lie to ourselves about the smallest details,

    我們連小事都可以欺騙自己

  • such as how much we really ate today,

    像是今天吃了多少東西

  • and why we didn't list our actual height and weight

    或是為什麼不誠實 將真正的身高體重

  • on our driver's license.

    寫在駕照上

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • We lie to reflect our aspirational goals:

    我們自欺來反映個人目標

  • "I'll only have one glass of wine tonight," --

    「我今天喝一杯就好」

  • when I know I'm drinking at least three. (Laughter)

    但我知道自己一定會喝三杯以上 (笑聲)

  • We lie to uphold social ideals:

    我們自欺以符合社會期待

  • "I never have sexual thoughts with anyone except my spouse,"

    「除了我配偶以外 對其它人沒有性幻想」

  • because that wouldn't be acceptable.

    因為這是不被社會所接受的

  • We lie about our most important life choices,

    我們連人生最重要的 決定也欺騙自己

  • such as why we married who we did, or chose our given career path.

    像是為何會跟現在的配偶結婚 或是選擇現在這職業

  • Unfortunately, for all the romantics out there,

    浪漫派的人啊 很抱歉

  • love is rarely the full motivation for those choices.

    因為那些選擇背後 動機並非總是愛

  • Nowhere was self-deception more obvious than in my romantic relationships.

    我自己的戀愛史 大概是自我欺騙最好的例子

  • I was terrified of being left.

    我很害怕被丟下

  • My fear of abandonment led me to act in ways

    這種被拋棄的擔憂 讓我自己做出一些

  • that are still hard for me to admit --

    到現在還不太想承認的事:

  • anxiously awaiting a phone call,

    焦急地等電話

  • driving to see if he was where he said he would be,

    開車去看他是否真 在他說要去的地方

  • asking repeatedly if he loved me.

    不斷地問他是否愛我

  • At the time, I couldn't have told you any of that,

    當時我沒有意識到自己在做這些事

  • because I wouldn't have been able to admit it to myself.

    因為我無法對自己承認

  • At the core, we lie to ourselves

    我們之所以欺騙自己

  • because we don't have enough physiological strength to admit the truth

    因為我們心理不夠強壯 無法承受事實

  • and deal with the consequences that will follow.

    以及應付隨之而來的後果

  • That said, understanding our self-deception

    因此,理解我們的自我欺騙

  • is the most effective way to live a fulfilling life.

    是活得充實最有效的辦法

  • For when we admit who we really are,

    因為當我們承認真實的自己

  • we have the opportunity to change.

    我們就有機會做出改變

  • It's hard to look at this photo and think,

    看到這張照片 大概不會想說:

  • "Liars!"

    「一群騙子!」

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • But our self-deceptive tendencies start here.

    我們自欺的傾向卻是從這開始的

  • From a very early age we start observing

    從很小的時候 我們就開始觀察

  • and making conclusions about ourselves and our environment.

    並對自己以及環境做出結論

  • Right or wrong, the conclusions we made affected our identity.

    不管對錯 這些結論都反映出我們的身份

  • As adults, we will most want to lie about

    身為大人,我們最想騙自己的

  • how physiologically painful realities experienced as children

    就是小時候的痛苦經歷

  • affected who we are today.

    對自己造成多大的影響

  • Perhaps you were raised in a single parent home,

    或許你是在單親家庭中長大

  • in which you were neglected by your father.

    所以被父親所忽略

  • You learned that something was wrong with you --

    你認為好像是自己有問題:

  • you weren't smart enough, attractive enough, athletic enough.

    你不夠聰明、長得不夠好看、不夠強壯

  • You concluded that to make people love you,

    你做出結論:為了讓他人喜歡你

  • you need to be perfect.

    你就得變得完美

  • As an adult,

    身為成人

  • when someone points out your imperfections,

    當有人指出你的不完美

  • you feel tremendous anxiety but deny where it comes from.

    你變得極度焦慮 但卻否認這種感受的來源

  • Perhaps you felt ugly as a child because you were teased for your appearance.

    或許你小時候覺得自己很醜 因為被取笑過外表

  • You learned to eat in response to emotional pain.

    你學會用吃來應付這種情緒痛苦

  • As an adult, you struggle to maintain a stable weight,

    長大後,你體重維持得很辛苦

  • because your eating has very little to do with hunger.

    因為你不是為飢餓而吃

  • Perhaps you watched your parents fight.

    或許你小時候看父母吵架

  • You learned to avoid conflict.

    你學會避免衝突

  • Now, you struggle to admit even feeling negative emotion.

    到現在,你連承認有負面情緒都有困難

  • Although each of our specific childhood learnings will be unique,

    雖然我們每個人的兒時經歷都不同

  • what we learned will be exemplified in the lies we tell ourselves as adults.

