I'm perfectly focused.

我非常專注。

This guy over here, right before the kids, like if I'm focused.

這個傢伙在這裡，就在孩子們面前，就像如果我專注。

Look at my hair.

看看我的頭髮。

I'm so focus is like the focus is blowing my hair back.

我的焦點就像焦點一樣，把我的頭髮都吹散了。

You know what?

你知道嗎？

Yourself, doctor.

你自己，醫生。

I'm sorry you had to see that.

我很抱歉讓你看到這一切

I'm also kind of happy you did.

我也挺高興你這麼做的。

Welcome to a late show.

歡迎來到晚間節目。

I am your host, Stephen Colbert.

我是你們的主持人，斯蒂芬・科爾伯特

Folks, this country is just emerged from four years of historic corruption, stunning incompetence and criminal negligence.

鄉親們，這個國家剛剛從四年的歷史性腐敗、驚人的無能和過失犯罪中走出來。

But Biden's been president for six days.

但拜登已經當了六天總統了。

Why hasn't he fixed everything yet?

為什麼他還沒有把所有的東西都修好？

I mean, the first, everything he has to be fixed is coronavirus.

我的意思是，第一，他要解決的一切問題都是冠狀病毒。

And I'll catch you up on the latest in tonight's edition of Catch A Third Wave.

而我將在今晚的《抓住第三次浪潮》中為大家介紹最新的情況。

Endless bummer, something.

無盡的無賴，什麼。

Well, I haven't vaccine it anywhere.

我還沒有在任何地方注射疫苗呢

A little prick.

一個小刺頭。

Get it?

明白了嗎？

Yeah.

是啊。

Hey, stop it.

嘿，停止它。

That stuff is toxic.

那東西是有毒的。

I'm get it out of here.

我要離開這裡

Yeah, yeah, sure.

是啊，是啊，當然。

You in this time, co vid the United States just past 25 million cove in 19 cases, there haven't been that many cases off something since Angela Lansbury cleaned up the mean streets of Cabot Cove.

你在這個時候，co vid美國剛剛過去的2500萬灣在19個案例中，還沒有那麼多的案例關閉的東西，因為安吉拉-蘭斯伯裡清理了卡博特灣的平均街道。

So many murderers in New England.

新英格蘭有這麼多的殺人犯

The U.

U.

S got his first diagnosed case on January 21st of last year and since then has averaged one new infection every 1.2 seconds.

S在去年1月21日第一次被診斷出病例，此後平均每1.2秒就有一個新的感染病例。

And to put that in perspective, look at the person on your left.

為了讓大家看清這一點，看看你左邊的人。

Now look at the person on your right.

現在看看你右邊的人。

Now get the hell out of there because it's been three seconds, you're all infected.

現在趕緊離開那裡，因為已經過了三秒鐘，你們都被感染了。

The vaccine is given people hope.

疫苗給人們帶來了希望。

But so far, distribution has been a disaster.

但到目前為止，分銷是一場災難。

Other countries have been able to distribute their vaccines.

其他國家已經能夠分發其疫苗。

So why is it so messed up in America?

那為什麼美國會這麼亂呢？

You guessed it.

你猜對了

The previous administration did a horrible job planning it.

上屆政府的規劃做得很糟糕。

How bad?

有多糟？

The new head of the 500 Dr Rochelle Walensky says.

500的新任負責人羅謝爾-瓦倫斯基博士說。

We're not even sure how bad things are.

我們甚至不知道事情有多糟糕。

I would say one of the biggest problems right now is I can't tell you how much vaccine we have.

我想說，現在最大的一個問題是我不能告訴你我們有多少疫苗。

It turns out when the ex president ordered vaccines under the amount he just wrote, Biggie size it.

原來，當前總統訂購疫苗的金額低於他剛才寫的金額時，大吉大小。

Well, Lansky continued, The fact that we don't know today, five days into this administration and weeks into planning how much vaccine we have just gives you a sense with the challenges we've been left with.

好吧，Lansky繼續說，事實上，我們不知道今天，五天到這個政府和周規劃多少疫苗，我們只是給你一個感覺與我們已經離開的挑戰。

How would you even describe coming into office with that situation?

這種情況下，你怎麼形容上任呢？

We started off with empty cupboards.

我們先是空著櫃子。

The last administration left us nothing.

上屆政府什麼也沒給我們留下。

He's right about the empty cupboards part.

他說的對，空櫥櫃的部分。

The Bidens found no food in the White House.

比登夫婦在白宮裡沒有發現任何食物。

Just to note that says baking soda is the worst soda.

