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  • >> Stephen: OH, HELLO.

    >> Stephen:哦,你好。

  • AND WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW."

    歡迎來到 "晚間秀"。

  • I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.

    我是你的主播,史蒂芬-科爾伯特。

  • HUGE DAY IN AMERICAN DEMOCRACY.

    美國民主的重要日子。

  • FIRST OF ALL, IT STILL EXISTS.

    首先,它仍然存在。

  • I WOULD NOT HAVE PUT MY MONEY ON THAT!

    我不會把我的錢放在那上面!

  • SECOND, CONTROL OF THE SENATE IS BEING DECIDED TONIGHT IN A

    第二,參議院的控制權將在今晚的會議上決定。

  • SPECIAL ELECTION DOWN IN GEORGIA. VOTERS ARE FILLING TWO

    格魯吉亞發生特別選舉,選民們正在填補兩個空缺

  • COUNT THEM, TWO-- SENATE SEATS.

    數一數,兩個... ... 參議院席位。

  • THE RACES FEATURE CURRENT REPUBLICAN SENATOR AND RAPUNZEL

    現任共和黨參議員和RAPUNZEL的比賽。

  • STUNT DOUBLE, KELLY LOEFFLER, VERSUS SENIOR PASTOR OF THE

    驚人的雙倍,凱利-勒夫勒,對陣首席牧師的。

  • EBENEEZER BAPTIST CHURCH AND MAN WHO GOT UP EARLY TO GET THE

    EBENEEZER BAPTIST CHURCH和早起的人得到的消息。

  • GOOD SEAT AT CHURCH, RAPHAEL WARNOCK, ALONG WITH INCUMBENT

    拉斐爾-沃諾克在教堂的好位置上,與現任者一起。

  • SENATOR AND STAND-UP BOMBING AT THE SKI LODGE, DAVID PERDUE,

    參議員和滑雪場的站立爆炸事件,戴維-佩爾杜。

  • VERSUS ACTIVIST FILMMAKER AND NEW HOT DOCTOR ON "GREY'S

    對方是活躍的電影人和新的熱門醫生在 "GREY'S "上。

  • ANATOMY," JON OSSOFF.

    ANATOMY",JON OSSOFF。

  • AND-- DO WE HAVE THIS?

    還有 -- 我們有這個嗎?

  • IS THIS IN?

    這是在嗎?

  • AND I'M BEING TOLD "THE LATE SHOW" IS NOW READY TO PROJECT

    聽說 "晚間秀 "已經準備好投拍了

  • THAT...

    那...

  • WE TAPED THIS SHOW AT 6:00 AND I HAVE NO ( BLEEP ) IDEA WHO

    我們在6點錄了這個節目,我不知道是誰。

  • WON.

    贏了。

  • TO SUPPORT THE REPUBLICAN CANDIDATES, LAST NIGHT, THE

    為了支持共和黨的候選人,昨天晚上,美國總統特朗普在他的演講中說:"我們的候選人是一個很好的人選。

  • PRESIDENT WENT DOWN TO GEORGIA-- AS DEVILS OFTEN DO-- AND HE KEPT

    總統去了喬治亞州... ... 就像魔鬼經常做的那樣... ...

  • HIS EYE ON THE PRIZE.

    他的眼睛在獎盃上。

  • >> I WANT TO THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

    >> 並想非常感謝你。

  • HELLO, GEORGIA.

    你好,喬治亞州。

  • BY THE WAY, THERE IS NO WAY WE LOST GEORGIA.

    順便說一下,沒有辦法 我們失去了格魯吉亞。

  • THERE'S NO WAY.

    沒有辦法。

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THAT WAS A RIGGED ELECTION, BUT

    (歡呼聲和掌聲) 這是一個正確的選舉,但。

  • WE ARE STILL FIGHTING IT, AND YOU WILL SEE WHAT IS GOING TO

    我們還在戰鬥,你會看到什麼是怎麼回事。

  • HAPPEN.

    發生。

  • >> Stephen: OH, HONEY, MOVE ON.

