It may sound strange to bring up work,

提起工作，可能聽起來很奇怪。

but when we fall in love,

但當我們墜入愛河，

we often consider what that love will do to our life,

我們常常會考慮這種愛會給我們的生活帶來什麼影響。

and our work and careers are a big part of that.

而我們的工作和事業是其中的重要組成部分。

[The Way We Work]

[我們的工作方式]

[Made possible with the support of Dropbox]

[在Dropbox的支持下得以實現]

All working couples face hard choices,

所有的職場夫妻都面臨著艱難的選擇。

and these can feel like a zero-sum game.

這些可以感覺像一個零和遊戲。

One partner gets offered a job in another city,

一個夥伴得到了另一個城市的工作機會。

so the other needs to leave their job and start over.

所以對方需要離開他們的工作，重新開始。

One partner takes on more childcare and puts their career on hold

一方要承擔更多的育兒任務，並擱置自己的事業。

so the other can pursue an exciting promotion.

以便對方能追求刺激的晉升。

One gains and one loses.

一得一失。

And while some couples who make these choices are satisfied,

而一些做出這些選擇的夫妻卻很滿意。

others regret them bitterly.

別人則痛心疾首地後悔。

What makes the difference?

是什麼原因造成的呢？

I've spent the last seven years studying working couples,

我花了七年時間研究職場夫妻。

and I've found that it's not what couples choose,

而我發現，這不是情侶們的選擇。

it's how they choose.

這是他們選擇的方式。

Of course, we can't control our circumstances,

當然，我們無法控制自己的環境。

nor do we have limitless choices.

我們也沒有無限的選擇。

But for those we do,

但對於那些我們。

how can couples choose well?

夫妻如何選擇好？

First: start early, long before you have something to decide.

第一：早點開始，早在你有事情要決定之前就開始。

The moment you're faced with a hard choice,

在你面臨艱難選擇的那一刻。

say, whether one of you should go back to school

說，你們中的一個人是否應該回學校讀書

or take a risky job offer,

或接受一個風險的工作機會。

it's too late.

太晚了

Choosing well begins with understanding each other's aspirations early on --

選擇好，首先要儘早瞭解對方的願望-----。

aspirations like wanting to start a small business,

願望，比如想做小生意。

live close to extended family,

住在大家庭附近；

save enough money to buy a house of our own

攢錢買房

or have another child.

或再生育一個孩子。

Many of us measure our lives by comparing what we're doing

我們很多人通過比較我們正在做的事情來衡量我們的生活。

with our aspirations.

與我們的願望。

When the gap is small,

當差距小的時候。

we feel content.

我們感到滿足。

When it's large,

當它大。

we feel unhappy.

我們感到不快樂。

And if we're part of a couple,

如果我們是情侶的一部分。

we place at least some of that blame with our partner.

我們至少要把一部分責任推給我們的伴侶。

Set aside time at least twice a year

每年至少留出兩次時間

to discuss your aspirations.

來討論你的願望。

I'm a big fan of keeping a written record of these conversations.

我很喜歡把這些對話做書面記錄。

Putting pen to paper with our partners

與我們的合作伙伴一起將筆寫在紙上

helps us remember each other's aspirations

相濡以沫

and that we're writing the story of our lives together.

而我們正在寫我們的生活故事一起。

Next: eliminate options

下一篇：刪除選項

that don't support the life you want to live together.

不支持你想一起過的生活。

You can do this agreeing on boundaries that make hard choices easier.

你可以做到這一點，商定界限，讓艱難的選擇變得更容易。

Boundaries like geography: Where would you like to live and work?

邊界如地理。你想在哪裡生活和工作？

Time: How many working hours a week will make family life possible?

時間：每週工作多少小時才有可能過家庭生活？

Travel: How much work travel can you really stand?

旅行。你到底能忍受多少工作旅行？

Once you've agreed to your boundaries, the choice becomes easy

一旦你同意了你的界限，選擇就變得容易了

when faced with an opportunity that falls outside of them.

當面對一個落在他們之外的機會。

"I'm not going to interview for that job,

"我不會去面試那份工作的。

because we've agreed we don't want to move across country."

因為我們已經同意了，我們不想跨越國界。"

Or, "I'm going to cut back on my overtime

或者，"我要減少加班的時間。

because we've agreed it's essential we spend more time together as a family."

因為我們一致認為，作為一個家庭，我們必須花更多的時間在一起。"

Couples who understand each other's aspirations

夫妻雙方互相瞭解對方的願望。

and commit to strong boundaries

並承諾遵守強有力的界限

can let go of seemingly attractive opportunities without regret.

可以放手，看似誘人的機會卻不後悔。

If you're faced with an opportunity that falls within your boundaries,

如果你面對的是一個屬於你的邊界的機會。

then what matters is that the choices you make

然後，重要的是，你的選擇

keep your couple in balance over time,

讓你們的夫妻長期保持平衡。

even if they don't perfectly align with both partners' aspirations

縱然不盡如人意，但也不盡如人意

at the same time.

同時。

If your choices are mainly driven by one partner

如果你的選擇主要是由一個伴侶驅動的

or support one partner's aspirations more than the other,

或支持一方的願望多於另一方。

an imbalance of power will develop.

會形成權力的不平衡。

That imbalance, I've found,

這種不平衡，我已經發現了。

is the reason most working couples who fail do so.

是大多數失敗的職場夫妻的原因。

Eventually, one gets fed up with being a prop

最終，一個人厭倦了做道具。

rather than a partner.

而不是合作伙伴。

To avoid this,

為了避免這種情況。

track your decisions over time.

追蹤您的決策，隨著時間的推移。

Unlike your aspirations and boundaries,

不像你的願望和界限。

there's no need to keep a detailed record of every decision you make.

沒有必要對你所做的每一個決定進行詳細的記錄。

Just keep an open conversation going about how able each of you feel

只要保持開放的對話，你們每個人都覺得自己有多能幹就好了

to shape decisions that affect you both.

形成影響你們雙方的決定。

How will you know you've chosen well?

你怎麼知道自己選擇的好？

One common misunderstanding

一個常見的誤解

is that you can only know what choice is right in hindsight.

是你只能在事後才知道什麼選擇是正確的。

And maybe it's true we judge life backwards,

也許真的是我們倒過來判斷人生。

but we must live it forwards.

但我們必須向前生活。

I've found that couples who look back on a choice as a good one

我發現，那些把選擇看成是好選擇的情侶們

did so not just because of the outcome eventually;

這樣做不僅僅是因為最終的結果。

they did it because that choice empowered them individually and as a couple

他們之所以這樣做，是因為這個選擇賦予了他們個人和夫婦的權力。

as they made it.

因為他們做的。

It wasn't what they chose,

這不是他們選擇的。

it was that they were choosing deliberately,

是他們在刻意選擇。

and that made them feel closer and freer together.

而這讓他們覺得在一起更親密、更自由。