只是要注意，說小蘇打是最差的蘇打。

Got this toe work.

得到這個腳趾的工作。

Now I got this to work isn't great.

現在，我得到這個工作是不是很大。

It isn't that great Now.

現在還沒那麼好。

It's kind of funny, but it doesn't.

這有點好笑，但並沒有。

It's not silly string anymore.

這不是傻串了。

It's now a silly spurt doesn't make a string form.

現在是傻傻的噴發不做串聯的形式。

All of this will be edited out.

這些都會被編輯出來。

Obviously, President Biden has a plan to combat the pandemic, with more vaccines and testing, a swell as emergency funding to state and local governments and $1400 checks for average Americans.

很明顯，拜登總統有一個抗擊流行病的計劃，有更多的疫苗和測試，作為州和地方政府的緊急資金，以及普通美國人的1400美元支票的膨脹。

It's the $1.9 trillion American rescue plan, but this relief plan is already running into trouble.

這是1.9萬億美元的美國救援計劃，但這個救援計劃已經遇到了麻煩。

You see, This weekend, a bipartisan group of senators took issue with the Bills price tag, with Maine's Angus King saying, This isn't monopoly money.

你看，這個週末，兩黨參議員對法案的標價提出了異議，緬因州的安格斯-金說，這不是壟斷錢。

All right, let me put this in a way Angus King can understand.

好吧，讓我用安格斯-金能理解的方式來表達。

No, sir, it's not monopoly money, but holding up this relief operation really does boggle the mind.

不，先生，這不是壟斷資金，但耽誤了這次救援行動，真的讓人摸不著頭腦。

Doesn't take a mastermind to see that the people are in trouble because life ain't no candy land.

不需要高手就能看出人們的麻煩，因為生活不是糖果樂園。

We're just going to the grocery store is a risk.

我們只是去雜貨店是一個風險。

Yeah.

是啊。

Jenga.

仁加。

Hello.

你好啊

Oh, my God.

哦，我的上帝。

I have a feeling that I just did something very expensive.

我有一種感覺，我剛剛做了一件很貴的事情。

Oh, Uh huh.

哦，嗯哼。

One holdover from the previous administration is Dr Anthony Fauci.

上屆政府留下的一個人是Anthony Fauci博士。

And after just one day of working for Biden, you could really feel the difference.

而在為拜登工作一天後，你就能真正感受到這種不同。

That's him working for the former president on the left.

那是他為左派的前總統工作。

And that's him on day one off working for Biden.

這是他為拜登工作的第一天休息時間

That's the face of a man who no longer has to present his findings v a puppet show and scratch and sniff.

這就是一個人的面孔，他不再需要把自己的發現訴給木偶戲，搔首弄姿。

In an interview with The New York Times, our factory said the former president was always trying to minimize the global pandemic, explaining I would try to express the gravity of the situation on the response of the president was always leaning toward Well, it's not that bad, right?

在接受《紐約時報》採訪時，我們的工廠說，前總統總是試圖儘量減少全球大流行病，解釋說我會試圖表達情況的嚴重性對總統的反應總是傾向於嗯，這不是那麼糟糕，對嗎？

And I would say yes, it is that bad, adding the president were called me up and say, Why are you being so negative?

我想說是的，就是這麼嚴重，加總裁都給我打電話說，你怎麼這麼消極？

Ist ic be more positive.

我覺得應該更積極一些

In fact, the former president was so committed to staying positive, he tested positive, then spread that positivity everywhere he went.

事實上，這位前總統非常致力於保持積極性，他的檢測結果呈陽性，然後將這種積極性傳播到他所到之處。

It's all in the upcoming movie Spray It Forward.

這一切都在即將上映的電影《噴子向前衝》中。

America's X was also in the wacky cures without proof foul, she remembers.

她記得，美國的X也是在古怪的治療沒有證明犯規。

The president would get calls from Iran does and he would take justice seriously.

總統會接到伊朗確實的電話，他會認真對待正義。

Their opinion based on no data.

他們的意見是基於沒有數據的。

Just anecdote that something might really be important.

只是軼事，有些東西可能真的很重要。

It wasn't just hydroxy Clark when it was a variety of alternative medicine type approaches.

不僅僅是羥基克拉克，當是各種替代醫學類型的方法。

It was always, ah, guy called me up.

它總是，啊，傢伙叫我起來。

Ah, friend of mine from blah, blah, blah.

啊，我的朋友從什麼什麼地方來的。

I'm sure everything the president recommended was peer reviewed in The New England Journal of Yada Yada Yada, you get the drift.

