The Electoral College gathered in all 50 states today and officially confirmed Joe Biden's victory.

選舉團今天在50個州齊聚一堂，正式確認了喬-拜登的勝利。

Congratulations, Yusa.

恭喜你，尤颯。

Congratulations, World.

恭喜你，世界。

This is a relief.

這是一種解脫。

I would hate to start another week of shows without talking about the same election results we've all known for the last month and a half z.

我不願意開始另一個星期的節目，而不談論同樣的選舉結果，我們都知道在過去的一個半月Z。

I mean, it's all over now.

我的意思是，這一切都結束了。

At this point, Trump's only remaining option is just kind of going limp and just laying on the Oval Office floor like my three year old does when they refused to leave a toy store.

在這一點上，特朗普唯一剩下的選擇就是那種一瘸一拐，就像我三歲的孩子拒絕離開玩具店一樣，躺在橢圓形辦公室的地板上。

Come on, we're going.

來吧，我們要去。

I'm not doing anything.

我什麼都沒做

I will rally.

我會團結起來。

Moving on.

繼續前進。

Over the weekend, President Trump gave his first interview since the election, and he's still claiming that he won, You know, because of the bookies.

週末，特朗普總統接受了大選後的第一次採訪，他仍然聲稱自己贏了，你知道，因為賭徒的緣故。

The election was over a 10 o'clock in the evening.

選舉是在晚上10點鐘結束的。

I had one.

我有一個。

It was 97 98%.

是97 98%。

All of the bookies all over the world was saying the election's over.

全世界的博彩公司都在說選舉結束了。

They wouldn't even take bets on it.

他們甚至不願意接受賭注。

And then all of a sudden, around 11 o'clock ballots start getting dropped, they wouldn't even take bets on it.

然後突然間，11點左右選票開始被丟棄，他們甚至不願意接受投注。

You know what we gather from this?

你知道我們從這裡收集到什麼嗎？

You know what?

你知道嗎？

This?

這個？

I think there's 100% means Trump tried to bet on the election, which it's official.

我認為有100%的意思是特朗普想賭選舉，這是官方的意思。

Attorney General Bill Bar is resigning.

總檢察長比爾-巴爾要辭職了。

Bar met with the president last night and said that he will leave office next week.

巴昨晚會見了總統，並表示他將在下週離職。

Maybe now, maybe now he'll have the time to finally read that Mueller report.

也許現在，也許現在他終於有時間去讀穆勒的報告了。

Bill Bar has resigned as attorney general, as opposed to before, when Bar was simply resigned to his fate of defending every stupid thing that Donald Trump has ever said.

比爾-巴爾已經辭去了司法部長的職務，而之前，巴爾只是認命的為唐納德-特朗普說過的每一件蠢事辯護。

I don't I looked at this bar and Trump.

我不我看這個酒吧和特朗普。

They couldn't have been that close.

他們不可能離得那麼近。

They couldn't have been close.

他們不可能接近。

They couldn't otherwise.

否則他們不能。

Bar would have got coronavirus like he's the only one who didn't get covert.

吧會得到冠狀病毒，就像他是唯一一個沒有得到祕密的人。

I mean, he was never in there, but his resignation letter didn't go into much detail, but Bar did say that he plans to spend more time being mistaken for Elton John with regular glasses.

我的意思是，他從來沒有在那裡，但他的辭職信並沒有詳細說明，但Bar確實說他計劃花更多的時間被誤認為是Elton John的普通眼鏡。

Yeah, the new interim attorney general will be Jeff Rosen or is Trump calls him less hot.

是的，新的臨時司法部長將是傑夫-羅森，或者是特朗普叫他不那麼熱。

Mike Pence Vice president Mike Pence is about to find himself in quite uncomfortable situation.

邁克-彭斯 副總統邁克-彭斯即將發現自己處於相當不舒服的境地。

On January 6th, he has to appear in front of Congress to confirm Joe Biden's victory over Donald Trump.

1月6日，他必須出現在國會面前，以確認喬-拜登對唐納德-特朗普的勝利。

Well, word has just come out that Pence will then immediately travel to the Middle East to avoid the wrath of Trump and his supporters.

好吧，剛剛有消息傳出，彭斯就會立即前往中東，以避免特朗普及其支持者的憤怒。

True, it could be, you know, things.

沒錯，可能是，你知道，事情。

A turbulent in the White House.

白宮裡一片動盪。

When you go to the Middle East for a bit of peace and quiet, he's stopping in Bahrain and Israel.

當你去中東找點安寧的時候，他就會在巴林和以色列停留。

He's then headed off to Poland.

