I'm your host, Stephen Colbert.

我是你們的主持人，斯蒂芬・科爾伯特。

As you know, we're now in month nine of the coronavirus locked down here in America.

如你所知，我們現在已經進入了冠狀病毒在美國被鎖定的第九個月。

Which is why I'm still not back in my theater and don't have an audience and have resorted to using old sitcom sound effects to make me feel less alone.

這也是為什麼我現在還沒有回到我的劇場，也沒有觀眾，只能用老式情景劇的音效來讓我覺得不那麼孤獨。

Thank you.

謝謝你了

Sympathetic audience from designing women in 1987 You always make me feel like Delta Burke and I may not have a real audience for a while because coronavirus infections in this country are the highest they've ever been.

從1987年設計女性的同情觀眾你總是讓我覺得自己像Delta Burke，我可能暫時沒有真正的觀眾，因為這個國家的冠狀病毒感染率是他們有史以來最高的。

And because of that, there are still massive travel restrictions for Americans all around the globe.

也正因為如此，美國人在全球各地仍有大量的旅行限制。

For example, without a test, I am banned from entering the country of Chile.

比如說，沒有經過檢測，我就被禁止進入智利國境。

I still can't go to my local chilies, and I am banned from eating chili.

我還是不能去當地的辣椒店，我被禁止吃辣椒。

That's not a covert related.

這不是一個祕密的相關。

That's just in agreement I have with my co workers.

這只是我和我的同事們的共識。

All of these travel restrictions got me thinking about my last big trip last year when I traveled down under than a bit over to the right for my special.

所有這些旅行限制讓我想到了我去年的最後一次大旅行，當時我在下面旅行，比右邊的一點，我的特別。

Siri's the newest Zealander.

Siri是最新的新西蘭人。

I really wish I could be down there now because, as you may have heard, they have had one of the most successful pandemic responses in the world.

我真的希望我現在能去那裡，因為，你可能已經聽說了，他們已經有了一個世界上最成功的大流行病反應。

With a population of roughly five million people.

人口大約有500萬。

So far, New Zealand has had just 25 deaths and roughly 2000 cases.

到目前為止，紐西蘭僅有25人死亡，約2000例。

Or is America calls it Ah, White House Christmas party.

還是美國人叫它啊，白宮聖誕派對。

Well, since I can't return to New Zealand in person tonight, I'm gonna return in my memory.

好吧，既然今晚不能親自回紐西蘭，那我就用我的記憶來回味吧。

Unluckily, my memory comes with a lot of videotape.

不巧的是，我的記憶中帶有大量的錄像帶。

You see, after last year's trip, there was just too much exciting footage to show it all.

你看，經過去年的旅行，實在是有太多的精彩鏡頭，無法一一展現。

In fact, there was so much extra material that earlier this year we began gathering new segments and recording behind the scenes features to put together a special.

事實上，額外的素材非常多，今年年初我們就開始收集新的片段，錄製幕後花絮，整理成一個特別節目。

But when the pandemic hit, we had to stop down and save all that stuff until the time was right, which is apparently never gonna arrive.

但當疫情來臨時，我們不得不停下來，把所有的東西都保存起來，直到時機成熟，而時機顯然是永遠不會到來的。

So we decided to do it.

所以我們決定這麼做。

Tonight we're revisiting those bygone times and celebrating New Zealand with a special episode.

今晚，我們將重溫那些過去的時光，並通過特別節目慶祝紐西蘭。

I'm calling return to New Zealand, a magical land where hugs still happened.

我呼籲回到紐西蘭，一個神奇的國度，在那裡仍然會發生擁抱。

Kiara New Zealand is so successfully contained transmissions that much of life there has all but returned to normal and they're even safely attending sporting events and crowded music festivals.

基拉紐西蘭是如此成功地遏制了傳輸，以至於那裡的大部分生活已經全部恢復正常，他們甚至安全地參加體育賽事和擁擠的音樂節。

But this is still New Zealand, so those crowds were mostly sheep.

