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  • - My name is Billie Eilish.

  • Billie Eilish.

  • My name is Billie Eilish.

  • [upbeat music]

  • This is getting out of hand, I am Billie Eilish.

  • I'm doing this shit till I'm 90.

  • So get ready for it.

  • I think it's October 18th, 2017.

  • It's October 18th, 2018.

  • October 18th, 2019.

  • October 18th, 2020.

  • I'm 15.

  • I'm 16.

  • I'm 17.

  • I'm 18.

  • I have 257,000.

  • I have 6.3 million.

  • 40.7 million.

  • 67.5 million.

  • Where are these people coming from?

  • Like that's my question.

  • The most followed person that follows me

  • is Chloe Grace Moretz.

  • Katy Perry maybe.

  • Justin Bieber.

  • Ariana Grande my baby, with 204 million followers.

  • It's a picture of me and Charli XCX.

  • Isn't it the one about me smiling.

  • 10 million, that's a lot.

  • Five grummys, won five grummies [laughs].

  • Wow, I will be 18, I never thought I'd be 18.

  • Hopefully I look fly.

  • What is that quote?

  • Well, I have accepted the things I cannot change,

  • and well I have changed the things that I cannot accept.

  • It's a good thing think about.

  • What changes?

  • You know, what endings?

  • What new beginnings?

  • [Billie laughing]

  • Oh God that's did not age well.

  • Girl, please.

  • [Billie laughing]

  • Talk about what's gonna change,

  • what's gonna be different?

  • [Billie laughing]

  • Your whole life will have gone.

  • But not just you everyone because coronavirus.

  • Definitely not where I thought that I would be currently,

  • but I'm also not mad at it.

  • I'm very, very lucky to have had this year play out the way

  • it did, because for a lot of people, it was literal hell,

  • and I'm very aware that I have been pretty blessed

  • for the fortune that I've had this year.

  • Even though the year has sucked,

  • it's still, you know, whatever, we're alive still, you know.

  • I don't know, the thing is like I don't really have

  • any free time, but then also kind of, it's weird,

  • I contradict myself, because I kind of don't really like

  • having a day off, because I get off

  • the hustle, [laughs] I get out of the groove.

  • You know, I get out of like my vibe.

  • I hope, whatever amount of off days

  • I want next year I get.

  • Like if I want 100 off days next year, I hope I get that.

  • I hope I'm listened to.

  • That's basically it.

  • I really said 100 days, 100 days I said.

  • Oh, you got what you wish for, you happy?

  • [Billie laughing]

  • You happy, coz damn.

  • This is the most amount of time off that I've had in,

  • you know, five years now.

  • I think that goes for a lot of people, but that

  • was even true for like the first month of quarantine.

  • You know, we had three weeks off and I was like,

  • wow, this is the most time off I've ever had.

  • I can't believe it.

  • It's so great, it's like a free vacation.

  • And it'll we'll go right back out on tour in a week.

  • And we'll be fine.

  • And clearly we were all wrong with that.

  • And we look like clowns now.

  • But I will say I have made and created things that I don't

  • think I ever would have created without this period of time.

  • This amount of time and this is just life itself.

  • I would like things to be normal though.

  • Again, I would like that.

  • But I will say that I'm grateful for what it's given me.

  • I really wanted to go on that world tour.

  • We started it, got three shows in canceled,

  • flew back home.

  • I really wanted to get a Lamborghini.

  • But I have a Lamborghini.

  • It's not that I couldn't have I just there were

  • so many other things that were so much more important.

  • There's more people to give that money to.

  • There's way more and I cannot stress it enough way

  • more important things going on than the fucking Lamborghini.

  • So one thing I have now that I did not have a year ago,

  • is my little pooch puppy shark.

  • Shark.

  • This is shark my son.

  • He is so silly like oh he's wagging his tail.

  • This is shark didn't have him a year ago

  • because he's only eight months old.

  • Alright, I'll let you go bud.

  • The people that support me.

  • My fans, which I don't like to call fans,

  • you know, my family.

  • You know, finishing this album and doing the most crazy

  • shows like I'm capable of doing in the next month.

  • Maintaining my happiness which I've been experiencing

  • for like the first time in many years.

  • I want to stay happy.

  • That's a big goal for me.

  • So cute I love that those are all very genuine,

  • those were 100% what I was feeling very strongly.

  • It's so weird like what we take for granted like I would

  • never have thought that I wouldn't be able to do shows

  • one day, you know.

