The Sorting Hat even acknowledged I was.

分揀帽甚至承認我是。

- Ah, what bravery.

- 啊，真勇敢。

You'd be great in Gryffindor. - Nope, Slytherin.

你在格蘭芬多會很好。- 不，斯萊特林。

- Are you sure?

- 你確定嗎？

You'd fit right in. - Listen,

你會很適合的- 聽我說

you dusty old headpiece.

你這個滿是灰塵的老頭飾。

I look fantastic in emerald green

我穿上翠綠色的衣服很好看

and I was born in 1989,

而我是1989年出生的。

which is the year of the snake,

這是蛇年。

so I am Slytherin and Slytherin only.

所以我是斯萊特林，而且只屬於斯萊特林。

- Yeah, I think you just proved your point.

- 是啊，我想你剛剛證明了你的觀點。

Slytherin!

斯萊特林！

- And I gave birth to the most courageous creature

- 我生下了最勇敢的生物。

to grace this earth.

來美化這個世界。

(grunting and moaning)

（叫聲和呻吟）

- One more push. - You can do it, baby.

- 再推一下- 你能做到的，寶貝。

You can do it.

你能做到的

You've got this. (yelling)

你已經得到了這個。（大喊）

- His back left leg is detached from his hip,

- 他的左後腿與臀部分離。

he's prone to bladder infections,

他容易患膀胱炎。

and he's got an enlarged heart

他有一個擴大的心臟

that will require years of medical attention.

這將需要多年的醫療護理。

- Oh.

- 哦。

- Oh my God he's beautiful.

- 哦，我的上帝，他是美麗的。

What should we name him?

我們應該給他取什麼名字呢？

- His name is Congress.

- 他的名字是國會。

Congress The Brave.

國會《勇敢者》。

That's his full name, and don't you forget it.

這是他的全名，你別忘了。

My point is I pride myself

我的意思是，我為自己感到驕傲

on identifying as a brave person.

關於認定自己是一個勇敢的人。

And even if I'm afraid, I usually take that as a sign

即使我害怕，我通常也會把它當作一個信號。

that I should go and do it anyway to be courageous.

我應該去做，無論如何要有勇氣。

I mean, I did stand up for like a decade,

我的意思是，我沒有站起來 像十年。

which I think you know takes a lot of balls

我想你也知道，這需要很大的勇氣。

to get up on stage and make a total fool of yourself.

站在舞臺上，讓自己完全出醜。

I'm Japanese Hawaiian so I'm historically self-destructive.

我是日本夏威夷人，所以我歷來有自我毀滅的傾向。

(audience moaning and groaning)

（觀眾呻吟和呻吟）

Wow, too soon.

哇，太快了。

I didn't think that joke would bomb.

我沒想到這個玩笑會炸開。

- Oh my God, geez.

- 哦，我的上帝，哎呀。

- Get off the stage. - Get off the,

- 下臺吧- 下來。

yeah, go away.

是啊，走開。

- Okay, all right, tough crowd.

- 好吧，好吧，難纏的人群。

But no matter how brave we are,

但無論我們多麼勇敢。

I have found that there's one question

我發現有一個問題

we are terrified to ask

畏首畏尾

when we're emotionally invested in the answer.

當我們對答案投入感情時。

It makes us feel so vulnerable,

這讓我們覺得很脆弱。

so open to hurt, so terrified and paralyzed,

如此開放的傷害，如此驚恐和麻痺。

and it is.

而且它是。

- So like, what are we?

- 那麼，我們是什麼？

(monitor beeping)

（顯示器嗶嗶聲）

- Scalpel.

- 手術刀。

- What are you looking for?

- 你在找什麼？

(laughing)

（笑）

- Doc, where do you see this going?

- 醫生，你覺得這事會怎樣？

Where are we headed?

我們要去哪裡？

What does our future look like?

我們的未來是什麼樣的？

- Gigawatts.

- 千兆瓦。

- New connection and intimacy leaves us so vulnerable

- 新的聯繫和親密關係讓我們如此脆弱

to disappointment and hurt and rejection.

到失望、傷害和拒絕。

So I met someone I really like,

所以我遇到了一個我很喜歡的人。

I thought he was great at talking about trauma.

我覺得他很擅長談論創傷。

And we had all these great conversations.

我們有所有這些偉大的對話。

He had a great sense of humor.

他很有幽默感。

And he seemed to be emotionally available,

而且他似乎在感情上是可以的。

consistent, reliable, and responsive,

始終如一、可靠、反應迅速。

which are the telltale signs of secure attachment.

這些都是安全依戀的明顯標誌。

Hey, gold flags, anyone?

嘿，金旗，有人知道嗎？

But I am a preoccupied anxious attachment baby girl,

但我是一個心事重重的依戀型女嬰。

which means that when I meet someone

這意味著，當我遇到一個人

and I can see it going somewhere

我可以看到它去某處

I am now just riddled with full blown anxiety

我現在只是充滿了全面的焦慮症

and fear of abandonment.

和害怕被拋棄。

And it triggers all of my deepest insecurities.

它引發了我所有最深的不安全感。

I was having a panic attack with my therapist,

我和我的治療師在一起的時候，我有一個恐慌症。

and she said.

她說：

- What do you think about just asking him

- 你覺得直接問他怎麼樣

where he sees this going?

他認為這是怎麼回事？

Or if he's looking for a committed relationship?

或者，如果他想找一個承諾的關係？

- No, absolutely not.

- 不，絕對不是。

No, I don't wanna do that.

