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  • Transcriber: Erin Gregory Reviewer: Camille Martínez

    Transcriber:Erin Gregory Reviewer. Camille MartínezCamille Martínez

  • It may sound strange to bring up work,

    提起工作,可能聽起來很奇怪。

  • but when we fall in love,

    但當我們墜入愛河,

  • we often consider what that love will do to our life,

    我們常常會考慮這種愛會給我們的生活帶來什麼影響。

  • and our work and careers are a big part of that.

    而我們的工作和事業是其中的重要組成部分。

  • [The Way We Work]

    [我們的工作方式]

  • [Made possible with the support of Dropbox]

    [在Dropbox的支持下得以實現]

  • All working couples face hard choices,

    所有的職場夫妻都面臨著艱難的選擇。

  • and these can feel like a zero-sum game.

    這些可以感覺像一個零和遊戲。

  • One partner gets offered a job in another city,

    一個夥伴得到了另一個城市的工作機會。

  • so the other needs to leave their job and start over.

    所以對方需要離開他們的工作,重新開始。

  • One partner takes on more childcare and puts their career on hold

    一方要承擔更多的育兒任務,並擱置自己的事業。

  • so the other can pursue an exciting promotion.

    以便對方能追求刺激的晉升。

  • One gains and one loses.

    一得一失。

  • And while some couples who make these choices are satisfied,

    而一些做出這些選擇的夫妻卻很滿意。

  • others regret them bitterly.

    別人則痛心疾首地後悔。

  • What makes the difference?

    是什麼原因造成的呢?

  • I've spent the last seven years studying working couples,

    我花了七年時間研究職場夫妻。

  • and I've found that it's not what couples choose,

    而我發現,這不是情侶們的選擇。

  • it's how they choose.

    這是他們選擇的方式。

  • Of course, we can't control our circumstances,

    當然,我們無法控制自己的環境。

  • nor do we have limitless choices.

    我們也沒有無限的選擇。

  • But for those we do,

    但對於那些我們。

  • how can couples choose well?

    夫妻如何選擇好?

  • First: start early, long before you have something to decide.

    第一:早點開始,早在你有事情要決定之前就開始。

  • The moment you're faced with a hard choice,

    在你面臨艱難選擇的那一刻。

  • say, whether one of you should go back to school

    說,你們中的一個人是否應該回學校讀書

  • or take a risky job offer,

    或接受一個風險的工作機會。

  • it's too late.

    太晚了

  • Choosing well begins with understanding each other's aspirations early on --

    選擇好,首先要儘早瞭解對方的願望-----。

  • aspirations like wanting to start a small business,

    願望,比如想做小生意。

  • live close to extended family,

    住在大家庭附近;

  • save enough money to buy a house of our own

    攢錢買房

  • or have another child.

    或再生育一個孩子。

  • Many of us measure our lives by comparing what we're doing

    我們很多人通過比較我們正在做的事情來衡量我們的生活。

  • with our aspirations.

    與我們的願望。

  • When the gap is small,

    當差距小的時候。

  • we feel content.

    我們感到滿足。

  • When it's large,

    當它大。

  • we feel unhappy.

    我們感到不快樂。

  • And if we're part of a couple,

    如果我們是情侶的一部分。

  • we place at least some of that blame with our partner.

    我們至少要把一部分責任推給我們的伴侶。

  • Set aside time at least twice a year

    每年至少留出兩次時間

  • to discuss your aspirations.

    來討論你的願望。

  • I'm a big fan of keeping a written record of these conversations.

    我很喜歡把這些對話做書面記錄。

  • Putting pen to paper with our partners

    與我們的合作伙伴一起將筆寫在紙上

  • helps us remember each other's aspirations

    相濡以沫

  • and that we're writing the story of our lives together.

    而我們正在寫我們的生活故事一起。

  • Next: eliminate options

    下一篇:刪除選項

  • that don't support the life you want to live together.

    不支持你想一起過的生活。

  • You can do this agreeing on boundaries that make hard choices easier.

