inside a train wreck, swirled up in a tornado.

在龍捲風中捲起的火車殘骸內。

All of the lessons that I needed to learn over the years

這些年來，我需要學習的所有課程。

have showed up in the form of my lovers.

以我的戀人的形式出現了。

Like, oh yeah, I dated my family dynamic,

就像，哦，是的，我約會我的家庭動態。

my fear of commitment, my bad boundaries,

我對承諾的恐懼，我的壞界限。

my fear of commitment, my low sense of self worth,

我對承諾的恐懼，我的低自我價值感。

my fear of commitment, my fear of commitment,

我對承諾的恐懼，我對承諾的恐懼。

my fear of commitment.

我對承諾的恐懼。

Which all things considered is a little ironic.

這所有的事情都是有點諷刺。

I never saw myself as someone

我從來沒有把自己當成一個人

who was actually afraid of commitment.

其實害怕承諾的人。

I've always deeply yearned to be a wife and a mother.

我一直深深地渴望做一個妻子和母親。

And I joke that cats are really great birth control

我還開玩笑說，貓咪真的是很好的避孕工具。

until I find my person.

直到我找到我的人。

But then sometimes I realize

但有時我也會意識到

just how much I prefer cats to humans.

比起人類，我更喜歡貓。

- Hey Anna, I have to rehome

- 嘿，安娜，我得回家了

my cat because my baby's allergic.

我的貓，因為我的寶寶的過敏。

- Well, you've known that cat for 11 years.

- 你認識那隻貓11年了。

- I know, I'm so torn up about it.

- 我知道，我很糾結。

But I was hoping you'd take her.

但我希望你能接受她。

- You've known that baby, what, like three weeks?

- 你認識那個孩子多久了，大概三週？

It seems pretty easy, just rehome the baby.

看起來很簡單，只要把孩子重新送回家就可以了。

- I'm not gonna give away my baby.

- 我不會把我的孩子送人的。

- That cat has been with you

- 那隻貓一直和你在一起

through every major adult moment of your entire life.

通過你一生中每一個重要的成人時刻。

Your marriage, your divorce, your second marriage.

你的婚姻，你的離婚，你的二婚。

That cat is the longest standing relationship

那隻貓是我跟你最長的關係

you have ever had.

你有過的。

Just rehome the baby and then make another one.

只要把寶寶放回原處，然後再做一個。

It's easy, it's fun.

很簡單，很有趣。

- Okay.

- 好吧，我知道了

- But I have finally accepted on a conscious level

- 但我終於在意識上接受了。

that subconsciously I have sought out people

潛意識裡，我已經找了人。

who are also afraid of commitment,

誰也害怕承諾。

ensuring that our relationship will never go anywhere,

確保我們的關係不會有任何進展。

but that I can feel superior

但我可以感覺到優越

like I'm trying to find what I want.

就像我在努力尋找我想要的東西。

And there's one event I remember in particular

而有一件事我記得特別清楚。

that solidified this belief.

鞏固了這一信念。

I was maybe seven or eight,

我當時大概七八歲。

and my mom had recently shaved her head when she was drunk.

我媽媽最近喝醉了，就把頭剃了。

It was very Brittany Spears.

這是很布列塔尼-斯皮爾斯。

She looked very fierce bald.

她看起來非常凶悍的光頭。

And she was crying on the stairs,

而她在樓梯上哭了。

because she was raising three children alone

因為她要獨自撫養三個孩子

while my dad was overseas fighting a war or whatever,

當我爸爸在海外打仗或什麼的時候，

which I'm sure we can agree

我相信大家都同意

is the easier of the two situations.

是兩種情況中比較容易的。

And she said to me.

她對我說：

- Anna, don't have children.

- 安娜，不要有孩子。

Have a career.

有一個職業。

Don't make the mistake I made, be ambitious.

不要重蹈我的覆轍，要有野心。

- And you know, when I was a kid,

- 你知道，當我還是個孩子的時候。

hearing these words from my distraught mom.

聽到這些話 從我心煩意亂的媽媽。

(laughing) You are such a loser mom (laughing).

(笑)你真是個敗家子媽媽(笑)。

I laughed in her face and then ran outside

我在她臉上笑了笑，然後跑到外面去了

to play basketball because kids are assholes.

