WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW."

歡迎來到 "深夜秀"。

I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.

我是你的主播，史蒂芬-科爾伯特。

I'LL GET RIGHT TO IT, BAD NEWS FIRST.

我將直接進入它，壞消息第一。

THE PRESIDENT IS ACTIVELY WORKING TO UNDERMINE OUR

主席正在積極努力破壞我們的利益。

DEMOCRACY, USURP THE WILL OF THE PEOPLE, AND HOLD ONTO POWER, IN

民主，篡奪人民的意志，執掌權力，在。

VIOLATION OF OUR CONSTITUTION.

違反了我們的憲法。

GOOD NEWS: HE IS REALLY BAD AT IT.

好消息：他真的很不擅長。

THE PRESIDENT IS DESPERATE TO SOMEHOW THROW OUT THE VOTES FOR

主席急著要把選票扔掉。

BIDEN, BUT LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE IN HIS ADMINISTRATION, IT'S BEEN

比登，但像其他事情在他的管理，它已經是。

A RACE BETWEEN AUTOCRACY AND INCOMPETENCE.

AUTOCRACY和無能之間的競賽。

AND WITH THIS CROWD, INCOMPETENCE IS USAIN BOLT, WHO

和這群人在一起，不稱職的是USAIN BOLT，誰？

MAKES IT ACROSS THE FINISH LINE, STEPS IN A BUCKET, AND GETS HIS

闖過終點線，踏入籃筐，獲得了他的勝利。

HEAD STUCK IN A TOILET.

HEAD STUCK IN A TOILET.

I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT THE IN COUP-NANIGANS IN TONIGHT'S

我會在今晚的節目中告訴你所有的事情

EDITION OF: ( TUNE OF "THREE BLIND MICE" )

版本：（《三隻瞎老鼠》的曲子）。

♪ DEAD PEOPLE VOTE DEAD PEOPLE VOTE

死了的人投票 死了的人投票

♪ I SAW THEM VOTE THEY ARE ZOMBIES

我看到他們投票了，他們是殭屍

♪ THEY VOTE, AND THEN THEY EAT SOME BRAINS

他們投票，然後他們吃一些大腦。

♪ THEY GAVE BIDEN THE STATE OF MAINE

他們向緬因州出價

♪ IT MAKES SENSE IF YOU SNORT COCAINE

如果你吸食可卡因，這是有意義的。

♪ DEAD PEOPLE VOTE ♪ >> "THE ROAD FROM THE WHITE

死人投票 >> "從白色的道路"。

HOUSE."

房子。"

>> Stephen: HE'S GOT A REALLY LOVELY VOICE.

>> Stephen:他有一個非常可愛的聲音。

CONSIDERING HOW HARD HE'S WORKING TO KEEP THE JOB, THE

考慮到他為了保住這份工作有多努力，他的工作就有多辛苦。

PRESIDENT SURE ISN'T DOING MUCH OF IT.

主席肯定沒有做太多的事情。

FOR THE 11th TIME SINCE THE ELECTION, HIS SCHEDULE TODAY

選舉後的第11次，他今天的日程安排是

LISTED "NO PUBLIC EVENTS."

列入 "無公共事件"。

MAYBE THAT'S JUST HOW HE OBSERVES QUARANTINE: HE NEVER

也許這只是他如何觀察定量：他從來沒有。

LEAVES THE HOUSE, UNLESS HE KNOWS HE'S SPREADING THE VIRUS.

離開了房子，除非他知道自己在傳播病毒。

APPARENTLY, EL PRESIDENTE HAS EVEN CANCELED HIS PLANS TO

看來，主席甚至取消了他的計劃，以實現他的目標。

TRAVEL TO MAR-A-LAGO FOR THANKSGIVING, DECIDING TO STAY

前往MAR-A-LAGO參加感恩節，決定留下來。

IN WASHINGTON INSTEAD.

在華盛頓，而不是。

SMART MOVE.

智能移動。

THE MINUTE HE STEPS OUT OF THERE, YOU KNOW THEY'RE CHANGING

當他走出那裡的那一刻，你就知道他們要改變了。

ALL THE LOCKS.