我相信總統推薦的所有東西都在《新英格蘭雜誌》的同行評議過，你懂的。

Dr.

博士

Fauci is not the only one from the Coronavirus Task Force spelling the co vid 90 so his former White House coronavirus response coordinator and med school choir director saying, Your fever should be down here.

Fauci不是唯一一個從冠狀病毒工作組拼寫的co vid 90所以他的前白宮冠狀病毒反應協調員和醫學院合唱團主任說，你的發燒應該在這裡。

Dr.

博士

Debra Berks Brooks appeared on Face the Brendan with Margaret Nation and revealed the ex president was getting mawr than suggestions from outside sources.

黛布拉-伯克斯-布魯克斯出現在 "面對布倫丹 "上，與瑪格麗特-國家一起，並透露前總統正在獲得毛比外界的建議。

There was parallel data stream coming into the White House that we're not transparently utilized, so I know that someone or someone out there or someone inside was creating a parallel set of data and graphics that were shown to the president.

有平行的數據流進入白宮，我們沒有透明地利用，所以我知道，外面有人或內部有人在創建一組平行的數據和圖形，並向總統展示。

I saw the president presenting graphs that I never made has gotta suck.

我看到總統展示了我從未做過的圖，這一定很糟糕。

You spent all night preparing your slideshow, explaining US infection rates.

你花了一晚上的時間準備你的幻燈片，解釋美國的感染率。

And then the president goes out and shows everyone a graph ranking his chicken McNugget dips in order of saw awesomeness.

然後總統出去給大家看了一張圖，把他的麥樂雞蘸醬按可怕程度排序。

Awesome sauce, Awesomeness!

厲害的醬料，厲害！

Dr Burke's also provided a suspect.

伯克醫生還提供了一個嫌疑人。

I know now why watching some of the tapes that certainly Scott Atlas brought in parallel data streams.

我現在知道為什麼看一些錄音帶，肯定斯科特-阿特拉斯帶來的並行數據流。

And if the rumors are true, the former president will pay extra for streams.

而如果傳言屬實，前總統將額外支付流。

It's the fine baby joke.

這是細寶寶的笑話。

We'll see.

等著瞧吧

Well, see, Speaking of which, the ex president is in deep Doo doo.

嗯，看，說到這裡，前總統陷入了深深的困境。

I'll tell you all about it in tonight's Don and the Giant impeached to go fast were furious.

我在今晚的唐和巨人彈劾走快都會告訴你，他們都很憤怒。

President is inciting evil.

總統在煽動邪惡。

It's very sticky.

很粘稠。

In our last episode, the former POTUS became the first president ever to be impeached.

在我們的上一集裡，前總統成為第一位被彈劾的總統。

Twice.

兩次

Those are the only two times has ever won the popular vote well.

那是僅有的兩次贏得民選好。

Tonight, members of the House of Representatives officially walked the article over to the Senate.

今晚，眾議院的成員正式將文章走到了參議院。

Now they did this once before, but last time they didn't have to step over so much shattered glass and poop streaks.

現在，他們以前也做過一次，但上次他們不用踩過那麼多碎玻璃和大便的痕跡。

But we're not gonna be hearing a hearing anytime soon because the Senate has decided to hit pause for two weeks because Demas want President Biden to be able to fill his Cabinet and begin work on his agenda.

但我們不會在短期內舉行聽證會 因為參議院決定暫停兩週 因為民主黨希望拜登總統能夠組建內閣 並開始執行他的計劃

And Republicans want to give the former president time to prepare his defense.

而共和黨人希望給前總統準備辯護的時間。

That's right.

是的

Rudy Giuliani needs time to eat a big bowl of chili and load up on head juice.

魯迪-朱利安尼需要時間去吃一大碗辣椒，裝滿頭汁。

But most Republicans aren't eager to convict like South Dakota.

但大多數共和黨人並不像南達科他州那樣急於定罪。

Senator Guy asking if your dad band needs a second bass player.

Guy參議員問你爸爸的樂隊是否需要第二個貝斯手？

Mike Rounds.

Mike Rounds.

Yesterday rounds was asked about impeachment and he had a creative Dodge.

昨天圓圓被問到彈劾的問題，他有一個創造性的躲避。

Do you believe Donald Trump committed an impeachable offenses to begin with?

你認為唐納德-特朗普一開始就犯了可彈劾的罪行嗎？

I think it's a moot point because I think right now Donald Trump is no longer the president.

