AND WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW."

歡迎來到 "晚間秀"。

I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.

我是你的主播，史蒂芬-科爾伯特。

HUGE DAY IN AMERICAN DEMOCRACY.

美國民主的重要日子。

FIRST OF ALL, IT STILL EXISTS.

首先，它仍然存在。

I WOULD NOT HAVE PUT MY MONEY ON THAT!

我不會把我的錢放在那上面!

SECOND, CONTROL OF THE SENATE IS BEING DECIDED TONIGHT IN A

第二，參議院的控制權將在今晚的會議上決定。

SPECIAL ELECTION DOWN IN GEORGIA. VOTERS ARE FILLING TWO

格魯吉亞發生特別選舉，選民們正在填補兩個空缺

COUNT THEM, TWO-- SENATE SEATS.

數一數，兩個... ... 參議院席位。

THE RACES FEATURE CURRENT REPUBLICAN SENATOR AND RAPUNZEL

現任共和黨參議員和RAPUNZEL的比賽。

STUNT DOUBLE, KELLY LOEFFLER, VERSUS SENIOR PASTOR OF THE

驚人的雙倍，凱利-勒夫勒，對陣首席牧師的。

EBENEEZER BAPTIST CHURCH AND MAN WHO GOT UP EARLY TO GET THE

EBENEEZER BAPTIST CHURCH和早起的人得到的消息。

GOOD SEAT AT CHURCH, RAPHAEL WARNOCK, ALONG WITH INCUMBENT

拉斐爾-沃諾克在教堂的好位置上，與現任者一起。

SENATOR AND STAND-UP BOMBING AT THE SKI LODGE, DAVID PERDUE,

參議員和滑雪場的站立爆炸事件，戴維-佩爾杜。

VERSUS ACTIVIST FILMMAKER AND NEW HOT DOCTOR ON "GREY'S

對方是活躍的電影人和新的熱門醫生在 "GREY'S "上。

ANATOMY," JON OSSOFF.

ANATOMY"，JON OSSOFF。

AND-- DO WE HAVE THIS?

還有 -- 我們有這個嗎？

IS THIS IN?

這是在嗎？

AND I'M BEING TOLD "THE LATE SHOW" IS NOW READY TO PROJECT

聽說 "晚間秀 "已經準備好投拍了

THAT...

那...

WE TAPED THIS SHOW AT 6:00 AND I HAVE NO ( BLEEP ) IDEA WHO

我們在6點錄了這個節目，我不知道是誰。

WON.

贏了。

TO SUPPORT THE REPUBLICAN CANDIDATES, LAST NIGHT, THE

為了支持共和黨的候選人，昨天晚上，美國總統特朗普在他的演講中說："我們的候選人是一個很好的人選。

PRESIDENT WENT DOWN TO GEORGIA-- AS DEVILS OFTEN DO-- AND HE KEPT

總統去了喬治亞州... ... 就像魔鬼經常做的那樣... ...

HIS EYE ON THE PRIZE.

他的眼睛在獎盃上。

>> I WANT TO THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

>> 並想非常感謝你。

HELLO, GEORGIA.

你好，喬治亞州。

BY THE WAY, THERE IS NO WAY WE LOST GEORGIA.

順便說一下，沒有辦法 我們失去了格魯吉亞。

THERE'S NO WAY.

沒有辦法。

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THAT WAS A RIGGED ELECTION, BUT

（歡呼聲和掌聲） 這是一個正確的選舉，但。

WE ARE STILL FIGHTING IT, AND YOU WILL SEE WHAT IS GOING TO

我們還在戰鬥，你會看到什麼是怎麼回事。

HAPPEN.

發生。

>> Stephen: OH, HONEY, MOVE ON.

>> Stephen:哦，親愛的，繼續前進。

IT'S OVER!

結束了！

IT'S LIKE STARTING A BEST MAN SPEACH WITH, "I'M JUST SO HAPPY

這就像開始一個最佳男主角的演講，"我只是很高興"。

FOR KEVIN AND NICOLE.

為KEVIN和NICOLE。

BY THE WAY, THERE IS NO WAY NICOLE DUMPED MY.

