Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much.

謝謝你 謝謝你 Thank you.Thank you. Thank you so much.非常感謝你。

Welcome to "The Tonight Show."

歡迎來到 "今夜秀"。

Let's get to the news and some jokes here.

讓我們進入新聞和一些笑話在這裡。

Well, guys, the Trump campaign's efforts to flip the election

好了，夥計們，特朗普競選團隊為翻盤所做的努力。

in court are not going well.

在法庭上不順利。

Out of more than 30 lawsuits,

在30多起訴訟中。

at least 24 have already been dismissed.

至少有24人已經被解僱。

And this weekend, even Chris Christie jumped ship.

而這個週末，連克里斯-克里斯蒂也跳槽了。

Listen to what he said.

聽聽他怎麼說。

-If you've got the evidence of fraud, present it.

-如果你有欺詐的證據，就提出來。

And what's happened here is, quite frankly,

而這裡發生的事情是，很坦率地說。

the conduct of the president's legal team

總統的法律團隊的行為

has been a national embarrassment.

一直是國家的尷尬。

-Yep, Chris Christie called Trump's legal team

-是的，克里斯蒂給特朗普的法律團隊打了電話

"a national embarrassment."

"一個國家的尷尬。"

Meanwhile, people in foreign countries were like,

同時，外國的人都喜歡。

"Actually, it's embarrassing here, too."

"其實，這裡也很尷尬。"

When Trump heard what Christie said, he was like,

當特朗普聽到克里斯蒂說的話時，他就像。

"You know what?

"你知道嗎？

Ever since I gave you COVID,

自從我把COVID給你之後

you've been a real pain in the butt."

你一直是一個真正的痛苦在屁股。"

Of course, Trump's not happy with his legal team.

當然，特朗普對他的法律團隊不滿意。

He just removed one lawyer

他剛撤了一個律師的職

who was spreading some pretty crazy conspiracy theories.

誰是傳播一些相當瘋狂的陰謀論。

Watch this.

看這個。

-The Trump campaign's trying to distance itself

-特朗普競選團隊試圖與之保持距離

from controversial attorney Sidney Powell.

來自有爭議的律師西德尼-鮑威爾。

Powell is among those pushing a convoluted conspiracy theory

鮑威爾是那些推動複雜陰謀論的人之一

claiming an international plot involving, in part,

聲稱有一項國際陰謀，部分涉及：

a dead dictator led to stolen votes.

一個死掉的獨裁者導致了選票被盜。

-Yeah. She got kicked off Trump's legal team

-是啊，她被特朗普的法律團隊踢走了她被特朗普的法律團隊踢走了。

for being too crazy.

因為太瘋狂了。

That's like getting kicked off of "Real Housewives"

這就像被踢出 "真正的主婦"。

for being too crazy.

因為太瘋狂了。

Seriously, you know how nuts you have to be when

說真的，你知道當你有多瘋狂的時候

Rudy Giuliani's head starts leaking,

魯迪-朱利安尼的腦袋開始漏氣。

and you're the one who gets fired?

而你是那個被解僱的人？

For anyone asking what's more embarrassing than

如果有人問還有什麼比這更尷尬的呢？

being on the Trump legal team, the answer is

作為特朗普法律團隊的一員，答案是

getting fired from the Trump legal team.

被特朗普法律團隊解僱。

It's not easy to fire a conspiracy theorist either.

要開除一個陰謀論者也不容易。

I mean, when you say, "We have to let you go,"

我的意思是，當你說，"我們必須讓你走，"

they're like, "Right.

他們很喜歡，"對。

I get it.

我明白了。

I'll just go then.

那我就走了。

I'll 'clean out my office.'"

我去'打掃一下辦公室'。"

That's right -- Sidney Powell is out after she said

沒錯... 西德尼-鮑威爾出局了，因為她說了...

the election was stolen by Venezuelan dictator Hugo Chávez,

選舉被委內瑞拉獨裁者烏戈-查韋斯竊取。

who died seven years ago.

七年前去世的。

Yep, her conspiracy theories were too much even for Trump.

是的，她的陰謀論對特朗普來說也太多了。

Well, today, she wrote a farewell e-mail.

好吧，今天，她寫了一封告別郵件。

It said...

它說...

I don't know.

我不知道。

Meanwhile, I saw that, today, First Lady Melania Trump

同時，我看到，今天，第一夫人梅拉尼婭-特朗普。

received The White House Christmas tree.

收到了白宮的聖誕樹。

Here's a photo.

這是一張照片。

With a big, warm smile,

帶著燦爛而溫暖的笑容。

Melania accepted the tree and said...