我認為這是一個不切實際的問題，因為我認為現在唐納德-特朗普不再是總統。

He is a former president, so you just wanna let him get off scot free for insurrection because he's no longer in power.

他是前總統，所以你只是想讓他逍遙法外，因為他已經不再掌權了。

That's like a quitting Jeffrey Dahmer's because he's full, another Republican who thinks impeachment is a bad move is Florida senator and man shunned from the cool Senators lunch table, Marco Rubio.

這就像一個退出傑弗裡-達默的，因為他是完整的，另一個認為彈劾是一個糟糕的舉動的共和黨人是佛羅里達州參議員和男人避開了酷似參議員的午餐桌，Marco Rubio。

Yesterday, Rubio said he thinks impeachment is dangerous.

昨天，盧比奧表示，他認為彈劾很危險。

First, I think the trial is stupid.

首先，我認為審判是愚蠢的。

I think it's counterproductive.

我覺得這樣會適得其反。

We already have a flaming fire in this country, and it's like taking a bunch of gasoline and pouring it on top of the fire.

我們這個國家已經有了一團火焰，這就像拿一堆汽油澆在火上一樣。

Oh, there's a flaming fire, you stupid idiot.

哦，有一個燃燒的火，你這個愚蠢的白痴。

But you don't want to hold the arsonist accountable because you're afraid you'll be primary by the Kindle ing.

但你不想追究縱火者的責任，因為你怕你會被Kindle ing的初級。

But what Republican who hasn't pawned his moral compass is Utah senator and magician watching his favorite dove fly away forever?

但哪個共和黨人沒有當過自己的道德指南針，就是猶他州參議員和魔術師，看著自己喜歡的鴿子永遠飛走？

Mitt Romney.

米特-羅姆尼

When asked if impeachment was an appropriate measure, Romney said.

當被問及彈劾是否是一項適當的措施時，羅姆尼說：。

This well, yes, I believe that what is being alleged and what we saw, which is incitement to insurrection, is an impeachable offenses.

這個... ...是的，我相信，我們所看到的被指控的東西，也就是煽動叛亂，是一種可被彈劾的罪行。

Good for Romney.

對羅姆尼有好處

He has found the courage to break ranks with his Republican colleagues and take the bold stance that trying to murder us is bad.

他找到了與共和黨同事決裂的勇氣，並採取大膽的立場，即試圖謀殺我們是壞事。

But despite some senators open mindedness about impeachment, it's largely going to be partisan, one Republican senator said.

不過，儘管一些參議員對彈劾持開放態度，但一位共和黨參議員表示，這主要是要進行黨派鬥爭。

Many view it as a game of shirts and skins.

很多人把它看成是一場襯衫和皮膚的遊戲。

I watched the video of that riot.

我看了那場騷亂的視頻。

It's really shirts and skinheads.

其實就是襯衫和光頭黨。

Over the weekend, we learned yet another reason why the former president should be removed from the office he's already been removed from, According to The New York Times, the then president plotted to fire acting attorney general on man who just burped into his own mask, Jeffrey Rosen and replace him with Justice Department official and Elton John.

週末，我們瞭解到前總統應該被從他已經被撤職的辦公室的另一個原因，據紐約時報報道，當時的總統策劃解僱代理司法部長對剛剛打嗝到自己的面具的人，傑弗裡羅森，並用司法部官員和埃爾頓約翰取代他。

If you went to law school, Jeffrey Clark, here's what happened from the moment Bill Bar announced his resignation.

如果你上過法學院，傑弗裡-克拉克，這裡是比爾-巴爾宣佈辭職的那一刻起發生的事情。

The then president pressured Rosen, the acting attorney general, to use the power of the Justice Department to interfere in the election.

當時的總統向代理檢察長羅森施壓，要求他動用司法部的權力干預選舉。

Rosen refused.

羅森拒絕了。

Meanwhile, Clark, sucking up to the president like a lamprey streetwalker, drafted a letter that he wanted rose and descended.

與此同時，克拉克像燈籠草一樣吸吮著總統，起草了一封他想玫瑰而降的信。

Georgia state legislators that wrongly said that the Justice Department was investigating accusations of voter fraud in their state and that they should move to avoid Biden's win there.

佐治亞州議員，錯誤地表示司法部正在調查他們州的選民欺詐指控，他們應該採取行動，以避免拜登在那裡獲勝。

And if that worked, they send Georgians new stickers that said, I voted, but then some guy wrote a letter, so forget it.