順便說一句，沒有辦法 妮可放棄了我的。

THAT WAS A RIGGED BREAKUP.

那是一個正確的分手。

NICOLE, HERE'S MY ROOM KEY.

妮可，這是我的房間鑰匙。

KEVIN, WILL YOU BE MY BEST MAN?" WHILE I HAVE SEX WITH YOUR WIFE.

KEVIN，你會是我最好的男人嗎？"當我與你的妻子發生性關係。

AS IF THE HAVING SEX WAS A DUEL OF SOME KIND.

彷彿做愛是某種形式的雙重性。

( LAUGHTER ) WHY?

（笑）為什麼？

HE'S LIKE, WHY-- JUST DO THE SCRIPT.

他的意思是，為什麼... ... 只是做的腳本。

NO!

不！

NO!

不！

IT'S 2021, BABY, NO RULES!

現在是2021年，寶貝，沒有規矩不成方圓!

AND IT WOULDN'T BE A MAGA RALLY WITHOUT HUFFING A PAPER BAG FULL

如果沒有滿滿的紙袋，那就不是麥加集會了。

OF NOSTALGIA.

鼻咽癌：

>> THE WALL, THE WALL, THE WALL.

>> 牆，牆，牆，牆。

REMEMBER, WE WILL BUILD A WALL.

記住，我們會築起一道牆。

WE'RE GONNA BUILD A WALL.

我們要建一堵牆。

AND THAT'S RIGHT, MEXICO IS PAYING FOR THE WALL.

沒錯，墨西哥為這堵牆買單。

SO THEY'RE COMING UP NOW, THE CARAVANS.

所以他們現在要來了，大篷車。

REMEMBER THE CARAVANS?

還記得大篷車嗎？

>> Stephen: OH, MY GOD!

>> Stephen:哦，我的上帝！

THIS IS SO SAD!

這是如此悲傷！

HE SOUNDS LIKE THE WASHED-UP GUY AT YOUR HIGH SCHOOL REUNION

他聽起來就像你高中同學聚會上的那個被洗劫一空的傢伙。

GOING, "HEY PROM!

去，"嘿，PROM!

REMEMBER PROM?

記住PROM？

I'M GOING TO BE PROM KING AGAIN!

我又要成為舞會之王了!

AND MEXICO IS PAYING FOR MY TUXEDO RENTAL!"

和墨西哥支付我的TUXEDO租金！"

NICOLE, YOU WANT TO GO TO PROM WITH ME?

妮可，你想和我一起去舞會嗎？

( LAUGHTER ) KEVIN CAN WATCH.

（笑）KEVIN可以觀看。

EVENTUALLY, THE PRESIDENT REMEMBERED THAT HE WAS THERE TO

結果，主席記得他是去到那裡的。

TALK ABOUT SOMEONE OTHER THAN HIMSELF, AND HIS BRAIN DONE

跟自己以外的人說話，他的大腦就完蛋了。

BROKE.

破產。

>> KELLY LOEFFLER AND DAVID PERDUE SHARE YOUR VAL-HOO.

>> KELLY LOEFFLER和DAVID PERDUE分享你的VAL -HOO。

AND YOU KNOW THAT.

你知道的。

>> Stephen: NOT A GREAT INDICATION OF YOUR VALUES WHEN

>> 斯蒂芬：當你的價值觀不是一個很好的指標。

WHEN YOU CAN'T PRONOUNCE THE WORD "VALUES."

當你不能發音的單詞 "價值"。

"YOUR HONOR, I AM A MAN OF INTETEGREE AND STRONG MERRALS.

"尊敬的閣下，我是一個有智慧和堅強意志的人。

I WOULD NEVER BREAK THE LAWWAAH."

我永遠不會違反法律WAAH。"

BUT THE MAIN THING ON HIS MIND WAS TOMORROW'S CONGRESSIONAL

但他心中最重要的是明天的國會。

CERTIFICATION OF JOE BIDEN'S WIN.