打籃球，因為孩子們都是混蛋。

I was also the only girl on Juniper Berry Street.

我也是檜柏街唯一的女孩。

Clearly physically inferior when it came to sports ball.

在運動球方面，明顯身體素質差。

So I'd try to throw off the neighborhood kids

所以我想把鄰居家的孩子們趕走

by gaining a psychological advantage.

通過獲得心理優勢。

(thumping beat)

（怦然心動的節奏）

I like your butts.

我喜歡你的屁股

- [Girls Together] What?

- [女孩在一起]什麼？

- Ha, psych, swish, swish bish.

- 哈，心理，唰，唰的比什。

- [Girls Together] Hey, that's cheating!

- [女孩在一起]嘿，這是欺騙！

- I don't play the game, I play the players.

- 我不玩遊戲，我玩的是玩家。

Also, your butts are ugly.

還有，你的屁股很醜。

- Is it?

- 是嗎？

- That's so mean.

- 這是太卑鄙了。

- But I digress.

- 但我說的不對

For a lot of us, relationships are the way

對我們很多人來說，關係是一種方式

that we grow and gain insight

我們的成長和洞察力

into some of the most powerful lessons

變成一些最有力的教訓

that are integral to our development.

對我們的發展是不可或缺的。

And we fall into the trap of dating those lessons.

而我們卻掉進了約會這些教訓的陷阱。

And sometimes the lessons are so obvious

有時候，教訓是如此明顯

that everyone we love wants to eye roll into oblivion.

我們所愛的每個人都想眼睜睜地看著自己被遺忘。

(phone dinging)

（電話鈴聲）

- Girl, put your phone down.

- 女孩，把你的手機放下。

Stop texting him.

別再給他發短信了

He didn't respond the last four times.

最後四次他都沒有迴應。

Is he not going to respond now?

他現在不打算迴應嗎？

Delete his number!

刪除他的號碼！

- And look, our issues are never going away.

- 你看，我們的問題永遠不會消失。

(laughing) Mine certainly aren't.

(笑)我的當然不是。

But that's the nature of having

但這是擁有的本質

this terrible disease called humanity.

這種可怕的疾病叫做人性。

We are always gonna have something

我們總是會有一些東西

that we're working through.

我們正在努力解決的問題。

But we can choose to work on our issues

但我們可以選擇在我們的問題上下功夫

outside of any healthy, romantic relationships

在任何健康，浪漫的關係之外

that we're in.

我們在。

And I say this from 15 years of experience

我是根據15年的經驗說的

of doing the exact opposite.

的做法完全相反。

- No, no. - Give me the phone.

- 不，不 把電話給我。

- No. - Give me the phone.

- 不 把電話給我

- No Michelle, he's gonna respond.

- 不，米歇爾，他會迴應的

No, he's gonna respond!

不，他要回應！

So if you feel attacked by this video

所以如果你覺得被這個視頻攻擊了

and you wanna know, well, what the hell

你想知道，好了，什麼是地獄。

do I do to stop dating my issues?

我做的停止約會我的問題？

The good news is there's several things you can do.

好消息是你可以做幾件事。

Can you guess what the first one is?

你能猜到第一個是什麼嗎？

Therapy, yes, you can work on your issues in therapy.

治療，是的，你可以在治療中解決你的問題。

Another thing you can do is become highly aware

你可以做的另一件事是高度意識到

of your dating patterns and integrate lessons

你的約會模式和整合的經驗教訓

that you've been learning in those relationships

你在這些關係中學習的東西

as you move forward in your romantic life,

當你在你的浪漫生活中前進的時候。

which is easier said than done.

這說起來容易做起來難。

I definitely have not been doing that.

我絕對沒有這樣做。

And finally, you can listen to trusted friends.

最後，你可以聽信朋友的話。

- (yelling) Michelle, no!

- 米歇爾，不！

- No. (screaming)

- 不，（尖叫）

Give me the phone. - No (screaming).

把電話給我- 不（尖叫）。

- So often my friends would call out

- 所以我的朋友們經常會喊

my destructive choices in partners, but I'd say,

我對伴侶的破壞性選擇，但我想說。

you just don't know him like I do.

你只是不知道他像我這樣做。

- I don't like the way he talks about women.

