♪ ♪

♪ ♪

[phone ring]

[電話鈴聲]

Gwaa! Bwaa! What?! What? Oh.

嘎! 叭! 蛤!? 什麼?　喔!

Scout, it's Pauling. Tell me you got the briefcase.

偵察兵　是我　寶琳 情報箱到手了嗎?

Yeah sure.

喔　是啊

And nobody saw you?

沒人看見你們?

Ah. Basically nobody.

呃　基本上沒人瞧見

Scout, I'm here right now.

偵察兵我人在現場　別唬我

Well, that's a funny story...

其實說來好笑...

Hello, Mrs. Pauling! We killed everyone and took a briefcase!

寶琳小姐您好! 我們殺光了全部敵人並取得了情報箱!

Not everybody, Soldier. You left seven witnesses, guys.

並非全部　火箭兵　你們漏了七位目擊者

[Gunshot]

[槍聲]

Six.

六位

Pauling : Look, just keep the briefcase safe, okay?

寶琳: 聽著　你們只管保護好情報箱就好了　明白嗎?

Have a good weekend, guys.

祝你們週末愉快

Goodbye, Mrs. Pauling! I'm leaving the van now!

寶琳小姐再見! 我要下車了!

Bye bye. Okay then.

掰掰　就這樣吧

Hey, hey, Mrs. Pauling! Before you go. Ahh—

寶琳小姐　等等! 在妳掛斷之前　呃...

[Scout stammering]

[偵察兵結巴中]

Scout. What? Say something.

偵察兵?　你說話呀?

You're probably real busy this weekend, right?

妳這個週末應該是很忙對不?

Funny you should mention that. Um.

你提起這件事說來正巧　嗯...

Looks like I will be burying bodies all weekend.

看來我似乎整個週末都會忙著處理屍體

So that you don't go to jail.

這樣你才不會被抓去坐牢

Oh g-good. So we're both busy.

那好－好啊　看來我倆都剛好要忙

[sirens]

[警車聲]

Oh. Got to go.

喔! 我得走了

Lot of people busy with business.

大家都有很多忙事兒... 要忙

SPY: Asking out that dial tone again, I see.

間諜: 又在和撥號音約會嗎?

Go to hell, Spy!

去死吧間諜!

Hey, look at all this. What have you two eggheads been workin' on?

嘿　看看這些東西　二位知識份子在幹些啥？

Nice catch.

接的好

Yeah. Listen. Ah... We've been running some experiments on the teleporter.

對　聽著　呃... 我們用傳送裝置進行了一些實驗

Well yeah. Y'all ought a take a look at this.

我想你們都該來看看

[Teleporter sounds]

[傳送裝置音效]

Scout: Wow. You can teleport bread.

偵察兵: 哇! 它能傳送麵包!

That is. Big news. Um. Is the Demo back with the beer yet?

那真是呃... 重大發現 爆破兵啤酒買回來了沒?

Whaaaa! What the hell is that?!

哇! 那他媽的是什麼?!

Tumors.

腫瘤

Y'all know what this means right?

大家都明白這意味著什麼吧?

Soldier: Ahhhhhhh!

火箭兵: 啊啊啊!

We cannot teleport bread anymore!

我們再也不能傳送麵包了!

Engineer: Whoa! Whoa... Not exactly, Soldier.

工程師: 不! 不... 不全然是如此的　火箭兵

You teleport as much bread as you like.

你能盡情地傳送麵包

That goes for all of ya.

你們大家都聽著

If there's something any of y'all wanted to do before you—

若有任何事你們會想在翹...

Well. Died. Now would be a good time.

臨終之前完成的話 現在會是一個絕佳的時機

Spy: How long before these tumors kill us?

間諜: 我們大概還剩多久時間?

Well, let's see. We all use the teleporter let's say six times a day.

我看看　假設大家每天傳送六次

Times four years. Minus we're not bread. Hmm.

乘以四年 除以我們不是麵包　嗯

Three days. Yes. We all have—

三天　是的　我們都...

three days to live!

只剩三天可活!

Wooooooooooooo!! Wooooo! Woo.

嘩嘩嘩嘩嘩嘩嘩哇!! 哇哈哈哈! 哈!

What?

啥?

Spy: This is a bucket.

間諜: 這是個桶子

Dear god.

我的天哪

There's more.

不單如此

No!

不會吧

It contains the dying wish of every man here.

裡頭有大家臨終前的遺願

Scout. You did collect everyone's dying wish?

