It's incredible, I'll say you've got so much.

太不可思議了，我說你有這麼多。

This guy has so much pep.

這傢伙有這麼多的魄力。

Most celebrities I meet them like over there.

我遇到的大多數名人都喜歡在那邊。

You were here before I could get around the desk,

我還沒來得及繞過桌子，你就來了。

coming at me, just like this.

向我走來，就像這樣。

This is what I see.

這是我看到的。

Just camera one.

只是相機一。

I just see this.

我只是看到這個。

I see you coming right at me with your hand.

我看到你正用你的手向我走來。

You're fast.

你的速度真快

You're quick.

你真快

You're energetic.

你精力充沛。

I love you, mate.

我愛你，夥計。

I can't wait to get in there and shake your hand.

我等不及要進去和你握手了。

Don't get anywhere, okay.

不要去任何地方，好嗎。

Now let's settle down, now.

現在，讓我們安頓下來，現在。

Sorry sorry sorry.

對不起，對不起，對不起。

Now you just did the um.

現在，你只是做了嗯。

Everyone's settled down.

大家都安定下來了。

I'll clean the show up if it's the last thing I do.

如果這是我最後一件事的話，我會把展會清理乾淨的。

(giggles)

（傻笑）

First of all, you are so lucky 'cause

首先，你很幸運，因為...

you did the Macy's day parade today.

你今天參加了梅西節的遊行。

My first parade every.

我的第一次遊行，每。

Your first parade ever, and this is.

你的第一次遊行，這是。

(crowd cheers)

（人群歡呼）

I've been watching the Queen.

我一直在看女王。

Yeah, you've been watching the Queen.

是啊，你一直在看女王。

You did they wave the whole time.

你做了他們揮手的全部時間。

But you're so lucky because you,

但你很幸運，因為你。

you're always wearing the shorts.

你總是穿著短褲。

Yeah.

是啊。

It's often like, "Yeah!"

常常會說："好啊！"

(crowd laughs)

（眾人笑）

Well I'm glad you're excited about it,

我很高興你對它感到興奮。

but you know, it's often 15 degrees

但你知道，它經常是15度。

or 20 degrees here on Thanksgiving.

感恩節的時候，這裡有20度。

Today, you lucked out.

今天，你運氣不錯。

It was a balmy 60 degrees.

當時的氣溫是60度，很溫暖。

And Conan, the sun popped up for about 30 seconds.

而柯南，太陽蹦出了30秒左右。

Just straight through in between the skyscrapers

就在摩天大樓之間直穿而過

and that big cloud that seems to be hanging around there.

還有那朵大雲，似乎就掛在那裡。

Right, right.

對，對。

So it popped out.

所以它就蹦出來了。

So, so you got very lucky.

所以，所以你很幸運。

Did you enjoy doing the parade?

你喜歡做遊行嗎？

Did you have a good time?

你玩得開心嗎？

I did.

我有

There was more than the sun that popped out, mate.

蹦出來的不止是太陽，夥計。

This is my first parade, right?

這是我第一次參加遊行，對吧？

(crowd laughs)

（眾人笑）

Fair dinkum, I'm wearing undies.

公平的丁庫姆，我穿著內褲。

How's this?

這個怎麼樣？

Wait wait wait.

等等，等等，等等

Fair dinkum?

公平的Dinkum？

What is that?

那是什麼？

Forget it, just with the story.

算了，就用故事吧。

True story, true story.

真實的故事，真實的故事。

Oh, it's true story, okay.

哦，這是真實的故事，好吧。

Okay, so I'm doing the parade, and I'm like, "Hey!"

好吧，所以我做的遊行，我很喜歡，"嘿！"

And as the people get excited, I felt like a rockstar.

當人們興奮起來的時候，我覺得自己像個搖滾明星。

I'm like, "Hey!"

我想，"嘿！"

And this Sheila just goes yay like this.

而這個希拉就這樣去耶。

No without, no bra or any.

沒有沒有，沒有胸罩或任何。

And then these two

然後這兩個

Yeah she did

是的，她是這樣做的

Wait, wait, wait.

