字幕列表 影片播放 列印英文字幕 (upbeat music) (knocking) - There he is. - Happy Valentine's Day!! - Ooh nice coat. - Thank you. - So, no date? - No, canceled. Please tell me I'm not the only single person here. - Well there's also Stacey, who fell asleep on the Purple Harmony Pillow and hasn't moved in five hours. - Are you sure he's alive? - He's breathing, but no amount of poking seems to amount to anything. That pillow is very comfortable. - Should I go for the eye? - No. - No. - No. - NO? - [Both] No. - Well once again, Tinder has failed me. - Ooh, Tinder's not so great. - You should download Noser, you can only post pictures of your nostrils and there's no talking allowed. - That's where Mal and I met, but we also matched on Coal Digger. It's like gold digging, but for poor people. - Steven and I met on Sofa, where you take a picture of your sofa, it was love at first sight. - With his sofa? - You know that little indent you get on the couch when you've been sitting in the same spot for 10 years? - [All] Yeah. - Well the indent of my heart was filled... - Don't finish that thought. - ...by his heart's butt. - Aw. - You guys. - Exactly as bad as I thought it was gonna be. - I love you. - We actually met in real life. - Oh see I like that, no app. - And then we realized that that was a sham, so we broke up, and then re-met online and now we are happy. - We weren't before. - No we were not. - We tried so many different apps. Like Emotional Baggage, where you have to upload a recording of yourself crying during therapy. It's real raw. - Oh so raw. She said some things that I cannot un-hear. Or Rebound, where if you date enough people, you get to play a pickup game versus Lebron James. - Lebron James? - There's meetaninmate.com. - Can't get ghosted there. - True. - Well unless they kill you and they you become a real ghost, but then you could just use the ghost apps. For the dead. - Which reminds me, Hunger Dates. - Is that Hunger Games? - Survival of the finest. - Woo woo. - Ancestry.com. - Yeah. Wait, no. - That is not a dating app. - I've been using it wrong. - What? - Okay. - How did you think you were using it? - It's okay. - Guys, I just got a notification on Formdurm. (mumbles) Yeah yeah yeah, it's a dating app, where you collect like badookie dook points, and then it takes your ooh ooh score, and matches you with someone with the same number of oohs and then legally marries you. - Okay so did you just get engaged? - No, I'm married. Yeah! - Congrats. Oh my goodness how is anyone still single? - Congrats. - Dating is so easy. (doorbell ringing) - Hi. Is Adam here? - Hi, do I know you? - No, no I found you on the dating app Stalker, it's really great because only one person knows what's going on. Come on. ♪ You are the first thing I would find ♪ - This is your shot. - This is it. You're both single so it's perfect. - Guys, fun fact. I legitimately fell asleep using the Purple Harmony Pillow during the filming of this sketch. It just is like, it's so cool on both sides, and it just cradles the pressure points. Anyways, check out more videos, more sketches we have, they're hilarious, and check out merch. Everything's in the description below, live your best life.