所有的鎖。

BUT AS MUCH AS HE WANTS TO DENY REALITY, THE POTUS WHO LOST THE

但是，儘管他想否認現實，但失去的總統誰的

VOTE-US CAN'T ESCAPE IT.

投票，我們不能逃避它。

FOR INSTANCE, WHEN HE LOOKS OUT HIS NORTH-FACING WINDOWS, HE CAN

暫時，當他從北面的窗戶看出去時，他可以看到。

SEE THE REVIEWING STAND FOR BIDEN'S INAUGURAL PARADE BEING

查看比登就職典禮遊行的檢閱臺正在進行中

RE-ERECTED ON HIS FRONT LAWN.

在他的前院重新安裝。

IT'S LIKE WATCHING YOUR WIFE GO OUT ON A DATE WITH SOMEONE ELSE

就像看著你的妻子和別人約會一樣

ON YOUR FRONT LAWN, GETTING RE-ERECTED.

在你的前草坪上，得到重新安裝。

AND THIS TIME, A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE GOING TO SHOW UP TO WATCH.

而這次，很多人都會來觀看。

BUT THE PRESIDENT IS RUNNING OUT OF TIME.

但總統的時間不多了。

ONE BY ONE, THE STATES ARE STARTING TO CERTIFY THE RESULTS,

一個接一個，各州都開始認證結果。

AND THAT WILL BE THE END OF HIS ONE TERM.

而這將是他的一個任期的結束。

AND BEFORE THAT CONSUMMATION DEVOUTLY TO BE WISHED, THE

而在該消費之前，DEVOUTLY是希望，該

REPUBLICANS ARE THROWING SOME PRETTY DISGRACEFUL HAIL MARYS.

共和黨人正在投擲一些漂亮的令人不快的聖母瑪利亞。

TAKE YESTERDAY IN MICHIGAN.

以明天在密歇根州。

THE CANVASSING BOARD OF THE STATE'S LARGEST COUNTY, WAYNE

州內最大的縣--韋恩縣的拉票委員會。

COUNTY, WHICH INCLUDES DETROIT, IS HALF REPUBLICAN, HALF

縣，包括底特律在內，一半是共和黨，一半是。

DEMOCRAT, TO MAKE IT NON-PARTISAN.

民主黨，使之成為無黨派的。

BUT LAST NIGHT, THE TWO REPUBLICANS REFUSED TO CERTIFY

但昨天晚上，兩個共和黨人拒絕證明

THE RESULTS, AND THE BOARD ENDED UP DEADLOCKED 2-2.

結果，董事會最終以2比2鎖定。

OH, WHAT A TO-DO TO TRY TODAY TO DEADLOCK 2-2, A THING DISTINCTLY

哦，什麼是to-do，嘗試今天deadlock 2 -2，一件事獨特的。

HARD TO SAY BUT HARDER STILL TO DO.

很難說，但更難做。

( CLEARS THROAT ) SOREY, I'M ALL WARMED UP.

SOREY, I'm ALL WARMED UP. SOREY, I'm ALL WARMED UP.

HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED.

這是發生了什麼。

THE TWO REPUBLICANS CLAIMED TO BE CONCERNED THAT IN DETROIT,

兩位共和黨人聲稱擔心在底特律。

THERE WERE MINOR DISCREPANCIES, IN WHICH THE NUMBER OF VOTES

存在輕微的差異，其中投票數

CAST DID NOT MATCH THE NUMBER OF VOTERS LISTED AS HAVING SHOWN UP

演員名單與所列的已到場投票者人數不符

TO VOTE.

投票：

THIS IS SOMETHING THAT HAPPENS EVERYWHERE.

這是一個發生在任何地方的事情。

SO IT'S OUTRAGEOUS THAT THE REPUBLICAN CHAIR SAID SHE WOULD

共和黨主席說她會...

BE OPEN TO CERTIFYING THE VOTE IN "COMMUNITIES OTHER THAN

願意在 "社區以外的社區 "進行投票認證。

DETROIT."

底特律。"

OH, HELL, NO!

哦，地獄，不！

YOU CAN'T DISENFRANCHISE MOTOWN!

你不能解除對MOTOWN的控制！

EACH ONE OF THOSE VOTES WAS "SIGNED, SEALED, DELIVERED."

