Blood soaked fosters Top story.

鮮血浸泡的培養頂點故事。

Our nation's beautiful and beloved infant Donald President Number 45 Magnum condom buyer.

我們國家美麗而受人愛戴的嬰兒唐納德總統45號馬格南保險套買家。

Trump invited his colleagues from Pfizer Moderna to come celebrate him inventing science, but they didn't wanna look short next to him.

特朗普邀請輝瑞摩德納的同事來慶祝他發明科學，但他們不想在他旁邊顯得矮小。

Both Pfizer and Moderna have rejected invitations from President Trump to appear at a White House vaccine summit.

輝瑞公司和摩德納公司都拒絕了美國總統特朗普發出的出席白宮疫苗峰會的邀請。

The event appeared to be an effort for the administration to claim credit for the rapid development of a covert 19 vaccine.

該事件似乎是政府為迅速開發出一種祕密的19號疫苗而努力邀功。

Pfizer Moderna.

輝瑞Moderna。

I hope you choke.

我希望你被嗆到。

If Dr Trump Insigne invites you to the castle, you go and you let him turn you into his monster slave.

如果Trump Insigne博士邀請你去城堡，你就去，讓他把你變成他的怪物奴隸。

Now let's bring in actor and activist Cal Pen.

現在讓我們請來演員和活動家卡爾-潘。

What's up, Cal?

怎麼了，卡爾？

How you doing?

你好嗎？

Hungry.

餓了

So Cal radical Hollywood leftist like you refused to give Trump credit for everything.

所以，像你這樣的加州激進的好萊塢左派拒絕給特朗普的一切功勞。

Let me guess.

讓我猜猜看

You won't give him credit for creating the vaccine with his spit and a dash of paprika.

你不會給他創造疫苗的功勞，用他的口水和一丁點辣椒粉。

William, I think that's fair to say.

威廉，我想這是公平的說法。

Yeah, I don't think I don't feel comfortable giving him credit If he didn't think the virus was really heck, I'll say it.

是啊，我覺得我不放心給他點贊 如果不是他覺得病毒真的很赫赫有名，我就說了。

It's the last episode of the year.

這是今年的最後一集。

I hope the vaccine kills everybody.

我希望疫苗能殺死所有人。

I know Trump is responsible for the vaccine, but do we really want people thinking government can improve their lives?

我知道特朗普要為疫苗負責，但我們真的希望人們認為政府可以改善他們的生活嗎？

The Republicans should not sell out their guiding philosophy merely to keep the nation in existence.

共和黨人不應該僅僅為了維持國家的生存而出賣自己的指導思想。

That's right.

是的

So since Pfizer and Madonna could get for being rude, I have created my own vaccine.

所以，既然輝瑞和麥當娜可以因為粗魯而得到，我就創造了自己的疫苗。

It's called Tyler's high intensity Rhino shaft, and it's basically Bench Shapiro's brain blast powder covered in something called torpedo peppers, administered via flashlight, as most drugs are for me.

這叫泰勒的高強度犀牛軸，基本上是板凳夏皮羅的腦漿粉，上面覆蓋著一種叫魚雷辣椒的東西，通過手電筒施用，就像大多數藥物對我來說一樣。

Meanwhile, George's secretary of state continues to insist Joe Biden won the state, even though I don't think he did.

同時，喬治的國務卿繼續堅持喬-拜登贏得了該州，儘管我不認為他贏了。

We have now counted legally cast ballots three times, and the results remain unchanged.

我們現在已經對合法投下的選票進行了三次清點，結果仍然沒有改變。

Something's not right here.

這裡有些不對勁。

When have you ever counted the same thing three times in your life and not have a wildly different result each time?

你一生中什麼時候算過同一件事三次，而不是每次都有迥然不同的結果？

As Trump's reelection proves more elusive, the more we find out who are the true followers of his lord beef Penis.

隨著特朗普的連任被證明越發難以捉摸，我們越發發現誰才是他主牛肉老二的真正追隨者。

Now let's separate the heretics from the true believers with a hot take loyalty play, Lourdes all the Penis of Condi Long John Silver menus.

現在讓我們用熱拿忠誠戲來區分異端和真信者，盧爾德所有康迪龍約翰銀菜單的陰莖。

We pledged to fight from the eternal recounts and legal challenges in perpetuity until Earth is nevermore.

我們承諾，將從永恆的重新計算和法律挑戰中永久地戰鬥下去，直到地球不再。

Upon that blessed day, I will crush myself into a fine paste.

到了那一天，我將把自己碾成細碎的糊狀。

So you may smoke me and keep me with you forever.

所以你可以抽我，讓我永遠和你在一起。

And then, Cal, I don't hear someone pledging their life to trump.