    但我們學會的東西 會反映在長大後的自我欺騙上

  • Psychological theories of human nature can help us understand our self-deception.

    人性的心理學理論 可以幫助我們了解自欺

  • Sigmund Freud first described lying through ego-defense mechanisms:

    佛洛伊德首先描述了 利用自我防衛機制來欺騙

  • Psychological strategies that protect our egos

    自我防衛的生理策略

  • -- our core sense of self --

    ──自我意識的核心──

  • from information that would hurt us.

    以免接受會傷害我們的資訊

  • Denial:

    否認:

  • Refusing to believe that something is true,

    拒絕承認事實

  • even though it is.

    即使那就攤在你眼前

  • "I don't have a problem with alcohol," --

    「我沒有酗酒問題」

  • even though I drink everyday.

    即使我每天喝酒

  • "I'm not jealous," --

    「我才沒有吃醋」

  • even though I secretly check my partner's email.

    雖然我都偷看另一半的 email

  • Rationalization:

    合理化:

  • Creating a reason to excuse ourselves.

    編造理由替自己開脫

  • "I wouldn't have yelled at you if you hadn't treated me so unfairly,"

    「如果你對我好一點 我就不會兇你」

  • thereby justifying my yelling.

    因此將自己的大吼大叫合理化

  • "I know that smoking isn't good for my health,

    「我知道抽菸對身體不好

  • but it helps me relax,"

    但它可以幫助我放鬆」

  • thereby justifying my smoking.

    因此將自己的抽菸合理化

  • Projection:

    投射:

  • Taking an undesirable aspect of ourselves and ascribing it to someone else.

    將我們不喜歡自己的那一面 加諸於別人身上

  • "I'm not like that. You're like that."

    「我才沒有那樣,是你才那樣」

  • When dating someone you've lost interest in,

    當跟自己已經不喜歡的人約會時

  • you say things like,

    會說

  • "You're not ready for this relationship,"

    「你還沒準備好投入這段感情」

  • when, in fact, you're not ready for this relationship

    而其實是你自己 還沒準備好投入這段感情

  • and never will be!

    而且永遠都不會準備好!

  • Pioneers in the cognitive-behavioral realms

    認知行為領域的權威

  • describe how our thoughts deceive us

    描述我們的想法是如何欺騙自己的

  • through cognitive distortions -- irrational ways we think.

    這是透過認知扭曲── 我們不理性的思考

  • Polarized Thinking: Thinking in extremes.

    極端化思考:非黑即白

  • “I will either eat no cookies or an entire box,

    「我要嘛一片餅乾都不吃 要嘛吃掉整盒

  • because if I eat one cookie,

    因為如果我吃一片

  • I've already blown my diet, so I might as well keep eating.”

    那我減肥就破功了 不如繼續吃」

  • Emotional Reasoning:

    情緒化推理:

  • Thinking that our feelings accurately reflect reality.

    認為我們的感受是現實的正確反映

  • “I feel hurt; so you must have done something bad to me.”

    「我受傷了,一定是你待我不好」

  • “I feel stupid; consequently I am stupid.”

    「我覺得自己好笨 所以我是真的很笨」

  • Overgeneralization:

    以偏概全:

  • Taking a single negative event as an infinite spiral of defeat.

    把一次負面的事 當成是永遠的失敗

  • After going through a bad breakup, you think,

    一次痛苦分手過後,會想:

  • “I am always going to be alone.”

    「我要孤單一輩子了」

  • After getting denied a promotion at work, you think,

    職場被拒絕升遷,就想:

  • “I am never going to be successful in my career.”

    「我在這一行永遠無法成功」

  • From an existential perspective,

    用存在主義的話來說

  • we deceive ourselves to avoid the Givens of Life --

    我們欺騙自己 而不去面對宿命

  • the fundamental realities of "being human" that we must face.

    也就是「身為人類」 所必須面臨的最基本現實

  • Deathwere all going to die;

    死亡:我們總有一天會死

  • Ultimate aloneness --

    孤老一生:

  • we were born as a single person housed in a solitary physical body;

    我們本來就是 孤伶伶地來到這世上

  • Meaninglessness --

    無意義感:

  • our lives are inherently meaningless unless we give them meaning;

    人生原本就沒意義 除非我們賦予其意義

  • and Freedom --

    還有自由:

  • we are responsible for ourselves because we have the freedom of choice.

    我們對自己有責任 因為我們有選擇的自由

  • To avoid confronting these realities, we frequently lie to ourselves:

    為了避免面對這些現實 我們經常欺騙自己:

  • “I am this way because of my upbringing;” --

    「我會變成這樣 是因為我是這樣被教大的」

  • thereby deferring responsibility for my choices.

    因此將自己的選擇推給別人

  • The bad things on the news would never happen to me;” --

    「電視上的悲劇新聞 絕對不會發生在我身上」

  • because I am somehow special, and uniquely protected from harm.