但這裡還是紐西蘭，所以那些人群大多是羊。

So how is New Zealand successfully contained the virus while other countries struggled Well, for starters, they have an advantage of being a small, remote island nation.

那麼，紐西蘭是如何成功地控制了病毒，而其他國家卻在苦苦掙扎呢？ 首先，他們有一個優勢，那就是他們是一個偏遠的小島國。

It's much easier to control entry when you're on Lee.

當你在李上時，控制進入就容易多了。

Border is the ocean, and transmission rates are evidently very low amongst giant squid.

邊界是海洋，在巨魷中的傳播率顯然很低。

But a lot of the success has come down to the New Zealanders themselves.

但很多成功都歸功於新西蘭人自己。

In fact, according to the medical journal Lancet, public health, the keys to New Zealand success have been decisive governance, effective communication and high population compliance.

事實上，根據醫學雜誌《柳葉刀》的報道，公共衛生，紐西蘭成功的關鍵在於果斷的治理、有效的溝通和民眾的高依從性。

So the US came close with just zero of those three things.

所以美國就差這三樣東西的零頭了。

Much of the credit for decisive governance goes to New Zealand Prime minister and seashore detective.

治理果斷的功勞，很大程度上要歸功於紐西蘭總理兼海邊偵探。

Just send our turn.

只要把我們的轉。

Of course, I've long been a fan of Prime Minister Arden since she personally invited me to visit, picked me up at the airport, drove me around Auckland and then invited me to join her family and lord for a barbecue.

當然，我早就是阿登總理的粉絲了，因為她親自邀請我去訪問，到機場接我，開車帶我在奧克蘭轉了一圈，然後邀請我和她的家人和老爺一起去吃燒烤。

That's right.

是的

I was greeted by the prime minister and the nation's biggest pop star.

迎接我的是總理和全國最大的流行歌星。

Your move.

該你了

Justin Trudeau and Michael Bubbly.

賈斯汀-特魯多和邁克爾-布布利。

So I was already impressed by the prime minister.

所以我對總理的印象已經很深刻了。

But my admiration one up a notch or two when I learned that she had handled the pandemic with a strategy that relies on science and empathy, both things our current president considers a hoax.

但當我得知她用一種依靠科學和同情心的策略來處理這場大流行病時，我的敬佩之情又上升了一兩個等級，這兩樣東西我們現任總統都認為是個騙局。

Early on in the pandemic, she closed New Zealand's borders to nearly all nonresidents and instituted a lock down so severe that even retrieving a lost ball from the neighbor's yard was banned.

在疫情初期，她關閉了紐西蘭幾乎所有非居民的邊境，並實行了嚴厲的封鎖，甚至連從鄰居家院子裡找回丟失的球都被禁止。

That's how thorough their plan was.

這就是他們計劃的徹底性。

It even included laws that only apply to Dennis the Menace.

它甚至包括了只適用於丹尼斯威脅的法律。

Now, if you're thinking that America could learn something about dealing with the pandemic from New Zealand, you're not alone.

現在，如果你認為美國可以從紐西蘭那裡學到一些處理疫情的方法，你並不孤單。

Last month, Prime Minister Artur and said she put President elect Biden in touch with New Zealand's health officials in order to share tactics of how to battle the pandemic.

上個月，總理阿圖爾和說，她讓當選總統拜登與紐西蘭衛生官員聯繫，以分享如何對抗流行病的戰術。

Thanks for the help to send our Dern, we should team up McCall herself.

謝謝你幫忙送我們的德恩，我們應該親自組隊麥考爾。

Joe Cinda or Bide earn.

喬信達或比德賺。

There's something cooler like the go getters.

有一些更酷的東西，比如說去找人。

Come on, Jack Zenda to send our turn is so good at multitasking.

來吧，Jack Zenda來送我們輪到的是如此擅長多任務。

She actually gave birth to a daughter while she was in office and then.

她在任時居然生了一個女兒，然後。

And this is the shocking part.

