Siri's nailed it the TBS, Siri's wipe out as well as five podcasts, including Why won't you date me?

Siri's nailed it the TBS, Siri's wipe out as well as five podcasts, including Why won't you date me?

Which is now part of the team?

現在哪個是團隊的一員？

Coco Podcast network.

可可播客網。

We're thrilled to have her.

我們很高興有她。

Please welcome my good friend Nicole Buyer.

請歡迎我的好朋友妮可-買爾。

Hey, Nicole.

嘿，妮可。

How are you?

你好嗎？

Oh, Conan, I'm great.

哦，柯南，我很好。

I had surgery this morning on my ankle.

今天早上我的腳踝做了手術。

I still have my hospital bracelets on.

我還戴著醫院的手環。

I forgot to take them off.

我忘了脫掉它們

That's right.

是的

So what?

那又怎樣？

That's what you hurt your ankle.

這就是你腳踝受傷的原因。

What did you do?

你做了什麼？

You broke it.

你把它弄壞了

I dislocated my ankle and broke my fibula because I fell down the stairs because I'm I don't know.

我腳踝脫臼，腓骨斷裂，因為我從樓梯上摔下來，因為我... ...我不知道。

I guess I'm a little clumsy.

我想我是有點笨拙。

Okay, so there was no, like drinking involved at the time.

好吧，所以沒有，像喝酒參與的時間。

No.

不知道

Unfortunately, it's the least interesting story.

不幸的是，這是最不有趣的故事。

I was just holding address, and then the dress kind of fell down and I slipped on the dress address was trying to take me out.

我只是抱著地址，然後衣服有點掉下來了，我滑到了衣服上地址是想帶我出去。

Um, you should sue the dress manufacturer.

嗯，你應該起訴禮服制造商。

You should sue the people that made the stairs.

你應該起訴做樓梯的人。

You should sue gravity.

你應該起訴地心引力。

You should sue everybody.

你應該起訴所有人。

Everybody should get sued.

每個人都應該被起訴。

I'm a super gravity first.

我是超重力第一。

You know, let's talk about something pandemic.

你知道，讓我們來談談流行病的事情。

I know you.

我認識你

You're someone that likes to have fun.

你是一個喜歡找樂子的人。

You like to have a good time.

你喜歡玩得開心。

How are you entertaining yourself while you're locked inside?

當你被關在裡面的時候，你是怎麼娛樂的？

What are you doing?

你在做什麼？

Ah, lot of things.

啊，很多事情。

Well, since I broke my body, it's a lot of sitting, scrolling through instagram and buying everything.

好吧，自從我把身體弄壞後，就經常坐著，翻閱instagram，買東西。

I confined.

我限制了。

I bought a sexy burger costume because why not that?

我買了一套性感的漢堡服，因為為什麼不買呢？

A sexy burger costume like the buns, the titty parts, the buns and there's little sesame seeds.

性感的漢堡服，比如包子，奶子部位，包子，還有小芝麻。

And then there's a little burger part at the bottom.

然後在底部還有一個小漢堡的部分。

And then there's lettuce and tomatoes is very cute.

還有就是生菜和西紅柿非常可愛。

Here it is, and this is you in the burger costume, and I have to say it's sexy.

在這裡，這是你在漢堡的服裝， 我不得不說這是性感。

This is a sexy outfit.

這是件性感的衣服。

You and some people commented.

你和一些人評論。

They're like, Why didn't you get it as a bikini?

他們會說，你為什麼不把它當比基尼穿？

And I was like, It's literally on over my clothing.

我當時想，它的字面上在我的衣服。

It is a bikini.

這是一件比基尼。

So let me ask you, would you ever wear this at the beach?

那我問你，你會不會在海邊穿這個？

See, I don't think I would ever wear it at the beach because I feel like the saltwater in the sand might ruin it, but I do think I'm gonna wear it, pulled dancing and then put a nice, jaunty McDonald's tune under it like, but I may be.

你看，我不認為我會永遠穿在沙灘上 因為我覺得像鹽水在沙子裡可能會毀了它， 但我想我會穿它，拉著跳舞，然後把一個很好的，歡快的麥當勞的曲調下，喜歡，但我可能是。

You know what McDonald's people might be happy with that they might be cool with?

你知道麥當勞的人可能會很高興，他們可能會很酷？

Yeah, And then you get a little something, you get a little paid.

