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It's a corruption Kiki as Donnie Doofus takes a break from peeing on his P tape with his baby, Porcini Chode to ponder preemptive pardons for his prolifically prosecutable progeny.

這是一個腐敗的琪琪，因為唐尼-杜夫斯從他的P帶上撒尿與他的孩子，波西尼-喬德的休息，思考先發制人地赦免他的可起訴的後代。

I I think these pardons are just radical expressions of self care, like how every night I forgive myself for in the cover of darkness shoving a rotting carp Fujio today, Llorente's mail slot us if our the president's actions just as innocent and victimless as mine, I think he's working towards pardoning himself eventually.

我我覺得這些赦免只是自我關懷的激進表達，就像每天晚上我原諒自己在黑暗的掩護下推了一條腐爛的鯉魚Fujio今天，Llorente的郵箱我們如果我們的總統的行為和我一樣無辜和無害，我認為他最終正在努力赦免自己。

So I think he's getting closer and closer to that.

所以我覺得他越來越接近這個目標了。

Eventually, you know, he pardons his Children.

最終，你知道，他赦免了他的孩子。

Does he have a dog?

他有養狗嗎？

I don't know if he has a dog that he could pardon Famously does not have a dog.

我不知道他是否有一條可以赦免的狗，Famously沒有養狗。

Forgiveness is what the Thanksgiving season is all about.

寬恕是感恩節的意義所在。

It's what Amelia Earhart preached when she landed on Plymouth Rock with her three ships.

當阿米莉亞-厄哈特帶著她的三艘船在普利茅斯巖登陸時，她就是這麼宣揚的。

The piano, the Grigio and the sauvignon blanc.

鋼琴、格里吉奧和長相思。

Now get ready for a new character in the crown because our Justice Department just anointed a new woke king.

現在準備好迎接一個新的角色 因為我們的司法部剛剛任命了一個新的清醒的國王

Attorney General Bar spilled the tea, saying there was no widespread voter fraud.

總檢察長巴吐槽說，不存在大範圍的選民舞弊。

Right wing radio host Sebastian Gorka took a break from trying to win an eBay auction for Joseph Goebbels.

右翼電臺主持人Sebastian Gorka在試圖贏得約瑟夫-戈培爾的eBay拍賣會上休息了一下。

A sock garters to politely descent.

襪套要禮貌地下降。

How the hell do you know William Barr?

你怎麼會認識威廉-巴爾？

Have you spent a ZMA much time on this as I have in just the last eight minutes, you have become a yellow bellied coward.

你有沒有像我一樣在這上面花了ZMA多的時間，就在過去的八分鐘裡，你已經成了一個黃肚婆。

You're not a swamp creature, but you're a coward.

你不是沼澤生物，但你是個懦夫。

Wow.

哇哦

I mean, eight minutes is an eternity for Gorka, since that's how long he has to keep his face still while his beard dyed rise.

我的意思是，八分鐘對高爾卡來說是永恆的，因為這就是他在鬍子染起時要保持臉部不動的時間。

Now, Asif, do you want to take a minute to apologize to Bill Bar for not seeing the woke hero hiding behind all the tear gas?

現在，阿西夫，你要不要花點時間向比爾-巴爾道歉，因為他沒有看到躲在催淚瓦斯後面的醒著的英雄？

I know, I really I really feel like we owe him an apology.

我知道，我真的... 我真的覺得我們欠他一個道歉。

He clearly turned out, uh, to be, uh, not just a great Elton John impersonator, but also a man of integrity.

他顯然是，呃，是，呃，不只是一個偉大的埃爾頓-約翰模仿者，但也是一個人的誠信。

This was the rial Bill bar waiting toe come out when he tear gassed those protesters in law.

當他對那些抗議者施以催淚瓦斯時，這就是等待出來的比爾吧。

I had square.

我有廣場。

He was trying to show us the tears that he wished he could cry.

他是想讓我們看到他希望自己能哭的眼淚。

He might have just been running with the wrong crowd.

他可能只是跟錯了人。

I worry about that with my own daughters.

我為自己的女兒擔心。

So I always ask their friends if they are narcissistic white supremacist autocrats who self deal at the expense of the taxpayer.