    因為我是特別的 壞事不會發生在我身上

  • “I won’t write a will. I am young. I’m not going to die anyway;” --

    「我才不要立遺囑 我還年輕,不會死」

  • thereby denying our mortality.

    因此否認了自己總有一天會死

  • Multicultural and feminist psychologists

    多文化和女性主義心理學家

  • describe how internalization of cultural norms affect us.

    描述將文化標準內化 會如何影響我們

  • Here, we deceive ourselves by believing

    會因此欺騙自己

  • what we were culturally conditioned to believe is true,

    去相信文化上所認為對的事情

  • instead of deciding what we actually believe is true.

    而不是以自己真正 認為對的事情來做決定

  • Do you compromise yourself to meet cultural norms?

    你是否為了符合社會期待 而遷就自己?

  • Do you think you need to look a certain way,

    你是否覺得自己該長什麼樣子

  • be a certain weight,

    體重要多重

  • earn a certain income,

    需要賺多少錢

  • get married, have children, be religious

    結婚、生子、信奉某種信仰

  • because you are supposed to

    因為你應該這麼做

  • or because you believe that it's right for you?

    還是因為你認為這才是對的行為?

  • All of these theories of human nature help us understand

    所有關於人性的理論 能幫助我們了解

  • how we deceive ourselves on a daily basis.

    人類是如何每天欺騙自己的

  • Why should you care?

    我們又為何要在乎?

  • Self-deception leads to massive amounts of pain and regret.

    因為自我欺騙會導致 極度痛苦跟後悔

  • To avoid being honest,

    為了避免對自己誠實

  • we frequently make choices with harmful consequences

    我們做出的決定通常會

  • to ourselves and others --

    傷害自己或他人

  • we may use drugs, alcohol, eat, shop, gamble, steal, lie, leave people

    我們可能會訴諸毒品、酒精、食物、 購物、賭博、偷竊、撒謊、離開別人

  • or pass our emotional baggage down to those we love the most.

    或是將情緒包袱丟給我們摯愛的人

  • Or, we may choose not to change

    或是,選擇不改變

  • even when we are miserable

    即使我們活得痛苦

  • or causing profound harm to those around us.

    或是對身邊的人造成很大的傷害

  • Looking back at life with regret is incredibly painful,

    後悔著回顧人生是很痛苦的一件事

  • because you can’t change your choices in the past.

    因為你沒辦法改變過去的決定

  • As I shared earlier,

    如我稍早分享的

  • I struggled greatly in my romantic relationships.

    我的戀愛關係非常糾結

  • I knew that I didn't feel safe,

    我知道自己沒有安全感

  • but I believed it was my boyfriend’s fault --

    但我相信那是我男友的錯

  • if he just called me more, told me he loved me more,

    如果他常打電話給我 或是多說他愛我

  • then I would feel safe.

    我就會安心

  • The truth was

    但事實是

  • there was nothing he could do to make me feel safe,

    不管他做什麼都 沒辦法讓我有安全感

  • because my feelings had nothing to do with him.

    因為我的感受跟他無關

  • The reason I didn't feel safe is that I learned as a child

    我之所以沒有安全感 是我小時候學到

  • that people would always leave me,

    其他人一定會離開我

  • and I lived my life making choices consistent with that belief.

    而我人生做的很多決定 都跟那個認知有關

  • When we don't take full responsibility for who we are,

    當我們不對自己負全責

  • we hurt ourselves and everyone around us.

    我們不只會傷害自己 也會傷害周遭的人

  • Now what?

    那現在怎麼辦?

  • How do we start acknowledging the lies we tell ourselves?

    我們要怎麼開始 承認那些自欺的謊?

  • How do we start becoming more honest liars?

    我們要怎麼開始 當個誠實的騙子?

  • The first step is self-awareness --

    第一步是自覺:

  • we become observers of ourselves.

    我們開始審視自己

  • When you have a strong emotional reaction to something,

    當你對某件事有強烈情緒反應

  • pause.

    暫停一下

  • When what you say doesn't match how you act,

    當你所說的跟做的不一樣

  • pause.

    暫停一下

  • When youre thinking irrational thoughts,

    當你開始有不理智的想法

  • pause.

    暫停一下

  • Ask yourself:

    捫心自問:

  • What does this say about me?

    我這麼做所反映出的 是什麼樣的我?

  • Similarly, most of us spend a tremendous amount of energy

    同樣地,我們很多人花費大把心力

  • trying to get over someone or something that happened to us.

    試圖忘掉某人或某事

  • And we generally avoid examining our contribution to conflict in our lives.

    然後不去檢視人生衝突的原因

  • When you are unresolved about something or someone,

    當你對某人或某事有未決的想法

  • pause.