是啊，然後你得到一點東西， 你得到一個小的支付。

Oh, yeah, lots of cheese.

哦，是的，很多奶酪。

Borghi's.

博爾濟的。

Oh, I meant money.

哦，我是說錢

Yeah, milkshakes.

是啊，奶昔。

No, no, no.

不，不，不。

You don't want to get paid.

你不想得到報酬。

The food is fine, But you want money from McDonald's?

飯菜是不錯，但你要麥當勞的錢？

No, no, you don't want to need that.

不，不，你不想需要這個。

Hey, let me ask you about this.

嘿，讓我問你這個問題。

You posted this.

這是你發的

It looks like you're really getting into fashion while you're in quarantine.

看來你在隔離區的時候，真的很喜歡時尚啊。

I guess it's just I like in November when I felt ill about like, now I truly just looked like trash.

我想這只是我喜歡在11月的時候，我覺得生病的喜歡，現在我真的只是看起來像垃圾。

So I was like, Let's dress up.

所以我就想，讓我們打扮一下。

And that's from Fashion Brand company.

而這是時尚品牌公司的。

This dress I'm wearing is also from Fashion brand company, and I came downstairs and the nice man who lives with me was like, Nicole, you look like patenting to goes to jail.

我穿的這件衣服也是時尚品牌公司的，我下樓的時候，和我住在一起的好心人就說，妮可，你看你像申請專利要去坐牢的。

I've never seen Paddington to, but I went on the Internet.

我沒看過《帕丁頓》 但我上了網 I've never seen Paddington to, but I went on the Internet.

I Googled and I looked just like Paddington to goes Thio see it right here.

我上網查了一下 我看了一下就像帕丁頓去了Thio看到這裡。

That's not just sort of like it's a direct rip off of Paddington to E found it.

這不就有點像直接從《帕丁頓》翻版到《E》找到的。

I was like, Oh, man, there's a real tree So funny too.

我當時想，哦，夥計，有一個真正的樹，所以太有趣了。

May have you watched Paddington, too, by the way.

對了，你可能也看了《帕丁頓》吧 May have you watched Paddington, too, by the way.

No, I haven't seen it yet, but I think I'm gonna watch it.

不，我還沒看過，但我想我會看的。

People say it's very good.

大家都說很好。

Let me tell you something.

讓我告訴你一些事情。

This is a complete side note.

這是一個完整的側記。

Someone explain to me whose opinion I really respect, that it's the perfect movie in every respect.

誰來給我解釋一下，我到底尊重誰的意見，這是一部各方面都很完美的電影。

And I thought that can't be true.

我想這不可能是真的。

And I watched it.

我看了。

And it is.

而且它是。

I'm not kidding.

我不是在開玩笑。

It is the perfect movie on every level.

這是一部在各個層面都很完美的電影。

I've also been told Paddington two is better than Paddington, you know?

我還聽說《帕丁頓二號》比《帕丁頓》好看，你知道嗎？ I've also been told Paddington two is better than Paddington, you know?

Yeah.

是啊。

No, It's like godfather to Godfather one.

不，這就像教父對教父一。

The only other film to achieve that status.

唯一一部達到這一地位的電影。

Paddington.

帕丁頓 Paddington.

Who'd a thought?

誰會想到呢？

Uh, now someone told me you're getting into farming.

呃，現在有人告訴我，你正在進入農業。

Yes, I'm a farmer.

是的，我是一個農民。

I have tomatoes, cherry tomatoes and heirlooms.

我有西紅柿，櫻桃西紅柿和傳家寶。

And now my cherry tomatoes.

現在我的櫻桃番茄。

They are giving me a pretty fruitful bounty.

他們給我的賞賜相當豐碩。

I'm having lovely harvests.

我有可愛的收穫。

Just a real treat.

只是一個真正的享受。

My heirlooms.

我的傳家寶。

On the other hand, I am not getting a fruitful bounty.

另一方面，我並沒有得到豐厚的回報。

My harvest are very small and few in between.

我的收穫很小，很少。

I also have a watermelon that I grew incorrectly.

我還有一個西瓜，我種錯了。

Too much Rhine.

太多的萊茵河。

Not enough meat.

不夠肉。

My cucumbers.

我的黃瓜。

One was good.

一個是好的。

One got all left up, messed up.