    >> Stephen:哦,親愛的,繼續前進。

  • IT'S OVER!

    結束了!

  • IT'S LIKE STARTING A BEST MAN SPEACH WITH, "I'M JUST SO HAPPY

    這就像開始一個最佳男主角的演講,"我只是很高興"。

  • FOR KEVIN AND NICOLE.

    為KEVIN和NICOLE。

  • BY THE WAY, THERE IS NO WAY NICOLE DUMPED MY.

    順便說一句,沒有辦法 妮可放棄了我的。

  • THAT WAS A RIGGED BREAKUP.

    那是一個正確的分手。

  • NICOLE, HERE'S MY ROOM KEY.

    妮可,這是我的房間鑰匙。

  • KEVIN, WILL YOU BE MY BEST MAN?" WHILE I HAVE SEX WITH YOUR WIFE.

    KEVIN,你會是我最好的男人嗎?"當我與你的妻子發生性關係。

  • AS IF THE HAVING SEX WAS A DUEL OF SOME KIND.

    彷彿做愛是某種形式的雙重性。

  • ( LAUGHTER ) WHY?

    (笑)為什麼?

  • HE'S LIKE, WHY-- JUST DO THE SCRIPT.

    他的意思是,為什麼... ... 只是做的腳本。

  • NO!

    不!

  • NO!

    不!

  • IT'S 2021, BABY, NO RULES!

    現在是2021年,寶貝,沒有規矩不成方圓!

  • AND IT WOULDN'T BE A MAGA RALLY WITHOUT HUFFING A PAPER BAG FULL

    如果沒有滿滿的紙袋,那就不是麥加集會了。

  • OF NOSTALGIA.

    鼻咽癌:

  • >> THE WALL, THE WALL, THE WALL.

    >> 牆,牆,牆,牆。

  • REMEMBER, WE WILL BUILD A WALL.

    記住,我們會築起一道牆。

  • WE'RE GONNA BUILD A WALL.

    我們要建一堵牆。

  • AND THAT'S RIGHT, MEXICO IS PAYING FOR THE WALL.

    沒錯,墨西哥為這堵牆買單。

  • SO THEY'RE COMING UP NOW, THE CARAVANS.

    所以他們現在要來了,大篷車。

  • REMEMBER THE CARAVANS?

    還記得大篷車嗎?

  • >> Stephen: OH, MY GOD!

    >> Stephen:哦,我的上帝!

  • THIS IS SO SAD!

    這是如此悲傷!

  • HE SOUNDS LIKE THE WASHED-UP GUY AT YOUR HIGH SCHOOL REUNION

    他聽起來就像你高中同學聚會上的那個被洗劫一空的傢伙。

  • GOING, "HEY PROM!

    去,"嘿,PROM!

  • REMEMBER PROM?

    記住PROM?

  • I'M GOING TO BE PROM KING AGAIN!

    我又要成為舞會之王了!

  • AND MEXICO IS PAYING FOR MY TUXEDO RENTAL!"

    和墨西哥支付我的TUXEDO租金!"

  • NICOLE, YOU WANT TO GO TO PROM WITH ME?

    妮可,你想和我一起去舞會嗎?

  • ( LAUGHTER ) KEVIN CAN WATCH.

    (笑)KEVIN可以觀看。

  • EVENTUALLY, THE PRESIDENT REMEMBERED THAT HE WAS THERE TO

    結果,主席記得他是去到那裡的。

  • TALK ABOUT SOMEONE OTHER THAN HIMSELF, AND HIS BRAIN DONE

    跟自己以外的人說話,他的大腦就完蛋了。

  • BROKE.

    破產。

  • >> KELLY LOEFFLER AND DAVID PERDUE SHARE YOUR VAL-HOO.

    >> KELLY LOEFFLER和DAVID PERDUE分享你的VAL -HOO。

  • AND YOU KNOW THAT.

    你知道的。

  • >> Stephen: NOT A GREAT INDICATION OF YOUR VALUES WHEN

    >> 斯蒂芬:當你的價值觀不是一個很好的指標。

  • WHEN YOU CAN'T PRONOUNCE THE WORD "VALUES."

