OUR "COLBERT QUESTIONNAIRE"

我們的 "哥倫比亞調查問卷"

EXTRAVAGANZ-ERT.

EXTRAVAGANZ-ERT.

I HOPE YOU'VE BEEN PLAYING ALONG AT HOME TO FIND OUT IF

我希望你已經在家裡玩了，看看是否有

YOU'RE MORE OF A TOM HANKS OR A MERYLL STREEP.

你更像湯姆-漢克斯或梅里爾-史翠普。

AND IF IT TURNS OUT YOU'RE EITHER ONE OF THEM, COME

如果發現你是他們中的任何一個，來吧。

BACK ON MY SHOW!

回到我的節目！

I'M A HUGE FAN.

我是一個巨大的風扇。

NEXT UP: THE ONE, AND PRESUMABLY ONLY, GEORGE CLOONEY.

下一位： 唯一的，也是最重要的，喬治・克魯尼。

GEORGE, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE, ALWAYS A PLEASURE,

喬治，謝謝你這麼多的光臨， 總是很高興。

SECOND TIME I'VE HAD YOU IN SIX YEARS.

這是我六年來第二次和你在一起了。

THE PACE IS REALLY PICKING UP.

速度真的加快了。

I RARELY GET TO TALK WITH YOU.

我很少和你說話。

AND IN TV INTERVIEWS, IT'S SOMETIMES HARD TO GET TO THE

而在電視採訪中，它有時很難得到的。

CORE OF A GUEST IN A SHORT PERIOD OF TIME.

核心的客人在很短的時間內。

BUT, OBVIOUSLY, THAT'S MY JOB.

但是，很明顯，這是我的工作。

SO WHAT WE'VE DEVISED HERE AT THE SHOW IS A WAY TO GET THE

所以，我們在展會上制定的是一個讓大家都知道的方法。

ESSENCE OF A GUEST IN JUST 15 QUESTIONS.

客人的本質在短短15個問題中。

IT'S CALLED THE "COLBERT QUESTIONNAIRE."

這就是所謂的 "科爾伯特問卷"。

GEORGE CLOONEY, ARE YOU READY TO SIT FOR THE QUESTIONNAIRE?

GEORGE CLOONEY，你準備好回答問題了嗎？

>> I AM, STEPHEN.

>> 我是，史蒂芬。

I'M READY.

我準備好了。

>> Stephen: OKAY, HERE WE GO.

>> Stephen:好吧，在這裡，我們去。

NUMBER ONE, GEORGE CLOONEY WHAT IS THE BEST SANDWICH?

一號，喬治-克勞尼 什麼是最好的三明治？

>> I LIKE A HAM SANDWICH.

>> 我喜歡吃火腿三文治。

>> Stephen: JUST-- JUST HAM?

>> 史蒂芬：只是--只是火腿？

YOU DON'T WANT-- >> OH, YOU MEAN THE WHOLE THING.

你不想要... ... 哦，你是說整個事情。

HAM, LETTUCE, TOMATO, A LITTLE MUSTARD ON IT, A LITTLE TOASTED.

火腿，生菜，番茄，一點芥末在上面， 一點點烤。

MAYBE A POTATO BREAD.

也許是一個洋芋麵包。

>> Stephen: VERY SIMILAR ANSWER TO MR. HANKS.

>> Stephen:非常相似的答案先生。HANKS。

OKAY, WHAT'S THE ONE THING YOU OWN THAT YOU REALLY SHOULD THROW

好吧，你有什麼東西應該扔掉？

OUT?

OUT？

>> UHM...

>> UHM...

MY FLOWBEE, APPARENTLY.

我的花蜂，顯然。

I SHOULD THROW IT OUT.

我應該把它扔出去。

>> Stephen: WUF BEEN DOING YOUR OWN LANDSCAPING?

>> Stephen:WUF一直在做你自己的土地美化？

>> FOR A WHILE NOW.

>>現在暫時。

>> Stephen: WHAT'S THE SCARIEST ANIMAL, GEORGE?

>> 史蒂芬：什麼是最可怕的動物，喬治？

>> SCARIEST ANIMAL.