JOE BIDEN的勝利證書。

THE PRESIDENT STILL THINKS HE HAS A CHANCE TO SOMEHOW OVERTURN

主席仍然認為他有機會在某種程度上扭轉局面。

THAT, PARTLY BECAUSE THE GUY OVERSEEING THE CERTIFICATION

那，部分原因是負責監督認證的人。

CEREMONY IS VICE PRESIDENT AND FEDERALLY PROTECTED FLY HABITAT,

典禮是副主席和聯邦保護的蒼蠅棲息地。

MIKE PENCE.

邁克-彭斯

AND HE REALLY EXPECTS PENCE TO HAVE HIS BACK.

而且他真的希望彭斯能幫他。

>> I HOPE MIKE PENCE COMES THROUGH FOR US.

>> 我希望邁克-彭斯能為我們服務。

I HAVE TO TELL YOU.

我必須告訴你。

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I HOPE THAT OUR GREAT VICE

我希望我們的偉大的副總統，

PRESIDENT, OUR GREAT VICE PRESIDENT COMES THROUGH FOR US.

主席，我們偉大的副主席為我們而來。

HE'S A GREAT GUY.

他是一個偉大的傢伙。

OF COURSE, IF HE DOESN'T COME THROUGH, I WON'T LIKE HIM QUITE

當然，如果他不通過，我就不會喜歡他了。

AS MUCH.

因為多。

>> Stephen: IF THIS WERE AN AFTER-SCHOOL SPECIAL, THIS IS

>> Stephen:如果這是一個課後的特殊，這是

THE PART WHERE WE WOULD TELL MIKE PENCE THAT IF THE PRESIDENT

我們會告訴邁克-彭斯，如果總統... ...

SAYS HE WON'T LIKE YOU UNLESS YOU GIVE HIM WHAT HE WANTS, THEN

說他不會喜歡你，除非你給他他想要的東西，然後。

HE DOESN'T REALLY CARE ABOUT YOU.

他並不真正關心你。

HE SHOULD LIKE YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE-- ALTHOUGH, WE UNDERSTAND

他應該喜歡你這個人... 雖然，我們也明白

WHY HE WOULDN'T, BECAUSE WHO YOU ARE IS MIKE PENCE.

他為什麼不會呢 因為你是MIKE PENCE啊

BUT THE PRESIDENT WAS CONFIDENT THAT PENCE WOULD DO THE RIGHT

但總統確信彭斯會做正確的事情

THING, BY WHICH OF COURSE HE MEANS THE WRONG THING.

當然，他指的是錯誤的東西。

>> MIKE IS A GREAT GUY.

>> 邁克是一個偉大的傢伙。

HE'S A-- HE'S A WONDERFUL MAN AND A SMART MAN, AND A MAN THAT

他是一個... 他是一個神奇的人，一個聰明的人，一個人，他是一個...

I LIKE A LOT.

我喜歡很多。

BUT HE'S GONNA HAVE A LOT TO SAY ABOUT IT AND HE-- YOU KNOW, ONE

但他會有很多話要說，而且他... ... 你知道，一個

THING WITH HIM, YOU'RE GONNA GET STRAIGHT SHOTS.

和他在一起，你會得到直射。

HE'S GONNA CALL IT STRAIGHT.

他將會直截了當地打電話。

>> Stephen: YEAH, MIKE PENCE IS GOING TO CALL IT STRAIGHT, AND

>> 史蒂芬: 是的，邁克-彭斯將直截了當地宣佈，並且。

IF THAT DOESN'T WORK, HE'S GOING TO FORCE IT TO PRAY UNTIL IT

如果這樣不行，他就會強迫它祈禱，直到它。

SAYS IT'S STRAIGHT.

說它是直的。

THE THING IS, PENCE'S ROLE AS PRESIDENT OF THE SENATE IS A

問題是，彭斯作為參議院議長的角色是一個。

PURELY CEREMONIAL JOB, AKIN TO THE PRESENTER OPENING THE

純粹的儀式性工作，類似於主持人的開場白。

ACADEMY AWARD ENVELOPE AND READING THE NAME OF THE MOVIE

學會獎信封和閱讀電影的名字

THAT WON BEST PICTURE.