所以我經常問他們的朋友，他們是不是自戀的白人至上主義專制者，以犧牲納稅人的利益為代價進行自我交易。

Okay, it's time to talk about a cute little thing called male Friendship, which actually is not cute.

好了，該說說一個可愛的小東西，叫男性友情，其實並不可愛。

It's very serious.

這是非常嚴重的。

Check yourself, y'all.

檢查你自己，你們都。

According to The Washington Post, male friendships are often rooted in shoulder to shoulder interactions, such as watching a football game or playing video games, while women's interactions are more face to face.

據《華盛頓郵報》報道，男性的友誼往往植根於肩並肩的互動，比如看足球比賽或玩電子遊戲，而女性的互動則更多是面對面。

Because of this, many men have probably had a harder time than women figuring out how to adapt their friendships in a pandemic.

正因為如此，很多男性可能比女性更難琢磨如何在流行病中調整自己的友誼。

Now, obviously, we have a huge male audience.

現在，很明顯，我們有大量的男性觀眾。

Before the pandemic, guys would gather every Sunday to pound natty light and get signal boosted.

在大流行之前，男人們每週日都會聚集在一起猛擊納豆燈，讓信號增強。

So we need to do what we can to help these vulnerable, lonely, pitiful men.

所以我們要盡我們所能幫助這些脆弱、孤獨、可憐的人。

Let's start with you, Brian.

先從你開始吧，布萊恩。

What's going on with you and be honest.

你怎麼了，說實話。

Okay, well, lately I've been thinking a lot about the passage of time, how every moment that passes is one will never get back.

好了，好了，最近我一直在思考很多關於時間的流逝，如何每一個瞬間的流逝是一個人將永遠不會回來。

How the more you try to hold on to those moments, the quicker they slip away.

你越是想抓住那些時刻，它們就越是溜走得快。

Not a good look, especially coming from a man now.

臉色不好看，尤其是出自一個男人之口。

Awesome.

厲害啊

Show him how to be a vulnerable man in touch with his feelings.

告訴他如何做一個脆弱的男人，與他的感情接觸。

You know, like, talk about some guys stuff like your balls or something.

你知道，就像，談論一些傢伙的東西，如你的球什麼的。

Well, honestly, if Brian if if you were here with me right now, I would, uh I would massage your shoulders.

好吧，說實話，如果布萊恩... ...如果你現在和我在一起，我會，呃... ...我會按摩你的肩膀。

Um, your shoulder would be right here, and I would I would touch it, and I would caresses it.

嗯，你的肩膀會在這裡，我會... ...我會觸摸它，我會撫摸它。

Hopefully there'll be another shoulder on this side of me as well.

希望我這邊也能有另一個肩膀。

I volunteer as tribute.

我自願作為貢品。

I'm sorry I'm getting so uncomfortable in this is not okay.

對不起，我在這裡面越來越不舒服是不行的。

Conversation to be having in my workplace.

在我的工作場所要進行的對話。

Aasif Now, the show's not 10 hours long, so let's move on to something more important.

Aasif 現在，這個節目沒有10個小時長，所以我們繼續做更重要的事情。

Tis the season to talk holiday movies.

現在是談論節日電影的季節。

Let's share our favorite Christmas films.

讓我們來分享一下我們最喜歡的聖誕電影。

As for me, I like to put on my coziest sweater, start a little fire, settle onto the couch with some hot apple cider and watch my holiday classic Moonlight Lila Oh, I didn't know that moonlight was a Christmas movie.

至於我，我喜歡穿上我最舒適的毛衣，生起一堆小火，坐在沙發上，喝著熱蘋果酒，看我的節日經典《月光萊拉》，哦，我不知道《月光》是一部聖誕電影。

Oh, yeah, I guess an important movie that has nothing to do with Christmas Can't be a Christmas movie now.

哦，是的，我想一個重要的電影，有什麼 做聖誕節不能成為一個聖誕電影了。

Interesting.

有意思

Look, Lila.

聽著，萊拉

Uh, Okay.

呃，好吧。

Well, literally.

嗯，從字面上看。

It's not Christmas if I don't singe my retinas from watching Miracle on 34th Street, Uh, directed by a white man starring a white male Santa Claus.