>> 最可怕的動物：

IN THE SAFARI WORLD, WHICH I DID FINALLY GO ON ONE OF THESE?

在薩法裡的世界裡，我終於去了其中的一個？

THE HIPPO.

HIPPO：

NOBODY-- THE HIPPO IS THE ONE THAT WILL GET YOU.

沒有人... ... HIPPO是一個會得到你。

>> Stephen: YEAH, THAT'S TRUE.

>> Stephen:是的，這是真的。

>> THE HIPPO.

>> HIPPO。

>> Stephen: APPLES OR ORANGES, GEORGE?

>> 蘋果還是橘子，喬治？

>> OH, APPLES.

>> 哦，蘋果。

>> Stephen: OBVIOUSLY, BECAUSE YOU CAN PUT PEANUT BUTTER ON A

>> Stephen:很明顯，因為你可以把花生醬放上。

SLICE OF APPLE.

蘋果片。

>> YOU CAN DO ANYTHING WITH AN APPLE.

>> 你可以用蘋果做任何事情。

YOU CAN MAKE A BONG OUT OF AN APPLE.

你可以用蘋果做一個棒子。

( LAUGHTER ).

（笑）：

>> Stephen: THANK YOU!

>> Stephen:謝謝你！

THANK YOU!

謝謝你！

YOU KNOW-- >> TELL THAT TO YOUR KIDS.

你知道 -- >> 告訴你的孩子。

>> Stephen: I THINK IT'S WAY TOO LATE.

>> Stephen:我想現在太晚了

OKAY, HAVE YOU EVER ASKED SOMEONE FOR THEIR AUTOGRAPH?

好吧，你有沒有問過別人要他們的自拍照？

>> YES.

>> 是。

MANY PEOPLE.

很多人。

I WAS-- GREW UP IN CINCINNATI.

我是 -- 在辛辛那提長大的。

I WAS A HUGE CINCINNATI REDS BASEBALL FAN.

我曾是辛辛那提紅軍的忠實球迷。

I HAVE JOHNNY BENCH'S SIGNATURE.

我有約翰尼-本奇的簽名。

I HAVE JOE MORGAN'S SIGNATURE.

我有喬-摩根的簽名。

I HAVE PETE ROSE'S SIGNATURE ON BASEBALL.

我在棒球上有佩特-羅斯的簽名。

>> Stephen: WOW, WOW.

>> Stephen:哇哦，哇哦。

WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENS WHEN WE DIE, GEORGE?

你覺得我們死後會發生什麼，喬治？

>> I DON'T KNOW.

>> 我不知道。

I WAS ALWAYS, FOR ME, NOT A PARTICULARLY RELIGIOUS GUY.

對我來說，我一直都不是一個特別有宗教信仰的人。

I WAS RAISED CATHOLIC, AS UPPER.

我是虔誠的天主教徒，作為上等人。

AND I-- I EVENTUALLY SORT OF MOVED AWAY FROM THAT FOR ME.

而我... ... 我最終還是離開了那個對我來說。

NOT QUESTIONING OTHER PEOPLE'S RELIGION, JUST QUESTIONIN MY

不是在質疑別人的宗教信仰，只是在質疑我的宗教信仰。

OWN SORT OF BELIEFS.

自己的某種信念。

BUT AS I GET OLDER, I START RENEGOTIATING THINGS A LITTLE

但隨著年齡的增長，我開始重新考慮一些事情。

BIT.

BIT。

AND I... AND YOU START THINKING, WELL, MAYBE THERE'S SOMETHING.

而我...然後你開始想，嗯，也許有什麼東西。

( LAUGHS ) MAYBE THERE'S A-- MAYBE THERE'S

（笑） 也許有一個 - 也許有一個。

A BAR SOMEWHERE WHERE YOU CAN JUST HANG.

一個可以讓你掛的地方的酒吧。

>> Stephen: I LIKE THAT.

>> Stephen:我喜歡這樣。

>> I'M RENEGOTIATING AS A AGE.

>> 我在重新考慮作為一個行動。

>> Stephen: ANOTHER GOOD.

>> Stephen:另一個好的。

FAVORITE ACTION MOVIE.

最喜歡的動作片。

>> FAVORITE ACTION MOVIE.