這贏得了最佳圖片。

YES, IT'S JUST LIKE THE OSCARS, WHICH IS WHY THEY'RE GOING TO

是的，它就像奧斯卡，這就是為什麼他們要去。

SEND PENCE OUT WITH A MORE CHARISMATIC CO-PRESENTER.

把彭斯和一個更有魅力的搭檔送出去。

( AS PENCE ) "YOU KNOW, TIMOTHEE CHALAMET,

"你知道嗎，TIMOTHEE CHALAMET,

MY FULL NAME IS MIKE-O-THEE PENCE-A-MET.

我的全名是MIKE -O -THEE PENCE -A -MET。

PAUSE FOR LAUGHTER.

暫停笑聲。

AND, NOW, THE WINNER OF THE 2020 ELECTION: 'LA LA LAND'!"

而且，現在，2020年選舉的贏家：'LA LA LAND'！"

OF COURSE, THE PRESIDENT DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO TAKE CEREMONIAL FOR

當然，總統不知道如何採取的儀式，為

AN ANSWER, TWEETING TODAY: "THE VICE PRESIDENT HAS THE

一個答案，今天在推特上，"副總統有

POWER TO REJECT FRAUDULENTLY CHOSEN ELECTORS."

拒絕欺詐性選擇的選舉人的權力。"

NO, HE DOESN'T!

不，他沒有！

THE VICE PRESIDENT CAN'T ARBITRARILY DECIDE WHO'S THE

副總統不能用仲裁方式決定誰是總統。

NEXT PRESIDENT.

下屆主席：

OTHERWISE, IN 2001, AL GORE WOULD HAVE PICKED AL GORE.

否則的話，2001年，阿爾-戈爾會選擇阿爾-戈爾。

THE CONSTITUTION CLEARLY STATES THAT THE VICE PRESIDENT'S

憲法明確規定，副主席的...。

PRIMARY POWER IS HAVING NO POWER!

首要權力是沒有權力！

THIS HAS GOT TO BE A PAINFUL MOMENT FOR PENCE, HAVING TO

對彭斯來說，這一定是一個痛苦的時刻，不得不... ...

CHOOSE BETWEEN THE COUNTRY HE LOVES AND THE MAN HE'S PLEDGED

在他所愛的國家和他所愛的人之間做出選擇。

TO HELP DESTROY IT.

幫助摧毀它。

AS ONE PERSON CLOSE TO HIM SAID, "FOR PENCE, TOMORROW WILL BE

正如他身邊的一個人所說："對於彭斯來說，明天將是他的生日。

GUT-WRENCHING."

腸胃撕裂。"

ALMOST AS GUT-WRENCHING AS THE TIME HE ACCIDENTALLY ATE A

幾乎是腸胃撕裂的時間，他意外地吃了一個。

"SALTED" CRACKER.

"鹽漬 "餅乾。

DONT TELL MOTHER.

包括告訴母親。

BUT PENCE ISN'T ENTIRELY ALONE.

但彭斯並不是一個人在戰鬥

ON SATURDAY ON SATURDAY AT LEAST 12 G.O.P.

在星期六，至少12個工作日。

SENATORS ANNOUNCED THEY ARE GOING TO CHALLENGE BIDEN'S WIN.

參議員們宣佈他們將挑戰比登的勝利。

IT IS INSANE THAT U.S. SENATORS WOULD TRY TO SUBVERT DEMOCRACY

美國參議員竟然想顛覆民主制度，真是瘋了。

LIKE THIS.

像這樣。

I MEAN, WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?

我是說，這些人是誰？

OH, THOSE PEOPLE.

哦，那些人。

YEAH, THAT CHECKS OUT.

是的，這就解決了。

IT LOOKS LIKE A CARTON OF EGGS.

它看起來像一盒雞蛋。

THE RINGLEADER OF THIS THREE-BRAIN-CELL CIRCUS IS

這個三腦細胞圈的領頭羊是：

TEXAS SENATOR AND BUS STATION PREACHER, TED CRUZ.

德州參議員和巴士站傳教士，泰德・克魯茲。

CRUZ WANTS AN ELECTION COMMISSION TO CONDUCT AN

克魯茲希望選舉委員會能進行一次調查

"EMERGENCY 10-DAY AUDIT" OF THE ELECTION RETURNS IN THE

選舉結果的 "10天緊急審計"。

"DISPUTED STATES."

