His new book, "Is This Anything?",

他的新書《這有什麼了不起的》。

is available now.

現已上市。

Did I do you already?

我已經做了你嗎？

-No, you just -- You're the only person

-不，你只是... ... 你是唯一的人。

that says it the right way.

這說的沒錯。

That's the way comedians say it.

喜劇演員就是這麼說的。

-We're about to do something fun.

-我們要做一些有趣的事情。

This is the "Seinfeld Challenge."

這是 "Seinfeld挑戰"。

-♪ Seinfeld, Seinfeld, Seinfeld, Seinfeld,

# Seinfeld，Seinfeld，Seinfeld，Seinfeld，Seinfeld。

Challenge ♪

挑戰

-We asked our viewers to pick up your book

-我們請我們的觀眾拿起你的書。

and record themselves doing their favorite Seinfeld routine.

並記錄自己做他們最喜歡的Seinfeld例程。

Your book has stand-up, every bit that you've ever done

你的書裡有站立式的，你做過的每一件事情

from the '70s until today.

從70年代到今天。

There's a lot to choose from.

有很多選擇。

Tonight, we're gonna watch some of these submissions

今晚，我們要看一下這些提交的文件

and see how they did.

看看他們是怎麼做的。

First up, we have Ashley Gutermuth

首先，我們有請阿什利-古特穆斯。

from Wrightstown, New Jersey.

來自新澤西州賴特鎮

She's doing your bit about talk-show hosts.

她在做你關於脫口秀主持人的工作。

Let's take a look at this.

我們來看看這個。

-How come talk-show hosts never have any idea

-為什麼脫口秀主持人從來沒有任何想法？

how much time they have?

他們有多少時間？

They're always looking off-camera.

他們總是在看鏡頭外的東西。

"Do we -- do we have time for this?

"我們--我們有時間做這個嗎？

How we doing on time?

我們在時間上做得怎麼樣？

Are we out of time?

我們沒有時間了嗎？

We're out of time."

我們的時間不多了。"

It's your own show.

這是你自己的節目。

Why do you know nothing about how it works?

為什麼你對它的工作原理一無所知？

You never see Magnum, P.I., going,

你從來沒有看到Magnum, P. I. 去。

"Are we gonna -- we gonna strangle this guy?

"我們要... ... 我們要掐死這傢伙嗎？

or are we gonna take a break?

還是我們要休息一下？

I tell you what.

我告訴你吧

I'll bonk him on the head.

我會敲他的頭。

We'll take a quick break, come back.

我們先休息一下，再來。

I'll drive in the car real fast, okay?

我會在車裡開得很快，好嗎？

Stay with us."

留在我們身邊。"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

-That was great. -That was great, right?

-那很好-很棒，是嗎？

-That was really good. -That's funny.

-那真的很不錯-真有趣

-She seemed to have it memorized, too.

-她似乎也記住了。

She got every word right. -And crushed it. Yeah.

她把每個字都說對了-然後把它壓碎了是的，是的

-Do you know that bit? -Yes. I love that bit.

-你知道這一點嗎？-是的，我喜歡這一點。是的，我喜歡那一段

Was that -- Did you do that on "Letterman"?

那是... 你在 "Letterman "上做的嗎？

-Many years ago, yeah, in the '80s.

-很多年前，是的，在80年代。

"Magnum, P.I." gives it away. -Yep.

"Magnum, P. I. "給了它。-是的

Alright, next up, we have Hans Hoefer

好了，下一位是漢斯-霍費爾

from Issaquah, Washington.

來自華盛頓州伊薩基的。

This is a classic bit. This is the McDonald's bit.

這是一個經典的位。這是麥當勞的位子。

-Oh. Uh-huh. -Alright. Let's see.

-哦.哦.-好吧好吧，讓我看看

-The McDonald's sign -- what is that up to now

-麥當勞的招牌 -- 那是怎麼回事？

Like 89 billion hamburgers?

比如890億個漢堡包？

89 billion.

890億。

What an outrageous number.

多麼離譜的數字。

I mean, I would really like to sit down with

我的意思是，我真的很想坐下來與

the C.E.O. of McDonald's and say, "Look, we get it.