  • So much time spent me dreading to,

  • dreading press, dreading this, dreading that.

  • And like I had no idea that I was dreading something

  • that I would one day not even be legally allowed to do.

  • Like that's what's crazy to me.

  • The shows are like the one thing

  • that I feel like I've ever been good at.

  • I know that sounds stupid but it's like the only thing

  • I've ever done that made me feel like I belonged.

  • Maybe it's cliche, I don't know.

  • Lord keeping my family safe and, you know, staying up there

  • isn't much else to do right now.

  • Everything matters differently now than a year ago.

  • Honestly everything I really can't even think

  • of one thing like all the things that I felt

  • like mattered most a year ago, matter less.

  • All the things I felt like mattered

  • at least a year ago matter more.

  • I learned so much more about just the way people

  • are living that I wasn't aware of climate crisis

  • and social injustices and, you know,

  • kind of all the bad things.

  • And I think made me think differently.

  • It's not like I wasn't aware, I just learned more

  • and thought about it differently and, you know,

  • was more open to learning.

  • And it's been a crazy year.

  • People think I'm pregnant.

  • A lot of people thought I was pregnant for a second.

  • That I sold my soul to Satan.

  • There's this picture of me like running from my car

  • to my brother's front door on like 110 day degree day

  • in a tank top and everyone's like damn Billie got fat.

  • I'm like nope this is just how I look.

  • You've just never seen it before.

  • So that's like the most current one but whatever.

  • I don't know.

  • I think that's not really for me to decide.

  • I think yeah, the reason people are looking up to you

  • is because you're you.

  • They're not looking up to you so that you'll tell them

  • something that you would never actually tell them.

  • They're looking up to you so that you tell them

  • something that you would tell them yourself.

  • So I love having kids.

  • Kids relate to me and tell me

  • that I make them feel comfortable in their bodies

  • like that if I can do anything I want to do that.

  • So it's really hard to talk about my life

  • and have it not sound like I'm bragging.

  • Sometimes I'll catch myself in a conversation

  • with someone acting like I'm in an interview,

  • and in interviews you're trained to talk about yourself

  • and not ask the other person about themselves.

  • And so I'll catch myself in conversations

  • where I'm like shit like I'm not being interviewed.

  • I'm acting like I'm being interviewed

  • instead of acting like I'm talking to a human being.

  • Such a good point I will never stop talking about that.

  • I'm glad that I was definitely aware of it a year ago.

  • I feel so much better about it now.

  • I was so insecure about where I was.

  • So I felt like I was always having to prove

  • like what I did and what I do and like who I am or whatever.

  • But something about it getting bigger and bigger makes me

  • almost more comfortable not proving myself.

  • For a while now I've been really

  • having an identity crisis a little.

  • I think it was December.

  • I did some like radio show performance, and the entire show

  • I felt like I was pretending to be Billie Eilish.

  • Like I felt I completely wasn't looking at myself as myself.

  • I was just like totally seeing it

  • from not my own perspective and it was so weird.

  • Happened multiple times at like award shows and whatever.

  • I just felt like a parody of myself.

  • I've felt a little bit better about it lately

  • just like you forget like I'm literally 18.

  • It's funny that I'm expected to have found myself

  • and stick with it.

  • You know it's like, you know, I'm having,

  • I'm trying different things out.

  • I'm trying different ways of living and styles

  • and personalities, and, you know, hairstyles and clothing

  • and shoes and like I'm just trying it all out

  • because I'm like a growing fucking girl.

  • I've definitely had like moments of like reaching out

  • to a couple people but every time I do it

  • I kind of like stop myself because I'm like this is.

  • So weird.

  • You know, I've had some conversations with Bieber about this

  • where we just, you know, talk about the craziness

  • of our lives and whatever

  • like Ariana's been really cool about stuff.

  • Those are some people that I feel like have really shown me

  • support and like, you know, even like Katy Perry told me

  • that I could reach out to her whenever

  • and talk about it because it's crazy.

  • And, you know, that's really important

  • and I think it's good.

  • God has said it to me before.

  • It's, you know, it's nice to to hear from people

  • that like have gone through this and know what it's like

  • and went through the shit of it

  • and went through the amazing parts of it.

  • And it's like it's nice to hear people with me.

  • But at the same time like no matter like how many people

  • are there for you and have gone through similar things.

  • It's like, nothing ever happens twice.