等待，等待，等待。

First, a woman flashed you.

首先，一個女人閃了你。

Yeah.

是啊。

And then two guys did, too.

然後有兩個人也這樣做了。

Two blokes, yeah.

兩個傢伙，是的。

Down the parade a bit further.

再往下巡遊一下。

Right, right.

對，對。

Yeah.

是啊。

(exhales)

（呼氣）

It's not supposed to it's the Ma it's

不應該的，是馬哥，是...

This isn't Mardi Gras.

這不是狂歡節。

It's the M

是M

So this is normal?

所以這很正常？

No, no, no.

不，不，不。

This is not supposed to be like that.

這不應該是這樣的。

You're there's not supposed to be any flashing

你是不應該有任何閃爍的

at thee Macy's Thanksgiving day parade.

在梅西百貨的感恩節遊行上。

Well the NYPD was like, you know, there was them,

紐約警察就像，你知道，有他們。

and she was like right behind them,

她就像在他們身後。

and they just came right out.

他們就這樣出來了。

It was like, right.

這就像，正確的。

Yeah.

是啊。

Glad they're there protecting you

很高興他們能保護你

Yeah

是的，是的

From the pretty girl's breasts.

從美女的胸部。

That's not normal in the Macy's Day?

這在梅西節不正常？

Doesn't normally happen.

通常不會發生。

There's a lot of exposure and stuff going on central park

中央公園有很多的曝光率和事情發生了

all the time, but the parade is usually a,

一直以來，但遊行通常是一個。

it's usually a family kind of event.

它通常是一個家庭類型的事件。

It's not like that normally.

平時不是這樣的。

That's what I thought, but yeah.

我也是這麼想的，不過是的。

Everyone knows that you work with, with, with gators.

大家都知道，你與，與，與鱷魚合作。

Yeah.

是啊。

Crocs, you call them not cross, crocs.

鱷魚，你叫他們不要交叉，鱷魚。

Yeah.

是啊。

I don't know the difference, but anyway.

我不知道其中的區別，但無論如何。

You also have in your zoo, you have two giant pythons.

你的動物園裡也有兩條巨蟒。

Yeah.

是啊。

These things are very dangerous.

這些東西是非常危險的。

Are they not?

他們不是嗎？

Absolutely, they're the longest snake species.

當然，它們是最長的蛇類。

Do you ever give an answer that's like eh?

你有沒有給過這樣的答案？

(crowd laughs)

（眾人笑）

Or is everything always like "Die, Conan!"

還是一切都像 "死吧，柯南！"一樣？

Well how's this, mate?

這個怎麼樣，夥計？

They eat people.

他們吃人。

I mean the reticulated python, longest snake species.

我是說網紋蟒，最長的蛇類。

Now, you're prepping me up now.

現在，你讓我準備好了。

Sorry.

對不起，我不知道

I was a little sluggish earlier, but this is good.

我之前有些遲鈍，但這是好事。

Keep it going.

保持下去。

The longest snake species in the world

世界上最長的蛇類

is the reticulated python, and they average

是網狀的蟒蛇，它們的平均

killing and eating one person per year.

每年殺吃一人；

So they're pretty exciting snakes.

所以它們是很刺激的蛇。

Right, right.

對，對。

Really exciting, these are the giant pythons of the world.

真的很刺激，這些都是世界上的巨蟒。

And they constrict their pray, so they curl around you

他們收縮他們的祈禱，所以他們蜷縮在你身邊。

and squeeze the air right out of you.

並擠掉你的空氣。

Okay, so what's the.

好吧，那麼什麼是。

Have you ever been in dire emergency

你有沒有遇到過緊急情況

or danger with one of these pythons?

或危險的這些蟒蛇之一？

Yeah.

是啊。

Tell me.

告訴我

(crowd laughs)

（眾人笑）

One got me.

一個讓我。

One got you?

有一個抓到你了？

I'm trying to settle down, that not working?

我想安定下來，這不行嗎？

No, no, no.

不，不，不。

I don't want you to settle down.