    當你不能發音的單詞 "價值"。

  • "YOUR HONOR, I AM A MAN OF INTETEGREE AND STRONG MERRALS.

    "尊敬的閣下,我是一個有智慧和堅強意志的人。

  • I WOULD NEVER BREAK THE LAWWAAH."

    我永遠不會違反法律WAAH。"

  • BUT THE MAIN THING ON HIS MIND WAS TOMORROW'S CONGRESSIONAL

    但他心中最重要的是明天的國會。

  • CERTIFICATION OF JOE BIDEN'S WIN.

    JOE BIDEN的勝利證書。

  • THE PRESIDENT STILL THINKS HE HAS A CHANCE TO SOMEHOW OVERTURN

    主席仍然認為他有機會在某種程度上扭轉局面。

  • THAT, PARTLY BECAUSE THE GUY OVERSEEING THE CERTIFICATION

    那,部分原因是負責監督認證的人。

  • CEREMONY IS VICE PRESIDENT AND FEDERALLY PROTECTED FLY HABITAT,

    典禮是副主席和聯邦保護的蒼蠅棲息地。

  • MIKE PENCE.

    邁克-彭斯

  • AND HE REALLY EXPECTS PENCE TO HAVE HIS BACK.

    而且他真的希望彭斯能幫他。

  • >> I HOPE MIKE PENCE COMES THROUGH FOR US.

    >> 我希望邁克-彭斯能為我們服務。

  • I HAVE TO TELL YOU.

    我必須告訴你。

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I HOPE THAT OUR GREAT VICE

    我希望我們的偉大的副總統,

  • PRESIDENT, OUR GREAT VICE PRESIDENT COMES THROUGH FOR US.

    主席,我們偉大的副主席為我們而來。

  • HE'S A GREAT GUY.

    他是一個偉大的傢伙。

  • OF COURSE, IF HE DOESN'T COME THROUGH, I WON'T LIKE HIM QUITE

    當然,如果他不通過,我就不會喜歡他了。

  • AS MUCH.

    因為多。

  • >> Stephen: IF THIS WERE AN AFTER-SCHOOL SPECIAL, THIS IS

    >> Stephen:如果這是一個課後的特殊,這是

  • THE PART WHERE WE WOULD TELL MIKE PENCE THAT IF THE PRESIDENT

    我們會告訴邁克-彭斯,如果總統... ...

  • SAYS HE WON'T LIKE YOU UNLESS YOU GIVE HIM WHAT HE WANTS, THEN

    說他不會喜歡你,除非你給他他想要的東西,然後。

  • HE DOESN'T REALLY CARE ABOUT YOU.

    他並不真正關心你。

  • HE SHOULD LIKE YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE-- ALTHOUGH, WE UNDERSTAND

    他應該喜歡你這個人... 雖然,我們也明白

  • WHY HE WOULDN'T, BECAUSE WHO YOU ARE IS MIKE PENCE.

    他為什麼不會呢 因為你是MIKE PENCE啊

  • BUT THE PRESIDENT WAS CONFIDENT THAT PENCE WOULD DO THE RIGHT

    但總統確信彭斯會做正確的事情

  • THING, BY WHICH OF COURSE HE MEANS THE WRONG THING.

    當然,他指的是錯誤的東西。

  • >> MIKE IS A GREAT GUY.

    >> 邁克是一個偉大的傢伙。

  • HE'S A-- HE'S A WONDERFUL MAN AND A SMART MAN, AND A MAN THAT

    他是一個... 他是一個神奇的人,一個聰明的人,一個人,他是一個...

  • I LIKE A LOT.

    我喜歡很多。

  • BUT HE'S GONNA HAVE A LOT TO SAY ABOUT IT AND HE-- YOU KNOW, ONE

    但他會有很多話要說,而且他... ... 你知道,一個

  • THING WITH HIM, YOU'RE GONNA GET STRAIGHT SHOTS.