麥當勞的首席執行官說："聽著，我們明白了。

You've sold a lot of hamburgers.

你賣了很多漢堡包。

89 billion, quadrillion, cotillion hamburgers,

890億，四萬億，科蒂爾漢堡包。

whatever that is."

不管那是什麼。"

Why not just put up a sign that says,

為什麼不乾脆掛個牌子，上面寫著。

"McDonald's -- we're doing very well."

"麥當勞--我們做得很好。"

-I think he landed. I think he landed.

-我想他已經著陸了我想他已經著陸了

-The fun part of that bit is -- I want to bump into the --

-有趣的是... ...我想撞上... ...。

I would love to meet the chairman of McDonald's

我很想見見麥當勞的董事長。

so I could go, "Look, we all get it."

所以我可以去，"你看，我們都得到它。"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

-Yeah, you're right. -That's the fun part.

-是的，你是對的.-這就是有趣的部分

-That's the fun part, yeah. -That's the attitude.

-那是有趣的部分，是的。-那是態度

-He had added props and he had kids' toys,

-他增加了道具，還有孩子們的玩具。

so I'll give him points for that one.

所以我給他點贊。

But this one -- Here's Magda Mihaila from France

但這個... 這是法國的瑪格達-米哈伊拉。

trying your routine "Mad Cow."

試試你的 "瘋牛 "程序

-What I love about the mad cow disease is that,

-我喜歡瘋牛病的原因是：

of course, we try to blame it on the cows.

當然，我們會試著把責任推給牛。

"It's not our fault. These cows are crazy."

"這不是我們的錯。這些牛是瘋了。"

They're nuts. They're out of their minds."

他們是瘋子。他們是出他們的頭腦。"

We show them sliding down the slippery ramps,

我們展示他們從滑溜溜的坡道上滑下來。

all out of control.

都失去了控制。

And the cows are probably like,

而奶牛可能就像。

"Oh, sure, you're drinking me, eating me, wearing me,

"哦，當然，你喝我，吃我，穿我。

sneaking up on me, and tipping me over,

悄悄地走過來，把我掀翻。

and I'm the one who's off?"

而我是那個關的人？"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

-In front of cows. -In front of cows.

-在牛的面前。-在牛的面前

That's the next level of comedy is,

這就是喜劇的下一個層次是。

you actually go to the premise.

你其實去的前提。

-To the joke.

-為了這個笑話。

-Yeah, of the joke. Yeah, you're there.

-是啊，笑話的。是的，你在那裡。

-Oh, my gosh.

-哦，我的天哪 哦，我的天哪

I have one more here to do -- Phew!

我這裡還有一件事要做 -- 唷!

Here to do your bit about the post office.

在這裡為郵局盡一份力。

-Oh. -Watch me. Watch this.

-哦.-看著我看著我

[ Clears throat ] -Oh. Oh!

[清除喉嚨] 哦。哦！

-Yeah. Here we go.

-是啊 是啊我們走吧

-Okay.

-好吧

-The post office always has this emotional, financial meltdown

-郵局總是有這種情緒化、財政崩潰的情況發生

every 3 to 5 years that their business model from 1630

每3到5年，他們的商業模式從1630年開始。

isn't working anymore.

是不工作了。

I can't understand how a 21st century information system

我不明白一個21世紀的信息系統如何

based on licking, walking, and a random number of pennies

根據舔舐、行走和隨機數的硬幣的數量計算

is struggling to compete.

正在努力競爭。

What is the reason?

原因是什麼？

Makes no sense.

沒道理啊

Then they always push the Postmaster General

然後他們總是推給郵政局長

out on TV to explain their differences.

在電視上解釋他們的區別。

Always have to make a big speech.

總是要大放厥詞。

He's all freaked out.

他都嚇壞了。

He has rings under his eyes, no shave, pulling all-nighters.

他有眼圈，沒有刮鬍子，通宵達旦地工作。

"We can't do it anymore!

"我們不能再這樣做了!

We got to go up a penny on the stamps!

我們得在郵票上加一毛錢!

There's no way around it!

沒辦法

We're trying to get some breathing room!

我們正在努力獲得一些喘息的空間！

The costs, the infrastructure!"

