There's this girl.

有這個女孩。

Sorry, I and it seems like I kissed her on the cheek, but I didn't.

對不起，我... ...我好像親了她的臉頰，但我沒有。

She bumped into my me.

她撞到了我的我。

So when I slept in class, when my friend told me to do a split and my patch with a little I don't really want to share that, my mom singing.

所以當我在課堂上睡覺的時候，當我的朋友告訴我做分身和我的補丁與一點我真的不想分享，我的媽媽唱歌。

When I was eight years old, I had my cousin over and I peeing in the bed, and my brother was laughing at me when I left school with no shoes.

八歲那年，表哥來了，我在床上撒尿，哥哥笑我放學時沒穿鞋。

Once during a soccer game, I was about to score, and then I fell over the ball.

有一次，在一場足球比賽中，我正準備進球，然後我就把球摔倒了。

When I was on a cruise, I walked into a door because I thought it was an automatic door.

當我在遊輪上，我走進一扇門，因為我以為那是一扇自動門。

I was like, feeling in my family, like my hands around a lot.

我當時就像，感覺在我的家庭，就像我的手很多。

And then I actually put my finger up the girl's nose.

然後我居然把手指伸進了女孩的鼻子裡。

Once I was talking to one of my friends about someone that we didn't really like and they were standing like right next to us.

有一次，我和我的一個朋友談起一個我們並不喜歡的人，他們就站在我們旁邊。

I was doing a BMX trick to impress a girl, and I broke my arm losing a wrestling match in 13 seconds.

我為了給一個女孩留下好印象，玩了個BMX把戲，結果在13秒內輸掉了一場摔跤比賽，把胳膊摔斷了。

When I graduated throwing my graduation cap in the air, we were in an indoor room and I hit the chandelier and it fell down.

我畢業的時候把畢業帽扔在空中，我們在一個室內，我撞到了吊燈，吊燈掉了下來。

This year was my first year flying in 10 years, and I did not hear the pilot make the announcement that we were about to descend.

今年是我飛了10年的第一年，我沒有聽到飛行員宣佈我們要下降了。

So when I looked outside of my window and the plane dropped and the wing started shaking, I was like, Oh, and everybody on the plane started looking at me and I was like, Please stop.

所以當我看著窗外，飛機掉了下來，機翼開始搖晃，我就想，哦，飛機上的所有人都開始看著我，我就想，請停下來。

I pissed myself in third grade.

我小學三年級的時候就尿了一褲子。

I had never thrown up from drinking before, so I guess I just didn't think that could happen.

我以前從來沒有因為喝酒而吐過，所以我想我只是沒有想到會發生這種事。

And then I very much did in the back of a cab.

然後我很在計程車後面做了。

It was in college.

那是在大學裡。

It was with the neck with the next girlfriend, and we were at the rooftop and we were making out, and my twin brother came in and walked on of this, I would say in the 11th grade, at a twerking video that kind of went like fake viral and I went to my gym class and I saw one of the teachers.

這是與頸部與下一個女朋友，我們在天台，我們正在親熱，和我的雙胞胎兄弟進來，走在這個，我會說在11年級，在一個twerking視頻，那種去像假病毒，我去我的體育課，我看到一個老師。

Apparently, he said that he had saw the video, and I was just cringing mad, hard, like e would say, sending a text message thread to my mom.

很顯然，他說他已經看到了視頻，而我只是瘋瘋癲癲，硬是像e會說的那樣，給媽媽發了一條簡訊線。

That was kind of between me and a person that I was dating at the time, doing West Side Story and a community theater play, and there's like a little basketball scene and somebody threw the ball too high.

那是我和一個當時正在約會的人之間的事，拍《西區故事》，還有一個社區劇場的戲，有一個小小的籃球戲，有人把球扔得太高了。

So I went to catch it when I came down, totally fell flat on my butt.

所以我下來的時候就去接，完全是一屁股摔倒。

Okay, I was in a restaurant with my friend in Mexico, and the waiter was really attractive really cute, and my friend encouraged me to try to talk to him, that I should ask him out.

好吧，我是在一家餐廳 與我的朋友在墨西哥， 和服務員真的很有吸引力 真的很可愛，和我的朋友鼓勵我 試圖與他交談， 我應該約他出去。

And so I did.

