Now the NSA can't see what I'm doing.

這樣國家安全局就看不到我在做什麼了。

I don't really think the NSA cares about whatever it is you're doing.

我不覺得國家安全局會關心你在做什麼耶。

I'm pretty sure they have more pressing concerns.

我很確定他們有更迫切的問題要處理。

[phone rings]

[電話鈴聲]

Oh, I have to take this. Hello?

哦，我得接個電話。喂？

Ms. Akana, this is the National Security Agency.

Akana 小姐，這裡是國家安全局。

Oh, hey Wendy, what's up?

哦，嘿，Wendy，怎麼了？

So your ex called his best friend yesterday and I have so, much, tea.

你的前任昨天打電話給他最好的朋友，我有很多八卦要跟你說。

Tell me everything.

全部告訴我。

I'm brewing a pot now, which means that I'm emailing you the transcript.

我在煮茶了，意思是我會把他們對話的逐字稿寄給你。

You're the best. - Anything for you boss.

你最棒了。 - 為了你什麼都可以做。

Oh, can you also tell your friend to hide the one on her phone?

哦，你可以順便告訴你的朋友，把她手機的鏡頭也遮起來嗎？

She does some really weird stuff when she's alone, and we don't have the ability to turn off the cameras.

她單獨一人的時候會做一些很奇怪的事情，我們又不能關掉攝像頭。

I was having a conversation about self-worth with a friend the other day when she said,

前幾天，我和朋友聊起自我價值，她說：

"Yeah, if my career disappeared tomorrow I'd be a hundred percent okay."

「如果我明天沒有工作了，我百分之百不會怎樣。」

And I was like,

我當時說：

"Wow. Yeah, uh. Definitely, I would not feel that way at all."

「哇，是啊，呃，絕對...我絕對不會那樣想。」

One of my resolutions for this year, and for the rest of my life really, is to not tie my self-worth to my productivity.

我今年以及我餘生的決心之一就是不要將我的自我價值與我的生產力連結起來。

And it's not that I don't want to be productive,

這不是因為我不想有生產力，

but I also don't want to feel like a terrible human being when I'm not producing professional results.

但是當我沒有產生專業成果時，我也不想感覺自己是一個糟糕的人。

But that has made me wonder, how do you even define self-worth, right?

但這讓我很疑惑，大家都是怎麼定義自我價值的呢？

'Cause obviously, the ideal is having your own internal measure of success that is based on an unshakable faith in your worth that no external factors could possibly affect it.

因為顯然，理想情況是自己的內心對於成功有個衡量標準，它基於對自己價值的不可動搖的信念，即任何外部因素都不會影響它。

But really, how do you implement that in your life?

但在現實生活中如何做到呢？

'Cause I usually value myself based on my positive contributions to the world; how helpful I am to humans and animals, and the strength of my support system.

因為我通常是根據自己對世界的積正面的貢獻、對人類和動物的幫助，還有支持我的人來評價自己。

But if all of that fell away, would I still feel like I am worthy?

但如果這一切都消失了，我還會覺得自己有價值嗎？

No, absolutely not.

絕對不會。

I'm a potato.

我好爛。

And I have to really think and ask myself this question like, "What would I need to feel totally okay if everything was taken away from me?"

而我真的思考和想問自己的問題是「如果一切都被奪走了，我需要什麼才能感覺完全沒問題？」

And after a lot of thinking I came to the conclusion that I would need to feel that, at my core, I am enough.

經過一番思考，我得出的結論是，我需要打從內心深感覺自己夠好了。

Just me as is.

當自己就行了。

No fancy career, no loving friends, no passions, no art, no multi-cat family --

沒有花俏的職業、沒有知心的朋友、沒有激情、沒有藝術、沒有養很多貓------。

If I had none of that to feel like I'm enough, I would need full self-acceptance and compassion and self-love.

如果我沒有這些感覺我已經夠好了，我需要完全的自我接納、同情和自愛。

But it's like, how do you even achieve that?

但是，要怎麼實現呢？

And that's an even more difficult question.

這是一個更加困難的問題。

And I realized, after a lot of internet, and hunting, and book reading, and article reading that it comes down to taking total responsibility for your life, your circumstances, and your problems.