>> 最喜歡的動作片：

THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION.

這是一個很好的問題。

ALL RIGHT, LET ME THINK QUICKLY, WHAT'S ONE I JUST ABSOLUTELY

好吧，讓我快速思考，什麼是一個我只是絕對的

LOVE.

愛。

I STILL DIG "DIEHARD AM SM BRUCE WILLIS WAS SO GREAT IN THAT

我仍然覺得 "DIEHARD AM SM BRUCE WILLIS在那部電影中表現得很好"。

SERIES, THE FIRST ONE IN PARTICULAR.

系列，特別是第一部。

>> Stephen: SIDE QUESTION, NOT ON THE CARD, IS "DIE HARD" A

>> 史蒂芬: 側面問題，不在卡片上，"DIE HARD "是一個。

CHRISTMAS MOVIE?

CHRISTMAS MOVIE？

>> ABSOLUTELY NOT.

>> 絕對不是。

IT IS NOT.

它不是。

>> Stephen: WOW, YOU REALIZE THAT IS A CONTROVERSIAL ANSWER.

>> Stephen:哇，你意識到這是一個有爭議的答案。

>> I KNOW.

>> 我知道。

BUT IT ISN'T.

但它不是。

>> Stephen: IT'S BEEN ESTABLISHED IN THE CANON OF

>> 斯蒂芬：它已經在《聖典》中確立了。

CHRISTMAS MOVIES, "DIE HARD."

聖誕電影，"死硬"。

IF YOU GO TO NETFLIX AND SEARCH "CHRISTMAS MOVIES" I ( BLEEP )

如果你去NETFLIX和搜索 "聖誕電影"，我（BLEEP）。

NOT, "DIE HARD" WILL BE ONE OF THE ANSWERS.

不，"死硬 "將是答案之一。

>> CHRISTMAS MOVIES ARE FOR THE FAMILY TO GATHER AROUND AND

>> CHRISTMAS MOVIE ARE ARE FOR THE FAMILY TO GATHER AROUND AND

CELEBRATE BEING TOGETHER AND CELEBRATE LIFE AND, YOU KNOW,

慶祝團結，慶祝生活，你知道，

AND LOVE.

和愛。

"DIE HARD" SAY SPECTACULAR FILM, AS I JUST PICKED IT AS MY ACTION

"DIE HARD HARD" SAY SPECTACULAR FILM, AS I JUST PICKED IT AS MY ACTION?

FILM.

電影：

BUT "IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE" IS YOUR CHRISTMAS MOVIE.

但 "奇妙的生活 "是你的聖誕電影。

>> Stephen: ARE YOU SAYING YOU DON'T WANT TO SIT AROUND WITH

>> 你是說你不想和我坐在一起嗎？

THE WHOLE FAMILY WITH THE KIDS AND GRANDMA AND WATCH HANS

整個家庭與孩子和奶奶，看漢斯。

GRUBER FALL OFF OF NOKATOMI PLAZA?

格魯伯從NOKATOMI廣場掉下來？

>> I'LL TEA YOU WHY.

>> 我會告訴你為什麼。

AND THIS IS AN IMPORTANT THING.

這是一個重要的事情。

GRANDMA IS DEAD.

祖母死了。

>> Stephen: THAT WOULD BE DIFFICULT.

>> Stephen:這將是困難的。

>> MAYBE THAT'S THE AFTERLIFE.

>> 也許這就是後半生。

>> Stephen: WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE SMELL?

>> Stephen:你最喜歡的味道是什麼？

>> UHM...

>> UHM...

I SUPPOSE WE HAVE-- WHAT'S IT CALLED?

我想我們有... 叫什麼來著？

WE HAVE A FLOWER HERE.

我們這裡有一朵花。

LAVENDER.

薰衣草：

>> Stephen: OKAY.

>> Stephen:好的

>> LAVENDER IS MY FAVORITE SMELL.

>> 薰衣草是我最喜歡的味道。

WE HAVE LAVENDER ALL AROUND THE HOUSE.

我們家裡到處都是薰衣草。

IT'S UNBELIEVABLE.

難以置信。

>> Stephen: SUPPOSE TO BE VERY RELAXING.