我就這樣做了。

Or I tried Thio and the second that I went to ask him out.

或者我試過Thio，我去約他的第二。

The whole restaurant got quiet, and it did not go well.

整個餐廳安靜了下來，並不順利。

When I was a junior in high school, I had an assignment to read a poem in front of the class.

在我上國中的時候，我有一個任務，就是在全班同學面前讀一首詩。

Instead of reading a poem, I decided to sing Taylor Swift song forever and always.

我沒有讀詩，而是決定永遠永遠唱泰勒-斯威夫特的歌。

When I was 13.

我13歲的時候

My dad caught me watching his porn collection when I forgot my lines in a school play when I was about six ish.

我六歲的時候，我在學校的話劇中忘了臺詞，被我爸發現我在看他的色情收藏。

I got so nervous when I asked a girl out when I was a lot younger.

在我年輕很多的時候，我約一個女孩出去的時候，我就很緊張。

Before I had all this confidence that I peed myself.

之前我有這樣的信心，我尿了自己。

I tripped and fail in front of a group of my friends skating.

我在一群朋友面前滑冰時被絆倒，失敗了。

I didn't pass my driver's exam.

我沒有通過我的駕駛考試。

The driving portion right before I started medically transitioning, I was still being read as female and still using the women's restroom.

開車的部分就在我開始醫學轉型之前，我還在被讀作女性，還在使用女廁所。

Andi, I remember this time this time I was in the bathroom and someone was coming directly to that stall and this woman looked at me and jumped back.

安迪，我記得這次我在廁所裡，有人直接來到那個檔口，這個女人看了我一眼就跳了回去。

You know, she felt like she was in the room with someone who is not supposed to be there.

你知道嗎，她覺得自己在房間裡和一個不該出現的人在一起。

So I suppose it was embarrassing and also affirming to who I am.

所以我想，這很尷尬，同時也是對我身份的肯定。

Having a chain closing me right.

有一條鏈子封閉我的權利。

When I got to the platform, I was fired.

當我到了月臺，我就被解僱了。

I sat in a charity, broke.

我坐在一個慈善機構裡，破產了。

I didn't get embarrassed because I didn't care what people think.

我沒有感到尷尬，因為我不在乎別人怎麼想。

I don't wanna talk about it.

我不想談論它。

I was in a class elementary school and I pissed my pants, so I used to work for the U.

我在班級小學的時候，我尿褲子了，所以我曾經為U。

S.

S.

Open.

打開。

I was a ball boy was on the court.

我是一個球童是在球場上。

Let's go get the ball.

我們去拿球吧

My foot comes out of my sneaker in front of everyone.

我的腳當著大家的面從運動鞋裡出來了。

Pretty shameless.

很無恥。

I don't really get embarrassed.

我真的不覺得尷尬。

Easy when I was in camp and I had to do a speech from everybody all of a sudden, as I was walking off stage, my pants fell.

我在夏令營的時候很輕鬆，突然要做大家的演講，我走下臺的時候，褲子掉了。

And then I tripped over the down the steps.

然後我被下臺階的時候絆倒了。

I had a pie thrown in my face on my birthday, a family gathering where my friends from high school had come to the party.

在我生日的時候，有一個餡餅扔到了我的臉上，那是一次家庭聚會，我高中的朋友來參加了聚會。

I called someone by the wrong name.

我叫錯了人的名字。

I was given a about whiskey to share while I was at my wife's cousin's home.

我在妻子的表哥家時，得到了一份關於威士忌的分享。

She I thought, she gives it to me, but it was a mistake having the hole in my pants the whole day and not realizing it until someone was nice enough to tell me I wet the bed during basic training in the military.

她我想，她給我的，但整天把洞塞在褲子裡，卻不知道是個錯誤，直到有人好心告訴我，我在軍隊基本訓練時尿床了。

I can't really think of anything.

我真的想不出什麼。

I really don't embarrass easily.

我真的不容易尷尬。

It was winter time.

當時正值冬季。

I'm trying to walk across the street, hit black ice and boom.

我想走過馬路，撞上黑冰，然後轟的一聲。

I was in a nightclub full of people and tried to jump a barrier and fell didn't make it.