這不是聖誕節，如果我不刺痛我的視網膜 從看奇蹟在第34街， 呃，導演一個白人男子主演 一個白人男性聖誕老人。

Interesting.

有意思

Brian, Are you doing this to me?

布萊恩，你是在對我做這個嗎？

I know it's not a traditional Christmas film, but every year my family watches Hotel Rwanda.

我知道這不是一部傳統的聖誕電影，但每年我家都會看《盧旺達飯店》。

Don Cheadle's performance fills me with more warmth and wonderment than any capitalist Christian propaganda film ever could.

唐-切德爾的表演讓我充滿了溫暖和驚奇，這是任何一部資本主義基督教宣傳片都無法做到的。

It also serves as an important reminder during America's most indulgent season of the injustice practiced by America's unearned role.

在美國最放縱的季節裡，它也是一個重要的提醒，提醒著美國不勞而獲的角色所實行的不公正。

As global police say, ALF Brian.

正如全球警察所說，ALF布萊恩。

Jesus.

我的天啊

Okay, cool.

好吧，酷。

I also saw Do the Right Thing in theaters when I was two years old.

我兩歲的時候也在影院看過《做正確的事》。

So Aasif, what is your favorite Christmas movie?

阿西夫，你最喜歡的聖誕電影是什麼？

Jaws?

大白鯊？

Okay, nice.

好吧，不錯。

Anyway, I'm more of a book person.

反正我是比較喜歡看書的。

Yeah, I've read the book to Honestly, I just cannot read Jaws, that thinking about the climate change crisis.

是啊，我看書到老實說，我就是看不懂《大白鯊》，那種對氣候變化危機的思考。

Now we have to move on.

現在我們必須繼續前進。

It's time for your signal boost.

你的信號提升時間到了。

After tapping women front number of senior Cabinet positions, President elect Joe Biden now is also considering one for defense secretary veteran Pentagon official Michelle Floren Oy.

在攻克女性前線數個高級內閣職位後，當選總統喬-拜登現在也在考慮為國防部長老五角大樓官員米歇爾-弗洛倫-奧伊安排一個。

It's a seminal moment for so many of us in the media who believe in progress.

對於我們這麼多相信進步的媒體人來說，這是一個開創性的時刻。

Nominating a woman toe lead, the Pentagon would send a long overdue message that girl's conduce stabilize the Middle East and burn a trillion taxpayer dollars per year just as well as boys.

提名一個女人來上司，五角大樓將發出一個早就應該發出的資訊，即女孩的引誘可以穩定中東地區，並且和男孩一樣每年消耗一萬億納稅人的錢。

And when will there be enough women involved in the dozens of ongoing US conflicts?

而美國正在進行的幾十場衝突中，何時才能有足夠的女性參與其中？

To paraphrase the late, great RBG, when women lead each and every one of our intractable quagmires, women can coordinate the drone strikes, turned villages into craters and secure the billion dollar covert Saudi arms deals.

套用已故偉大的歐洲央行行長的話來說，當婦女上司我們每一個棘手的泥潭時，婦女可以協調無人機襲擊，把村莊變成火山口，並確保沙特10億美元的祕密武器交易。

And yes, we can do it in heels.

是的，我們可以穿著高跟鞋做。

One girl interrogator at Guantanamo is just tokenism, But in all female torture camp, that's the future.

關塔那摩的一個女孩審訊員只是象徵性的，但在所有的女性酷刑營，這就是未來。

Just picture an all female extralegal death squad with no identity paid in diamonds, busting down the door of whatever name they were handed the night before and executing them while their Children watch your smiling.

想象一下，一個沒有身份的女性法外行刑隊，用鑽石支付，破門而入，不管他們前一天晚上被交給什麼名字，然後處決他們，而他們的孩子看著你的微笑。

Aren't you me to look?

你不是讓我看嗎？

Just because a torturer doesn't have testicles doesn't mean she can't connect electrodes to them.

拷問者沒有睪丸並不意味著她不能將電極連接到睪丸上。

And just because she doesn't have a Penis doesn't mean she can't feed a detainee his own rectal rehydration.

而她沒有陰莖並不代表她不能給被拘留者喂自己的直腸補液。

How about rectal?

那直腸呢？