    和他在一起,你會得到直射。

  • HE'S GONNA CALL IT STRAIGHT.

    他將會直截了當地打電話。

  • >> Stephen: YEAH, MIKE PENCE IS GOING TO CALL IT STRAIGHT, AND

    >> 史蒂芬: 是的,邁克-彭斯將直截了當地宣佈,並且。

  • IF THAT DOESN'T WORK, HE'S GOING TO FORCE IT TO PRAY UNTIL IT

    如果這樣不行,他就會強迫它祈禱,直到它。

  • SAYS IT'S STRAIGHT.

    說它是直的。

  • THE THING IS, PENCE'S ROLE AS PRESIDENT OF THE SENATE IS A

    問題是,彭斯作為參議院議長的角色是一個。

  • PURELY CEREMONIAL JOB, AKIN TO THE PRESENTER OPENING THE

    純粹的儀式性工作,類似於主持人的開場白。

  • ACADEMY AWARD ENVELOPE AND READING THE NAME OF THE MOVIE

    學會獎信封和閱讀電影的名字

  • THAT WON BEST PICTURE.

    這贏得了最佳圖片。

  • YES, IT'S JUST LIKE THE OSCARS, WHICH IS WHY THEY'RE GOING TO

    是的,它就像奧斯卡,這就是為什麼他們要去。

  • SEND PENCE OUT WITH A MORE CHARISMATIC CO-PRESENTER.

    把彭斯和一個更有魅力的搭檔送出去。

  • ( AS PENCE ) "YOU KNOW, TIMOTHEE CHALAMET,

    "你知道嗎,TIMOTHEE CHALAMET,

  • MY FULL NAME IS MIKE-O-THEE PENCE-A-MET.

    我的全名是MIKE -O -THEE PENCE -A -MET。

  • PAUSE FOR LAUGHTER.

    暫停笑聲。

  • AND, NOW, THE WINNER OF THE 2020 ELECTION: 'LA LA LAND'!"

    而且,現在,2020年選舉的贏家:'LA LA LAND'!"

  • OF COURSE, THE PRESIDENT DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO TAKE CEREMONIAL FOR

    當然,總統不知道如何採取的儀式,為

  • AN ANSWER, TWEETING TODAY: "THE VICE PRESIDENT HAS THE

    一個答案,今天在推特上,"副總統有

  • POWER TO REJECT FRAUDULENTLY CHOSEN ELECTORS."

    拒絕欺詐性選擇的選舉人的權力。"

  • NO, HE DOESN'T!

    不,他沒有!

  • THE VICE PRESIDENT CAN'T ARBITRARILY DECIDE WHO'S THE

    副總統不能用仲裁方式決定誰是總統。

  • NEXT PRESIDENT.

    下屆主席:

  • OTHERWISE, IN 2001, AL GORE WOULD HAVE PICKED AL GORE.

    否則的話,2001年,阿爾-戈爾會選擇阿爾-戈爾。

  • THE CONSTITUTION CLEARLY STATES THAT THE VICE PRESIDENT'S

    憲法明確規定,副主席的...。

  • PRIMARY POWER IS HAVING NO POWER!

    首要權力是沒有權力!

  • THIS HAS GOT TO BE A PAINFUL MOMENT FOR PENCE, HAVING TO

    對彭斯來說,這一定是一個痛苦的時刻,不得不... ...

  • CHOOSE BETWEEN THE COUNTRY HE LOVES AND THE MAN HE'S PLEDGED

    在他所愛的國家和他所愛的人之間做出選擇。

  • TO HELP DESTROY IT.

    幫助摧毀它。

  • AS ONE PERSON CLOSE TO HIM SAID, "FOR PENCE, TOMORROW WILL BE

    正如他身邊的一個人所說:"對於彭斯來說,明天將是他的生日。

  • GUT-WRENCHING."

    腸胃撕裂。"

  • ALMOST AS GUT-WRENCHING AS THE TIME HE ACCIDENTALLY ATE A

    幾乎是腸胃撕裂的時間,他意外地吃了一個。

  • "SALTED" CRACKER.