我在一個滿是人的夜總會里，想跳障礙物，結果摔了一跤，沒能成功。

I tripped on a runaway.

我被一個逃跑的人絆倒了。

As a kid, I was, uh I took some dried fruits out of a bottle and my aunt seeing it, and I did it without a permission.

小時候，我從瓶子裡拿了些乾果出來，我姑姑看到了，我沒有經過允許就做了。

I had a moment when I was younger, where I walked up behind a girl who I thought was my sister, and I started massaging her shoulders and it wasn't her.

我年輕的時候有一個時刻，我走到一個女孩身後，我以為是我的妹妹，我開始按摩她的肩膀，但那不是她。

Nothing singing in high school a cappella.

高中的無伴奏合唱什麼都不唱。

I don't think it was received.

我覺得沒有收到。

Well, I should have had some accompaniment.

嗯，我應該有一些伴奏。

I went to a musical theater called back.

我去了一個叫回來的音樂劇。

It turns out I wasn't called back at all.

原來我根本沒有被叫回來。

When I was in the fifth grade, I actually got my finger stuck in a map on the wall.

在我五年級的時候，我居然把手指卡在了牆上的地圖上。

They used to call me Saturday night Franco.

他們以前叫我週六晚上的弗蘭科。

I used to love to dance, and I was dancing in a disco in Manhattan and I did some move bent down and my pants just ripped in the back.

我以前很喜歡跳舞，我在曼哈頓的一家迪斯科舞廳跳舞，我做了一些彎腰的動作，我的褲子就在後面破了。

Right now, half I'm a drummer and we were shooting a video as a band and we had a set list.

現在，一半我是一個鼓手，我們正在拍攝一個視頻作為一個樂隊，我們有一個設置列表。

Song came up that I was supposed to do.

我應該做的歌出現了。

I was supposed to start and I started the wrong song one morning without knowing it.

本來是要開始的，有一天早上不知不覺就開始唱錯了。

I wrote toe work on the subway with a face filled with bloody Nick tissues.

我在地鐵上寫著腳趾頭的工作，臉上滿是血淋淋的尼克紙巾。

I can't say nothing.

我不能說什麼。

I don't get embarrassed.

我不會感到尷尬。

I don't think I've ever had anything really embarrassing because, you know, people don't approach me too much because, you know, they see them intimidating either.

我不認為我曾經有過什麼真正的尷尬，因為，你知道，人們不接近我太多，因為，你知道，他們看到他們恐嚇要麼。

You know, I am intimidating a little bit, but I'm really a nice guy.

你知道，我是有點嚇人，但我真的是個好人。

So a lot of people won't play too many games with May going to appointment for getting my wallet and having to convince the transit workers that you've never heard this story before and let me on the train.

所以很多人不會玩太多的遊戲，梅去約拿我的錢包，還要說服公交工作人員，你從來沒有聽過這個故事，讓我上火車。

Probably when I told everybody, Make sure your cellphone was often than mine rang.

可能是當我告訴大家，確保你的手機經常比我的手機響。

E was playing golf, and I farted, but it didn't come out as a fart.

E在打高爾夫，我放了個屁，但沒有放出屁來。

I was in a play in college and I was playing, um, an African dancer, and they had thes skirts, grass skirts on us, and my skirt fell off on the stage.

我在大學的時候演過一齣戲，我演的是一個非洲舞者，他們給我們穿了裙子，草裙，我的裙子在舞臺上掉了下來。

I don't get embarrassed, boy.

我不會感到尷尬的，孩子。

Okay, I'll say, uh, I'm on the train.

好吧，我說，呃，我在火車上。

Coming home from a chore.

做完家務回家。

I had almost diarrhea.

我差點就拉肚子了。

I went on stage and unaware that my zipper to my pants were down.

我上臺後，不知不覺我的褲子拉鍊已經放下了。

I don't really get embarrassed.

我真的不覺得尷尬。

I don't know.

我不知道。

Embarrassment has a level all its own, you know.

尷尬有一個層次，你知道的。

It just it feels it feels the same every time it shows up when the focus is on me.

只是它感覺每次出現的時候，當焦點在我身上的時候，感覺都是一樣的。