"有爭議的國家"。

CRUZ ISN'T JUST DOING THIS BECAUSE HE'S RUNNING FOR

克魯茲這樣做不只是因為他在競選。

PRESIDENT IN 2024.

2024年：

HE TRULY BELIEVES IN THE PRESIDENT'S CONSPIRACY THEORIES.

他真的相信總統的陰謀論。

THAT'S WHY HE'S ALSO CALLING FOR A SPECIAL COMMISSION TO

這就是為什麼他也要求成立一個特別委員會，以

INVESTIGATE WHETHER HIS WIFE IS UGLY AND WHY HIS DAD KILLED

調查他的妻子是否醜陋以及他的父親為何殺人

J.F.K.

J.F.K.

NOW, WHEN IT WAS HER TURN TO SPEAK AT THE RALLY, LOEFFLER

現在，當輪到她在集會上發言時，拉夫勒

HANDCUFFED HERSELF TO THE CRAZY TRAIN:

把自己銬在了瘋狂的火車上。

>> I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT, GEORGIA.

>> 有一個公告，格魯吉亞。

ON JANUARy 6th, I WILL OBJECT TO THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE VOTE.

1月6日，我將反對選舉學院的投票。

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: WHAT THE HUH??

( 歡呼聲和掌聲 ) >> 斯蒂芬:什麼是HUH？

SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT-- YOU'RE CALLING FOR

所以，讓我得到這個直 - 你叫的是

DISENFRANCHISING THE VOTERS IN ALL THE SWING STATES, INCLUDING

取消所有搖擺州的選民資格，包括：

GEORGIA, THE STATE YOU'RE RUNNING IN, TODAY!

喬治亞州，你今天要競選的州！

WELL, THAT EXPLAINS HER NEW AD: "YOUR VOTE IS WORTHLESS.

好吧，這解釋了她的新廣告："你的投票是不值錢的。

A PERFECT MATCH WITH KELLY LOEFFLER!"

與凱利-勒夫勒的完美搭配！"

SPEAKING OF OVERSTAYING YOUR WELCOME: COVID.

說到過頭的歡迎。COVID：

THE PANDEMIC CONTINUES TO SURGE OUT OF CONTROL IN THE...

恐慌症繼續激增失控在... ...

EVERYWHERE.

到處都是。

AND I'LL GIVE YOU THE LATEST IN THIS NEVER-CHANGING STORY IN

我會為你提供最新的故事，在這個不斷變化的故事。

TONIGHT'S EDITION OF: "CATCH A THIRD WAVE: ENDLESS

今晚的節目："捕捉第三波：無窮無盡"。

BUMMER."

BUMMER。"

( SUNG TO "AULD LANG SIGNE" ) ♪ MAY ALL INFECTIONS

（唱到 "AULD LANG SIGNE"）五月所有的傳染病

BE FORGOT AND NEVER SANITIZED.

被遺忘，永遠不會被消毒。

♪ MAY ALL INFECTIONS BE FORGOT AND ALL PHLEGM'S FINE! ♪

願所有的感染都被遺忘，所有的PHLEGM'S FINE！

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

新年快樂

I'M FAMOUS!

我很出名！

( COUGHING ) ( LAUGHTER )

（咳嗽） （笑聲）

( COUGHING ) ( LAUGHTER )

（咳嗽） （笑聲）

>> Stephen: THE VACCINE IS FINALLY HERE!

>> Stephen:疫苗終於來了!

BUT NOT A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE GETTING IT, UNFORTUNATELY, WHICH

但不是很多人都得到了它，不幸的是，這是

WAS NOT THE PLAN.

不是計劃。

BACK IN NOVEMBER, THE PRESIDENT SAID 20 MILLION PEOPLE WOULD BE

早在11月的時候，總統就說過，2000萬人口將被送往醫院。

VACCINATED BY THE END OF 2020, BUT THE FIGURE WAS CLOSER

在2020年底前接種，但數字更接近。

TO FOUR MILLION.

