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  • >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!

    >> Stephen:嘿,大家好!

  • WELCOME TO A "LATE SHOW."

    歡迎來到 "晚間秀"。

  • I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT.

    我是你的主持人STEPHEN COLBERT。

  • HUGE NEWS-- JUST MOMENTS BEFORE TONIGHT'S TAPING, THE ELECTORAL

    重大新聞--就在今晚直播前的幾分鐘,選舉

  • COLLEGE OFFICIALLY CERTIFIED THAT JOE BIDEN WON THE 2020

    學院官方證明,喬-比登贏得了2020年的比賽。

  • PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION.

    主席選舉:

  • AGAIN!

    又來了!

  • HE DID IT!

    他做到了!

  • HE'S STILL THE WINNER!

    他仍然是贏家!

  • AT THIS POINT, JOE BIDEN HAS WON THE ELECTION SO MANY TIMES, HE'S

    在這一點上,JOE BIDEN已經贏得了選舉這麼多次,他是。

  • OUR 46TH THROUGH 51ST PRESIDENT.

    OUR 46TH THROUGH 51ST PRESIDENT.

  • THIS IS ALSO BIG NEWS, BECAUSE THIS MEANS-- AFTER SIX AGONIZING

    這也是個大新聞,因為這意味著 -- 在經歷了6個月的漫長歲月之後。

  • WEEKS-- THE ELECTION IS FINALLY OVER.

    幾周 -- 選舉終於結束了。

  • STICK A FORK IN THE PRESIDENT HE'S DONE.

    用叉子捅總統,他就完了。

  • ALSO, KEEP THAT FORK HANDY BECAUSE POKING HIM IN THE BUTT

    還有,把叉子拿好,因為戳他的屁股。

  • MIGHT BE THE ONLY WAY TO GET HIM OUT OF THE WHITE HOUSE.

    也許這是唯一能讓他離開白宮的辦法。

  • I'LL GIVE YOU THE LATEST WHINING IN WHAT I HOPE IS THE FINAL

    我將為你提供最新的抱怨,我希望這是最後一次。

  • INSTALLMENT OF A FAR-TOO-LONG-RUNNING SEGMENT:

    安裝一個運行時間過長的部件。

  • WHEN HAIR DYE LEAKED FROM RUDY'S HEAD

    當頭發的染料從RUDY的頭上漏出來的時候。

  • THROW OUT ALL THE VOTES DEPRESSED AND COVERED

    拋出所有的投票 沮喪和覆蓋的

  • IN SPRAY TAN THROW OUT ALL THE VOTES

    在噴霧棕褐色拋出所有的投票權。

  • GO DOWN PROUD BOYS BOOGALOO AND KU KLUX KLAN

    下去驕傲的男孩BOOGALOO和KU KLUX KLAN,

  • TELL OL' ALITO THROW OUT ALL THE VOTES

    告訴OL'ALITO扔掉所有的票數

  • >> "THE ROAD FROM THE WHITE HOUSE."

    >> "白宮之路"。

  • >> Stephen: THESE ARE GETTING LONGER, AND I LOVE 'EM, LESS

    >> 史蒂芬: 這些越來越長了,我愛它們,少了。

  • WORK FOR ME, I'LL GRANT YOU THAT.

    為我工作,我會答應你的。

  • LOOKS LIKE THE PRESIDENT HAS FINALLY RUN THROUGH ALL THE

    看來總統終於把所有的事情都解決了。

  • POSSIBLE WAYS HE CAN DESTROY OUR DEMOCRACY, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN

    他有可能破壞我們的民主制度,但這並不意味著。

  • HIS MONTHS-LONG ASSAULT HASN'T DONE SOME DAMAGE.

    他長達數月的攻擊並沒有造成一些傷害。

  • I MEAN, JUST GETTING THE RUDY STAINS OUT OF THE CARPET ALONE

    我是說,僅僅是把地毯上的汙漬清除掉而已

  • IS GOING TO TAKE SOME ELBOW GEASE.

    是要採取一些肘部潤滑脂。

  • I THINK THAT'S WHAT WAS RUNNING DOWN HIS FACE.