  • A tattoo maybe, no face tattoos.

  • The only two tattoos I want to get are the ones

  • that barely anyone could see.

  • I did get a tattoo.

  • But you won't ever see it.

  • I did what I said I do what you expect.

  • Okay, well I looked at my phone, that's what I did.

  • This morning when I woke up I looked to my phone.

  • I think I made myself a burrito for breakfast

  • with a gluten-free tortilla.

  • I woke up and then pooped.

  • [Billie laughing]

  • That's what I did.

  • Hey it's the first thing I did dude.

  • You asked I looked at my phone, that's what I did.

  • I looked at my phone classic day.

  • Face recognition like there's no home button.

  • What the heck?

  • They've made monograms crazy.

  • What the hell is a monogram?

  • A hologram is what I meant.

  • It's crazy that you can charge your phone

  • by like putting it on that little disc.

  • Robots dog like please.

  • Robots doing stuff.

  • Let's leave the robots in the lab.

  • Don't let them come out here.

  • Honestly the news is so bad I can't even, oh yeah,

  • Beyonce had some twins and she still looks fly.

  • Okay Lonnie's pregnant Greta Thundberg honestly.

  • She's been kicking people's ass.

  • Literally that Trump might lose [laughs] like that

  • and that's not even a guarantee.

  • I guess a positive thing would be that a lot of people that

  • say that they've never voted are voting for the first time.

  • That is huge news.

  • We have hope at least is what I want to say.

  • I think that gives us some hope, that gives us something

  • and maybe an opportunity to get better.

  • I'm pretty afraid of people dying, not me dying

  • but like the people around me dying.

  • The people I love dying.

  • Or being, you know, fatally injured or, you know,

  • some sort of brain damage.

  • It's just something that would try and change them

  • drastically or yeah that would really be.

  • That's yeah.

  • That's probably my biggest fear

  • is the people I love like dying.

  • It's tough because that at the time

  • was like kind of an irrational fear,

  • that was kind of just like an overthinking fear.

  • And now it's actually a real thing to fear because people

  • are losing their loved ones and now it's like actually

  • a real possibility.

  • So it's just about staying safe.

  • Honestly same for a year from now because I don't know

  • what will have happened in a year, and that is in itself

  • it's terrifying especially with like the unknown

  • of what next year looks like.

  • Being apple's up next artist.

  • I did Ellen last week Jimmy Fallon, so many festivals.

  • I just sold out a headlining Arena tour, had a number one

  • single biggest selling album of the year.

  • Five grummies, one, two, three, four, five.

  • Performed at the Oscars.

  • Met like every celebrity

  • that's ever existed and it was the most

  • overwhelming insane surreal thing I've ever experienced.

  • I went to the brits.

  • I won a brit.

  • It was amazing, I performed, we recorded the bond theme song

  • working with Hans Zimmer and the orchestra

  • to record it completely surreal and amazing.

  • I started my world Arena tour, and then, you know, the world

  • kind of died but before that, you know, it was quite a year.

  • It started off very strong, then other things happen

  • and, you know, we went to tons of protests.

  • We fought for people, that was a big thing this year too.

  • Huge accomplishment I feel like

  • and we will never stop fighting.

  • I will never stop fighting for you Brianna.

  • I will never stop fighting for all the black and brown

  • people that have lost their lives to police brutality.

  • And literally just racism never

  • gonna stop fighting for you ever, ever, ever.

  • I will do what I can and I stand by that.

  • You know I have such a huge platform

  • like why would I want to waste that.

  • Yeah it's easier to say nothing but it's like that's not

  • gonna help anything and it's not gonna I don't know

  • I don't get the point of silence.

  • I think it's there's a difference between silence

  • and processing and I think that that is like an a big thing

  • that people need to understand is that you got to think

  • through what you're going to say, say it in the right way.

  • I think it's really important to speak up

  • but also be respectful.

  • You know, it's been a year of just trying to speak up

  • for everything you believe in and fight really hard.

  • You know, there's nothing else to do like why wait

  • until you experience it to fight for it.

  • You know what I'm saying like just fight for it.

  • Already I hope that it we have more years of fighting

  • and I hope that something fucking changes.

  • [upbeat music]

  • Brockhampton Tierra Whack is sick.

  • My favorite artist is Techno.

  • I've been loving some Arlo parks.

  • Honestly Ash Nico has some slams like I can't even lie

  • to you I fucking love the strokes album that came out.