到400萬。

SO THEY WILL BE OFFICIALLY CHANGING THE NAME FROM

所以，他們將正式改變名稱從。

"OPERATION WARP SPEED" TO "OPERATION...

"OPERATION WARP SPEED "到 "OPERATION...

>> WE CAN'T DO IT.

>> 我們不能這樣做。

>> Stephen: THANKS, SCOTTY.

>> Stephen:謝謝你，斯科蒂。

YESTERDAY, AT A PRE-ELECTION RALLY IN GEORGIA,

明天，在喬治亞州的選前集會上，

PRESIDENT-ELECT BIDEN WENT AFTER THE ADMINISTRATION'S VACCINE

候任主席比登追隨政府的疫苗。

ROLLOUT.

ROLLOUT。

>> IT IS A SHAME WHAT'S HAPPENING NOW.

>> 現在發生的事情真是太可恥了。

IT'S A LITERAL SHAME.

這是一個真正的恥辱。

THIS ADMINISTRATION HAS GOTTEN OFF TO A GODAWFUL START.

本屆政府開了個糟糕的頭。

PRESIDENT SPENDS MORE TIME WHINING AND COMPLAINING THAN

主席花更多的時間抱怨和抱怨比

DOING SOMETHING ABOUT THE PROBLEM.

對這個問題做點什麼。

I DON'T KNOW WHY HE STILL WANTS THE JOB.

我不知道為什麼他還想得到這份工作。

HE DOESN'T WANT TO DO THE WORK.

他不想做的工作。

( AS BIDEN ) >> "C'MON, YA LAZY SACK OF

( AS BIDEN ) >> "來吧，你這個懶惰的麻袋。

DOORKNOBS!

門禁！

IT'S LIKE MY OLD BOSS USED TO TELL ME WHEN I WAS A BUSBOY AT

就像我以前的老闆對我說的那樣，當我還是個巴士司機的時候。

O'SHEENA-HANA-HALLA-HOOLIGAN'S, 'IF YOU GOT TIME TO LEAN, YOU

O'SHEENA-HANA-HALLA-HOOLIGAN'S，"如果你有時間瘦，你就

GOT TIME TO VACCINE.' BUT ON JANUARY 20th, IT'S OFF TO

"有時間去打針。但在1月20日，它是關閉到。

WORK I GO!

工作我去！

HEIGH-HO, HEIGH-HO, JACK!

嗨唷，嗨唷，傑克！

WANT FRIES WITH THAT?

想吃薯條嗎？

NO FREE REFILLS!

沒有免費補貨!

GET OUT OF HERE!

離開這裡！

GET OUT OF HERE, KID!" ONE PROBLEM IS THAT THE

離開這裡，孩子！"一個問題是

ADMINISTRATION HAS SETTLED ON THE COVID PLAN OF, "NOT IT!"

行政當局已經確定了 "不是它！"的科維德計劃。

BECAUSE FEDERAL OFFICIALS LEFT MANY OF THE DETAILS OF VACCINE

因為聯邦官員遺漏了許多疫苗的細節。

DISTRIBUTION TO OVERSTRETCHED LOCAL HEALTH OFFICIALS AND

分發給超負荷的地方衛生官員和工作人員

HOSPITALS, WHICH IS WHY IN NEW YORK CITY, NO ONE HAS ANY

醫院，這就是為什麼在紐約市，沒有人有任何的。

IDEA HOW TO GET VACCINATED, BUT YOU CAN STILL GET CONTACTLESS

想法如何得到接種，但你仍然可以得到接觸性。

DELIVERY OF MARIJUANA AT 2:00 IN THE MORNING.

凌晨2點送達的大麻。

FORGET HOSPITALS-- SHIP ALL THOSE VIALS TO DR. COLLEGE

別管醫院了，把所有的票據都寄給博士。學院

FRIEND'S ROOMMATE.

朋友的室友。

STATE AND LOCAL GOVERNMENTS HAVE BEEN OVERWHELMED.