如果成功了，他們就會給喬治亞人寄去新的貼紙，上面寫著：我投了票，但有人寫了一封信，所以算了。

Rosen, who evidently and check me on this owns the spine, refused to send the letter, but Clark went straight to the president, who surprise just loved the idea.

羅森，誰顯然和檢查我在這擁有的脊柱，拒絕發送信件，但克拉克直接去總統，誰驚喜只是喜歡這個想法。

So Rosen got a call from Clark telling him the president intended to replace Rosen with Clark, who could then try to stop Congress from certifying the Electoral College results.

於是羅森接到克拉克的電話，告訴他總統打算用克拉克取代羅森，然後克拉克可以試圖阻止國會認證選舉團的結果。

I don't know exactly how Clark thought he was gonna do that, but I have a pretty good idea what he was gonna wear.

我不知道克拉克到底是怎麼想的，但我很清楚他要穿什麼。

Clark then added that Rosen could stay on as his deputy attorney general, leaving Mr Rosen speechless.

克拉克隨後補充說，羅森可以繼續擔任他的副檢察長，讓羅森先生無話可說。

Yeah, I'd be speechless, too.

是啊，我也會很無語。

That's like a husband saying, Honey, I realize you're not on board with me having a secret affair with Lorraine, But how about we get a divorce?

這就像一個丈夫說："親愛的，我知道你不同意我和Lorraine有祕密關係，但我們離婚怎麼樣？

I openly bang Lorraine, and now you can watch.

我公開和洛林上床，現在你可以看了。

Not only do the former president's attempt to steal the 2020 election fail get him impeached in land hundreds of violent morons in jail.

不僅前總統試圖竊取2020年大選失敗讓他被彈劾在土地上數百名暴力的白痴在監獄裡。

It's also made some big problems for attorney and replicant failing the void Comp test Rudy Giuliani This morning, Rudy woke up to some bad news.

這也讓一些大問題律師和複製人未能通過無效的Comp測試Rudy Giuliani今天早上，Rudy醒來時聽到一些壞消息。

You see, the manufacturer of the voting machines that Rudy claims stole the election for Biden Dominion Voting Systems is suing him for $1.3 billion over his baseless election claims.

你看 魯迪聲稱為拜登竊取選舉的投票機制造商 多米尼克投票系統公司 因其毫無根據的選舉指控而起訴他索賠13億美元。

Rudy, you've got to very difficult choices.

魯迪，你必須做出非常艱難的選擇。

A learn how to win a lawsuit or be come up with a way to raise $1.3 billion.

A學習如何打贏一場官司，或被想出一個籌集13億美元的方法。

I'm just saying New York could always use a new bikini car wash.

我只是說，紐約可以一直使用 一個新的比基尼洗車。

Mm hmm.

嗯哼。

As you may recall, from memories that you've repressed, Rudy spent months accusing Dominion voting machines of rigging the election on the orders of the ghost off Venezuelan strongman Hugo Chavez.

你可能還記得 從你壓抑的記憶中 魯迪花了幾個月的時間指責多米尼克公司的投票機 在委內瑞拉強人烏戈・查韋斯的命令下操縱選舉。

But as the lawsuit points out, Dominion was not founded in Venezuela to fix elections for Hugo Chavez.

但正如訴訟所指出的那樣，多米尼克公司在委內瑞拉成立並不是為了給烏戈-查韋斯安排選舉。

It was founded in 2002 in Toronto to help blind people vote on paper ballots.

它於2002年在多倫多成立，幫助盲人用紙質選票投票。

Ha, ha!

哈，哈！

But perhaps the blind people only thought they were in Toronto.

但也許盲人只以為自己在多倫多。

But we're really listening to prerecorded moose mating calls inside Chavez Venezuelan Vote Farm A.

但我們真的是在查韋斯委內瑞拉投票農場A內聽預先錄製的麋鹿交配叫聲。

The lawsuit claims that Rudy spread his lies to enrich himself through his podcast, where he exploited election falsehoods to market gold coins, supplements cigars and protection from cyber thieves and, of course, his most popular product, gold plated cyber secure Boehner cigars.

訴訟稱，魯迪通過他的播客傳播謊言來斂財，他利用選舉虛假資訊推銷金幣、補品雪茄和防網絡竊賊，當然還有他最受歡迎的產品--鍍金網絡安全博納雪茄。

We got a great show for you tonight.

我們今晚為你準備了一場精彩的演出。

My guest is Serena Williams, but when we return, I preview the Super Bowl.

我的嘉賓是Serena Williams 但當我們回來的時候 我將預演超級碗的比賽