然後，卡爾，我沒有聽到有人向特朗普承諾他們的生活。

I got the sentiment, and I did say in Amen.

我明白了感情，我也確實在阿門說了。

So I'm with you now.

所以我現在支持你

Big press on campus Almighty Trump graciously awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom to wrestler Dan Gable, despite the fact that Trump could beat his ass anytime, anyplace.

校園大新聞全能的特朗普慷慨地將總統自由勳章授予摔跤手丹-蓋博，儘管特朗普隨時隨地都能打他的屁股。

No masks in sight.

沒有看到面具。

Your liberal hoax virus is no match against the buff freedom antibodies spewing from Trump's glands.

你的自由派騙局病毒是敵不過特朗普腺體中噴出的水牛自由抗體的。

This is the eighth 10th Presidential Medal of Freedom Trump has awarded to man.

這是特朗普授予人類的第8枚第10枚總統自由勳章。

He's only awarded one to a woman, Miriam Adelson, wife of the largest Republican Party donor on Earth.

他只給了一個女人，米里亞姆-阿德爾森，地球上最大的共和黨捐贈者的妻子。

I could only assume she's just holding on to it until her husband gets home.

我只能認為她只是在堅持，直到她丈夫回家。

Now that's all well and good.

現在，這一切都很好，很好。

But where are the medals of freedom for our troops?

但我們部隊的自由勳章在哪裡？

They never get medals, except for all the other medals they're always getting.

他們從來沒有得到獎牌，除了所有其他的獎牌，他們總是得到。

Now I think the president should award a fictional character.

現在我覺得總裁應該頒發一個虛構的人物。

My vote is for the namesake protagonist of Oscar Wilde's The Picture of Dorian Gray.

我投票給奧斯卡-王爾德的《多裡安-格雷的畫像》的同名主角。

I'm sure many can relate toe having a mystic portrait that records their every sin cow.

我相信很多人都能體會到，有一個神祕的畫像，記錄著他們的每一個罪牛。

Do you have a mystic portrait that records your every sin?

你是否有一幅神祕的畫像，記錄著你的每一個罪惡？

I wish I did.

我希望我有。

Well, I wish to God I didn't.

嗯，我希望上帝我沒有。

Now pimp Daddy trumps Big lawyer guy Rudy Giuliani got too close to the truth, so the deep State honeypot it in with a covert positive 58 year old nympho meter maid with Triple D's and 80 birthmarks.

現在拉皮條的老爹王牌大律師Rudy Giuliani離真相太近了 所以深層國家的蜜罐就用一個58歲的有三D和80個胎記的老孃們來掩蓋真相

He can't help it.

他忍不住了。

He's only human were so sad about it.

他是唯一的人類都這麼傷心。

So we set up a vigil.

所以我們設立了一個守夜。

I'm pouring one out Rudy style, which means the whole team filled this bedpan so we could pour a shot of piss on the floor.

我正在倒出一個魯迪式的，這意味著整個團隊裝滿了這個床板，所以我們可以在地板上倒出一泡尿。

Now, in times of need, you should always turn to family unless they ask anything of you, of course.

現在，在需要的時候，你應該隨時向家人求助，當然，除非他們對你有什麼要求。

So let's call my Uncle Squirrel and ask him what body parts he's willing to give to Rudy Giuliani to make him better.

所以，讓我們打電話給我的松鼠叔叔，問他願意給魯迪-朱利安尼什麼身體部位，讓他變得更好。

Hello?

喂？

Shut the fuck up, squirrel.

閉上他媽的嘴，松鼠。

I'm calling Cost The life of Rudy Giuliani a man I know exclusively through television is more important to me than yours.

我叫成本 魯迪-朱利安尼的生命對我來說比你的生命更重要 我只通過電視瞭解他。

I need some of your organs.

我需要你的一些器官。

I don't know, Tyler.

我不知道，泰勒

My organs been on the fritz.

我的器官一直在發飆。

And to be honest, I'm not sure how much longer I have got David squarely for Forget it, Cal.

說實話，我也不知道自己還能為大衛正名多久，算了，卡爾。

Tell Uncle Squirrel that we need his organs.

告訴松鼠叔叔，我們需要他的器官。

And if he loved me, he do it.

如果他愛我，他就會這麼做。

It sounds like your organs are in need.

聽起來你的器官很需要。

Uncle Squirrel.

松鼠叔叔。

See, even Cal thinks you're a fat, lazy pieces.

你看，連卡爾都覺得你是個又肥又懶的傢伙。

Now I'm hanging up on your ass and send those organs now.

現在我掛了你的電話，現在就把那些器官送來。

I love you.

我愛你

I love you to shut up my Yeah, yeah.

我愛你，讓我閉嘴，是啊，是啊。