有一個人被全部留下來了，亂七八糟的。

And then, uh, the other one died on Ben.

然後，呃，另一個人死在了本。

My carrots.

我的胡蘿蔔。

I don't know what I'm doing.

我不知道我在做什麼。

They're not thriving.

他們沒有興旺發達。

Um, what else do I have?

嗯，我還有什麼？

Oh, I got peppers.

哦，我有辣椒。

That just won't grow.

這就是不會增長。

Okay, this is what I'm gonna say.

好吧，這是我要說的。

Here's the effect of quarantine on you, Nicole.

這是檢疫對你的影響，妮可。

Over the years, you and I have spoken many times, and you always talked at great length about your well, raunchy sex life.

這些年來，我和你談過很多次，你總是長篇大論地談起你那好，淫亂的性生活。

Uh, sexual matters.

呃，性問題。

You're very explicit about gentlemen that you've hooked up with, and you go into great detail, and I get very embarrassed.

你對你勾搭過的先生們說得很清楚，你說得很詳細，我很尷尬。

Now, after almost a year of quarantine, you're talking about tomatoes and carrots and how they're not thriving.

現在，經過近一年的檢疫，你說的西紅柿和胡蘿蔔怎麼不旺盛。

Is this the Is this the new Nicole buyer?

這是新的妮可買家嗎？

No, no, no, no, no.

不，不，不，不。

When life goes back to normal, which it will, I will hop back on the dicks and I will be writing them all day long.

當生活恢復正常的時候，會的，我會跳回屌絲，我會整天寫他們。

I cannot wait.

我已經等不及了

But for right now, as a lady who's scared of Corona and refuses to die for Medio farming.

但現在，作為一個害怕科羅娜，拒絕為梅迪奧養殖而死的女士。

Phallic things like my cucumbers, my parrots, I was told zucchinis or good growers so I might get some zucchinis, but it's getting It's getting to be a lot.

像我的黃瓜，我的鸚鵡，我被告知西葫蘆或良好的種植者，所以我可能會得到一些西葫蘆，但它的越來越它的越來越多。

But you think that because you're getting into this farming language that when you get into dating again, you're going to talk about your dating life.

但你認為，因為你進入了這種農耕語言，所以當你再次進入約會時，你會談論你的約會生活。

But you're gonna be using farming terminology.

但你要用農業術語。

You're gonna be saying like, Well, lately I've been dating a Penis is not thriving.

你會說，嗯，最近我一直在約會一個陰莖不興旺。

They're not thriving.

他們沒有興旺發達。

You're not developing.

你沒有發展。

I don't know what the problem is.

我不知道問題出在哪裡。

This Penis is not ready to harvest.

這個老二還沒來得及收割。

Uh, e don't think it's ready right now.

呃，我覺得現在還沒有準備好。

Let me see your nails.

讓我看看你的指甲。

Let me see those nails.

讓我看看這些指甲。

Nicole, look at those now.

妮可，看看那些現在。

What's going on there?

那裡發生了什麼？

So I got into fake nails.

於是我就開始做假指甲了。

I miss having my long nails.

我想念我的長指甲。

Can't go to a salon.

不能去美容院。

I refuse to die for my nails.

我拒絕為我的指甲而死。

So I ordered them online and they look pretty good.

於是我在網上訂購了，看起來還不錯。

That makes me happy.

這讓我很高興。

You look fantastic.

你看起來棒極了

Can I see a close up of the It looks like there's translucent ones.

我可以看到一個特寫的 它看起來像有半透明的。

Yes, this one.

是的，這個。

It's like see through.

就像看透了一樣。

Look at that.

你看那個。

It almost looks like you could have little goldfish in there swimming around.

它幾乎看起來像你可以有小金魚在那裡游來游去。

I wish because then I could take my little pet goldfish everywhere with May.

我希望，因為這樣我就可以帶著我的小寵物金魚和梅一起到處跑了。

Let me ask you a question.

讓我問你一個問題。

Why is it that women get to do that?

為什麼女人可以這樣做？

But men can't.

但男人就不行了。

I mean, why can't I get fake nails?

我是說，為什麼我不能做假指甲？

You can get fake nails.

你可以買假指甲。

Gender is a construct.

性別是一種建構。

Gendered clothing is insane.

性別化的服裝是瘋狂的。

You can wear whatever you want.