每一張選票都是 "簽字、蓋章、送達 "的。

YOU CAN'T TURN OUR DEMOCRATIC PROCESS INTO A "BALL OF

你不能把我們的民主進程變成一個 "球"。

CONFUSION" JUST TO APPEASE THE "TEARS OF A CLOWN."

"混亂 "只是為了平息 "小丑的眼淚"。

I COULD GO ON.

我可以繼續。

UPHE'S TELLING ME NOT TO.

UPHE告訴我不要。

WHATEVER THE REASON-- RACISM WAS THE REASON-- THE PRESIDENT'S

不管是什麼原因... 種族主義是原因... 主席的。

TEAM WAS THRILLED, ESPECIALLY CAMPAIGN LEGAL ADVISER AND WOMAN

團隊很高興，特別是競選法律顧問和女性。

TELLING YOU YOU'LL NEVER LEAVE THIS TIME-SHARE SEMINAR ALIVE,

告訴你，你永遠不會離開這個時間共享研討會活著。

JENNA ELLIS.

JENNA ELLIS：

SHE TWEETED, "BREAKING: THIS EVENING, THE COUNTY BOARD OF

她在推特上寫道："突發事件：今天晚上，本縣董事會的。

CANVASSERS IN WAYNE COUNTY, MICHIGAN, REFUSED TO CERTIFY THE

密歇根州韋恩縣的拉票人拒絕核證。

ELECTION RESULTS.

選舉結果：

IF THE STATE BOARD FOLLOWS SUIT, THE REPUBLICAN STATE LEGISLATOR

如果州議會跟風，則共和黨州議員

WILL SELECT THE ELECTORS."

將選擇選舉人。"

DON'T KNOW IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST COUP D'ETAT, BUT YOU'RE KIND OF

不知道這是否是你的第一次約會，但你是有點。

GIVING AWAY THE GAME THERE, JENNA.

在那裡放棄遊戲，JENNA。

AND AS LONG AS YOU'RE WRITING FASCIST FAN FICTION, WHY NOT

只要你寫的是法西斯主義粉絲的小說，為什麼不呢？

JUST GO FOR IT: "THEN THE TANKS WILL ROLL THROUGH THE STREETS,

只要去做："然後坦克就會衝過街道。

AND WE WILL ARREST EVERYONE WITH AN "I VOTED" STICKER AND CHANGE

我們會逮捕所有拿著 "我投票 "貼紙的人，並改變他們的生活。

THE NATIONAL ANTHEM TO 'Y.M.C.A.,' BUT THIS TIME, THE

"Y.M.C.A. "的國歌，但這一次，"Y.M.C.A. "的國歌。

VILLAGE PEOPLE IS ALL COPS."

村民是所有的警察。"

THE PRESIDENT WAS ALSO THRILLED WITH THE FALL OF DEMOCRACY,

主席也對民主制度的垮臺感到高興。

TWEETING, "WOW!

微博上說："WOW!

MICHIGAN JUST REFUSED TO CERTIFY THE ELECTION RESULTS!

密歇根州拒絕核證選舉結果!

HAVING COURAGE IS A BEAUTIFUL THING.

擁有勇氣是一件很美好的事情。

THE U.S.A. STANDS PROUD!" JUST ONE PROBLEM WITH THE

美國自豪！"只是一個問題與

PRESIDENT'S PREMATURE CELEBRATION: THE PRESIDENT

主席的提前慶祝活動：主席的講話。

TWEETED THOSE WORDS AT THE EXACT MOMENT THE TWO REPUBLICANS ON

在兩位共和黨人上臺的同一時刻發了這些話。

THE BOARD DECIDED THEY DIDN'T WANT PEOPLE POOPING ON THEIR

董事會決定他們不希望人們在他們的身上拉屎。

FRONT LAWN FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES AND AGREED TO CERTIFY THE

在其餘生中的前院，並同意核證《公約》。

RESULTS.

結果：

THE PRESIDENT'S TWEET IS LIKE THAT MOMENT HALFWAY THROUGH

主席的推特就像那一刻的半途而廢。

"STAR WARS" WHEN DARTH VADER SAYS THIS:

"星球大戰 "當達特-瓦德說這句話的時候。

>> YAVIN 4 HAD IT COMING.