    我想這就是他臉上流淌的東西。

  • CASE IN POINT, THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE VOTE ITSELF.

    例子中,選舉的學院投票自己。

  • TODAY, THE MICHIGAN CAPITOL WAS CLOSED, ARIZONA ELECTORS MET AT

    今天,密歇根州議會關閉了,亞利桑那州的選舉人在這裡舉行會議

  • AN UNDISCLOSED LOCATION, AND THERE WAS A SECRET ENTRANCE IN

    一個祕密的地點,並有一個祕密的入口,在

  • WISCONSIN TO KEEP ELECTORS SAFE.

    威斯康星州要保證選舉人的安全。

  • THIS IS CRAZY.

    這是瘋狂的。

  • THESE PEOPLE AREN'T POLITICIANS OR EVEN VOTERS.

    這些人不是政治家,甚至不是選民。

  • THEY'RE MESSENGERS OF WHAT THE VOTERS SAID.

    他們是投票者的使者。

  • THIS IS WHAT THE PHRASE "DON'T SHOOT THE MESSENGERS" WAS

    這就是所謂的 "不要射殺飛彈"。

  • INVENTED FOR!

    發明的目的!

  • BUT THANKS TO THE G.O.P., THAT SAYING IS NOW, "BUY THE

    但由於G.O.P.,這句話現在是:"買了這本書。

  • MESSENGERS SOME BULLETPROOF VESTS AND SNEAK 'EM IN THROUGH

    傳令兵一些防彈背心,然後從裡面溜進去。

  • THE BACK DOOR BECAUSE WE ARE COO-COO BANANAS AND WE GOT A LOT

    後門,因為我們是COO-COO BANANAS,我們得到了很多。

  • OF GUNS!" THIS SHOULD ALL JUST BE BORING.

    的槍!"這應該都只是無聊。

  • EVERYONE KNOWS IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN!

    每個人都知道會發生!

  • IT'S NOT NORMALLY NEWS!

    這不是正常的新聞!

  • IT'S LIKE ISSUING DEATH THREATS TO PAINT FOR DRYING.

    這就像發出死亡威脅油漆晾晒。

  • THIS IS LIKE SIGNING UP FOR THE P.T.A. AND BEING TOLD,"OKAY,

    這就像簽署了P.T.A.和被告知,"好吧。

  • YOU'RE ALL SIGNED UP.

    你都註冊了。

  • HERE'S YOUR NUNCHUCKS AND YOUR FLAMETHROWERS.

    這是你的NUNCHUCKS和你的火焰噴射器。

  • WE'LL SEE YOU AT WEDNESDAY'S MEETING IN THE THUNDERDOME!

    我們會在週二的暴風雪會議上見到你!

  • CAN YOU BRING SNACKS?" BUT IT WASN'T JUST THE DEATH

    你能帶點心來嗎?"但這不僅僅是死亡的問題。

  • THREATS.

    威脅:

  • THE COVERAGE OF TODAY'S VOTE WAS ABSURDLY DRAMATIC.

    今天的投票報道是荒謬的戲劇性。

  • JUST LOOK AT THIS URGENT MOMENT FROM CNN:

    看看這個緊急的時刻從CNN。

  • >> MORE VOTES, BY THE WAY, ARE COMING IN RIGHT NOW.

    >> 順便說一下,更多的投票,現在正在進來。

  • JUST MOMENTS AGO IN MISSOURI, THE ELECTORS CONFIRMED THEIR TEN

    幾分鐘前,在密蘇里州,選舉人確認了他們的十位候選人。

  • ELECTORAL VOTES FOR PRESIDENT TRUMP AND VICE PRESIDENT

    特朗普和副總統的選舉票數

  • MIKE PENCE.

