Name: 斯蒂芬-科爾伯特的獨白如巨石所願。 (Stephen Colbert's Monologue Does As The Monolith Wishes)
Uploaded: 2020-11-29T18:57:53.000Z
Duration: 12 min 8 s

我是你的主播，史蒂芬-科爾伯特。

AND, FOLKS, I AM STILL RIDING A NATURAL HIGH OFF OF LAST NIGHT'S

而且，夥計們，我仍然騎著一個自然的高從昨晚的。

IT WAS SUBSTANTIVE, SILLY, AND SOMEBODY BROUGHT THE ROCK TO THE

這是很簡單的，狡猾的，和一些人打破了岩石的

DOESN'T MATTER WHO HAD THE LIQUID GRACE OF A MID-'90s

誰擁有90年代中期的優雅氣質並不重要。

THE IMPORTANT THING-- AND THIS IS TRUE-- THAT WAS

最重要的事情 -- 這是真實的 -- 這是

THERE IS 80 MINUTES OF INTERVIEW JUST AS GOOD AS THAT, 35 MINUTES

有80分鐘的採訪一樣好，35分鐘。

OF WHICH WE WILL BE SHOWING ON ON'RE ON MONDAY?

其中我們將在週一播放的是什麼？

THE OTHER 45 MINUTES WE'RE GOING TO HAVE ETCHED ONTO A GOLDEN

剩下的45分鐘，我們將被刻在金字塔上。

DISK, WHICH THEN WILL BE SHOT INTO SPACE SO FUTURE

碟片，然後將被髮射到太空，所以未來

CIVILIZATIONS WILL KNOW WHEN TELEVISION PEAKED OR PUT IT OUT

文明將知道電視何時達到頂峰或熄滅。

AND, TODAY, THE PRESIDENT STILL REFUSES TO CONCEDE, THE

而且，今天，主席仍然拒絕讓步。

PRESIDENT-ELECT HAS BEGUN HIS TRANSITION, AND PEOPLE ARE BEING

候任總統已經開始了他的過渡，而人們也正在接受他。

ASKED TO CURTAIL THEIR THANKSGIVING PLANS BECAUSE THE

被要求延後他們的感恩節計劃，因為他們的感恩節計劃。

SO I'M NOT GOING TO GET SHIEPY OBJECTS OUT THERE.

所以，我不會得到SHIEPY對象在那裡。

I'M GOING TO STAY FOCUSED ON THE STORY-- A WEIRD MONOLITH WAS

我將繼續專注於故事 -- 一個奇怪的單片機是。

IS IT A SITE-SPECIFIC ART INSTALLATION THAT EXAMINES THE

這是一個現場特定的藝術裝置，檢查的是什麼？

OR IS IT A REALLY POORLY INSTALLED STAINLESS STEEL

還是一個真正安裝不良的不鏽鋼製品？

UTAH IS THE ULTIMATE OPEN-CONCEPT KITCHEN.

猶他州是最完美的開放式概念廚房。

NOW, THERE'S A LOT OF SPECULATION ABOUT THIS MYSTERY

現在，有很多關於這個謎團的猜測。

PLINTH, SO WE'RE GOING TO DIVE IN WITH OUR VERY FIRST

普林斯，所以我們要帶著我們的第一部作品潛入水中。

MONOLITH-THEMED MONOLOGUE, WHICH WE'RE CALLING

單聲道主題的獨白，我們稱之為

>> Stephen: THAT IS ACTUALLY A LONGER INTRO THAN THE SPECIAL

>> 史蒂芬：這其實是一個比特殊的長的介紹。

HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED: A CREW FROM THE UTAH DIVISION OF

下面是發生了什麼。猶他州分局的一隊人馬...

WILDLIFE RESOURCES WAS SURVEYING THE AREA, COUNTING BIGHORN SHEEP

野生動物資源部對該地區進行了調查，統計了大角羊的數量。

INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS JOB: YOU HAVE TO FLY THE CHOPPER,

極其危險的工作：你必須駕駛直升機。

WE'VE LOST A LOT OF GOOD SHEEP COUNTERS THAT WAY.