>> 亞文4號已經來了。

BIG WIN FOR THE EMPIRE.

帝國的大勝利。

HAVING COURAGE IS A BEAUTIFUL THING.

擁有勇氣是一件很美好的事情。

THE DEATH STAR STANDS PROUD.

死亡之星傲視群雄。

( EXPLOSION ) OOPS!

（爆炸）哎呀！

>> Stephen: KIND OF CUTE WHEN HE DOES IT.

>> 史蒂芬：當他做的時候，有點可愛。

SO WHY DID THE REPUBLICANS BACK DOWN?

那麼，共和黨為什麼要退縮？

WELL, TURNS OUT, VOTERS AREN'T THAT KEEN ON HAVING THEIR VOTES

結果發現，選民們對自己的選票並不那麼感興趣。

THROWN OUT.

駁回。

AND AFTER NEWS OF THE DEADLOCK GOT OUT, THE BOARD HELD A

在 "死鎖 "的消息傳出後，董事會召開了一次 "死鎖 "會議。

MEETING FOR PUBLIC COMMENTS, AND REQUESTS TO JOIN THE ZOOM CALL

召開會議徵求公眾意見，並要求加入ZOOM CALL。

QUICKLY WENT BEYOND CAPACITY.

迅速超出了能力範圍。

YOU KNOW SOMETHING IS TERRIBLY WRONG WHEN PEOPLE VOLUNTARILY

當人們自願的時候，你就知道有些事情是非常不對的。

JOIN A ZOOM CALL.

加入ZOOM CALL。

NOW, THE TWO REPUBLICANS IN QUESTION ARE WAYNE COUNTY

現在，這兩位被質疑的共和黨人是韋恩縣的。

CANVASSING BOARD MEMBER AND HOTTEST GUY ON farmersonly.com,

拉票委員會成員和最熱的傢伙在farmersonly.com。

WILL HARTMANN; AND FELLOW BOARD MEMBER AND WOMAN SINGING ALL THE

WILL HARTMANN；以及董事會成員和婦女演唱的所有歌曲。

WORDS TO "GOLDDIGGER" AT THE KENTUCKY DERBY'S KARAOKE NIGHT,

在肯塔基德比的卡拉OK之夜，對 "GOLDDIGGER "說的話。

MONICA PALMER.

MONICA PALMER.

TURNS OUT, THE PUBLIC WAS NOT SHY ABOUT LETTING THEM HAVE IT

事實證明，公眾並不忌諱讓他們得逞。

PERSONALLY, ESPECIALLY THIS GUY: >> I JUST WANT TO LET YOU KNOW

個人，特別是這個傢伙： >> 我只是想讓你知道。

THAT THE TRUMP STINK, THE STAIN OF RACISM THAT YOU, WILLIAM

特朗普的臭味，種族主義的汙點，你，威廉。

HARTMAN AND MONICA PALMER, HAVE JUST COVERED YOURSELF IN IS

哈特曼和莫妮卡-帕爾默，剛把你自己掩蓋在 "是 "裡了。

GOING TO FOLLOW YOU THROUGHOUT HISTORY.

要跟著你走過歷史。

MONICA PALMER AND WILLIAM HARTMAN WILL FOREVER BE KNOWN IN

莫妮卡-帕爾默和威廉-哈特曼將永遠為人所知。

SOUTHEASTERN MICHIGAN AS TWO RACISTS.

密歇根州南部是兩個種族。

THE LAW ISN'T ON YOUR SIDE, HISTORY WON'T BE ON YOUR SIDE.

法律不站在你這邊，歷史也不會站在你這邊。

YOUR CONSCIENCE WILL NOT BE ON YOUR SIDE.

你的意識不會站在你這邊。

AND, LORD KNOWS, WHEN YOU GO TO MEET YOUR MAKER, YOUR SOUL IS

而且，主知道，當你去見你的製造者時，你的靈魂是

GOING TO BE VERY, VERY WARM.

將是非常，非常溫暖的。

>> THANK YOU.