    邁克-彭斯

  • >> STEPHEN: I'M SORRY, WOLF, WE HAVE TO CUT AWAY FROM THAT

    >> 對不起,狼,我們得從那上面剪下來

  • DRAMATIC FOOTAGE BECAUSE WE HAVE JUST LEARNED THAT YOUR UNCLE

    戲劇性的鏡頭,因為我們剛剛知道你的叔叔。

  • ALLEN HAS DECIDED TO IRON HIS SHIRT --

    艾倫決定給他的襯衫上鐵 --

  • (DRAMATIC MUSIC) >> Stephen: WE WILL, OF

    (戲劇性的音樂) >> Stephen:我們會的

  • COURSE, CHECK BACK ON THAT STORY IF THERE ARE ANY NEW WRINKLES.

    當然,如果有新的皺紋的話,請回看那篇報道。

  • PERHAPS THE WORST RECENT ASSAULT AGAINST DEMOCRACY WAS THE

    可能最近對民主的最嚴重的攻擊是 "大選"。

  • SUPER-DUMB LAWSUIT FILED BY TEXAS ATTORNEY-GENERAL AND

    德州總檢察長和德克薩斯州總檢察長提起的超級愚蠢的法律訴訟

  • MUGSHOT YOU JUST FOUND OF YOUR GRANDMA'S NEW

    你剛剛發現的你奶奶的新照片的MUGSHOT

  • BOYFRIEND, KEN PAXTON.

    男朋友,肯-帕克斯頓。

  • TEXAS WANTED TO INVALIDATE ALL THE VOTES IN WISCONSIN,

    德州想取消威斯康星州的所有選票。

  • MICHIGAN, PENNSYLVANIA, AND GEORGIA BECAUSE THOSE STATES

    密歇根州、賓夕法尼亞州和喬治亞州,因為這些州。

  • MADE IT EASIER TO VOTE DURING A PANDEMIC.

    使得在大恐慌期間投票更加容易。

  • BUT TEXAS DOESN'T GET TO TELL OTHER STATES HOW TO DO THEIR

    但德克薩斯州不能告訴其他州如何做他們的。

  • THING.

    事情。

  • I MEAN, IF WE'RE LIVING BY THOSE RULES, LET'S KICK TEXAS OUT OF

    我是說,如果我們按照這些規則生活,那就把德州踢出去吧。

  • THE UNION BECAUSE ALL OUR EXES LIVE THERE.

    因為我們所有的前輩都住在那裡。

  • BUT THIS LAWSUIT WAS THE PRESIDENT'S LAST HOPE.

    但這個訴訟是總統最後的希望。

  • HE CALLED IT, "THE BIG ONE."

    他稱它為 "大人物"。

  • WELL, ON FRIDAY NIGHT, HE BIT "THE BIG ONE."

    好吧,在星期五晚上,他咬了 "大的"。

  • THE SUPREME COURT REJECTED THE TEXAS SUIT SEEKING TO SUBVERT

    最高法院駁回了德克薩斯州要求撤銷的訴訟。

  • THE ELECTION.

    選舉。

  • THAT'S GOT TO STING.

    這一定是刺痛。

  • THE PRESIDENT PERSONALLY STACKED THE COURT TO HAND HIM THE

    主席親自召集法院,讓他把權力交給他。

  • ELECTION, AND THEN THEY WENT ALL REASONABLE ON HIS ASS.

    選舉,然後他們就對他的屁股進行了合理的。

  • THAT'S LIKE FRANKENSTEIN'S MONSTER GOING, "BRINGING ME BACK

    就像弗蘭肯斯坦的怪獸在說 "把我帶回來"。

  • FROM THE DEAD IS FRAUGHT WITH MORAL AND ETHICAL HAZARDS!

    從死人堆裡爬出來的是道德和倫理上的危險!

  • AND FOR THE RECORD, FIRE QUITE USEFUL WHEN USED WITH CAUTION!"

    "還有,在小心使用的情況下,火是很有用的!"

  • THE CASE WAS "DENIED FOR LACK OF STANDING."

    本案 "因缺乏證據而被駁回"

  • NO SURPRISE THERE.

    沒有什麼好奇怪的

  • THE PRESIDENT STRUGGLES WITH STANDING, WALKING, AND EVEN

    主席與站著、走著、甚至是站著、走著、甚至是站著、走著、甚至是走著、走著、走著、走著、走著、走著、走著、走著。

  • SITTING WITHOUT LOOKING LIKE HE'S ON THE TOILET.