州政府和地方政府已經得到了極大的幫助。

IN HOUSTON, ON THE FIRST FREE DAY OF A VACCINATION CLINIC,

在休斯頓，在第一個免費的一天 疫苗接種診所。

AFTER RECEIVING MORE THAN 250,000 CALLS, THE CITY HEALTH

在接到超過25萬個電話之後，市衛生局

DEPARTMENT'S PHONE SYSTEM CRASHED.

部門的電話系統崩潰了。

THAT'S RIGHT, OUR VACCINE ROLLOUT LACKS THE ROBUST

是的，我們的疫苗卷軸缺少笨重的。

TECHNOLOGY OF THE BUTTERBALL HOTLINE.

巴特球熱線的技術。

VACCINE SIGN-UP WEBSITES HAVE ALSO BEEN CRASHING LEFT AND

疫苗註冊網站也已經崩潰的左和右。

RIGHT, SO INSTEAD, ONE COUNTY IN OKLAHOMA

是的，所以，在俄克拉荷馬州的一個縣，

ANNOUNCED APPOINTMENTS ONLY THROUGH FACEBOOK.

僅通過FACEBOOK宣佈任命。

SO DON'T WORRY, YOUR LIFE-SAVING MEDICAL TREATMENT IS RIGHT

所以不用擔心，你的救命醫療就在這裡。

THERE, BETWEEN YOUR COUSIN'S WEIRDLY EROTIC

在那裡，在你的表弟的怪異的色情中間

PREGNANCY PHOTOSHOOT, AND YOUR COWORKER'S ECZEMA FUNDRAISER.

懷孕的照片，和你的同事的ECZEMA基金。

ONE STATE REALLY STRUGGLING WITH VACCINE DISTRIBUTION IS

一個在疫苗分配方面遇到困難的州是

CALIFORNIA, WHERE THE GOVERNOR HAS A NEW PLAN.

加利福尼亞州，總督在那裡有一個新的計劃。

YESTERDAY, HE ANNOUNCED THAT HE WANTS DENTISTS TO HELP WITH

昨天，他宣佈，他希望牙科醫生能幫助他解決

COVID-19 VACCINATIONS.

COVID-19 疫苗接種：

IN RESPONSE, DENTISTS ISSUED A STATEMENT SAYING, "WELL, WELL,

作為迴應，牙科醫生髮表聲明說："好吧，好吧。

WELL.

好吧。

LOOK WHO'S SUDDENLY A REAL DOCTOR!

看看誰竟然是個真正的醫生!

YOU DON'T SEE THEM GIVING NEEDLES TO CHIROPRACTORS!"

你沒看到他們把針頭給了脊柱治療師！"

THE HEAD OF THE CALIFORNIA DENTAL ASSOCIATION RESPONDED TO

加利福尼亞牙醫協會會長作出迴應。

THE GOVERNOR'S CALL, SAYING THAT "DENTISTS ARE READY, WILLING,

總督的電話，說 "牙科醫生已經準備好了，願意。

AND ABLE TO HELP ADMINISTER VACCINATIONS."

並能幫助管理疫苗接種。"

UNFORTUNATELY, SHE SAID THAT AFTER SHE ALREADY HAD HER HANDS

不幸的是，她說這句話後，她已經有了自己的手。

IN THE GOVERNOR'S MOUTH, SO ALL HE COULD DO WAS NOD AND MUMBLE.

在總督的嘴裡，所以他只能點頭和喃喃自語。

OF COURSE, THE PRESIDENT IS TAKING FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR

當然，主席要對以下事項負全部責任

THE BOTCHED ROLLOUT, AND THEN HURLING THAT RESPONSIBILITY

拙劣的表象，然後把這個責任扔掉。

AT THE STATES, TWEETING, "SOME STATES ARE VERY

在國家，在微博上說："有些國家很

SLOW TO INOCULATE RECIPIENTS DESPITE SUCCESSFUL AND VERY

在成功和非常成功的情況下，對受援者的接種緩慢。

LARGE-SCALE DISTRIBUTION OF VACCINES BY THE FEDERAL

聯邦政府大規模分發疫苗。

GOVERNMENT."

政府。"

YOU KNOW, SOME MASSIVE NATIONAL PROJECTS MAYBE SHOULD JUST NOT