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  • -Thank you very much, everyone! Thank you!

  • Welcome, welcome, welcome to "The Tonight Show"!

  • Here we go. [ Cheers and applause ]

  • Well, guys, it is a big night for the country

  • as Georgia held its two runoff elections,

  • which will determine the balance of power in the Senate.

  • It was exciting this morning when MSNBC pried open the lid

  • and watched Steve Kornacki arise from his hyperbaric chamber.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • "The Kornak is back wearing the khak!"

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • Because these races are so important,

  • last night President Trump traveled to Georgia and held

  • a rally on behalf of the two Republican candidates,

  • Senator David Perdue and Kelly Loeffler.

  • Yep, it was quite a night.

  • Trump spoke for almost 90 minutes,

  • and then he invited everyone on a scavenger hunt

  • to find 12,000 more votes.

  • [ Laughter ] That was nice.

  • Yeah, the whole point of Trump's visit was to rally support

  • for the two Republican candidates,

  • but GOP officials were worried

  • he'd start talking about his loss to Biden.

  • Let's see how long he stayed on message.

  • -I want to thank you very much. Hello, Georgia.

  • By the way, there's no way we lost Georgia.

  • There's no way. -Ah!

  • Five seconds. Well, way longer than I expected.

  • Trump would read "A Tale of Two Cities"

  • like, "It was the best of -- By the way, I am the best.

  • Everyone says I'm the best." [ Laughter ]

  • Seriously, he's still campaigning for an election

  • he already lost.

  • Imagine Justin Guarini tweeting today,

  • "Text 50815 and make me the next American Idol."

  • [ Laughter ]

  • It's been a while since Trump made a campaign speech.

  • And he seemed a little rusty.

  • Listen closely to how he pronounced the word America.

  • -We have made "Uhmeruca" strong again.

  • Look at that arm.

  • -What happened? W-W-What happened there?

  • It was like halfway through a hypnotist put him to sleep.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • "We have made --" Sleep!

  • "Uhmeruca strong again." [ Laughter ]

  • "Is there ice in my shoe?"

  • [ Laughter ]

  • [ Clucks ] [ Laughter ]

  • It was either that or one of his aides

  • hit him with a tranq dart.

  • "Uhmeruca."

  • Can we see it again there, Dave, Uhmeruca?

  • -We have made Uhmeruca strong again.

  • Look at that arm.

  • -"Look at that arm." Distraction.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • If he can't say America,

  • why can't he just go with the United States?

  • -God bless the United Shtates.

  • -Ah. That's why. That's why. [ Laughter ]

  • Another big moment during the speech was

  • when Trump brought up Vice President Pence.

  • Yeah, Trump has been begging Pence to stop Congress

  • from certifying the Electoral College vote tomorrow.

  • Pence can't really do that,

  • but that hasn't stopped Trump from pressuring him.

  • -I hope Mike Pence comes through for us, I have to tell you.

  • He's a great guy.

  • Of course if he doesn't come through,

  • I won't like him quite as much.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -Pence's only role is to preside over the ballot counting.

  • He's basically one step above a bingo caller.

  • Wow. [ Laughter ]

  • That's a respected profession in this crowd.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Bingo caller not that bad.

  • We like bingo caller.

  • He's the vice president.

  • Yeah. Mm.

  • Bingo caller. [ Laughter ]

  • Yeah, Trump said he hopes Mike Pence

  • comes through tomorrow

  • and basically overturns the election.

  • -Wait, wait, wait, Trump wants Mike Pence

  • to swoop in and overturn the results?

  • -Yeah, Mike Pence.

  • -Mr. Bore? -Senior Snore.

  • -Dr. Doh? -McDreary.

  • -Christian Pale? -Ashen Kutcher.

  • -Android Cuomo? -Robot de Niro.

  • [ Laughter ] -Pence help?

  • -Hell no. -Biden win?

  • -Once again. -That's cool.

  • -That's right. -Mm-hmm.

  • -Yep, yep. -New Year's?

  • -Not bad. -Gold plates?

  • -Stay at home? -Champagne.

  • -Oh, yeah. -Dom bomb?

  • -Cheap stuff. -Headache?

  • -Real bad. -Sorry, man.

  • -All good. -Cool, cool.

  • Good talk.

  • -Best buds? -Uh, do the monologue.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -Right.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Meanwhile, during the trip to Georgia, Ivanka Trump

  • tweeted a photo from Marine One and accidently tagged the singer

  • Meat Loaf instead of her father. [ Laughter ]

  • Secret Service was like, "Ivanka, please, please,

  • don't give away his code name." [ Laughter ]

  • Yep, Ivanka tried to tag @realdonaldtrump

  • but accidently ended up with @realmeatloaf.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • In response Arby's was like, "That's funny.

  • There's no such thing as real meatloaf."

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Listen to this. I read that the CEO of

  • Whole Foods, John Mackey, is being criticized

  • after saying healthcare would not be necessary

  • if people would eat better and live healthier lifestyles.

  • Can't wait till John breaks his leg

  • and the ER doctor prescribes him a $20 mango.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Some entertainment news -- last night was

  • the season premiere of "The Bachelor."

  • [ Cheers and applause ] Yeah.

  • And the most talked about moment was the arrival

  • of a woman who brought Matt an interesting gift.

  • Watch this.

  • -I brought something from home...

  • -Okay. -...that's really special to me.

  • This pandemic was really hard for me.

  • And this just really got me through a lot.

  • And I was hoping to pass the torch to you.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -Who knew the naked dodgeball season would end up

  • being the "classy" season? [ Laughter ]

  • Then Chris Harrison was like, "She's not a contestant.

  • I don't know how that lady got in there.

  • Please wash your hands, please."

  • It'll be awkward in 10 years when their kids are like,

  • "Mom, Dad, tell us about when you first met."

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Just a reminder that ABC is owned by Disney.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • People tune in like, "It'll be nice to take a break

  • from all the horrible news and just -- okay, you know what?

  • Back to CNN, let's put on CNN."

  • Eh. [ Laughter ]

  • And finally, a company that makes face masks for pets

  • has seen a 500% increase in sales since the pandemic began.

  • Here's a dog wearing one of the masks.

  • Meanwhile, dogs are going to be like,

  • "It's not COVID. It's my breath, isn't it?"

-Thank you very much, everyone! Thank you!

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Trump Rambles for 90 Minutes at Georgia Rally | The Tonight Show

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 06 日
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