    坐在沒有看起來像他在洗碗機上。

  • WITH THE LOSS, THE PRESIDENT IS NOW ONE-IN-59 IN POSTELECTION

    失利後,總統在選舉中的比例為五十九分之一。

  • LITIGATION.

    訴訟:

  • THAT IS SUCH A TERRIBLE RECORD, HE'S GETTING SYMPATHY CARDS FROM

    這是一個可怕的記錄,他得到了同情卡從。

  • THE NEW YORK JETS.

    紐約噴氣機。

  • BUT IN THE FACE OF REALITY, THE PRESIDENT IS DEFIANT,

    但在現實面前,主席是不服氣的。

  • TWEET-YELLING, "WE HAVE JUST BEGUN TO FIGHT!"

    在微博上大喊:"我們剛剛開始戰鬥!"

  • WELL, THEN YOU REALLY SHOULD HAVE STARTED FIGHTING EARLIER,

    好吧,那你真的應該早點開始戰鬥。

  • BECAUSE YOU GOT YOUR ASS HANDED TO YOU, AND IT'S OVER.

    因為你的屁股被人打爛了,一切都結束了。

  • ON SATURDAY, BEFORE THE ARMY-NAVY GAME, THE PRESIDENT

    星期六,在陸軍和海軍比賽之前,主席:

  • HELD A FACE TO TOO CLOSE FACE INTERVIEW WITH BRIAN KILMEADE,

    與BRIAN KILMEADE進行了面對面的採訪。

  • AND HAD A BIZARRE EXPLANATION FOR WHY HE

    並有一個怪異的解釋,為什麼他

  • THINKS HE REALLY WON.

    以為他真的贏了。

  • >> THE ELECTION WAS OVER AT 10:00 IN THE EVENING.

    >> 選舉在晚上10點結束。

  • I HAD WON, IT WAS 97, 98%.

    我贏了,是97,98%。

  • ALL OF THE BOOKIES ALL OVER THE WORLD WERE SAYING THE ELECTION'S

    全世界的博彩公司都在說選舉的事。

  • OVER.

    完畢。

  • THEY WOULDN'T EVEN TAKE BETS ON IT.

    他們甚至不會拿它打賭。

  • SNOWOH, YEAH, EVERYBODY KNOWS IT'S THE BOOKIES WHO PICKED THE

    SNOWOH,是的,每個人都知道是賭徒們選的。

  • PRESIDENT.

    主席:

  • THAT'S WHY IN 1932, HERBERT HOOVER SUFFERED A CRUSHING

    這就是為什麼在1932年,赫伯特-胡佛遭受了一次沉重的打擊。

  • DEFEAT AT THE HANDS OF PRESIDENT SEABISCUIT.

    敗在塞比錫克總統手中。

  • THE PRESIDENT WASN'T ALONE IN HIS FAILED WAR AGAINST

    主席在他失敗的反戰中並不孤單。

  • DEMOCRACY, BECAUSE A LEGAL BRIEF SUPPORTING TEXAS' TERRIBLE AND

    民主,因為一份支持德克薩斯州的可怕和

  • STUPID AND WRONG AND DUMB LAWSUIT WAS SIGNED BY 126 HOUSE

    愚蠢、錯誤和愚蠢的法律訴訟被126議院簽署。

  • REPUBLICANS.

    共和黨人:

  • TO PUT THAT IN PERSPECTIVE, IF YOU PUT ALL 126 OF THOSE

    從這個角度來說,如果你把這126個人都放進去的話

  • CONGRESSMEN ON ONE RAFT GOING OVER NIAGARA FALLS, I'D WATCH.

    議員們有一架飛機飛越尼亞加拉瀑布,我會看的。

  • FOLLOWING THE SCOTUS DECISION, MOST OF THESE GUYS STAYED

    在美國最高法院的判決之後,這些人大部分都留下來了。

  • SILENT, BUT LOUISIANA REPRESENTATIVE MIKE JOHNSON

    無聲無息,但路易斯安那州議員MIKE JOHNSON.