然後他就去波蘭了。

Auras.

靈氣。

Mike Pence calls that a real tropical get away now.

邁克-彭斯稱，現在是真正的熱帶逍遙。

Poland usually has quite a bit of snow this time of year.

波蘭這個時候通常有不少雪。

So chances are this is what Mike Pence is gonna look like in all of his photos.

所以邁克-彭斯的照片很有可能都是這個樣子。

President elect Joe Biden went to Georgia to campaign for the Senate runoff election, and during his speech last night, he referred.

當選總統喬-拜登前往佐治亞州為參議院第二輪選舉造勢，在昨晚的演講中，他提到。

He referenced the state's multiple recounts and thank you for standing strong to make sure your voices were heard.

他提到了該州的多次重新計票，並感謝你們堅強地站在那裡，以確保你們的聲音被聽到。

Your votes were counted and counted and count it again.

你的票數已經算好了，算好了再算。

I started to feel like I won Georgia three times Way feel the exact same way.

我開始覺得我贏了喬治亞州三次，方式感覺完全一樣。

When Trump heard this, he was like Georgia voted three times.

當特朗普聽到這個消息時，他就像喬治亞州投了三次票。

Giuliani, Get down there and hold a press conference in the hot tub emporium.

朱利安尼，到那裡去，在溫泉浴場開個新聞發佈會。

Meanwhile, Trump's neighbors in Florida are taking legal action to make sure he can't permanently move into March a Lago after he leaves the White House.

與此同時，特朗普在佛羅里達州的鄰居正在採取法律行動，以確保他在離開白宮後不能永久地搬進March a Lago。

Apparently, current zoning regulations ban anybody from using.

顯然，目前的區劃條例禁止任何人使用。

The club has a full time residents.

俱樂部有一個全職居民。

Can you imagine not being allowed to live somewhere in Florida?

你能想象不能住在佛羅里達的某個地方嗎？

Yeah, that's dark.

是的，那是黑暗的。

That's dark that the neighbors the neighbors don't want.

那是鄰居們不願意看到的黑暗。

Trump at March A Lago, you know where they wanted to go.

特朗普在三月阿拉哥，你知道他們想去哪裡。

GMO.

轉基因生物。

You know they want to go far Largo.

你知道他們想走得更遠，拉哥。

Big news guys.

大新聞的傢伙。

It's happening.

它的發生。

The first coronavirus vaccines have been administered here in the United States.

第一批冠狀病毒疫苗已經在美國這裡接種。

Yeah, it's happening.

是的，它的發生。

It's look at that given out vaccine dunk, Making the vaccine the second hottest item to get this Christmas behind the PlayStation five.

它的樣子，給出來的疫苗灌籃，使疫苗的第二個最熱門的項目得到這個聖誕節背後的PlayStation五。

The very first dose went to a critical care nurse in New York.

第一劑藥給了紐約的一位重症護士。

Needless to say, her tinder is blowing up issues here.

不用說，她的火柴在這裡爆出問題。

Here she is here, getting her show.

她在這裡，得到她的表演。

Look at that.

你看那個。

I know she's getting the vaccine.

我知道她在打疫苗。

But the guy in that suit, he is standing way closer than 6 ft, like, just just back off for, like, a month, bro, for look at that picture.

但那個穿西裝的人，他站的位置比6英尺還近，就像，只是後退了，就像，一個月，兄弟，看看那張照片。

You know that 2020 has been weird because I'm looking at a person in a face mask getting injected, and I'm thinking I cannot wait for that to be me.

你知道，2020年一直很奇怪，因為我看著一個戴著面具的人被注射，我想我不能等待那是我。

Did you guys see this earlier today?

你們今天早些時候看到了嗎？

The FDA confirmed that Madonna's cove in 19 vaccine is safe and effective, which means we may have to approved vaccines by the end of the week.

美國食品和藥物管理局證實，麥當娜的海灣在19疫苗是安全和有效的，這意味著我們可能要準許的疫苗在本週結束。

I mean, inject this news straight into my veins.

我是說，把這個消息直接注入我的血管裡。

Reggie.

雷吉

I'm gonna get both.

我兩個都要。

I'm in both Pfizer.

我在兩個輝瑞。

Madonna.

麥當娜

Bang.

砰。

Let's see.

讓我看看

Oh, Pfizer, Madonna.

哦，輝瑞，麥當娜。

Let's get out of it.

讓我們擺脫它。

That's why I reckon it's time for a fax cation.

所以我認為是時候發傳真了。

Yeah, you're gonna kill.