費用，基礎設施！"

And we're all like, "Dude, dude, relax.

而我們都喜歡，"哥們，哥們，放鬆。

Raise it a penny.

抬高一分錢。

We don't even know how much a stamp is anyway.

反正我們連郵票多少錢一張都不知道。

44, 53, 62.

44, 53, 62.

Make it a buck.

讓它成為一塊錢。

You're gonna get there.

你會到達那裡的

And if it ends up you have some money left over,

如果最後你還能剩下一些錢。

buy yourself some pants and a real car."

給自己買條褲子和一輛真車。"

♪♪

♪♪

-Yes!

-是的！

-Alright.

-好吧

Do you remember that bit? -That was excellent.

你還記得那一段嗎？-那是非常好的。

You brought the maturity of the years,

你帶來了歲月的成熟。

the greater -- the condescension that only comes with age.

更大的 -- -- 只有隨著年齡的增長才會出現的傲慢。

-The new Jerry impression, you go,

-新的傑瑞印象，你去。

"What is the --" You sound like that almost.

"什麼是--"你的聲音幾乎是這樣的。

"The guy's going in-to-the-thing with the post...

"這傢伙要用崗位去做... ...

No, the thing I don't get about that..."

不，我不明白的是..."

And you do that.

而你這樣做。

Then you sprinkle in a, "No!"

然後你撒上一句，"不！"

If you want. If you want to.

如果你想。如果你想。

That's when you're already riding the wave.

這時你已經在乘風破浪了。

That's showing off.

那是在炫耀。

That's when you hang ten and you do something --

那就是當你掛上十塊錢的時候，你就會做一些 --

you show off a little bit.

你炫耀一下。

And "seen" is a good word to do you, by the way.

順便說一句，"看見 "這個詞對你來說是個好詞。

One-word impression.

一個字的印象。

"Seen." -Seen?

"湖泊"。-湖泊？

-Yeah, like, "Have you seen yourself?"

-是的，就像 "你看到你自己了嗎？"

-Oh, right.

-哦，對了

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

"Have you seen..."

"你有沒有看到..."

"Seen" is the one-word impression for the new Jerry.

"見過 "是對新傑瑞的一字印象。

-"Have you seen yourself?" is a hilarious line

-"你見過你自己嗎？"這句話很搞笑啊。

that I do not have anywhere, but it's a perfect line for me.

我沒有任何地方，但它是一個完美的線對我來說。

"Have you seen yourself?"

"你看到自己了嗎？"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

That's it. I should write for you.

就這樣吧我應該為你寫。

-Yeah.

-是的

-"Right. I understand. But have you seen yourself?"

-"好吧，我明白了。我明白了。但你見過自己嗎？"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

"Have you seen yourself?" is the next bit.

"你見過你自己嗎？"接下來是一點。

I want to see it, please.

我想看看，請。

Alright, Jerry, unfortunate -- it's a tight race,

好吧，傑裡，不幸的是... ... 這是一個緊張的比賽。

but there can only be one winner.

但只能有一個贏家。

-Ashley Gutermuth is my winner.

阿什利-古特穆斯是我的贏家。

-I agree. There you go. ♪♪

-我同意我同意。 你去那裡。

-She memorized the bit. -Ashley.

-她記住了那個位子.-阿什利

I totally agree, yep. -She performed it very well.

我完全同意，是的。-她表現得很好

It's not even that funny, but she made it funny.

它甚至沒有那麼好笑，但她讓它變得有趣。

-We're gonna send her an autographed copy of your book...

-我們會送她一本你的簽名書... ...

-Oh, fantastic.

-哦，太棒了

-...and a little "Tonight Show" swag.

-...還有一點 "今夜秀 "的紀念品。

My thanks to everyone who participated in

我感謝每一位參與

the "Seinfeld Challenge."

"Seinfeld挑戰"。

And, of course, Jerry Seinfeld,

當然，還有傑瑞・宋飛。

thank you so much for being here.

謝謝你能來這裡

It's always the best time. I love you, buddy, and be safe.

這總是最好的時間。我愛你，夥計，注意安全。

-So good to see you. Love you, too.

-很高興見到你很高興見到你 - 我也愛你

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody.

大家感恩節快樂