  • TWEETED THIS QUOTE BY JOHN QUINCY ADAMS:

    微博上的這句話由約翰-昆西-亞當斯。

  • "DUTY IS OURS, RESULTS ARE GOD'S."

    "責任是我們的,結果是上帝的。"

  • OKAY, BUT I ANOTHER FAMOUS JOHN QUINCY ADAMS QUOTE:

    好吧,但我另一個著名的 約翰・昆西・亞當斯的報價。

  • "YOU LOST, MIKE JOHNSON!

    "你輸了,邁克-約翰遜!

  • SUCK MY SIDEBURNS!" SO, WHAT'S TO BE DONE WITH THESE

    "那麼,這些東西該怎麼處理呢?

  • ANTIDEMOCRATIC CULT MEMBERS?

    ANTIDEMOCRATIC CULT MEMBERS?

  • WELL, THERE'S AN INTERESTING IDEA PUT FORTH BY NEW JERSEY

    新澤西州提出了一個有趣的想法。

  • CONGRESSMAN BILL PASCRELL, SEEN HERE STAYING PERFECTLY STILL

    * Congressman BILL PASCRELL, SEENES HERE STAYING PERFECTLY STILL * 在這裡保持完美的狀態

  • UNTIL HE REMEMBERS WHY HE CAME INTO THE KITCHEN.

    直到他想起自己為什麼進廚房。

  • PASCRELL SENT A LETTER TO SPEAKER NANCY PELOSI IN WHICH HE

    帕斯克雷爾給演講者南希-佩洛西寫了一封信,他在信中說:"我是一個有責任感的人,我的責任感是什麼?

  • POINTS OUT THAT THE 126 CONGRESSMAN HAVE VIOLATED A

    指出,126名議員違反了《聯合國憲章》的規定。

  • CLAUSE IN THE 14TH AMENDMENT BARRING REBELLION AGAINST THE

    第十四條修正案中禁止反叛政府的條款。

  • CONSTITUTION, ADDING, "STATED SIMPLY, MEN AND WOMEN WHO WOULD

    《憲法》,補充道:"簡單地說,男人和女人誰將會:

  • ACT TO TEAR THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT APART CANNOT SERVE AS

    撕毀美國政府的法案不能起到作用

  • MEMBERS OF THE CONGRESS."

    國會成員。"

  • THAT SEEMS LIKE THE BARE MINIMUM FOR GOVERNMENT SERVICE.

    這似乎是政府服務的最低限度。

  • TO BE ELECTED, YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE IN OUR ELECTIONS.

    要想當選,你必須相信我們的選舉。

  • SAME WAY IN ORDER TO WORK AT ARBYS, YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE

    同樣的方式,為了在阿巴斯工作,你必須相信

  • IT'S MEAT.

    它的肉。

  • BUT BANNING 126 MEMBERS OF CONGRESS MAY BE TOO MUCH.

    但禁止126名國會議員可能太多。

  • SO I HAVE MY OWN MORE LIMITED SUGGESTION FOR THE SPEAKER.

    所以我對演講者有自己更有限的建議。

  • YOU DON'T HAVE TO BAR 126 REPUBLICANS, BUT 18 OF THEM COME

    你不必禁止126個共和黨人,但其中18個來自

  • FROM THOSE FOUR STATES WHOSE ELECTIONS THEY CLAIMED WERE

    聲稱選舉失敗的4個州的選舉情況

  • FRAUDULENT.

    金光黨。

  • WHICH IS A WEIRD SELF-OWN.

    WHICH IS A WEIRD SELF-OWN.

  • IT'S LIKE BEING AT THE ALTAR.

    這就像在祭壇上。

  • SHE SAYS, "I DO," AND YOU'RE LIKE, "REALLY?

    她說,"我做的,"你想,"真的嗎?

  • WHY?" SO, I THINK IT'S ONLY FAIR THAT

    為什麼?"所以,我認為這是很公平的。

  • THESE 18 EITHER RECOGNIZE THE ELECTION AS VALID OR BE

    這18個國家既不承認選舉有效,也不承認選舉無效。

  • CONSISTENT AND SAY THAT THEIR WINS WERE FRAUDULENT.

