- Sup man, got your champagne flute?

- No, not yet.

- Boom, gotcha covered.

- Oh, nice, thanks a lot!

Almost midnight.

- I know, right?

Ball's about to drop.

- Oh, 'bout to sing Auld Lang Syne.

- Yeah, everyone's scanning around the room, trying to

figure out who they're going to finger at midnight.

- Yeah... What?

- You know the married couples have it the easiest, they

know they're going to be fingering each other.

Us singles gotta be hustling the entire party, flirtin'

around so we don't have to start our year off unblasted.

Pft.

- What are you talkin' about?

- What are you talking about?

- Are you being serious right now?

- Yeah, why, what?

- You don't finger somebody at midnight.

You kiss somebody.

- Ew. - Ew?

- Ew! - Ew?

You're about to finger somebody at a party!

- Oh my god, calm down.

What are you, twelve?

People get fingered at parties.

- Stop saying that.

- You're making me feel bad!

- What?

- Listen, it's New Year's.

I've gotten dug out tons of times.

- How did you get fingered?

- Shut up!

- You boys ready for the twitching hour?

- Have fun reading braille, boys.

- (laughs) You got it.

See what I'm talking about?

- What the fuck is going on?

- Are you telling me you've honestly never given anybody

the scouts honor on New Year's?

- It's not a thing!

- Yes, it is!

Why would it be kissing?

That's so much more intimate than a little come hither.

- No it's not.

- Yes it is! - No it's not!

- Yes, it is.

To be kissing you are looking right into someone's eyes,

half the times I've gotten hand whispered I had no idea

who was doing it.

- What?!

- That's New Year's baby.

- No it's not!

- Yes it is!

Look I don't have time to argue with you alright?

It is 11:59 p.m.

I have less than a minute left to find somebody to give me

the old hook and pull with their knuckler.

Or failing that, let me click their mouse a couple times

or it's bad luck for the whole year.

Do you want that on your conscious?

- No, you're a freak.

- What, cause I love holidays?

(crowd counts down)

'Kay, 'kay, 'kay, we're outta time, look.

Listen, Raff, let's just give each other a quick

downstairs Vulcan salute.

What'd say?

- No. Absolutely not.

- Goddammit Raff.

As always, I gotta handle it myself.

(spits)

(crowd shouts Happy New Year)

(Raff screams)