You know what? It's not even your business, actually!

你知道嗎？不干你們的事！

I was at the drug store, and I was shopping, and I realized we have way too many choices of every kind of product.

我在一間藥局採買，然後我發現我們實在有太多選擇了。

Don't you think there are so many different things out there?

不覺得市面上有很多選擇嗎？

The world is cluttered.

世界被堆的亂七八糟的。

You know, they say variety is the spice of life, but maybe we're getting too spicy.

他們說「多樣性是人生的香料」 但這味道可能下太重了。

'Cause the amount.... Let me just show you.

東西的數量……我直接秀給你們看。

I brought some of these things back.

我把一些東西帶回來了。

And I put it on my expense account, so I could just buy everything.

為了將每樣東西都買回來，我把帳記在公司的公帳下。

These are toothpastes that are just at that one drug store.

這是單單一間藥局的牙膏。

Isn't that ridiculous?

是不是很荒謬？

Okay. Here's one I found.

這是其中一個。

This is Aquafresh.

「家護牙膏」。

And it's called extreme clean.

然後它是「極致潔淨」。

And it has whitening action.

還有亮白作用。

Right there, if you see that.

就在這，看到了嗎？

Alright, so you have the whitening action, and, which is, who doesn't want that?

好，所以我們有亮白功能，誰不想要亮白？

I'm not gonna pass that up.

我絕對不會錯過這個。

Until you get to the next one.

直到你看到下一個。

You see this one, Aquafresh advanced two times whitening.

「家護進階『雙效』亮白」。

Now, why wouldn't I choose that?

現在，叫我怎麼不選這個？

So that to me, if you don't have a flash light, you're teeth can help you see in the dark.

假如你沒有手電筒，牙齒就可以在黑暗中充當照明。

Just smile. and you see where you're going.

笑一個，你就知道該往哪走。

Here's one, this is Crest, and it's 3D white, which means your teeth will be incredibly white, but only people with special glasses can see them.

這裡還有「Crest 3D 亮白」，意思是你的牙齒會無比亮白，但只有戴著特殊眼鏡的人才看得到。

This is interesting. Someone came up with this.

這個有趣了，有個人想出這個點子。

Crest, and it's whitening with, of course, everybody wants the whitening.

「Crest 亮白」當然，所有人都想要亮白。

There's nothing that says "not whitening."

沒有東西寫著「不亮白」。

Uh, whitening plus scope and then it has citrus splash.

亮白加上「Scope 漱口水」再加上飛濺柑橘風味。 (註：Crest 和 Scope 皆為 P&G 底下的口腔清潔品牌，Crest 是牙膏，Scope 是漱口水)

See that?

看到了嗎？

It's the wonderful taste of drinking orange juice right after you brush your teeth.

就是刷完牙後，喝橘子汁的美妙風味。

We're all looking for that delicious flavor in your mouth.

大家都在渴望口腔有這個可口風味。

Alright, here are the choices of deodorants that I found.

好，這是我找到的除臭劑選項。

A lot of deodorants.

真的很多除臭劑。

Now, thanks to extreme couponing, you're not gonna believe this: I got all this, 38 cents.

多虧「折價省錢王」 (註：折價省錢王是旅遊生活頻道的節目。教人如何用折價卷省大錢。) 你們絕對不會相信，我買這些只花了 38 分。

Now, if your favorite deodorant is Secret, you're in luck, because here are some of the deodorant choices for Secret.

假如你最喜歡的除臭劑品牌是 Secret，那你走運了，因為這裡有一些 Secret 的產品選擇。

Secret comes in a spray which I thought was illegal.

Secret 有出噴霧，但我以為這是違法的。 (註：美國和澳洲有些地方隨身攜帶防身噴霧是違法的)

And, so you can have that if you want....

所以假如你喜歡，可以買到這個……

I don't know who's still using spray.

我不知道現在還有誰在使用噴霧。

How many people are still using spray for under your arms?

還有多少人在腋下使用噴霧？

Really? Um... OK.

真的嗎？ 哦.....好吧。

One person, it's good. Here it is.

一個人！很好，這就是給你的！

It's right here for you.

專屬給你。

That's why they still have it as an option.

這就是為何仍有這個產品選項。

And then here is one that's pH balance, right here.

然後這還有一個「pH 值平衡」

And I don't need that, because my pool guy does that for me.

我不需要這個，我的泳池維護員會幫我處理。(註：泳池酸鹼性一般維持在中性偏鹼，所以每過一陣子要用藥劑重新平衡酸鹼性，此處 Ellen 用雙關)

Here's another Secret, this is called "Flawless Renewal".

這裡又一有個 Secret 產品 ，這個叫「無暇再生」。

Flawless Renewal.

「無暇再生」。

What does that mean?

到底什麼意思？

Carol, what are you using?

Carol 是用了什麼？

You have the armpits of a twenty-year-old.

你的胳肢窩跟一個二十歲的人一樣。

If none of these are what you want, you can use clinical strength sport.

假如這些都不是你要的，你可以用「診所級運動款」。

Look at that!

你看看！

It says it's marathon fresh scent.

它寫著「馬拉松清爽香氣」。

Marathon fresh that is like saying locker room breeze.

「馬拉松清爽香氣」這就像是在說「更衣室裡的微風」 (註：意指充滿汗臭味)

I don't understand all the choices we have, but I guess people like choices.

我不懂這些選擇，但我猜人們喜歡選擇。

So, I'm gonna give you a choice right now.

所以我現在就要給你們一個選擇。

My back has been out, and it's still healing, but your choices are, I can either not dance at all or I can dance very very slowly.

我的背最近不太舒服，正在康復中。你們的選擇是：我可以完全不跳舞，或是我可以非常非常緩慢的跳舞。 (註：Ellen 每集在開場後都會跳一支舞與現場觀眾互動，是節目的著名橋段)

(Dance!!!)

(跳！)

Alright!!

好呀！