梅拉尼婭接過樹，說...

There you go.

這就對了

Meanwhile, Sidney Powell was like,

同時，西德尼-鮑威爾就像。

"Don't let that tree inside.

"不要讓那棵樹進去。

It's a Venezuelan transmitter."

是委內瑞拉的發射機。"

Speaking of the holidays, Thanksgiving is almost here,

說到節日，感恩節快到了。

and a lot of people are traveling, believe it or not,

而且很多人都在旅遊，信不信由你。

despite the risks.

儘管有風險，但。

Watch this.

看這個。

-On Thursday, the CDC recommended against traveling

-週四，疾病預防控制中心建議不要去旅行

and gathering for Thanksgiving.

並聚在一起過感恩節。

-And, according to TSA, over the past three days,

-而根據TSA的說法，在過去的三天裡。

more than 3 million people packed the nation's airports,

300多萬人擠滿了全國的機場。

ignoring the CDC's advice.

無視疾控中心的建議；

-What are people doing?

-人們在做什麼？

3 million Americans are going to show up for Thanksgiving like,

300萬美國人要在感恩節出現，像。

"I brought some yams or maybe the plague."

"我帶了一些山藥，或者是瘟疫。"

If you're going to travel this week,

如果你這周要去旅行。

at least do the decent thing by sealing yourself in a box

至少做個體面的事情，把自己封在盒子裡吧。

and letting FedEx ship you home.

並讓聯邦快遞把你送回家。

It can't be comforting when you're at a crowded airport

在擁擠的機場，怎麼也不會舒服的

watching CNN talk about how dumb it is to be at an airport.

看CNN談論如何愚蠢的是在機場。

You know it's a bad idea when even

你知道這是一個壞主意，當甚至是

airport sushi thinks you're disgusting.

機場壽司認為你是噁心的。

And that's not all.

這還不是全部。

The CDC is also warning against traveling on cruise ships.

疾控中心還警告說，不要乘坐遊輪旅行。

They just raised the risk level to Level 4,

他們只是把風險等級提高到了4級。

which is as high as it goes.

這是它的高。

To put that into perspective, after it hit the iceberg,

要說起來，撞上冰山後。

the Titanic was at Level 3.

泰坦尼克號是在第三層。

Even people who flew this weekend are like,

就連這個週末飛的人都喜歡。

"Those cruise guys are idiots."

"那些巡航的傢伙都是白痴。"

And interesting -- a recent poll found that

而有趣的是--最近的一項調查發現

nearly 60% of Americans would get a coronavirus vaccine.

近六成的美國人會注射冠狀病毒疫苗。

It's pretty interesting poll. Take a look at this.

這是相當有趣的調查。看看這個。

60% said...

60%的人說...

30% said...

30%的人說...

10% said...

10%的人說...

40% said...

40%的人說...

15% said...

15%的人說...

82% said...

82%的人說...

40% said...

40%的人說...

73% said...

73%的人說...

24% said...

24%的人說...

80% said...

80%的人說...

40% said...

40%的人說...

Finally, 40% said...

最後，40%的人說...

And that, of course, is the latest installment

而這，當然就是最新的一期了

of our segment "Interesting Polls."

我們的 "有趣的民意調查 "欄目的。

♪♪

♪♪

Hey, this is nice here at 30 Rock.

嘿，這是很好的在30岩石。

The skating rink is now open,

溜冰場現在開放了。

but you've got to wear a mask,

但你必須戴上面具。

and your time on the ice is limited to 50 minutes.

而你在冰上的時間限制在50分鐘內。

There aren't a lot of tourists in New York City right now.

現在紐約市的遊客不多。

This morning, it was just a hot-dog guy and cabby

今天早上，只有一個熱狗男和計程車司機。

doing a three-minute pairs program to "Endless Love."

做一個三分鐘的對子節目 "無盡的愛"。

Yeah, this raised an interesting question.

是啊，這提出了一個有趣的問題。

If the rink is open but no one's there

如果溜冰場開著，但沒有人在那裡。

to watch tourists fall down, is it really open?

看著遊客摔倒，它真的開放了嗎？

Here's some business news.

這裡有一些商業新聞。

I saw that Guitar Center just filed for bankruptcy.

我看到吉他中心剛剛申請破產。

Today, Guitar Center thanked their employees

今天，吉他中心感謝他們的員工

and all the liars who said they spent quarantine

和所有說自己度過隔離期的金光黨們

learning a new instrument.