我在經過大量的搜尋網絡、獵奇、看書、看文章之後，發現歸根結底是要對自己的生活、環境和問題負起全部責任。

And it means acknowledging that we have the personal power to shape our reality in the image that we want, to stay true to our values,

而這意味著承認我們有個人的力量，以我們想要的形象塑造我們的現實，忠於我們的價值觀，

to live in authenticity as much as we can, and to forgive ourselves for our flaws while simultaneously striving to live wholeheartedly and be our best.

儘可能地活在真實中、原諒自己的缺點，同時也要爭取全心全意地生活，做最好的自己。

It means having your inner world be so solid that the outside chaos can't even sway your belief in yourself and your inherent value.

也就是說，你的內心世界是如此的堅實，外界的混亂甚至不能動搖你對自己內在價值的信念。

No big deal. You just do that.

沒什麼大不了的。一氣呵成而已。

And obviously like I'm not there, or I would be Buddha.

很明顯的我的還沒到那個狀態，要不然我已經成佛了。

But it has been a very interesting phase in my life where I'm consciously thinking about how I want to shape my belief system to serve me as I move into my 30s.

但這是我生命中一個非常有趣的階段，我有意識地思考我想如何塑造我的信念，為我步入 30 多歲做好準備。

And the tangible steps that I am taking to reach a level of self-worth that is [chuckles] much higher than my own,

而我為達到自我價值的水準而採取的具體步驟，則是比我自己的高得多，

is to cultivate habits outside of achievement, because I am such an achievement ho.

是培養成就外的習慣，因為我就是這樣喜歡追求成就感的婊子。

So I'm trying to do activities that are purely for fun.

所以我在嘗試做一些純粹為了好玩的活動。

And welcoming stillness and relaxation as necessary instead of a giant waste of time.

而且擁抱靜止和放鬆是必要的，而不是浪費時間。

Dealing with my issues instead of avoiding it through scrolling through social media endlessly, or binging TV or alcohol.

處理我的問題，而不是通過無休止地瀏覽社交媒體，或者看電視或喝酒來避免它。

And really connecting to my values. And even defining what those are and what they look like and how I implement them.

並連結我的價值觀。甚至定義它們是什麼，它們的樣子以及我如何實現它們。

Self work to self-worth is really hard, and what I find most annoying about personal growth is that it never ends.

自我工作實現自我價值真的很難。而我覺得個人成長最煩人的地方是，它永遠不會結束。

I mean once you feel like you have a good handle on your stuff, you're like, "Oh wait, there's another room in this house full of stuff I didn't even know existed."

我的意思是，一旦你覺得自己對自己的東西掌握得很好，你就會發現「哦等等，這房子裡還有另一個房間，裡面裝滿了我什至不知道存在的東西。」

But I also know that growing is a... big part of being a happy human.

但我也知道，成長是成為一個快樂的人的... 重要組成部分。

So.

所以就是這樣。

What about you? I mean, what do you think it would take for you to feel worthy if every external factor in your life fell away?

那你呢？我的意思是，如果你生活中的所有外在因素都消失了，你覺得怎樣才能讓你覺得自己有價值？

And how are you gonna get there?

那你打算怎麼達成呢？

I'm Anna Akana, and I want to say thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring my midlife crisis.

我是 Anna Akana，我想感謝 Squarespace 拯救了我的中年危機。

Squarespace has award-winning templates and an all-in-one platform.

Squarespace 擁有獲獎過的的模板和一體化平臺。

So there's no patches, upgrades or installs ever.

所以不需要修修補補、更新或是安裝。

If you need a domain, look no further!

如果你需要一個網站，不要再找了!

Squarespace has a simple and unique set-up experience and 24-hour customer service if you have any crises of your own along the way.

Squarespace 擁有簡單而獨特的設置體驗和 24 小時客戶服務，如果你有任何遇到任何問題都可以詢問。

You can go to squarespace.com/anna to start your free trial today and use the offer code ANNA for 10% off at checkout.

到 squarespace.com/anna 開始免費試用，並在結帳時使用優惠代碼 ANNA 享受九折優惠。

That's squarespace.com/anna, and the offer code ANNA for 10% off.

到 squarespace.com/anna，優惠碼 ANNA 可以打九折。