>> 斯蒂芬：應該是很放鬆的。

LEAST-FAVORITE SMELL?

最不喜歡的味道？

>> OLD LAVENDER, WHICH WAS THE NAME OF MY FIRST DOG.

>> 老薰衣草，這是我第一隻狗的名字。

LEAST-FAVORITE SMELL.

最不喜歡的味道：

WELL, LOOK, I WILL BE VERY STRAIGHT WITH YOU.

好吧，聽著，我會非常坦率地跟你說。

MY CHILDREN STILL WEAR NAPPIES SOME, NOT ALL THE TIME, NOT

我的孩子們仍然穿著NAPPIES的一些，不是所有的時間，不是。

DURING THE DAY -- >> Stephen: IN AMERICA, WE

今天 -- >> 斯蒂芬：在美國，我們...

CALL THEM DIAPERS.

叫他們尿布。

IN ENGLAND THEY'RE NAPPIES.

在英國，他們是NAPPIES。

YOU NEED TO BE CONSISTENT, GEORGE.

你需要的是一致的，喬治。

>> I'M IN ENGLAND RIGHT NOW.

>> 我現在在英國。

YOU KNOW, WHEN IN ROME.

你知道，當在羅馬，

AND I WILL TELL YOU, ONCE THEY GOT ON TO SOLID FOOD, I DON'T

我告訴你，一旦他們開始吃固體食物，我就不會再吃了。

KNOW WHAT HAPPENS FROM HERE TO HERE, BUT SOMETHING-- I MEAN, IT

我知道從這裡到這裡發生了什麼，但有些事... 我是說，它... ...

WAS SHOCKING, THAT SMELL, YOU KNOW.

令人震驚，那味道，你知道的。

>> Stephen: I KNOW THAT SMELL.

>> 我知道那種味道。

EXERCISE.

練習：

WORTH IT?

WORTH IT?

>> ABSOLUTELY.

>> 當然。

I DO TEFER DAY.

我做TEFER日。

>> Stephen: OKAY.

>> Stephen:好的

FLAT OR SPARKLING?

平坦的還是閃光的？

>> SPARKLING.

>> 旌旗招展。

I LIKE A LITTLE LIFT.

我喜歡稍微抬一下。

>> Stephen: EXACTLY.

>> Stephen:正是如此。

THAT'S THE RIGHT ANSWER.

這就是正確的答案。

MOST-USED APP ON YOUR PHONE.

您手機上最常用的APP。

>> MOST OF THE-USED-- IN L.A., WAZE TO GET AROUND.

>> 大部分的使用 -- 在洛杉磯， WAZE得到的周圍。

>> Stephen: GOOD, OKAY.

>> Stephen:好的，好的。

YOU GET ONE SONG TO LISTEN TO FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, WHAT

你一生只聽一首歌，什麼？

IS IT?

是嗎？

>> UHM, "ALWAYS."

>> UHM，"總是"。

♪ I'LL BE LOVING YOU ALWAYS ♪ WITH A LOVE THAT'S TRUE ALWAYS

"我會永遠愛你，永遠愛你

IT'S A BEAUTIFUL SONG.

這是一首美麗的歌曲。

IT'S MY MOM AND DAD'S LOVE SONG.

這是我爸媽的愛之歌。

>> Stephen: WHAT NUMBER AM I THINKING OF?

>> Stephen:我想的是什麼數字？

>> SEVEN.

>>七：

>> Stephen: NO.

>> Stephen:編號：

DESCRIBE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE IN FIVE WORDS.

用五個字來描述你生命的其餘部分。

>> CLEANING UP AFTER MY KIDS.

>> 清理我的孩子們之後。

>> Stephen: GEORGE CLOONEY, EVERYBODY.

>> GEORGE CLOONEY, EVERYBODY.

THANK YOU, GEORGE.

謝謝你，喬治。

YOU ARE NOW KNOWN.

你現在知道了。

CONGRATULATIONS.

祝賀你。

>> THANK YOU FOR THAT.

>> 謝謝你。

THANKS AGAIN, GEORGE!

再次感謝，喬治！

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY THE MOUNTAIN

我們很快就會回來，為你帶來一場山中表演。

GOATS.

高手。