學習一種新的樂器。

This is actually a pretty big deal,

這其實是一個很大的問題。

'cause now if Brookstone closes,

因為現在如果Brookstone關閉，

we're going to be out of places

我們將無地自容

where you can kill 45 minutes without buying anything.

在那裡你可以打發45分鐘而不買任何東西。

Here's a local story.

這裡有一個當地的故事。

Over the weekend, the police busted

上週末，警方破獲了

a big gathering in Queens.

在皇后區的一次大聚會。

Check out what it was.

看看是什麼。

-In Queens, police broke up a private swingers party.

-在皇后區，警方破獲了一個私人蕩婦派對。

Officers responded to Club Caligula

警員對卡里古拉俱樂部作出反應

on 20th Avenue in Astoria

在阿斯托利亞的20大道上

shortly after midnight yesterday.

昨天午夜後不久，。

At least 80 people were inside the club.

至少有80人在俱樂部內。

-Now we know what "King of Queens"

-現在我們知道什麼是 "皇后區之王"

would have been like if it aired on Cinemax.

如果在Cinemax電視臺播出的話，就會有這樣的效果。

It was a crazy scene.

那是一個瘋狂的場景。

One officer walked in and yelled, "Freeze!",

一名軍官走進來，大喊："別動！"。

while another yelled, "Cheryl?!"

而另一個人則大喊："謝麗爾？"!

And, finally, in Canada,

最後，在加拿大。

officials had to put up road signs warning drivers

官員不得不豎起路牌，警告司機

not to let the moose lick their cars.

不要讓麋鹿舔他們的車。

This is real. Look at this.

這是真實的。看看這個。

It was weird for drivers who only saw

對於那些只看到

the second part of that message.

該資訊的第二部分。

They're like, "Lick my car? Okay."

他們就像，"舔我的車？好吧" "Lick my car? Okay."

Yeah, apparently, it's been a tough time for the moose

是啊，顯然，這是一個艱難的時間為駝鹿。

since officials broke up their underground swingers club.

自從官方搗毀了他們的地下蕩婦俱樂部後。

Hey, everyone. It is Monday. We're so excited to be back.

嘿，大家好，今天是星期一。今天是星期一。我們很高興能回來。

We have an amazing week of shows ahead.

我們有一個令人驚奇的一週的節目未來。

Melissa McCarthy will be here!

梅麗莎-麥卡錫會來的！

[ Cheers and applause ]

[歡呼聲和掌聲]

The original cast of "Saved by the Bell"

"救世主 "的原班人馬。

will be on the show!

將在節目中！

[ Cheers and applause ]

[歡呼聲和掌聲]

We're going to have a performance from Sheryl Crow!

我們將有謝麗爾-克勞的表演！

[ Cheers and applause ]

[歡呼聲和掌聲]

And be sure to stay right here Thursday night after the game.

週四晚上比賽結束後，一定要留在這裡。

We have a big Thanksgiving show.

我們有一場盛大的感恩節演出。

Jerry Seinfeld will be our guest!

傑瑞-宋飛將是我們的嘉賓！

[ Cheers and applause ]

[歡呼聲和掌聲]

We'll talk about his new book,

我們來談談他的新書。

and we got something fun planned with him.

我們有一些有趣的東西計劃與他。

Plus, Bad Bunny will be here

另外，壞兔子也會來

to talk, perform, and more.

來說話、表演等。

So tune in Thanksgiving night. Set your DVRs.

所以，在感恩節晚上調。設置你的DVRs。

Set your Betamax machine.

設置你的Betamax機。

Set your TiVos, your DiVos, everything you got, man.

設置你的TiVos，你的DiVos， 你得到的一切，男人。

Set it all up, because you're not going to want to miss

都準備好了，因為你不會想錯過的

this week especially.

特別是本週。

But, first, we have a great show for you tonight.

但是，首先，我們今晚有一場精彩的演出。

She stars in the new animated movie

她出演了新的動畫電影

"The Croods: A New Age."

"The Croods. A New Age.A New Age."

Emma Stone is here! Stoney! [ Cheers and applause ]

艾瑪-斯通來了!斯通尼！[歡呼聲和掌聲]

Plus, he directed the new HBO Max film

另外，他還執導了HBO麥克斯的新片。

"Superintelligence."

"超級智能"。

The very funny Ben Falcone is on the show.

非常有趣的本-法爾科內在節目中。

[ Cheers and applause ]

[歡呼聲和掌聲]

And we have a performance from Josh Groban!

我們還有喬什-葛洛班的表演！

[ Cheers and applause ]

[歡呼聲和掌聲]