偵查兵　你收集了大家的願望了嗎?

You bet!

那當然!

Excellent. Gentlemen, synchronize your death watches.

非常好　各位　將你的生命時鐘對時

[beeps]

[嗶]

We have seventy hours to live. For most men no time at all.

我們還有七十小時能活 對一般人而言　時間僅剩不多

We are not most men.

但我們並非一般人

We are mercenaries. We have the resources. The will.

我們是傭兵　我們擁有一般人所沒有的 資源和決心意志

To make these hours count!

讓我們把握僅存的時間!

The clock is ticking, gentlemen. Let's begin.

時間可不等人　諸位　開始吧

Our first dying wish is Scout's. He's—

第一個願望是偵查兵的　他...

drawn a picture of me getting hit by a car.

畫了一張　我被車撞的圖

I have something radiating off of me.

而且我似乎散發著某種東西

Yeah, those are stink lines. That's why the car hit him. Cause he smells.

那些是臭氣 因為他太臭了所以車子才撞他

Yes I see. Here you've drawn me having—

我看得出來　接下來你畫了我和...

sexual congress with the Eiffel Tower.

和艾菲爾鐵塔從事性行為

The Eiffel Tower having sexual congress with me.

然後換艾菲爾鐵塔　和我進行性行為

Both of us relaxing post-coitus.

我和鐵塔完事後放鬆的樣子

[silent mouthing]

[唇語: 完事後?]

I'm crying and the Eiffel tower has stink lines coming off of it.

我在哭泣　而艾菲爾鐵塔開始散發臭氣

Did anyone besides Scout put a card into the bucket?!

除了偵查兵之外 還有人在桶裡投入願望單嗎?!

Scout: Classic scout. [giggling]

偵查兵: 經典之作　[竊笑]

Fantastic. This was a huge waste of my time.

真是棒透了　根本在浪費我的時間

You did not read mine.

你沒有讀我的！

[Sigh] Does it say you want the bucket?

[嘆氣] 上面是否寫著　你想要這個水桶?

Yes!

是的!

See you all in hell!

我們地獄裡再相會!

[Gasp]

[倒抽氣]

[Door knock]

[敲門聲]

Go away.

走開

Hey, ah, got a second?

嘿　你有空嗎

Oh, Scout. Please. Go [bleep] yourself.

喔　偵查兵　請... 去 [消音] 你自己吧

Yeah. Hey that's, that's funny. Um. Anyway I—

耶　哈哈　你真幽默　總之我...

[Scream]

[大叫]

Wait! Wait! Wait! Ow. Come on, Spy.

等一下　等一... 哎唷! 別這樣　間諜

I'm wedging my head through a door here to tell you I'm sorry.

我拿我的腦袋當作門擋 就是要來和你道歉的

Make it quick.

有屁快放

So I did write down a last wish.

就是... 我其實有寫下一個遺願

I'd, ahh. I'd like to go on a date with Mrs. Pauling.

我其實... 想要和寶琳小姐約一次會

You? You're terrible with girls.

你? 你的把妹技巧爛透了

What? No. No. No. Spy, look at this.

什麼? 喔不不不　間諜　看看這個

And this. And this here. Spy, look at all of this.

這裡　和這裡 間諜你看這全套組合

Heh. No. I'm great with girls.

嘿　我追女孩子可是頗有心得

We got buckets of chicken. Wanna do it?

瞧我們都有桶炸雞 要直接來嗎?

Eh. Okay.

嗯　好吧

You, Spy. You are amazing with ladies.

但是間諜　你對女人卻是攻無不克

You know, classy ones. The kind that smell good and can read.

你知道的　那種比較典雅的女人 聞起來很香又識字的那種

And always have their glasses on just kind of crooked. You know?

而且眼鏡永遠都戴不正的那一型　你知道嗎

The ones that don't go for a guy like me.

就是不會對我這種男人有興趣的那一型

Hmm, and why is that, do you think?

那你認為為何會如此?

C'mon, Spy, I don't know.

間諜別這樣　我不曉得　

Well, a mystery we will take to our graves then. Goodbye.

看來我們到死都永遠不會明白　再會

Wait. Wait. Ah. [Sigh]

等等　等等啊　 [嘆氣]

Okay. Look. Fine. Spy. This never leaves this room. [Sigh]

好吧　間諜 接下的談話將永遠不會離開這房間　[嘆氣]

You are better than me. All right? I need your help.

你比我厲害　好嗎? 我真的需要你的幫助

I'll do it on one condition.