    暫停一下

  • Ask yourself:

    捫心自問:

  • What does my reaction to this situation say about me?

    我對這情況的反應 所反映出的是什麼樣的我?

  • As we become more honest and aware,

    當我們變得越來越誠實及自覺

  • we also become more responsible for our choices.

    我們對於自己的選擇也會變得更負責

  • If we admit that we are insecure about something

    如果我們能承認 對某件事感到不安

  • -- which we all are --

    這是每個人都經歷過的

  • we're now confronted with a choice:

    那我們眼前就有了選擇

  • to work on our insecurity or not.

    是否要迎頭解決這種不安全感

  • Whatever we decide,

    不管我們做什麼決定

  • we are now more responsible for the consequences of our insecurity,

    我們現在對於不安全感的後果 都有較多的責任

  • because we know better.

    因為我們學聰明了

  • Not changing when confronted with the truth is a choice.

    面對事實時不願改變也是種選擇

  • Although we can’t control many circumstances we encounter in life,

    雖然我們無法控制要面臨的事

  • we are responsible for our reactions to all of them.

    但我們可以對自己的行為負責

  • In that vein, one of the best ways

    誠實面對自我欺騙

  • to confront our self-deception

    其中一種最好的方式

  • is psychotherapy.

    就是心理治療

  • It is probably the only relationship

    這大概是你們生命中

  • that you will ever have in your entire life

    唯一一段

  • that exists solely to benefit you.

    純粹對你好的關係

  • Yet, a great deal of stigma exists around therapy.

    但是,心理治療也背負許多汙名

  • People frequently say things like,

    很多人常會說

  • “I don't need therapy.

    「我不需要心理治療」

  • It’s only for crazy or weak people who can't help themselves.”

    「那是瘋癲、軟弱、 無法自救的人才需要」

  • The truth is, it takes tremendous courage

    事實上,這需要很大的勇氣

  • to be completely vulnerable to another human being.

    才能在另一個人面前 呈現完全脆弱的自己

  • Therapy is truly a gift if you are courageous enough to accept it.

    如果你能勇敢地接受 心理治療會是一種禮物

  • Confronting our self-deception is a lifelong journey.

    面對自我欺騙是條很長的路

  • We change and the world offers us new opportunities

    我們做出改變 而世界將提供新機會

  • to understand ourselves.

    來了解自我

  • There is always more to learn.

    總是有更多東西要學

  • I was on the perfect path to be a successful academic.

    我本來的學術生涯走得很順遂

  • I received tenure here at UNLV, two years ago.

    我兩年前取得 UNLV (內華達大學拉斯維加斯分校) 的終身職

  • And in about six weeks, I will be unemployed,

    不過再六週,我就要面臨失業

  • because I resigned.

    因為我辭職了

  • Getting tenure and then quitting

    拿到終身職然後辭職

  • is about the last thing anyone would expect from a faculty member.

    對教職人員來說 大概是不可能的事

  • Especially me. I love psychology!

    尤其是我,我超愛心理學!

  • I love teaching. I love research. I love my department.

    我愛教書、研究、學校部門

  • I had an amazing experience at UNLV.

    我在 UNLV 有很棒的回憶

  • But the truth is, my passion isn't in academia anymore.

    但事實是 我的熱忱已不在學術領域了

  • To admit that to myself was brutally painful!

    對我自己承認 真是很痛苦的一件事

  • Because I had to confront all of my self-deceptive tendencies and insecurities.

    因為我必須面對自己的自欺欺人 以及不安全感

  • "What if I disappoint people?

    「如果我讓他人失望怎麼辦?」

  • What will my family say?

    「我家人會說什麼?」

  • What am I gonna do? What if I can’t support myself?

    「我之後要做什麼?」 「我養不活自己怎麼辦?」

  • Who am I if I am not a professor?

    「如果我不是教授,那我又是什麼?」

  • What if my whole life changes!?

    「我的人生完全變樣怎麼辦?!」

  • What if my whole life doesn't change?"

    「但我的人生不變又會怎樣?」

  • If I had chosen to stay in academia,

    如果我繼續待在學術領域

  • I would have paid a huge psychological price.

    我會付出極大的心理代價

  • I would have to admit that I was not strong enough

    我就得承認自己不夠堅強

  • to make different choices for myself when confronted with the truth.

    代表面對事實的時候 無法替自己做出改變

  • Be more honest liars.

    當誠實一點的騙子吧

  • Choose to become more honest about the lies you tell yourself.

    自我欺騙時,選擇誠實一點

  • Use the truth to live the most fulfilling life for you,

    讓事實帶你度過心滿意足的人生

  • because you only got one.

    因為生命只有一次

  • (Applause)

    (掌聲)

Humans are masters of self-deception.

人類是自我欺騙的專家

字幕與單字