我不希望你安定下來。

We need this pep.

我們需要這種鼓舞。

This is exactly what we need.

這正是我們需要的。

Crank it back up again.

再把它調回來。

How's this, how's this?

怎麼樣，怎麼樣？

Get some coffee into this guy.

給這傢伙來點咖啡

I can't drink coffee, mate.

我不能喝咖啡，夥計。

You on coffee would be yeah, insane.

你喝咖啡會是的，瘋了。

They could strap you to a rocket, and you'd go to the moon.

他們可以把你綁在火箭上，然後你就可以去月球了。

Yeah.

是啊。

Oh, mate.

哦，夥計。

Nonetheless, I'm working at the zoo.

儘管如此，我還是在動物園工作。

We've got this python, 24 feet in length.

我們已經得到了這條蟒蛇，24英尺長。

And there was no one else.

而且也沒有其他人。

It was really early in the morning.

當時真的是一大早。

My dad was on a field trip.

我爸爸在郊遊。

So I going with my pooper scooper.

所以我要用我的鏟屎官。

I see the poo in the back of the cage.

我看到籠子後面的便便了。

What you have to cleaning?

你有什麼要打掃的？

You have to, you have a pooper scooper,

你必須這樣做，你有一個鏟屎官。

like could use for doggies on a giant Python.

就像可以用在巨蟒身上的狗仔。

A big spoon, a big spoon pooper scooper, like a shovel.

一個大勺子，一個大勺子鏟屎官，像一把鏟子。

(crowd laughs)

（眾人笑）

'Cause a big snake, big poop.

因為大蛇，大便。

Yeah.

是啊。

So I go in to scoop the poop,

於是我就進去舀大便。

and she goes from the, from the corner.

她從，從角落裡去。

Like this thing's got a six foot strike range, like bang!

就像這東西的攻擊範圍有6英尺，就像砰！

(whipping sounds)

（鞭打聲）

All the way around me.

一直在我身邊。

Now, luckily the pooper scooper arm and

現在，幸運的是，鏟屎官的手臂和。

the pooper scooper which was, was stuck in here.

鏟屎官是，被卡在這裡。

And she fully just strangles me like right round.

她完全只是勒住我的脖子，像右輪。

What a horrible way to die with

多麼可怕的死法

a pooper scooper crushed up against your

糞箕壓頂

That's what I'm thinking.

我也是這麼想的。

It would be the worst thing about it.

這將是最糟糕的事情。

Yeah, mate.

是的，夥計。

Okay, so then you're in trouble.

好吧，那麼你就有麻煩了。

It's squeezing now.

現在正在擠壓。

I'm dying.

我快死了

Cause every time I breathe out,

因為每次我呼氣的時候，

she squeezes up a bit more and I'm like

她擠了一下更多，我就像

(inhales)

（吸氣）

getting shorter of breath, shorter of breath.

越來越氣短，氣短。

So I thought, alright, I don't

所以我想，好吧，我不...

want to die with the pooper scooper.

想死與鏟屎官。

So I rolled out of the cage, and as

所以我從籠子裡滾了出來，並作為

I started to walk, the snake worked out

我開始走，蛇的工作了。

two legged animal and constricted my feet.

兩條腿的動物，並限制了我的腳。

So now it's like little steps like this.

所以現在就像這樣的小步驟。

And then, bang.

然後，砰。

I fall over, and now I'm really close to death.

我摔倒了，現在我真的快死了。

Right.

好吧，我知道了

Next thing I hear the gate rattle and it's my mom.

接著我就聽到大門的響聲，是我媽媽。

She's going to work.

她要去工作了。

And I'm like, "Mom, Mom!"

我想，"媽媽，媽媽！"

And it's muffled.

而且是悶聲的。

And she goes "Be right there, son. No big deal."

她說："就在那裡，兒子。沒什麼大不了的。"

Right, right, right.

對，對，對。

So she takes her time, opens the entrance.

所以她慢慢地，打開了入口。

And then she's "I wonder where he is?"