好吧　但我有個條件

[Mic re-verb]

[麥克風回音]

Say that again.

剛才的話　你重覆一次

Seduce me.

勾引我

You?

你?

Seduce me.

勾引我

What, Spy? I ain't gonna...

什麼　我才不要...

Seduce me!

勾引我!

Right. Right. Okay.

好好好　好的

Hey there, good lookin'. I got a bucket of chicken.

你好啊　可人兒 我這有一桶炸雞...

I'm not one of your friend chicken tramps!

我不是你平常勾搭的那種炸雞妹!

I'm a woman. I like my men dangerous. Mysterious.

我是個女人　我喜歡的男人 既危險又神秘

You want to be my lover?! Earn it. Seduce me!

要成為我的愛人　就得要會爭取! 勾引我!

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Spy: Final question. You have a dinner date for seven.

間諜: 最後一個問題 你晚上七點約了吃晚餐

What time do you arrive?

你該幾點到

Seven. A.M. Case the restaurant, run background checks on the staff.

七點鐘　上午 先勘查餐廳　並調查所有職員的身家背景

Can the cook be trusted? If not I got to kill him.

我能信任廚子嗎? 若不能　就把他作了

Dispose of the body, replace him with my own guy, no later than 4:30.

毀屍滅跡後再用自己人替代他 全部要在 4 點 30 分前完成

You're ready.

你準備好了

Really?

真的嗎?

No. Everything you just said was insane and we are out of time.

假的　你剛說全部都是瘋話 而我們的時間所剩不多

Congratulations. You're a failure.

恭喜你　你簡直糟糕透頂

Oh. I failed, did I?

喔　我失敗了是嗎?

Yes.

是的

Did I?

是嗎?

Yes.

是的

Did I?

是嗎?

Scout, where is this going?

偵察兵　講重點

Where it's going is I don't need you. I'll put this date on myself.

重點就是我不需要你的幫忙! 我自己能夠安排妥當

Yourself?

你自己?

That's right, fancy pants, myself.

是的　風流大少　我自己來

So why don't you take your little failure, roll it up sideways and...

你大可將你他奶奶的失敗 捲起來自己吞...

Okay, crap, I got to go.

喔好　我得走了

Screw you though.

但還是去你奶奶的

[Alarms]

[警報聲]

Y'all ready?

你們準備好了嗎?

Ready!

準備好了!

Oh.

喔

[roar]

[吼]

[scream]

[驚叫]

Ah hell.

糟糕了

[Alarms]

[警報聲]

You're ready. All right. [Deep breath]

妳準備好了　上吧 [深呼吸]

Ahhhh!

啊啊啊!

Mrs. Pauling. What an unexpected surprise.

寶琳小姐嗎　真是個意外的驚喜

They took the briefcase. Don't worry, we can fix this.

他們偷走了情報箱 別擔心　我們能搞定它

We'll get it back and the Administrator never has to know.

我們能神鬼不覺的奪回來 管理員她不會發現的

You look. You look...

妳看起來... 看起來...

Ahhhh.

嗯...

Demo: Drunk!

爆破兵: 喝醉了!

Soldier: Round! Soft! No, round! Demo: Blurry!

火箭兵: 圓滾滾! 軟趴趴! 不... 圓滾滾! 爆破兵: 霧煞煞!

Ravishing.

真迷人

Pauling: Uh huh. You too.

寶琳: 對啦　你也是

Hold on. That's the briefcase right there. Scout, you...

等等　情報箱仍好端端的在那 偵察兵你...

Are you having a prom?

你是要開舞會嗎?

Yeah. Nah. Yeah ah. Well the. Yeah, the thing is.

是阿　喔不　其實也是啦　不過但是 好吧其實是這樣的

Guys! Hey fellas, listen! It's just bread that gets tumors.

大夥兒! 好消息!　只有麵包會得腫瘤

It's not even tumors. It's some form of self aware beauty mark that—

而且似乎不是腫瘤 它像是某種有自我意識的美人痣

that only metastasizes in an environment of pure wheat.

只在全麥的環境才會擴散

Here, watch this.

你看這個

Oh look. It hates me so much.

看它多討厭我啊

[laughing]

[笑]

So we're fine. As long as nobody teleports any bread.

所以看來我們沒事了 只要大家不傳送麵包就行了

Question.

問題

What's your question, Soldier?

什麼問題　火箭兵?

I teleported bread.

我傳送了麵包

What?

什麼?

You told me to.