    始終如一的說他們的勝利是騙人的。

  • PUT IT TO A FLOOR VOTE ON DAY ONE.

    把它放在第一天的現場投票。

  • "RESOLVED: THE ELECTIONS IN PENNSYLVANIA, MICHIGAN, GEORGIA,

    "決議:賓夕法尼亞州、密歇根州、喬治亞州的選舉,

  • AND WISCONSIN WERE FREE AND FAIR.

    和威斯康星州是自由和公平的。

  • THEREFORE, WE WILL SEAT OUR 18 COLLEAGUES."

    是以,我們將坐下我們的18個合作者。"

  • THAT WAY, THE G.O.P. EITHER HAS TO VOTE THAT BIDEN WON FAIRLY,

    這樣一來,G.O.P.既要投票認為比登贏得公平。

  • OR VOTE THAT THESE 18 IDIOTS LOSE THEIR JOBS.

    或者投票讓這18個白痴丟掉工作。

  • EITHER WAY, IT'S A WIN-WIN.

    無論哪種方式,都是雙贏。

  • IN THE END, EVEN HAVING A SPINELESS LACKEY HEADING THE

    在最後,甚至有一個旋轉的LACKEY上司的

  • JUSTICE DEPARTMENT WASN'T ENOUGH TO LET THIS PRESIDENT

    司法部沒有足夠的能力讓這個總統。

  • STEAL THE ELECTION.

    竊取選舉。

  • BECAUSE MOMENTS AFTER BIDEN CLINCHED THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE,

    因為在比登奪取選舉學院後的一段時間。

  • THE PRESIDENT ANNOUNCED THAT ATTORNEY GENERAL BILL BARR

    主席宣佈律政司鮑磊先生宣佈:"鮑磊先生,你是我的朋友。

  • RESIGNED.

    辭去職務。

  • IT'S A FITTING END TO MR TOADIE'S WILD LIES.

    這是對塗鴉先生的謊言的一個恰當的結束。

  • IN A BID FOR ATTENTION, THE PRESIDENT TWEETED, "BILL WILL BE

    為了引起大家的注意,主席在推特上說:"條例草案將會是......"。

  • LEAVING JUST BEFORE CHRISTMAS TO SPEND THE HOLIDAYS WITH HIS

    在聖誕節前離開,和他的家人一起過節。

  • FAMILY."

    家庭。"

  • IF ONLY THERE WAS SOMETHING CALLED "VACATION" SO YOU DIDN'T

    如果有一種叫做 "假期 "的東西就好了,所以你不需要。

  • HAVE TO QUIT YOUR JOB IN THE ADMINISTRATION TO SEE YOUR

    必須辭去行政部門的工作才能看到你的。

  • FAMILY FOR CHRISTMAS.

    聖誕節的家庭。

  • HOPEFULLY, BARR WILL LEAVE OFFICE BY BEING SEIZED BY

    希望巴爾會因被查封而卸任。

  • ANONYMOUS FEDERAL AGENTS AND BEING STUFFED INTO AN UNMARKED

    隱姓埋名的聯邦特工和被塞進一個沒有標記的箱子裡。

  • VAN.

    VAN:

  • THIS DOESN'T COME AS A HUGE SURPRISE.

    這並不是一個巨大的驚喜。

  • SOURCES SAY THE PRESIDENT WAS FRUSTRATED WITH BARR OVER HIS

    有消息稱,總統對巴爾在他的問題上感到憤怒。

  • RECENT COMMENTS THAT THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT HAD FOUND NO EVIDENCE

    最近有評論稱,司法部沒有發現任何證據。

  • OF WIDESPREAD ELECTION FRAUD.

    選舉舞弊的廣泛傳播。

  • SO, BARR HAD TO LEAVE BECAUSE HE REFUSED TO DO WHAT THE PRESIDENT

    所以,巴爾不得不離開,因為他拒絕執行總統的要求。

  • WANTED.