是啊，你會殺了。

You gonna get it.

你會得到它。

The vaccine.

疫苗。

When it's available, you're gonna get it.

當它是可用的，你會得到它。

I'm gonna max out the vax.

我要去最大限度地提高Vax。

Yeah, Max, The vax backs the vax.

是啊，麥克斯，毒氣支持毒氣。

Max.

最多。

The vaccine.

疫苗。

Yeah, some good news here on the vaccine front here in America, you know that there's been a lot of concern about a shortage while medical professionals just discovered that Pfizer's vaccine vials contain one or two MAWR doses than they previously thought.

是的，一些好消息在這裡 在疫苗方面，在美國， 你知道，有一個很大的關注 關於短缺，而醫療專業人士剛剛發現 輝瑞公司的疫苗小瓶 含有一個或兩個MAWR劑量 比他們以前認為。

Look at that.

你看那個。

On the last night of Hanukkah, I had the violet lasted longer than that.

在光棍節的最後一個晚上，我的紫羅蘭持續的時間比這更長。

It's a Hanukkah miracle.

這是一個光明節的奇蹟。

I'm not sure about this.

我不確定這一點。

I don't know that when you're about to receive a brand new lifesaving vaccine, Do you really want to see the doctor being like, Hang on a minute?

我不知道，當你要接受一種全新的救命疫苗時 你真的想看到醫生說："等一下 "嗎？

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I said six, but I think we could do seven.

是啊，是啊，是啊，我說六， 但我認為我們可以做七。

I think, actually, you may have seen this.

我想，其實，你可能已經看到了這個。

Tom Cruise is making headlines because he got angry on the set of his upcoming mission.

湯姆-克魯斯正在成為頭條新聞，因為他在即將到來的任務的拍攝中生氣了。

Impossible seven.

不可能的七。

Apparently, some crew members were not following co vid safety protocols on DCruz when offered them, at one point saying quote, If I see you doing this again, you're gone.

顯然，一些船員在提供DCruz上的co vid安全協議時，並沒有遵守，有一次說quote，如果我看到你再這樣做，你就走了。

Have you heard the audio?

你聽到音頻了嗎？

Have you heard of regimen?

你聽說過養生嗎？

Oh, it's fantastic.

哦，這是夢幻般的。

He goes off.

他走了。

Have you heard it in?

你聽說過嗎？

I'd love to do it eight times since the monologue.

自從獨白之後，我很想做八次。

Yeah, genuinely.

是啊，真心的。

It got me fired up.

這讓我火冒三丈。

I was like, Yes, he's great.

我當時想，是的，他是偉大的。

He starts talking about how you know people, people are gonna lose their jobs if this film shuts down on.

他開始說，你知道的人， 人們會失去他們的工作 如果這部電影關閉上。

He really goes off of them.

他真的是去了他們。

I didn't even know it.

我都不知道

Tom Cruise is the tough but fair stepped out we all need right now.

湯姆-克魯斯是我們現在需要的強硬而又公平的出頭鳥。

You know that we're living in strange times when the most dangerous stunt on the set of Mission Impossible is when a crew member gave someone a high five.

你知道我們生活在一個奇怪的時代 當 "不可能的任務 "片場最危險的特技是 當一個工作人員與某人擊掌時。

But but the whole film crew does seem to be taking the incident.

但但整個電影劇組似乎確實是在接受這件事。

Are.

是：

In fact, they've already changed the name of the movie to Mission Impossible.

事實上，他們已經把電影的名字改成了《不可能的任務》。

7 ft away or your John?

7英尺遠還是你的約翰？

Yeah, on Here's some news from Ireland Santa and his horse drawn sleigh was stopped on the road by police because Santa sleigh didn't have proper headlights.

是啊，這裡有一些來自愛爾蘭的新聞，聖誕老人和他的馬拉雪橇被警察攔在路上，因為聖誕老人的雪橇沒有合適的車燈。

E mean, Rudolph, you had one job, one job, Rudolph, You know, this is a serious issue.

魯道夫，你只有一份工作，一份工作，魯道夫，你知道，這是一個嚴重的問題。

It is.

它是。

Santa should have proper headlights.

聖誕老人應該有合適的大燈。

This is exactly how Grandma got run over by a reindeer true story.

這正是奶奶被馴鹿撞死的真實故事。

Hey was pulled over by the cops.

嘿，被警察攔下了。

Santa was like, Listen, before you search the sleigh, you should know a lot of people asked for cocaine this year.

聖誕老人說，聽著，在你搜查雪橇之前，你應該知道今年有很多人要可卡因。

Car.

汽車。