    "鹽漬 "餅乾。

  • DONT TELL MOTHER.

    包括告訴母親。

  • BUT PENCE ISN'T ENTIRELY ALONE.

    但彭斯並不是一個人在戰鬥

  • ON SATURDAY ON SATURDAY AT LEAST 12 G.O.P.

    在星期六,至少12個工作日。

  • SENATORS ANNOUNCED THEY ARE GOING TO CHALLENGE BIDEN'S WIN.

    參議員們宣佈他們將挑戰比登的勝利。

  • IT IS INSANE THAT U.S. SENATORS WOULD TRY TO SUBVERT DEMOCRACY

    美國參議員竟然想顛覆民主制度,真是瘋了。

  • LIKE THIS.

    像這樣。

  • I MEAN, WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?

    我是說,這些人是誰?

  • OH, THOSE PEOPLE.

    哦,那些人。

  • YEAH, THAT CHECKS OUT.

    是的,這就解決了。

  • IT LOOKS LIKE A CARTON OF EGGS.

    它看起來像一盒雞蛋。

  • THE RINGLEADER OF THIS THREE-BRAIN-CELL CIRCUS IS

    這個三腦細胞圈的領頭羊是:

  • TEXAS SENATOR AND BUS STATION PREACHER, TED CRUZ.

    德州參議員和巴士站傳教士,泰德・克魯茲。

  • CRUZ WANTS AN ELECTION COMMISSION TO CONDUCT AN

    克魯茲希望選舉委員會能進行一次調查

  • "EMERGENCY 10-DAY AUDIT" OF THE ELECTION RETURNS IN THE

    選舉結果的 "10天緊急審計"。

  • "DISPUTED STATES."

    "有爭議的國家"。

  • CRUZ ISN'T JUST DOING THIS BECAUSE HE'S RUNNING FOR

    克魯茲這樣做不只是因為他在競選。

  • PRESIDENT IN 2024.

    2024年:

  • HE TRULY BELIEVES IN THE PRESIDENT'S CONSPIRACY THEORIES.

    他真的相信總統的陰謀論。

  • THAT'S WHY HE'S ALSO CALLING FOR A SPECIAL COMMISSION TO

    這就是為什麼他也要求成立一個特別委員會,以

  • INVESTIGATE WHETHER HIS WIFE IS UGLY AND WHY HIS DAD KILLED

    調查他的妻子是否醜陋以及他的父親為何殺人

  • J.F.K.

    J.F.K.

  • NOW, WHEN IT WAS HER TURN TO SPEAK AT THE RALLY, LOEFFLER

    現在,當輪到她在集會上發言時,拉夫勒

  • HANDCUFFED HERSELF TO THE CRAZY TRAIN:

    把自己銬在了瘋狂的火車上。

  • >> I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT, GEORGIA.

    >> 有一個公告,格魯吉亞。

  • ON JANUARy 6th, I WILL OBJECT TO THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE VOTE.

    1月6日,我將反對選舉學院的投票。

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: WHAT THE HUH??

    ( 歡呼聲和掌聲 ) >> 斯蒂芬:什麼是HUH?

  • SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT-- YOU'RE CALLING FOR

    所以,讓我得到這個直 - 你叫的是

  • DISENFRANCHISING THE VOTERS IN ALL THE SWING STATES, INCLUDING

    取消所有搖擺州的選民資格,包括:

  • GEORGIA, THE STATE YOU'RE RUNNING IN, TODAY!

    喬治亞州,你今天要競選的州!

  • WELL, THAT EXPLAINS HER NEW AD: "YOUR VOTE IS WORTHLESS.

    好吧,這解釋了她的新廣告:"你的投票是不值錢的。

  • A PERFECT MATCH WITH KELLY LOEFFLER!"

    與凱利-勒夫勒的完美搭配!"

  • SPEAKING OF OVERSTAYING YOUR WELCOME: COVID.