    想要:

  • A REWARD USUALLY RESERVED FOR HIS WIVES.

    獎勵通常是給他的妻子們的。

  • I HATE TO TELL YOU, MR. PRESIDENT, YOU CAN'T MAKE AN

    我不想告訴你,先生。主席,你不能做任何事情。

  • ENTIRE CABINET LEVEL AGENCY DO YOUR BIDDING.

    整個櫥櫃級代理公司做你的投標。

  • IT'S THE DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE, NOT JUST-YOU.

    是司法部,不是你。

  • IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING IF BILL BARR WOULD DISTANCE HIMSELF

    如果你想知道比爾-巴爾是否會離開自己

  • FROM THE ADMINISTRATION, HIS RESIGNATION LETTER MAKES IT

    從行政部門,他的辭職信使其

  • CLEAR HE WON'T.

    清楚他不會。

  • HE WRITES, "YOUR RECORD IS ALL THE MORE HISTORIC BECAUSE YOU

    他寫道,"你的記錄更具有歷史意義,因為你

  • ACCOMPLISHED IT IN THE FACE OF RELENTLESS, IMPLACABLE

    在無情、無力的情況下完成了它。

  • RESISTANCE.

    抵抗力:

  • FEW COULD HAVE WEATHERED THESE ATTACKS, MUCH LESS FORGE AHEAD

    很少有人能經受住這些攻擊,更不用說是進取了。

  • WITH A POSITIVE PROGRAM FOR THE COUNTRY.

    為國家制定了積極的方案。

  • YOU BUILT THE STRONGEST AND MOST RESILIENT ECONOMY IN AMERICAN

    你們建立了美國最強大和最穩定的經濟。

  • HISTORY."

    歷史。"

  • ADDING "YOUR ASS IS THE SOFTEST AND SUPPLEST HEINIE MY LIPS HAVE

    添加 "你的屁股是我嘴脣最柔軟和最柔軟的海尼埃"。

  • EVER SMOOCHED.

    曾經SMOOCHED。

  • IT HAS A VELVETY RICHNESS WITH FAINT NOTES OF JACKBOOT AND

    它具有豐富的皮革感,並帶有淡淡的牛仔褲的味道,同時也是一個很好的選擇。

  • PEPPERMINT."

    PEPPERMINT。"

  • OF COURSE, THE PRESIDENT ISN'T THE ONLY SCOURGE THAT'LL

    當然,總統不是唯一的禍害,將

  • HOPEFULLY BE GONE SOON.

    希望很快就會消失。

  • THERE'S ALSO COVID, AND I'LL TELL YOU THE LATEST IN TONIGHT'S

    還有科維德,我會在今晚的節目中告訴你最新的消息。

  • EDITION OF "CATCH A THIRD WAVE: ENDLESS BUMMER."

    "捕捉第三波:無盡的繁榮 "的版本。

  • >> SURF'S UP, DUDE.

    >> SURF'S UP,DUDE。

  • OH, NO!

    哦,不!

  • I'M AFRAID OF NEEDLES!

    我害怕針頭!

  • AAH!

    啊!

  • >> Stephen: HE'S GOT A NEEDLE AND TEETH.

    >> Stephen:他有一個針和牙齒。

  • WE'VE SPENT NINE MONTHS IN HIDING FROM A VIRUS

    我們已經花了九個月的時間來躲避一個病毒

  • THAT CONTINUES TO DEVASTATE OUR COMMUNITIES, BUT FRIDAY NIGHT,

    繼續破壞我們的社區,但週五晚上。

  • WE FINALLY GOT THE NEWS WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR: THE F.D.A.

    我們終於得到了我們一直在等待的消息:F. D. A.

  • ANNOUNCED AN EMERGENCY USE AUTHORIZATION FOR THE FIRST

    宣佈第一次緊急使用授權。

  • COVID-19 VACCINE.

    COVID-19 疫苗。

  • AND, THIS MORNING, THE FIRST AMERICAN WAS VACCINATED: SANDRA

    今天早上,第一個美國人被打了疫苗: 桑德拉。

  • LINDSAY, A CRITICAL CARE NURSE IN QUEENS, WHICH WAS THE

    琳賽,皇后區的一名重症護理護士,這是最重要的。

  • EPICENTER OF THE PANDEMIC IN THE SPRING.