>> 謝謝你。

>> Stephen: "WELL, THANK YOU FOR TELLING ME I'LL BE SPENDING

>> 史蒂芬: "好吧，謝謝你告訴我，我會花錢買下你。

ETERNITY BURNING ON A LAKE OF FIRE.

永恆在火湖上燃燒。

I'LL PACK SOMETHING LIGHT.

我將包裝一些輕。

OH, YOU ALSO SAY I CAN GO PLEASURE MYSELF?

哦，你也說我可以去取悅自己？

AGAIN, THANK YOU.

再次，謝謝你。

IT WOULD BE CONSENSUAL."

這將是明智的。"

AFTER THREE HOURS OF BEING PELTED WITH ROCKS AND GARBAGE,

在被石塊和垃圾砸了三個小時之後，

THE MEETING WENT ON MUTE FOR FIVE MINUTES, AND WHEN IT CAME

會議靜音了5分鐘，當會議開始時。

BACK ON, HARTMAN INFORMED THE CROWD THAT THEY HAD JUST VOTED

回頭，哈特曼告訴大家，他們剛剛投票了。

UNANIMOUSLY TO CERTIFY THE RESULTS.

一致核證結果；

SO THAT'S IT?

所以，這就是它？

THAT'S ALL IT TOOK?

這就是所有的事情？

IT'S THAT EASY TO STOP YOUR DEVIOUS PLAN?

停止你的魔鬼計劃就這麼容易？

FOR PETE'S SAKE, IF ALL FASCISTS WERE THAT WEAK, WE COULD HAVE

看在彼得的份上，如果所有的法西斯都那麼軟弱，我們就會有...

AVOIDED WORLD WAR II WITH ONE PROPAGANDA POSTER!

用一張宣傳海報避免了第二次世界大戰!

"HEY, HITLER, IS THAT A MUSTACHE, OR HAVE YOU BEEN

"嘿，希特勒，那是鬍子嗎，還是你已經...

KISSING MUSSOLINI'S ASS?" THINGS ARE ALSO GOING POORLY--

吻穆索里尼的屁股？"事情也進展得很不順利--

YOU'RE SHAKE YOUR HEAD ON THAT ONE.

你是搖頭的那一個。

DID I GO TOO FAR?

我走得太遠了嗎？

DO YOU THINK I HURT HITLER'S FEELINGS WITH THAT ONE?

你覺得我這句話傷害了希特勒的感情嗎？

THINGS ARE ALSO GOING POORLY FOR THE PRESIDENT IN PENNSYLVANIA.

賓夕法尼亞州的總統也很不順利。

THE STATE SUPREME COURT DID NOT BELIEVE THEIR LIE THAT THEY

州最高法院不相信他們的謊言，認為他們。

WERE NOT ALLOWED POLL WATCHERS, WHICH WAS QUITE A BLOW FOR THE

不允許有投票觀察者，這對政府來說是個打擊。

PRESIDENT'S LAWYER RUDY GIULIANI, SEEN HERE PUTTING AIR

主席的律師RUDY GIULIANI，在這裡看到放氣？

QUOTES AROUND THE WORD "LAWYER."

圍繞 "律師 "這個詞的引語。

YESTERDAY, RUDY WAS MAKING THE SAME MAKE-UP OBSERVER ARGUMENT

前天，魯迪也在做同樣的化妝觀察家論斷。

IN FEDERAL COURT ON THE OTHER SIDE OF PENNSYLVANIA, WHEN HE

在賓夕法尼亞州另一邊的聯邦法院，當他：

GOT TAKEN DOWN BY HIS OLD NEMESIS: WORDS.

被他的舊情人打倒了：話。

BECAUSE AS HE WAS READING HIS OWN TEAM'S COMPLAINT TO THE

因為他在讀自己球隊的控訴書的時候

JUDGE, HE SAID, "I'M NOT QUITE SURE I KNOW WHAT 'OPACITY'

法官，他說："我不太確定我知道什麼是'OPACITY'。

MEANS.

意思是：

IT PROBABLY MEANS YOU CAN SEE, RIGHT?"

這大概意味著你能看到，對吧？"

TO WHICH THE JUDGE SAID, "IT MEANS YOU CAN'T."