這就是令人震驚的部分。

She did not immediately make that child responsible for negotiating Middle East peace.

她沒有立即讓那個孩子負責談判中東和平。

Recently, her handling of the pandemic lead our turn to an impressive landslide re election.

最近，她對疫情的處理導致我們轉而以令人印象深刻的壓倒性優勢重新選舉。

But even more impressive is that despite having to delay the election due to co vid and having a ballot referendum on euthanasia, New Zealand's election season was reportedly low key, not a horror show and even boring.

但更讓人印象深刻的是，儘管因為co vid而不得不延後選舉時間，並且進行了安樂死的投票公投，但據說紐西蘭的選舉季還是很低調，並沒有出現恐怖劇，甚至很無聊。

Oh, boring.

哦，無聊。

Doesn't that sound exciting?

聽起來是不是很刺激？

Honestly, New Zealand sounds like a perfect place right now.

老實說，紐西蘭現在聽起來是個完美的地方。

Not only is it safe and has compassionate, capable leaders there also filming a Lord of the Ring Siri's that might contain nudity.

那裡不僅安全，而且有慈悲，有能力的上司，還拍攝了一部可能包含裸體的《魔戒》Siri的。

Of course, Riel, Lord of the Rings.

當然，瑞爾，指環王。

Fans like me don't need to see these characters nude when they've already been imagining them that way since middle school.

像我這樣的粉絲不需要看到這些角色的裸體，因為他們從中學開始就已經在想象他們的樣子了。

Nice ass Smeagol.

漂亮的屁股Smeagol。

But when I went to New Zealand, you'd think I was gonna say Smeagol, did you?

但當我去紐西蘭的時候，你以為我會說 "Smeagol"，是嗎？

You thought I was gonna say Gandel or Aragorn or somebody easy?

你以為我會說甘德爾或者阿拉貢或者其他簡單的人？

When I went to New Zealand, there were times like I was stepping into the past, but I look at it now, and I'm hopeful that New Zealand might actually be our future, our normal, full contact future.

我去紐西蘭的時候，有的時候就像走進了過去，但是我現在看，我希望紐西蘭可能真的是我們的未來，是我們正常的、全接觸的未來。

Here's a fun fact.

這裡有一個有趣的事實。

They're actually 18 hours ahead of us there, literally living in tomorrow.

他們實際上比我們提前了18個小時，簡直就是活在明天。

And hopefully they're also living the life we here in America could be living five or six months from now.

希望他們也能過上我們美國人五六個月後的生活。

Ah, magical life of civic cooperation for the common good.

啊，民間合作共贏的神奇生活。

Let's hope that we catch up to them on that one.

希望我們在這一點上能趕上他們。

Very soon.

很快

As for now, let us return to New Zealand through the magic of videotape Up first, you may remember that I bungee jumped off a bridge last October.

現在，讓我們通過錄像帶的魔力回到紐西蘭。 首先，大家可能還記得去年10月我從橋上蹦極的事。

Tonight I want to show you the behind the scenes drama of my producers convincing me that I had to do that because New Zealanders invented bungee jumping and it was truly a life changing experience.

今晚我想給大家看一下我的製片人說服我的幕後劇情，因為新西蘭人發明了蹦極，我必須這麼做，這確實是一次改變人生的經歷。

I'm sorry.

我很抱歉

A pants changing experience, Jim.

換褲子的經歷，吉姆。

My producers had it in their mind that it would be great for me to jump off a bridge with rubber bands tied to my ankles.

我的製作人心裡想的是，如果我從橋上跳下來，腳踝上綁著橡皮筋，那該多好。

And I saw the appeal of that.

我也看到了這一點的吸引力。

I understand that you want your star to eventually, um, jump off 140 m bridge down toward the gorge capture the fear on his face for the entertainment of of the of the American people on.

我明白你想讓你的明星最終，嗯，從140米的橋上跳下來，向峽谷跳去，捕捉他臉上的恐懼，以娛樂美國人民。

But I warned them that I probably wasn't gonna do it because I really don't like heights.