    春天的潘德米克中心。

  • [ APPLAUSE ] >> Stephen: THAT FEELS REALLY

    [掌聲] >> Stephen:這感覺真的

  • GOOD TO SEE.

    好看。

  • I MEAN, THAT IS MOVING.

    我的意思是,這是移動的。

  • THIS IS THE MOST EXCITED I'VE BEEN TO WATCH SOMEONE ELSE'S

    這是我看過的最興奮的一次。

  • DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT SINCE EVEL KNIEVEL GOT A ROUTINE

    醫生的任命,因為EVEL KNIEVEL得到了一個規律。

  • PHYSICAL OVER SNAKE RIVER CANYON.

    蛇河峽谷上空的物理學。

  • NURSE LINDSAY HAD AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE FOR AMERICANS.

    林賽護士有一個重要的消息給美國人。

  • >> I FEEL LIKE HEALING IS COMING.

    >> 我覺得自己好像痊癒了。

  • I WANT TO INSTILL PUBLIC CONFIDENCE THAT THE VACCINE IS

    我想讓公眾相信疫苗是安全的。

  • SAFE.

    安全。

  • WE'RE IN A PANDEMIC, AND SO WE ALL NEED TO DO OUR PART TO PUT

    我們在一個大恐慌,所以我們都必須做我們的一部分,以消除。

  • AN END TO THE PANDEMIC AND TO NOT GIVE UP SO SOON.

    結束PANDEMIC,不要這麼快就放棄。

  • >> STEPHEN: ABSOLUTELY.

    >> 當然。

  • UNTIL THIS IS OVER FOR GOOD, WE CAN'T GIVE UP ON MASK WEARING

    在這一切徹底結束之前,我們不能放棄戴面具

  • AND SOCIAL DISTANCING.

    和社會距離。

  • EVERYTHING ELSE, I'VE ALREADY GIVEN UP ON: EATING AT A TABLE,

    其他的一切,我已經放棄了。在桌子上吃飯。

  • WORKING AT A TABLE, WEARING PANTS BELOW THE TABLE.

    在桌子上工作,穿褲子在桌子下面。

  • PLUS, THEY UNVEILED THE BRAND NEW POST-SHOT STICKER: "CRUSHING

    此外,他們還發布了全新的POST-SHOT貼紙:"CRUSHING"。

  • COVID-19, GOT MY VACCINE."

    COVID -19,得到了我的疫苗。"

  • A MUCH BETTER RHYME THAN 1885'S "IMMUNE FROM CHOLERA, NOW BACK

    比1885年的 "膽囊炎免疫,現在又回來了 "好得多的韻律詩。

  • TO A LIFE OF SQUALOR-A."

    "走向不平等的生活"

  • BEFORE YOU GET YOUR JAB, THERE ARE SOME GUIDELINES.

    在你得到你的刺拳之前,有一些指南。

  • SPECIFICALLY, THE VACCINE IS ONLY RECOMMENDED FOR PEOPLE 16

    特別是,本疫苗只推薦給16歲以上的人使用。

  • AND OVER.

    並結束。

  • SO WHEN YOU TURN 16, YOU GET TO DRIVE AND YOU GET COVID

    所以當你16歲的時候,你就可以開車了,你就可以得到身份證了。

  • IMMUNITY.

    IMMUNITY:

  • IT'S SUCH A RITE OF PASSAGE, I LOOK FORWARD TO MTV'S "MY SUPER

    我很期待MTV的 "我的超級"。

  • SWEET VACCINE."

    甜蜜的疫苗。"

  • WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT!

    我們今晚有一場精彩的演出!

  • CHRISTOPHER WALKEN IS HERE!

    CHRISTOPHER WALKEN在這裡!

  • CHANCE THE RAPPER IS HERE!

    強姦犯在這裡!

  • MELANIA TRUMP IS HERE!

    梅蘭妮亞-特朗普在這裡!