- 我不喜歡他談論女人的方式。

- He's really misunderstood.

- 他真的被誤解了。

- I don't like how dismissive he is of your friends.

- 我不喜歡他對你的朋友如此不屑一顧。

- Okay, he has social anxiety.

- 好吧，他有社交焦慮症。

He's really better one-on-one.

他的一對一真的比較好。

- I know you don't want to hear this,

- 我知道你不想聽這個。

but from my experience, I just wanna say

但根據我的經驗，我只想說

this seems like the beginning of something abusive.

這似乎是一些虐待行為的開始。

(dramatic music) - But I love him.

但我愛他。

No honey, ya don't.

不，親愛的，我沒有。

You're addicted to emotional chaos and your subconscious

你沉迷於情緒的混亂和你的潛意識。

is trying to right the wrongs of your past

試圖糾正你過去的錯誤。

by seeking out similar dynamics and rewriting history.

通過尋找類似的動態，改寫歷史。

You're like a time traveler trying to fix the timeline,

你就像一個時間旅行者試圖修復時間線。

but you can't because the very nature of you time-traveling

但你不能，因為你穿越時空的本質。

means that you caused the future to happen.

意味著你造成了未來的發生。

I've been watching "Dark" on Netflix.

我一直在看Netflix上的 "黑暗"。

It's a great show, making me think a lot.

這是一個很好的節目，讓我想了很多。

It's hard work thinking.

思想工作很辛苦。

You know, it's way easier to go through life

你知道嗎，這是更容易的方式去通過生活

unaware of why we think the things we think

不知所云

that influence the things we do.

影響我們做的事情。

It's easier to go through life

人生在世，容易多了

not trying to pinpoint patterns or things in the past

不求甚解

that are no longer serving us,

不再為我們服務的。

and then attempting to change them

然後試圖改變它們

to create a life of joy and happiness.

來創造快樂和幸福的生活。

It's hard work to reparent your inner child

要想讓自己的內心恢復正常是件很困難的事。

and be the adult observer all the time.

並一直做大人的觀察者。

It's mentally exhausting.

這是精神上的累贅。

And look, all of this may sound incredibly cheesy,

你看，這一切可能聽起來非常俗氣。

but I'm a philosophy major dropout

但我是哲學專業的輟學生

dressed as a fucking clown.

打扮成一個他媽的小丑。

So cheesy is the least of my problems.

所以俗氣是我最不喜歡的。

I'm Anna Akana, and thank you to the patrons

我是安娜-阿卡納，感謝各位贊助人的支持。

who supported this video.

誰支持這個視頻。

And thank you to Squarespace

並感謝Squarespace

for sponsoring today's existential crisis.

為贊助今天的生存危機。

If you don't know what Squarespace is by now,

如果你現在還不知道Squarespace是什麼。

you're clearly not spending enough time

你顯然沒有花足夠的時間

on the internet in this D.C. era.

在這個特區時代的互聯網上。

So if you need a website, go with Squarespace.

所以如果你需要一個網站，就選擇Squarespace。

They have an all-in-one platform

他們有一個一體化的平臺

that's so incredibly easy to build a site

建站太容易了

that looks beautiful.

這看起來很漂亮。

They provide intuitive marketing tools and analytics.

他們提供直觀的營銷工具和分析。

And if you or your grandma do any kind of podcasting,

如果你或你的奶奶做任何類型的播客。

everyone's doing podcasting these days,

每個人的做播客這些天。

Squarespace offers Audio Blocks,

Squarespace提供音頻塊。

which helps you embed audio on your site

它可以幫助您在您的網站上嵌入音頻

and tag it for iTunes.

並在iTunes上標記。

Plus, if you're not a clown, but an entire circus,

另外，如果你不是小丑，而是整個馬戲團。

you can have multiple contributors

你可以有多個貢獻者

receive selective access to your site's website manager.

獲得對您網站的網站管理員的選擇性訪問。

Head to squarespace.com for a free trial.

前往squarespace.com進行免費試用。

And whenever you're ready to launch,

而只要你準備好發射。

go to squarespace.com/anna to save 10% off

前往squarespace.com/anna，可節省10%的費用。

your first purchase of a website or domain.

您第一次購買網站或域名。

(snapping) Squarespace.

(啪)廣場空間。