    說到過頭的歡迎。COVID:

  • THE PANDEMIC CONTINUES TO SURGE OUT OF CONTROL IN THE...

    恐慌症繼續激增失控在... ...

  • EVERYWHERE.

    到處都是。

  • AND I'LL GIVE YOU THE LATEST IN THIS NEVER-CHANGING STORY IN

    我會為你提供最新的故事,在這個不斷變化的故事。

  • TONIGHT'S EDITION OF: "CATCH A THIRD WAVE: ENDLESS

    今晚的節目:"捕捉第三波:無窮無盡"。

  • BUMMER."

    BUMMER。"

  • ( SUNG TO "AULD LANG SIGNE" ) ♪ MAY ALL INFECTIONS

    (唱到 "AULD LANG SIGNE")五月所有的傳染病

  • BE FORGOT AND NEVER SANITIZED.

    被遺忘,永遠不會被消毒。

  • MAY ALL INFECTIONS BE FORGOT AND ALL PHLEGM'S FINE! ♪

    願所有的感染都被遺忘,所有的PHLEGM'S FINE!

  • HAPPY NEW YEAR!

    新年快樂

  • I'M FAMOUS!

    我很出名!

  • ( COUGHING ) ( LAUGHTER )

    (咳嗽) (笑聲)

  • ( COUGHING ) ( LAUGHTER )

    (咳嗽) (笑聲)

  • >> Stephen: THE VACCINE IS FINALLY HERE!

    >> Stephen:疫苗終於來了!

  • BUT NOT A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE GETTING IT, UNFORTUNATELY, WHICH

    但不是很多人都得到了它,不幸的是,這是

  • WAS NOT THE PLAN.

    不是計劃。

  • BACK IN NOVEMBER, THE PRESIDENT SAID 20 MILLION PEOPLE WOULD BE

    早在11月的時候,總統就說過,2000萬人口將被送往醫院。

  • VACCINATED BY THE END OF 2020, BUT THE FIGURE WAS CLOSER

    在2020年底前接種,但數字更接近。

  • TO FOUR MILLION.

    到400萬。

  • SO THEY WILL BE OFFICIALLY CHANGING THE NAME FROM

    所以,他們將正式改變名稱從。

  • "OPERATION WARP SPEED" TO "OPERATION...

    "OPERATION WARP SPEED "到 "OPERATION...

  • >> WE CAN'T DO IT.

    >> 我們不能這樣做。

  • >> Stephen: THANKS, SCOTTY.

    >> Stephen:謝謝你,斯科蒂。

  • YESTERDAY, AT A PRE-ELECTION RALLY IN GEORGIA,

    明天,在喬治亞州的選前集會上,

  • PRESIDENT-ELECT BIDEN WENT AFTER THE ADMINISTRATION'S VACCINE

    候任主席比登追隨政府的疫苗。

  • ROLLOUT.

    ROLLOUT。

  • >> IT IS A SHAME WHAT'S HAPPENING NOW.

    >> 現在發生的事情真是太可恥了。

  • IT'S A LITERAL SHAME.

    這是一個真正的恥辱。

  • THIS ADMINISTRATION HAS GOTTEN OFF TO A GODAWFUL START.

    本屆政府開了個糟糕的頭。

  • PRESIDENT SPENDS MORE TIME WHINING AND COMPLAINING THAN

    主席花更多的時間抱怨和抱怨比

  • DOING SOMETHING ABOUT THE PROBLEM.

    對這個問題做點什麼。

  • I DON'T KNOW WHY HE STILL WANTS THE JOB.

    我不知道為什麼他還想得到這份工作。

  • HE DOESN'T WANT TO DO THE WORK.

    他不想做的工作。

  • ( AS BIDEN ) >> "C'MON, YA LAZY SACK OF

    ( AS BIDEN ) >> "來吧,你這個懶惰的麻袋。

  • DOORKNOBS!

    門禁!