然後她就說 "不知道他在哪裡？"

She goes to the reticulated python cage.

她去了網狀的蟒蛇籠子。

Looks at the blood.

看著血。

'Cause all his blood flows out from the teeth.

因為他的血都是從牙齒裡流出來的。

They've got a lot of teeth.

他們有很多牙齒。

And follows the blood trail here, and I'm like

順著血跡走到這裡，我就像。

(gasps)

（喘氣）

Like that trying to keep air coming in.

像這樣試圖保持空氣進入。

Right.

好吧，我知道了

And she grabbed like the last part

她抓住了像最後一部分

of this tail and peeled it off slowly.

的這條尾巴，並慢慢地剝了下來。

That's how you do it?

你就是這樣做的？

You grab it by the tail?

你抓住了它的尾巴？

Yeah, yeah.

是啊，是啊。

How does that, how does that work?

這，是怎麼做到的？

Well that's the locking device, you know?

那是鎖定裝置，你知道嗎？

Their, mate, they're so strong,

他們的，夥計，他們是如此強大。

like incredibly strong.

像不可思議的強。

Like squeeze the living daylights.

就像擠活日光燈一樣。

Until your eyes pop.

直到你的眼睛跳出來。

They're strong.

他們很強壯。

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

是啊，是啊，是啊，是啊，是啊。

And so the tail

所以尾巴

So your saying there's like literally a button at the

所以，你說有像字面上的按鈕在

tail that you just push and just goes looloo.

尾巴，你只是推，只是去looloo。

Oh, no.

哦，不

(giggles)

（傻笑）

(crowd laughs)

（眾人笑）

It says in case of emergency?

上面寫著以防萬一？

No there's no ejection button

沒有，沒有彈射按鈕

Now you gotta to grab the tail.

現在你得抓住尾巴。

'Cause that's what locks all the

"因為那是所有的鎖。

coils together and then peel it off.

卷在一起，然後剝開。

Your mom sounds like a real, I mean,

你媽媽聽起來像一個真正的，我的意思是。

my mother wouldn't be able to do that.

我的母親就不能這樣做。

You know?

你知道嗎？

Yeah.

是啊。

Your mother went in there and unwrapped a giant python.

你媽媽進去拆了一條大蟒蛇。

It was killing

這是要命的

And saved my life.

還救了我的命。

And saved your life.

還救了你一命

Did she then like throw it against a wall

那她是不是要把它扔到牆上去

and pick you up and run to the hospital?

然後接你跑到醫院去？

(giggles)

（傻笑）

No.

不知道

(crowd laughs)

（眾人笑）

No, that didn't happen?

不，那沒有發生？

No, no.

不，不。

It makes a better story.

它使一個更好的故事。

Oh, it is!

哦，是的！

And then what happened?

然後發生了什麼？

She ran you to the, wow incredible.

她跑你的，哇不可思議。

Whoa.

哇。

You've been bitten many times by these snakes.

你已經被這些蛇咬了很多次了。

I have, yeah.

我有，是的。

And you actually, when they,

而你其實，當他們。

when they, when a snake bites you,

當他們，當一條蛇咬你。

it's not just the venom that can hurt you.

不僅僅是毒液會傷害你。

Is that right?

是這樣嗎？

I mean, the venom is very dangerous, but the, the teeth,

我的意思是，毒液是非常危險的， 但是，牙齒。

I mean, they're very sharp.

我的意思是，他們是非常尖銳的。

Well, with these pythons that we're talking about,

好吧，我們說的這些蟒蛇。

they got a couple of hundred teeth and they're needle sharp.

他們有幾百顆牙齒，他們是針尖。

A couple of hundred?

幾百塊錢？

Yeah.

是啊。

Wow.

哇哦

Yeah.

是啊。

Like 50 top and bottom, both sides.

像50上下，兩邊。

Right, right.

對，對。

And they're really sharp, really long and recurved.

而且它們真的很鋒利，真的很長，而且是下彎的。

So when they strike and hit, they're hitting something like,

所以當他們出手打人的時候，他們打的是這樣的東西。