但我警告他們，我可能不會這麼做，因為我真的不喜歡高度。

Okay, that's the bungee bridge.

好了，這就是蹦極橋。

That's ridiculous.

太荒唐了

Okay, that's that kind of language isn't necessary.

好吧，就是那種語言沒有必要。

E Just get this clutching feeling in my groin.

只是在我的腹股溝裡有一種抓緊的感覺。

Not the good kind.

不是好的那種。

Just this terrible, cold, empty feeling inside my body When I think about heights So we land We got this beautiful vista from a distance to look at the bridge to see where I'm gonna you know, spend my last few moments on this planet.

當我想到高度的時候，我的身體就會有一種可怕的、冰冷的、空虛的感覺，所以我們降落了，我們從遠處眺望這座橋，看看我將在哪裡度過我在這個星球上的最後幾分鐘。

Just cards on the table.

只是桌子上的牌。

I'm not a huge fan of heights or drops.

我不是很喜歡高空和落差。

Really, e m.

真的，e m。

I'm scared.

我很害怕

Scared.

害怕。

This is I This is not an act.

這是我，這不是演戲。

If you want to know what I'm like without the cameras on, that's what I'm like.

如果你想知道我不開機的時候是什麼樣子，那就是我的樣子。

Very anxious.

非常著急。

Okay, let's go ahead.

好吧，我們繼續。

Let's go.

我們走吧

Let's go, Go.

我們走吧，走。

Let's take a look.

讓我們一起來看看。

Don't stop rolling for any reason.

不要因為任何原因而停止滾動。

Please just ask you guys to never stop rolling to especially capture how much I didn't like it in my displeasure at having to do it Jake for your piece.

請你們永遠不要停止滾動，以特別是捕捉到我不喜歡它在我的不愉快不得不這樣做傑克為你的作品。

For the structure of this piece.

對於這一塊的結構。

It would be good if I jumped off this bridge.

如果我從這座橋上跳下去就好了。

Right.

好吧，我知道了

Big conclusion of this piece.

這塊的大結論。

You and Paige, who have worked so hard on this trip and everybody else.

你和佩奇，他們為這次旅行付出了很多努力，還有其他所有人。

I'm not saying just the two of you, but would be great, like climax to this if I jumped off that bridge I've been I have been clear with you, though, how I feel about heights, right?

我不是說只有你們兩個人，但是如果我從那座橋上跳下去，那就太好了，就像高潮一樣......我已經跟你說清楚了，雖然，我對高度的感覺如何，對吧？

You've said you're very afraid of him, Have I Haven't pulled my punches at all like no.

你說過你很怕他，我有沒有像沒有一樣沒有出手？

Okay.

好吧，我知道了

Thanks, Jake.

謝謝，傑克。

You're welcome to I was afraid I would do it, and I was afraid I wouldn't do it.

不客氣的說，我怕我做，也怕我不做。

Then we wouldn't have an end to the peace.

那我們就不會有和平的結局了。

You want to sign?

你想簽字嗎？

A mineral could get the way.

礦物質可以得到的方式。

Okay, let's do that.

好吧，讓我們做到這一點。

Okay, great.

好的，很好。

Thank you.

謝謝你了

Just get off the bridge.

從橋上下來吧。

So I came up with backup plan on the spot, which is to have somebody else do it.

所以我當場就想出了備用方案，那就是請別人來做。

I think you get two bites of the apple.

我想你可以吃兩口蘋果。

If somebody else jumps with, like my Felician or something, that looks like it's me.

如果有人跳了，比如我的費利西亞什麼的，那看起來就是我了。

Why don't we just dress somebody up in my outfit and that that that person jumps instead on we fake it and make it look like me and Chris Licht was right there.

我們為什麼不給某人穿上我的衣服 然後那個人就會跳起來 而不是我們假扮成我和克里斯・利希特就在那裡。

And I want How about you?

我想你呢？

What about you?

你呢？

What's that?