  • IT'S LIKE MY OLD BOSS USED TO TELL ME WHEN I WAS A BUSBOY AT

    就像我以前的老闆對我說的那樣,當我還是個巴士司機的時候。

  • O'SHEENA-HANA-HALLA-HOOLIGAN'S, 'IF YOU GOT TIME TO LEAN, YOU

    O'SHEENA-HANA-HALLA-HOOLIGAN'S,"如果你有時間瘦,你就

  • GOT TIME TO VACCINE.' BUT ON JANUARY 20th, IT'S OFF TO

    "有時間去打針。但在1月20日,它是關閉到。

  • WORK I GO!

    工作我去!

  • HEIGH-HO, HEIGH-HO, JACK!

    嗨唷,嗨唷,傑克!

  • WANT FRIES WITH THAT?

    想吃薯條嗎?

  • NO FREE REFILLS!

    沒有免費補貨!

  • GET OUT OF HERE!

    離開這裡!

  • GET OUT OF HERE, KID!" ONE PROBLEM IS THAT THE

    離開這裡,孩子!"一個問題是

  • ADMINISTRATION HAS SETTLED ON THE COVID PLAN OF, "NOT IT!"

    行政當局已經確定了 "不是它!"的科維德計劃。

  • BECAUSE FEDERAL OFFICIALS LEFT MANY OF THE DETAILS OF VACCINE

    因為聯邦官員遺漏了許多疫苗的細節。

  • DISTRIBUTION TO OVERSTRETCHED LOCAL HEALTH OFFICIALS AND

    分發給超負荷的地方衛生官員和工作人員

  • HOSPITALS, WHICH IS WHY IN NEW YORK CITY, NO ONE HAS ANY

    醫院,這就是為什麼在紐約市,沒有人有任何的。

  • IDEA HOW TO GET VACCINATED, BUT YOU CAN STILL GET CONTACTLESS

    想法如何得到接種,但你仍然可以得到接觸性。

  • DELIVERY OF MARIJUANA AT 2:00 IN THE MORNING.

    凌晨2點送達的大麻。

  • FORGET HOSPITALS-- SHIP ALL THOSE VIALS TO DR. COLLEGE

    別管醫院了,把所有的票據都寄給博士。學院

  • FRIEND'S ROOMMATE.

    朋友的室友。

  • STATE AND LOCAL GOVERNMENTS HAVE BEEN OVERWHELMED.

    州政府和地方政府已經得到了極大的幫助。

  • IN HOUSTON, ON THE FIRST FREE DAY OF A VACCINATION CLINIC,

    在休斯頓,在第一個免費的一天 疫苗接種診所。

  • AFTER RECEIVING MORE THAN 250,000 CALLS, THE CITY HEALTH

    在接到超過25萬個電話之後,市衛生局

  • DEPARTMENT'S PHONE SYSTEM CRASHED.

    部門的電話系統崩潰了。

  • THAT'S RIGHT, OUR VACCINE ROLLOUT LACKS THE ROBUST

    是的,我們的疫苗卷軸缺少笨重的。

  • TECHNOLOGY OF THE BUTTERBALL HOTLINE.

    巴特球熱線的技術。

  • VACCINE SIGN-UP WEBSITES HAVE ALSO BEEN CRASHING LEFT AND

    疫苗註冊網站也已經崩潰的左和右。

  • RIGHT, SO INSTEAD, ONE COUNTY IN OKLAHOMA

    是的,所以,在俄克拉荷馬州的一個縣,

  • ANNOUNCED APPOINTMENTS ONLY THROUGH FACEBOOK.

    僅通過FACEBOOK宣佈任命。

  • SO DON'T WORRY, YOUR LIFE-SAVING MEDICAL TREATMENT IS RIGHT

    所以不用擔心,你的救命醫療就在這裡。

  • THERE, BETWEEN YOUR COUSIN'S WEIRDLY EROTIC

    在那裡,在你的表弟的怪異的色情中間

  • PREGNANCY PHOTOSHOOT, AND YOUR COWORKER'S ECZEMA FUNDRAISER.