  • The most recent one take talk songs are burned

  • into my brain but, you know, it is what it is.

  • That's what 2020 is.

  • Some of them are good those, right?

  • So I'm, you know, whatever.

  • My family.

  • I'm always talking to my family always.

  • Every second of my life, my mom and dad still come on tour

  • with me, Phineas still comes on tour with me, every day.

  • Pretty much every day.

  • We're always together, always talking,

  • always, you know, whatever.

  • It's great.

  • I love my family.

  • I am so lucky to have my family right now.

  • Not only with me but like swell and alive.

  • It's been fun, it's been good.

  • It's been good.

  • You know what I'm about to say.

  • Fruitvale Station.

  • I am single and about to turn a tingle.

  • For the first time in my life I don't feel

  • the need to be with anyone.

  • I don't have my eyes on anyone.

  • I'm not in the mood and I'm totally fine with that.

  • Same shit, yes.

  • Oh my gosh, that's my favorite part of the last video.

  • I'm in pretty much the same place.

  • I don't have a boyfriend and I'm happy

  • like I'm not worried at all.

  • I love it.

  • I'm not opposed to anything.

  • I'm not, you know, pushing anything away

  • or forcing something.

  • I'm just like steady and cool with it which is great.

  • So it's a good place.

  • I'm still with 17 year old Billie.

  • Fashion is like the main one.

  • I love fashion.

  • I always have.

  • I want to direct videos.

  • I want to have my own clothing line.

  • I want to have my own everything.

  • Lots of cars.

  • [Billie laughing]

  • Such a car nut little girl.

  • That's super cute.

  • Well once again I did it.

  • Yeah, fashion is still my expression.

  • I definitely am not as like interested as I used to be

  • in designing as much as I was because I think

  • there are more things that I like doing than designing

  • and kind of like curating and stuff but I still am like very

  • in charge of my clothes.

  • And I have a clothing brand.

  • So there you go a little blush.

  • I direct my own videos Billie.

  • I do.

  • Yes, you got what you wanted.

  • I used to think the industry sucked because I was miserable

  • and it wasn't my team's fault it was just where I was

  • at the time, and that's why I thought that it was that.

  • I just feel like the industry is thought of

  • as this like whole cult type thing.

  • It's like this big like I always see these shit trolls

  • online like the industry is where all the people sell

  • their souls to the devil.

  • Like whoa that's very taking it

  • far like the fucking people in my comment section holy shit.

  • [Billie laughing]

  • So true.

  • I feel the same way.

  • Everybody's kind of like made to to hear

  • like the industry and go like fuck the industry.

  • You know, for some people it's totally true.

  • Some people have terrible, terrible experiences.

  • I had a couple experiences where I was like this is

  • some bullshit but it's not like the industry does it

  • it's just the people around you.

  • And I also have been really lucky to have the team

  • that I have and that I have had since the beginning.

  • And yeah, there's some weirdos like there's some weirdos

  • and there's some weirdo group of groups of people that you

  • just kind of gotta get away from.

  • But it's just about knowing your people and knowing

  • your boundaries and like who you trust and stuff.

  • I want to learn that it's all worth it

  • because it's tiring as heck.

  • The shows make it worth it.

  • The shows and the supporters.

  • I was taking it for granted and I that makes me really mad

  • and I don't want to be and I just was.

  • So true.

  • Yes it's worth it for sure.

  • Absolutely worth it.

  • Absolutely, I would not change it for anything else.

  • I can finally say that it's worth it.

  • But you can't just be like expecting it to be worth it.

  • You gotta like change some stuff around.

  • Make sure you're happy, make sure you got what you need

  • and then it will be worth it, yes.

  • Having the approach that no one's had.

  • Trying to write something no one's written.

  • See that's why I'm still bad at it

  • because that's what I was trying to do.

  • I kind of have no idea what to expect.

  • Like last year I thought I knew what people would

  • like for my album and I thought I knew

  • like what would be popular and how so wrong.

  • [Billie laughing]

  • I have gotten so much better at it.

  • I feel so much more confident in my writing.

  • I feel like I know myself better.

  • I'm better at advocating my opinions and communicating

  • and I think Phineas and I have just like seriously

  • just like really gotten in the groove.

  • We do it so fast like there was like a period of time

  • like a month ago or something I was just like we were

  • just texting the label like song done,

  • another song done, another song done.

  • So I'm so much better at it.

  • I'm so I love it so much more.