你叫我這麼作的

How much?

多少?

I have done nothing but teleport bread for three days.

我這三天除了傳送麵包之外 都沒做別的事

Where?! Where have you been sending it?!

什麼?! 你把它們傳送到哪去了?!

[Rumble]

[地震]

Scout. I get one day off a year and you just wasted it on—

偵察兵　我一年只有一天的休假 而你把它浪費在...

this! Goodbye.

這上面!　再見

Wait! Wait! Wait! Ah. Why don't we discuss it over diner?

先等等! 先等等! 我們何不邊用餐邊討論?

[Roar]

[吼]

What the hell is that?!

那是什麼鬼東西?!

Mrs. Pauling, run!

寶琳小姐　快走!

Now, doctor!

就是現在　醫生!

I think it's going pretty well.

我認為進展得很順利不是嗎?

Now go.

快去吧

Hey, Mrs. Pauling. Oh, I am so sorry.

寶琳小姐　真是對不起

God, Scout, what for? Pressing the one button you're never supposed to press?

老天　偵察兵　何必? 你只是按了一個永遠不該按的按鈕罷了

Do you have any idea what's in a briefcase that...

你知道一個情報箱裡存放著...

Oh! Oh! Give me your watch!

喔! 喔! 快給我你的手錶!

Yeah. Exactly. See that is where this all starts.

對啊　就是這個 一切都是從這玩意開始的

No, actually wait...

等等...

[Scream]

[大叫]

Ha! Ha! Ha! I teleported bread!

哈哈哈! 我傳送了麵包!

So that brings me to the point of this story, which is I like you and—

所以說整個故事的重點是 我喜歡妳　然後...

you should probably be sitting for this.

妳現在其實應該要坐下來比較好

Guys! Close the blast doors!

你們快關上防爆門!

Mrs. Pauling. Look, my last few hours I just wanted...

寶琳小姐 在我的最後這幾個小時當中　我只想...

[Roar]

[吼]

Come on!

快一點!

Um. Never mind!

呃　算了!

Pauling: Run!

寶琳: 快跑!

Oh god!

喔天哪!

[Screaming]

[大叫]

Ahhhh.

啊啊啊!

Ah. Mrs. Pauling, you all right?

[呻吟] 寶琳小姐　妳還好嗎?

I can't feel anything below my neck.

我脖子以下沒有知覺了

Oh God.

喔天啊

Oh. Now I can feel it. Ow. Ow.

不等等　我現在有感覺了　噢好痛...

Oh God, I am so sorry. This is...

老天!　我真的很抱歉　這完全...

That was so much fun.

真是有趣極了!

You're not mad?

妳不生氣?

I was furious. Oh my God, you set off the briefcase alarm and—

我氣炸了! 天啊 你按了情報箱的警報並...

you were having a prom for some reason. But then there was this monster and—

莫名其妙地要辦個舞會 但是後來有這個怪物然後...

we shot it and we built a bomb and I think my leg's broken.

我們對牠開槍　然後作了顆炸彈 然後我想我的腿是斷了

Can we do this again?

我們可以再來一次嗎?

Yeah, sure.

喔　好啊

Wait, nah. We can't. I'm going to be dead.

等等　我們不能　我快死了

Wait, what?

啊? 什麼?

Good news! We're not dying! We are going to live forever!

好消息! 我們不會死! 我們將長生不老!

I didn't say that! I just said we're not filled with tumors!

我並沒有那麼說! 我只說我們沒有長腫瘤

Oh thank god.

喔　謝天謝地

So ya Mrs. Pauling. I guess it's a date.

那好啊　寶琳小姐　就這麼約定了

Actually this was my only day off this year.

不過這是我今年唯一一次的休假

Oh.

喔

Oh, but you can ride along with me on some jobs.

不過我有些案子 你應該可以跟著一塊兒來

Pauling: Tomorrow I'm belt sanding the finger prints off a pile of corpses.

寶琳: 明天我要打磨掉一堆屍體的指紋

Scout: Ah. No.

偵察兵: 呃　不了

Pauling: Oh you can help me yank the molars out of a box of heads.

寶琳: 我有一箱頭顱的牙齒需要拔掉　或許你能幫忙

Scout: No to that.

偵察兵: 那也不用了

Well, on Friday I have to kill someone who pressed a briefcase alarm button and...oh.

還是禮拜五我得去作掉一個 亂按情報箱警報的傢伙　然後... 哦

You're already going to be at that one.

你本來就該在現場的