你想穿什麼都可以。

Promise you're not gonna dio funny, but just go.

我保證你不會搞笑，但你還是走吧。

Hello.

你好啊

I'm Conan O'Brien.

我是柯南-奧布萊恩 I'm Conan O'Brien.

I'm thriving.

我在茁壯成長。

I'm doing well.

我做得很好。

I want fake nails, and I'm living.

我想要假指甲，而且我還活著。

You know what?

你知道嗎？

Next time that you and I are together in the same space, I want to get fake nails put on do that fully and drag.

下次你和我在同一個空間裡，我想把假指甲塗上做那充分和拖。

You want me fully and drag?

你想讓我完全和拖？

Yeah, heels and everything.

是啊，高跟鞋和一切。

You'd be the tallest drag queen.

你會是最高的變裝皇后。

You've also got a nice, slender body.

你的身材也很好，很修長。

So clothing, but just hang off of you.

所以衣服，不過是掛在你身上。

You've got a full head of hair.

你有滿頭的頭髮。

So maybe we could do like a little like a short maybe slick.

所以，也許我們可以做一個小的像一個短的也許光滑。

Do I see it for you?

我給你看嗎？

So you think I'd make a great drag queen?

所以你認為我是一個偉大的變裝皇后？

Yes.

是的，我知道

I think you'd be stunning.

我覺得你會很驚豔。

I actually might be a lot more attractive in drag.

其實我穿上衣服可能更有吸引力。

I think it's common.

我覺得這很常見。

You gotta stop with this whole self deprecating thing.

你得停止這種自我貶低的事情。

You're stunning.

你真漂亮

You have all of your teeth.

你有你所有的牙齒。

Your skin is so smooth and you have two eyes and look at that.

你的皮膚好光滑，你有兩隻眼睛，看看。

But thank you for setting the lowest bar ever for me.

但謝謝你為我設置了有史以來最低的門檻。

Nicole, you have functioning eyes.

妮可，你有功能的眼睛。

Your ocular jelly is in the orbits, and it's functioning.

你的眼球果凍在眼眶裡，它的功能。

So you're gorgeous.

所以，你是華麗的。

You're right.

你是對的

Well, you've pumped me up.

好吧，你給我打氣了。

I now think I'm a male model, so thank you very much for that.

我現在覺得我是個男模，所以非常感謝你。

I want to congratulate you.

我想祝賀你。

Also, because your podcast why don't you date me?

還有，因為你的播客，你為什麼不和我約會？

Which, by the way, I do want to mention, uh is now part of the team Coco Podcast network.

其中，順便說一下，我想提一下，呃現在是可可播客網團隊的一部分。

And we're thrilled to be working with you because you are hilarious and lovely and very entertaining.

我們很高興能和你合作，因為你很搞笑，很可愛，很有娛樂性。

Always.

總是這樣

But your podcast one a big award.

但你的播客一個大獎。

You won best female host for a podcast.

你贏得了播客的最佳女主持人。

There's like a million podcasts out there and you won and you beat out some huge competition.

有像一百萬播客在那裡，你贏了，你擊敗了一些巨大的競爭。

Yes, it's because I host four podcasts at this point.

是的，因為我現在主持四個播客。

So they were like, I don't know, she has them all.

所以他們就說，我不知道，她都有。

We have to give her an award.

我們要給她頒獎。

You're being a little modest.

你有點謙虛了。

I think you did deserve to win.

我覺得你確實應該贏。

Well, I'm happy for you.

好吧，我為你高興。

I'm glad that your leg is on the mend.

我很高興你的腿已經好了。

Why won't you date me?

你為什麼不和我約會？

Is available wherever you can get your podcasts and wipe out is gonna be coming soon to TBS.

是可以在任何地方得到你的播客，消滅是會很快來到TBS。

Congratulations on that.

恭喜你了。

You are a crazy busy.

你是一個瘋狂的忙。

I don't know how you do it, but I'm glad you're doing it.

我不知道你是怎麼做到的，但我很高興你能做到。

Oh, well, thank you, Koenen.

哦，好吧，謝謝你，Koenen。

All right.

好吧，我知道了

And I will talk to you soon.

我很快就會和你聯繫

Yes, OK.

好的，好的。

Bye.

掰掰

Bye, Konen.

再見，柯南