那是什麼？

What about you jumping?

你跳的怎麼樣？

I'll jump.

我會跳下去的

And he was totally ready to do it, so he did it.

而他完全準備好了，所以他做了。

That's how you run a show.

這就是你如何運行一個節目。

Folks gotta be willing to jump off a bridge.

鄉親們得願意跳橋。

Five, 43 21 Wow, that really looks like I jumped off a bridge.

五、43 21 哇，看起來真的像我跳下橋了。

Uh, so he did it.

呃，所以他做到了。

So Chris jumped.

於是克里斯跳了下去。

I said, how was it?

我說，怎麼樣？

Lenny said not that bad.

萊尼說沒那麼糟。

And I said, Okay, just don't run, all right?

我說，好吧，就別跑了，好嗎？

You can take a look.

你可以去看看。

Yeah.

是啊。

Hey, Sam on dso they strapped me in.

嘿，Sam，他們把我綁起來了。

They sit you down and they wrap your ankle with terry cloth towel.

他們讓你坐下來，用毛巾把你的腳踝包起來。

I'm expecting some sort of Kevlar booty or something like that.

我期待著某種凱夫拉戰利品或類似的東西。

They're just taking, like, someone from targeting wrapping around your ankles.

他們只是把一樣，有人從瞄準纏在你的腳踝。

I just wanna be clear in my safe word is pumpkin patch and I assume they know what they're doing.

我只是想清楚我的安全詞是南瓜地 我想他們知道他們在做什麼。

One has to assume that they know what they're doing.

我們必須假設他們知道自己在做什麼。

What else you gonna dio?

你還想做什麼？

Alright, what happens next?

好吧，接下來會發生什麼？

So I stood up I went to the gangplank.

於是我站起來我走到了舷梯上。

Okay, It's the one.

好吧，就是它了。

And you're waiting till your toes or just beyond the edge.

而你要等到你的腳趾頭，或者只是超越邊緣。

And by there?

那在那裡呢？

Yep.

是的。

Haley, Death on a bridge on my count down And they say 543 and on like 33 Guy put his hands on my back And I said, Don't push me Don't push me way edited that out Don't push me And then you lean forward to give a little little bunny hop forward and then straight down as you accelerated 32 ft per second per second, the J.

海莉，在我倒數的時候死在橋上，他們說543，在33號的時候，他把手放在我的背上，我說，別推我，別推我，我把這句話刪掉了，別推我，然後你向前傾斜，向前跳了一下，然後直直地往下跳，你以每秒32英尺的速度加速，J。

Edouard starts to rush and you close your eyes, right?

Edouard開始催促，你閉上眼睛，對嗎？

One.

一。

The bungee starts to engage, and then you stretch down, you pop up.

蹦極開始參與，然後你向下伸展，你彈起。

And after that, well, it's, you know, everything's fine, You know, it worked, and you're not going to die.

之後，好了，你知道，一切都很好，你知道，它的工作，你不會死。

Oh, my God.

哦，我的上帝。

Oh, my God.

哦，我的上帝。

I should have gone to law school.

我應該去法學院的

Then they lower you into the raft.

然後他們把你放進木筏裡。

And that's the best moment for me is when you're on the bottom of the rafting, you're untied because the sides of the raft of these two big yellow arms around you like they're hugging you and you know, as terrifying as it waas to contemplate once I did it.

對我來說，最好的時刻就是當你在漂流的底部，你被解開了，因為漂流的兩邊有兩隻黃色的大手圍繞著你，就像他們在擁抱你一樣，你知道，就像我做了一次可怕的思考一樣。

E don't ever want to do it again.

我再也不想這樣做了。

Thanks, Stephen.

謝謝，斯蒂芬。

When we come back, I'll take you behind the scenes of my epic day spent filming a Lord of the Rings trailer with Peter Jackson.

當我們回來的時候，我會帶你到幕後看看我和彼得-傑克遜一起拍攝《指環王》預告片的史詩般的一天。

Yeah.

是啊。