不，我不想這樣做。

What is wrong with you?

你是怎麼了？

- Well, maybe-

- 嗯，也許...

- Do you want me to die?

- 你想讓我死嗎？

And if you're like me and this stage of intimacy

如果你像我一樣，這個階段的親密關係。

makes you wanna throw up in your mouth,

讓你想吐在你的嘴。

then swallow it back down 'cause you're a champ,

然後把它咽回去，因為你是一個冠軍。

I'll relay what the Oracle says.

我會轉述甲骨文說的話。

- Having this level of open communication

- 有這種程度的公開交流

about what you need to feel safe,

關於你需要的安全感。

in this case knowing where something is headed,

在這種情況下，知道一些東西的走向。

knowing what's on the table, knowing how someone feels,

知道桌子上的東西，知道某人的感受。

that's important for the kind of

這對那種

committed relationship you're looking for.

承諾的關係，你正在尋找。

And the way that someone responds to that

而有人對此的迴應方式

is going to inform you of so much.

是要告知你這麼多。

Because if they say-

因為如果他們說...

- I'm looking for someone who will give me

- 我在找一個能給我的人

all the emotional and physical benefits of a girlfriend

情感和身體上的所有好處，一個女朋友

without me having any accountability or responsibility

我沒有任何責任和義務

to show up as a partner.

以出現在合作伙伴。

- That's gonna tell you a lot.

- 這可以告訴你很多東西。

Alternatively, they may say something that you wanna hear.

或者，他們可能會說一些你想聽的話。

- I'm just looking for someone who will

- 我只是在找一個會

go to the courthouse with me right now,

和我一起去法院，現在。

lock it down, turn it around,

鎖定它，把它轉過來。

put a ring and a dress on it, baby girl.

戴上戒指，穿上衣服，寶貝女兒。

- I don't know, that's a little too soon.

- 我不知道，這有點太快了。

- Something along those lines.

- 沿著這些路線。

Either way, I know it's terrifying to ask for what you need,

不管是哪種方式，我都知道，要求你所需要的東西是很可怕的。

but that's what this question is.

但這就是這個問題。

It's getting information you need

它是獲取你所需要的資訊

so you can find the committed relationship

所以你可以找到承諾的關係

you're looking for.

你要找的。

- And look, yeah, it's disgusting and terrifying.

- 你看，是的，這很噁心，很可怕。

And I wanna shrivel up and die just thinking about it,

想到這裡，我就想萎縮而死。

but I did it.

但我做到了。

I did it.

我做到了

I had written this video before I was gonna do it.

在我要做這個視頻之前，我已經寫好了。

And then I did it.

然後我就做了。

And I didn't get the answer I wanted.

而我並沒有得到我想要的答案。

It sucks.

糟透了

But now I don't have to waste my time and energy

但現在我不用再浪費時間和精力了。

on someone who doesn't deserve me in their life,

在一個不配擁有我的人身上。

or that's what my therapist says anyway.

反正我的治療師也是這麼說的。

I'll try to believe it.

我會試著去相信它。

Anyway, yeah, good luck with this question yourself.

總之，是的，祝你自己這個問題解決的好。

I'm Anna Akana, and thank you to the patrons

我是安娜-阿卡納，感謝各位贊助人的支持。

who supported today's video

誰支持今天的視頻

and thank you to NordVPN

並感謝NordVPN

for sponsoring today's episode.

感謝贊助今天的節目。

As you guys may remember from my

你們可能還記得我的

Instagram Story meltdowns last month,

上個月，Instagram Story崩潰了。

I was in Canada to film a show,

我在加拿大拍了一個節目。

and because of COVID I had to quarantine for two weeks alone

因為COVID的關係，我不得不獨自隔離兩個星期

and then stay there for the entire duration of filming.

然後在整個拍攝期間都呆在那裡。

And I was incredibly sad that so many

我非常難過，這麼多

of my favorite entertainment platforms were not available,

的我最喜歡的娛樂平臺無法使用。

but fret, not my friends, NordVPN lets you access Netflix,

但別擔心，我的朋友，NordVPN可以讓你訪問Netflix。

Hulu, Prime Video, and HBO Max,

Hulu、Prime Video和HBO Max。

no matter where you are in the world.

不管你在哪裡

It even worked when I was filming in China,

甚至我在中國拍戲的時候也能用。

which is incredibly impressive.

這是令人難以置信的印象。

You can have up to six simultaneous connections

您最多可以同時擁有六個連接

with their super fast servers.

與他們的超快服務器。

There's no data logging

沒有數據記錄

and double data encryption for increased anonymity.

和雙重數據加密，提高匿名性。

If you ever have an issue

如果您有任何問題

they have 24 seven customer support.

他們有七天24小時的客戶支持。

And I definitely needed that in Canada

而我在加拿大絕對需要這個

so I could watch those sweet, sweet NXIVM documentaries.

這樣我就可以看那些甜蜜的，甜蜜的NXIVM紀錄片。

Go to NordVPN.com/Anna and get the special holiday deal.

前往NordVPN.com/Anna，獲得特別的節日優惠。

Every purchase of a two-year plan will get you

每購買一個兩年期計劃，您將獲得

four additional months for free.

額外四個月的免費。

That's NordVPN.com/Anna,

那就是NordVPN.com/Anna。

and use code Anna at checkout.

並在結賬時使用代碼Anna。

Happy New Year, even though we all died in March

新年快樂，雖然我們都在三月死去了

and 2020's gonna live on.

和2020年的要去生活。