我們已經失去了很多好羊的計數器，這樣一來。

THESE PEOPLE IN THE HELICOPTER, THEY NOTICED THE MONOLITH,

直升機上的這些人，他們注意到了單片機。

BECAUSE, ACCORDING TO ONE UTAH WILDLIFE SPOKESMAN, "WE FLY

因為，據一位猶他州的野生動物代言人說，"我們飛了。

PRETTY LOW FOR THESE SURVEYS SO WE CAN IDENTIFY THE GENDER OF

對於這些調查來說，價格太低了，所以我們可以確定性別。

是啊，好吧，外星人單體，但是... ...

YOU CAN TELL A SHEEP'S GENDER FROM A HELICOPTER?

你能從直升機上看出羊的性別？

NOW WE KNOW WHY THEY'RE CALLED "BIG HORN!"

現在我們知道為什麼他們被稱為 "大角 "了!

船員們降落後進行了更仔細的檢查。

HERE THEY ARE, DOING THIS FOR SOME REASON.

他們在這裡，這樣做是有原因的。

AND WE HAVE FOOTAGE OF MAN'S FIRST CONTACT WITH THE MONOLITH.

我們還拍到了人類第一次與單體接觸的鏡頭。

>> OKAY, THE INTREPID EXPLORERS GO DOWN TO INVESTIGATE THE ALIEN

>> 好的，頑固的探險家們下山去調查外星人了

（笑） >> 所以，他們已經把它切入。

>> 好吧，誰做這種類型的東西？

THAT IS ONE LOW-KEY REACTION TO POTENTIALLY DISCOVERING ALIEN

這是一個低調的反應 潛在的發現外星人

A TRACTOR BEAM PULLING ME UP TO THE BELLY OF THE SHIP?

HA, WHAT IS THAT, A TRACTOR BEAM WHO DOES THAT KIND OF STUFF?

哈，那是什麼，誰會做那種事的收割機鋼樑？

TO HOW THIS MONOLITH GOT TO A REMOTE REGION OF UTAH'S DESERT

到這個單片機是如何到達猶他州沙漠的偏遠地區的

SOME THINK IT COULD'VE BEEN A ROGUE ARTIST OR A LEFTOVER MOVIE

有人認為這可能是一個羅格藝術家或一部左派電影。

ACCORDING TO ONE DEPARTMENT OF PUBLIC SAFETY SPOKESMAN, THE

據公共安全部的一位發言人說。

MONOLITH APPEARED TO BE MADE OF STAINLESS STEEL, PUT TOGETHER

單晶石似乎是由不鏽鋼製成，放在一起的。

OKAY, BUT RIDDLE ME THIS: WHAT HUMAN REFERS TO THEM AS

好吧，但告訴我這個：什麼人類稱它們為。

"HUMAN-MADE RIVETS?" WHAT'S THE NAME OF THAT

"人類製造的鉚釘？"那東西叫什麼名字？

SPOKESMAN, "NICK STREET?" CLEARLY A PANICKED GALACTIC

講話人，"NICK STREET"？明顯是一個挑剔的GALACTIC。

WHAT MAKES THIS EVEN MORE MYSTERIOUS IS THAT AUTHORITIES

更讓人感到神祕的是，權威人士

POINT OUT "THERE ARE ROADS CLOSE BY, BUT TO HAUL THE MATERIALS TO

指出："附近有路，但要把材料運到那裡去。

CUT INTO THE ROCK AND HAUL THE METAL-- WHICH IS TALLER THAN 12

鑿開岩石，然後把金屬拖走，這比12歲還高。

FEET IN SECTIONS-- TO DO ALL THAT IN THAT REMOTE SPOT IS

腳的部分 - 做所有的這一切，在該偏遠的地方是

字幕列表影片播放

斯蒂芬-科爾伯特的獨白如巨石所願。 (Stephen Colbert's Monologue Does As The Monolith Wishes)

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