    懷孕的照片,和你的同事的ECZEMA基金。

  • ONE STATE REALLY STRUGGLING WITH VACCINE DISTRIBUTION IS

    一個在疫苗分配方面遇到困難的州是

  • CALIFORNIA, WHERE THE GOVERNOR HAS A NEW PLAN.

    加利福尼亞州,總督在那裡有一個新的計劃。

  • YESTERDAY, HE ANNOUNCED THAT HE WANTS DENTISTS TO HELP WITH

    昨天,他宣佈,他希望牙科醫生能幫助他解決

  • COVID-19 VACCINATIONS.

    COVID-19 疫苗接種:

  • IN RESPONSE, DENTISTS ISSUED A STATEMENT SAYING, "WELL, WELL,

    作為迴應,牙科醫生髮表聲明說:"好吧,好吧。

  • WELL.

    好吧。

  • LOOK WHO'S SUDDENLY A REAL DOCTOR!

    看看誰竟然是個真正的醫生!

  • YOU DON'T SEE THEM GIVING NEEDLES TO CHIROPRACTORS!"

    你沒看到他們把針頭給了脊柱治療師!"

  • THE HEAD OF THE CALIFORNIA DENTAL ASSOCIATION RESPONDED TO

    加利福尼亞牙醫協會會長作出迴應。

  • THE GOVERNOR'S CALL, SAYING THAT "DENTISTS ARE READY, WILLING,

    總督的電話,說 "牙科醫生已經準備好了,願意。

  • AND ABLE TO HELP ADMINISTER VACCINATIONS."

    並能幫助管理疫苗接種。"

  • UNFORTUNATELY, SHE SAID THAT AFTER SHE ALREADY HAD HER HANDS

    不幸的是,她說這句話後,她已經有了自己的手。

  • IN THE GOVERNOR'S MOUTH, SO ALL HE COULD DO WAS NOD AND MUMBLE.

    在總督的嘴裡,所以他只能點頭和喃喃自語。

  • OF COURSE, THE PRESIDENT IS TAKING FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR

    當然,主席要對以下事項負全部責任

  • THE BOTCHED ROLLOUT, AND THEN HURLING THAT RESPONSIBILITY

    拙劣的表象,然後把這個責任扔掉。

  • AT THE STATES, TWEETING, "SOME STATES ARE VERY

    在國家,在微博上說:"有些國家很

  • SLOW TO INOCULATE RECIPIENTS DESPITE SUCCESSFUL AND VERY

    在成功和非常成功的情況下,對受援者的接種緩慢。

  • LARGE-SCALE DISTRIBUTION OF VACCINES BY THE FEDERAL

    聯邦政府大規模分發疫苗。

  • GOVERNMENT."

    政府。"

  • YOU KNOW, SOME MASSIVE NATIONAL PROJECTS MAYBE SHOULD JUST NOT

    你知道嗎,一些大型的國家項目也許不應該是

  • BE LEFT UP TO THE STATES.

    由國家來決定。

  • THERE'S A REASON THE MOON LANDING DIDN'T GO LIKE THIS:

    登陸月球沒有這樣做是有原因的。

  • >> THAT'S ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN, ONE GIANT LEAP FOR OHIO,

    >> 這是人類的一小步,俄亥俄州的一大步。

  • BABY!

    寶貝!

  • THIS WAS ALL US!

    這就是我們所有人!

  • SUCK IT, MICHIGAN!

    去死吧,密歇根州!

  • >> WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.

    >> 今晚我們將為您帶來一場精彩的演出。

  • MY GUESTS ARE DR. SANJAY GUPTA, AND FROM "THE QUEEN'S GAMBIT,"

    我的客人是SANJAY GUPTA博士 以及 "女王的遊戲 "中的...

  • ANYA TAYLOR-JOY.

    ANYA TAYLOR -JOY.

  • BUT WHEN WE RETURN, "MEANWHILE."

    但是,當我們回來的時候,"meanwhile。"

  • JOIN US, WON'T YOU?

    加入我們,你願意嗎?

  • ( LEAF BLOWER )

    (葉子花)

>> Stephen: OH, HELLO.

>> Stephen:哦,你好。

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