法官說："這意味著你不能。"

TO WHICH RUDY SAID, "BIG WORDS, YOUR HONOR."

其中RUDY說，"大話，你的榮譽。"

TO WHICH THE JUDGE SAID, "YOU ARE AN IMBECILE," TO WHICH RUDY

法官說："你是個笨蛋"，魯迪說："你是個笨蛋

SAID, "WRONG, YOUR HONOR!

說："錯了，閣下！

I'M AN ITALIAN."

我是意大利人。"

IN ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF CLOSING THE BARN DOOR AFTER THE COWS

在另一個例子中，關閉牛棚門後，牛群。

VOTED FOR SOMEBODY ELSE, THE PRESIDENT IS STILL FIRING ANYONE

投了別人的票，總統還能開除任何人。

WHO DARES CHALLENGE HIS DEXY-INDUCED FEVER DREAMS.

誰敢挑戰他的EXY誘發的熱夢。

CASE IN POINT: THE U.S. TOP ELECTION CYBERSECURITY OFFICIAL

案例：美國最高選舉網絡安全官員的案例

AND TREASURER OF THE "DEAD POET SOCIETY," CHRISTOPHER KREBS.

和 "死亡詩人協會 "的財務主管，克里斯托弗-克雷布斯。

LAST WEEK, KREBS' AGENCY ISSUED A STATEMENT DECLARING, "THE

上週，KREBS的代理公司發表了一份聲明，聲明說："本案中，KREBS的代理公司是一個很好的例子，它是一個很好的例子。

NOVEMBER 3 ELECTION WAS THE MOST SECURE IN AMERICAN HISTORY," AND

11月3日的選舉是美國曆史上最安全的一次"，並。

HE REGULARLY "FACT CHECKS THE CLAIMS AND CONSPIRACY THEORIES

他經常 "實事求是地檢查索賠和陰謀論"。

BEING PUSHED BY THE PRESIDENT, HIS ALLIES, AND SUPPORTERS

被主席、其盟友和支持者推著走

AROUND THE COUNTRY."

在全國範圍內。"

AND IT SURELY GOT UNDER THE PRESIDENT'S HONEY-GLAZED SKIN

而且它很可能進入了總統的蜜糖光澤的皮膚裡

THAT KREBS' TWITTER PAGE SAYS "KEEP CALM AND COUNT ON" AND HIS

那個KREBS的TWITTER頁面說 "保持冷靜和指望"和他的

PROFILE PIC IS...

資料圖片是...

UH, I'M GONNA GUESS, STORE-BRAND CAPTAIN AMERICA?

呃，我猜，商店品牌的美國隊長？

KIRKLAND STEVE ROGERS?

KIRKLAND STEVE ROGERS?

THE SUPERHERO ON THE CHILDREN'S FLIP-FLOPS YOU BOUGHT AT THE

你在超市買到的兒童拖鞋上的超級英雄。

DOLLAR STORE?

DOLLAR STORE？

ANYWAY, TRUE TO FORM, LAST NIGHT, THE CON ARTIST SOON-TO-BE

無論如何，忠實於形式，昨晚，CON藝術家很快就會成為。

FORMERLY KNOWN AS PRESIDENT TWEETED:

原名為總統特威德。

"THE RECENT STATEMENT BY CHRIS KREBS ON THE SECURITY OF THE

"克里斯-克雷布斯最近關於《公約》安全問題的聲明。

2020 ELECTION WAS HIGHLY INACCURATE, IN THAT THERE WERE

2020年的選舉是高度不準確的，因為有

MASSIVE IMPROPRIETIES AND FRAUD, INCLUDING DEAD PEOPLE VOTING,

巨大的腐敗和欺詐，包括死人投票。

POLL WATCHERS NOT ALLOWED INTO POLLING LOCATIONS, 'GLITCHES' IN

不允許投票觀察者進入投票地點，"刺眼"。

THE VOTING MACHINES.

投票機：

THEREFORE, EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY, CHRIS KREBS HAS

是以，從即日起，克里斯-克瑞斯-克雷布斯已經：

BEEN TERMINATED."

被終止。"

HOW CAN HE BE THIS BAD AT CRIME-ING?