  • I actually really do enjoy it now and I do feel like

  • I'm pretty good at it now to be honest with you.

  • Like 12 I think maybe like 14 actually.

  • I think there's like 14 ish.

  • Blank, blank, blank, blank like four and a half.

  • Right now I have 16.

  • We've been working and I love them all.

  • I love all of them.

  • The first month I was incredibly uninspired.

  • I don't know why.

  • I think it was just very overwhelming and scary and I think

  • after like that first period of time when it came and went.

  • I got so inspired and creative and like just like made music

  • that I don't think I would have made.

  • My brother and I like I don't think we would have

  • even made it at all this year.

  • Judge me please.

  • I don't and then one word, fucking no.

  • It's my style, Billie Eilish parody is my style.

  • My brother is my best friend.

  • My brother is my best friend.

  • My best friend is Phineas, but he is also my brother.

  • We got drew, we got Zoe, we got Laura, we got shark we got

  • my family, my brother those is my best friends.

  • Maybe like once a week.

  • I might be safe if I go to Trader Joe's.

  • I went to Trader Joe's did not work.

  • I also tried Costco which I thought I'd be safe at

  • and that didn't work.

  • Fuck sake.

  • Public what is that?

  • Public I have not been in at all since March 11th.

  • There were definitely moments in this quarantine

  • where I forgot that I'm me.

  • I was taking shark to like a dog play group

  • with the rescue place that I got him from.

  • You know, I was like I didn't even think about it

  • because we had so much nothing for so long.

  • I didn't even think about it.

  • I had like my full, like green, like right there full,

  • like, you know, wasn't covering anything

  • except obviously a mask, and I was like walking in

  • and there was this car full of people.

  • And they were like, and I literally like looked behind me

  • I was like, what are you looking at? I forgot.

  • Totally forgot, but it was nice.

  • It was really nice to see people like before COVID at all

  • like I don't go in public anyway

  • just because it's a complete disaster.

  • Yeah, it's a bad idea to do but I have googled myself.

  • Only just the titles because they're what's funny.

  • Like I'm not trying to see myself

  • on like twitter that is a no-go.

  • Oh, my gosh.

  • Don't want to see that because that shit is mean.

  • I look myself up to like laugh but I really don't want

  • to actually see what's being said.

  • But it's good for a good laugh.

  • I don't know if I'm more confident

  • I just think I know what I'm doing more.

  • I think I'm less confident actually.

  • I feel like I'm probably the most confident

  • I've ever been in my life.

  • I don't think I've ever been more confident than I am now.

  • Yep, totally true that first year I was definitely

  • just like not even thinking about myself.

  • So I wasn't even thinking about confidence.

  • We all know that second year was [laughs] rough.

  • Last year, yeah, I definitely was the most confident

  • I've ever been last year.

  • I think that's still probably the most confident.

  • I haven't like gone down at all.

  • I just think it pretty much like stayed right there.

  • COVID has made me less confident in myself

  • just because it's made me stop doing the things I was used

  • to doing and got good at.

  • But it's mostly stayed the same.

  • I'm not like not confident but I definitely was really

  • at my peak a year ago.

  • I was really peaking.

  • Happy, happy girl.

  • I would tell 16 year old me to remember who her best friends

  • are and remember who the people that care about her

  • the most are and not throw them away

  • for somebody else or for something else.

  • That it's hard knowing the situations

  • that I was talking about.

  • God how do you prepare someone for this year?

  • I think all I would say is just like enjoy this.

  • Don't take anything for granted.

  • Don't ever come off stage during this year

  • and think I didn't really like that show, I didn't really.

  • Nope, and by the way I'm never doing that again.

  • When shows are allowed, every show is going

  • to be the best show I've ever done.

  • That's that.

  • Sure come here, come here.

  • Give me yourself, give me your butt.

  • Alright, bring in the mom.

  • This is my mom.

  • She is sick as a booty.

  • - I don't mind I can stay here that long.

  • - I love you.

  • - I love you too.

  • - Hello baby.

  • - His grandma.

  • - I love you so much.

  • - I love you so much.

  • - I miss being on the road with her and I miss seeing her

  • do her shows because she's so incredible,

  • but I have loved being home with her.

  • - Don't take your parents for granted people.

  • [crowd clapping]

- My name is Billie Eilish.

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Billie Eilish: Same Interview, The Fourth Year | Vanity Fair

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2020 年 11 月 30 日
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