    你可以做到這一點,商定界限,讓艱難的選擇變得更容易。

  • Boundaries like geography: Where would you like to live and work?

    邊界如地理。你想在哪裡生活和工作?

  • Time: How many working hours a week will make family life possible?

    時間:每週工作多少小時才有可能過家庭生活?

  • Travel: How much work travel can you really stand?

    旅行。你到底能忍受多少工作旅行?

  • Once you've agreed to your boundaries, the choice becomes easy

    一旦你同意了你的界限,選擇就變得容易了

  • when faced with an opportunity that falls outside of them.

    當面對一個落在他們之外的機會。

  • "I'm not going to interview for that job,

    "我不會去面試那份工作的。

  • because we've agreed we don't want to move across country."

    因為我們已經同意了,我們不想跨越國界。"

  • Or, "I'm going to cut back on my overtime

    或者,"我要減少加班的時間。

  • because we've agreed it's essential we spend more time together as a family."

    因為我們一致認為,作為一個家庭,我們必須花更多的時間在一起。"

  • Couples who understand each other's aspirations

    夫妻雙方互相瞭解對方的願望。

  • and commit to strong boundaries

    並承諾遵守強有力的界限

  • can let go of seemingly attractive opportunities without regret.

    可以放手,看似誘人的機會卻不後悔。

  • If you're faced with an opportunity that falls within your boundaries,

    如果你面對的是一個屬於你的邊界的機會。

  • then what matters is that the choices you make

    然後,重要的是,你的選擇

  • keep your couple in balance over time,

    讓你們的夫妻長期保持平衡。

  • even if they don't perfectly align with both partners' aspirations

    縱然不盡如人意,但也不盡如人意

  • at the same time.

    同時。

  • If your choices are mainly driven by one partner

    如果你的選擇主要是由一個伴侶驅動的

  • or support one partner's aspirations more than the other,

    或支持一方的願望多於另一方。

  • an imbalance of power will develop.

    會形成權力的不平衡。

  • That imbalance, I've found,

    這種不平衡,我已經發現了。

  • is the reason most working couples who fail do so.

    是大多數失敗的職場夫妻的原因。

  • Eventually, one gets fed up with being a prop

    最終,一個人厭倦了做道具。

  • rather than a partner.

    而不是合作伙伴。

  • To avoid this,

    為了避免這種情況。

  • track your decisions over time.

    追蹤您的決策,隨著時間的推移。

  • Unlike your aspirations and boundaries,

    不像你的願望和界限。

  • there's no need to keep a detailed record of every decision you make.

    沒有必要對你所做的每一個決定進行詳細的記錄。

  • Just keep an open conversation going about how able each of you feel

    只要保持開放的對話,你們每個人都覺得自己有多能幹就好了

  • to shape decisions that affect you both.

    形成影響你們雙方的決定。

  • How will you know you've chosen well?

    你怎麼知道自己選擇的好?

  • One common misunderstanding

    一個常見的誤解

  • is that you can only know what choice is right in hindsight.

    是你只能在事後才知道什麼選擇是正確的。

  • And maybe it's true we judge life backwards,

    也許真的是我們倒過來判斷人生。

  • but we must live it forwards.

    但我們必須向前生活。

  • I've found that couples who look back on a choice as a good one

    我發現,那些把選擇看成是好選擇的情侶們

  • did so not just because of the outcome eventually;

    這樣做不僅僅是因為最終的結果。

  • they did it because that choice empowered them individually and as a couple

    他們之所以這樣做,是因為這個選擇賦予了他們個人和夫婦的權力。

  • as they made it.

    因為他們做的。

  • It wasn't what they chose,

    這不是他們選擇的。

  • it was that they were choosing deliberately,

    是他們在刻意選擇。

  • and that made them feel closer and freer together.

    而這讓他們覺得在一起更親密、更自由。

Transcriber: Erin Gregory Reviewer: Camille Martínez

Transcriber:Erin Gregory Reviewer. Camille MartínezCamille Martínez

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