他怎麼會這麼不擅長犯罪？

"YEAH, COPPER, I KNOW, YOU GOT ME, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN

"是的，COMPER，我知道，你得到了我，我有權利保持

SILENT.

沉默。

NOW GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY AND NOBODY GETS HURT!"

現在把你的錢都給我，誰也別想受到傷害！"

EVIDENTLY, THE PRESIDENT'S TWEETS CAUSED A DISTURBANCE IN

證據顯示，總統的推特引起的騷亂，在。

THE FORCE, BECAUSE LUKE SKYWALKER HIMSELF, MARK HAMILL,

部隊，因為盧克-斯凱克本人，馬克-哈米爾。

RESPONDED, >> "TRANSLATION: THE RECENT

答覆，>>"翻譯：最近發生的事情。

STATEMENT BY CHRIS KREBS WAS HIGHLY ACCURATE, IN THAT THERE

克里斯-克雷布斯的聲明是高度準確的，因為有：

WERE NO IMPROPRIETIES OR FRAUD, CONFIRMED BY ALL CREDIBLE 2020

經2020年所有可信的人證實，沒有任何貪汙或欺詐行為。

ELECTION OFFICIALS SWORN UNDER OATH TO BE TRUTHFUL.

選舉官員宣誓要誠實。

THEREFORE, HE HAS BEEN TERMINATED FOR REFUSING TO LIE

是以，他因拒絕說謊而被停職。

FOR ME, YOUR #LIARINCHIEF."

對我來說，你的#LARINCHIEF。"

WOW, LUKE SKYWALKER IS A JEDI MASTER AND A POLITICAL PUNDIT.

哇，盧克-斯凱克是一個傑迪大師和一個政治評論家。

YOU'VE GOT TO GIVE THE GUY A HAND.

你得幫他一把。

SERIOUSLY, HIS FATHER CUT ONE OF THEM OFF.

說真的，他的父親把其中一個砍掉了。

WHEN KREBS SAW HAMILL HAD WEIGHED IN, HE RESPONDED,

當KREBS看到HAMILL的體重時，他做出了迴應。

"IN DEFENDING DEMOCRACY, DO OR DO NOT, THERE IS NO TRY.

"在捍衛民主的過程中，做或不做，沒有嘗試。

THIS IS THE WAY.

這就是方法。

#PROTECT2020" DAMN, KREBS BRINGING THE NERD

"#PROTECT2020"，該死的，KREBS帶來了呆子。

CRED!

CRED！

TALK LIKE YODA, KREBS DID!

說話像YODA，KREBS做！

VERBS TO THE END OF SENTENCES, KREBS MOVED!

動詞到句尾，KREBS移動！

AND HERE I THOUGHT HE WAS A HALF-WITTED SCRUFFY-LOOKING NERF

我還以為他是個小聰明的書呆子呢。

HERDER.

HERDER.

AND KREBS REMAINED DEFIANT AFTER HIS FIRING, TWEETING, "HONORED

而KREBS在被解僱後仍然不服輸，在推特上寫道："HONORED"。

TO SERVE.

服務。

WE DID IT RIGHT.

我們做對了。

DEFEND TODAY, SECURE TOMORROW."

今天保衛，明天保障。"

STRONG.

強。

BOLD.

大寫：

BUT I WILL POINT OUT THAT HE SPELLED "TOMORROW,"

但我要指出，他把 "明天 "拼成了 "明天"

"TOMROROW."

"TOMROROW."

BUT WHO AM I TO JUDGE?

但我是誰來評判？

THAT'S NOT HOW WE SPELL IT TODAY, BUT IT COULD BE HOW WE

這不是我們今天的拼寫方式，但它可能是我們的方式

SPELL IT "TOMROROW."

拼寫 "TOMROROW"。

AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, THIS MAN IS AN AMERICAN HEROROW.

據我所知，這個人是美國的英雄。

WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.

我們已經為你準備了一個很棒的節目，今晚。

MATTHEW McCONAUGHEY IS HERE.

MATTHEW McCONAUGHEY在這裡。

BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, KAMALA HARRIS GOES BACK TO WASHINGTON.

但當我們回來的時候，卡馬拉・哈里斯就會回到華盛頓去

NERD CRED.

NERD CRED.