You have to treat yourself like you matter, because if you don't, then you don't take care of yourself and you become vengeful and cruel.

你必須把自己當做重要的人，因為如果你不這樣做，那麼你就不會照顧自己，你就會變得報復和殘忍。

And you, you take.

而你，你拿。

You take it out on people around you and you're not a positive force.

你把它發洩在周圍的人身上，你就不是一個積極的力量。

None of that's good.

這些都不是好事。

So you suffer more and so does everyone around you, and there's a malevolence that enters into it.

所以你受的苦多了，周圍的人也就多了，有一種惡性的東西進入其中。

None of that's good.

這些都不是好事。

So that's what happens if you don't treat yourself like you matter.

所以這就是你不把自己當回事的後果。

The first thing I would say is, Well, you should be afraid of taking risks and pursuing something meaningful.

我想說的是，嗯，你應該害怕冒險，追求有意義的東西。

One of the main reasons that people don't get what they want is because they don't actually figure out what it is and the probability that you're going to get what would be good for you.

人們得不到自己想要的東西的主要原因之一，就是因為沒有真正弄清楚它是什麼，以及你得到對自己有利的東西的概率。

Let's say which would even be better than what you want, right, because you know, you might be what wrong about what you want easily, But maybe you could get what would really be good for you.

讓我們說，哪怕是比你想要的更好，對吧，因為你知道，你可能會對你想要的東西很容易就錯了，但也許你可以得到什麼會真正對你有好處。

Well, why don't you?

那你為什麼不呢？

Because you don't try.

因為你不努力。

Life is a challenge that in some sense, can be surmounted, so there's no way out of your problem.

人生是一個挑戰，從某種意義上說，是可以克服的，所以你的問題沒有出路。

But there is certainly proper ways of dealing with it.

但肯定有適當的處理方式。

Sit on your bed one day and ask yourself, Oh, what's what Remarkably stupid things am I doing on a regular basis toe?

有一天坐在床上，問自己，哦，我經常做的腳趾頭上有什麼了不起的蠢事？

Absolutely screw up my life.

絕對把我的生活搞得一團糟。

I would say that the goal in life is to conduct yourself so that life improves.

我想說的是，人生的目標是行為規範，讓生活有所改善。

You should be more afraid of staying where you are.

你更應該害怕留在原地。

If it's making a miserable clock is ticking.

如果它的使痛苦的鐘是滴答滴答的。

And if you're miserable in your job now and you'll change nothing in five years, you'll be much more miserable and you'll be a lot older.

而如果你現在的工作很痛苦，五年後你什麼都不改變，你會更痛苦，你會老很多。

People don't get what they want, and they need because they don't aim at it.

人們得不到自己想要的東西，他們需要的是因為他們沒有瞄準它。

And it's a hard lesson for people to learn because they're cynical to begin with, and they presume that there's no possible way of moving forward.

而這對人們來說是很難學的一課，因為他們一開始就憤世嫉俗，他們推測沒有前進的可能。

But it's not so unreasonable to assume that you're not going to hit what you don't aim at, or you're not going to hit what you aim at and don't shoot at, were built to contend with the world, were built to contend with reality you want to challenge and the best way that you can take on a challenge because the challenge fortifies you so you don't wanna be secure.

但也不是那麼沒有道理，假設你不會打你不瞄準的東西，或者你不會打你瞄準的東西，也不會開槍，是為了與世界抗衡，是為了與現實抗衡，你想要挑戰，最好的方式就是接受挑戰，因為挑戰能強化你，所以你不想安全。

You want to be strong, and you get strong by taking on optimal challenges.

你想成為強者，就要接受最佳的挑戰，從而變得強大。

And so you lay out your destiny in the world and you take the slings and arrows of fate and you make yourself stronger while you're doing so and you might fail and fortune might do you in.

於是，你在這個世界上擺出了自己的命運，你接受了命運的彈弓和箭矢，你在這樣做的同時，也讓自己變得更加強大，你可能會失敗，而財富可能會害了你。

But it's your best bet.

但這是你最好的選擇。

A huge part of the reason that people fail is because they don't ever set up the criteria for success.

人們之所以失敗，很大一部分原因是他們從來沒有建立起成功的標準。

And so since success is a very narrow line and very unlikely, the probability that you're going to stumble on it randomly is zero.

所以，既然成功是一條很窄的線，而且可能性很小，那麼你隨機碰上它的概率就是零。

So you want to save yourself a task that's difficult but not so difficult.

所以你要給自己省下一個難而不難的任務。

You can't attain it.

你不能達到它。

And then what happens is that you step up improvement across time incrementally, and there's also a certain element of humility to it.

然後發生的事情是，你跨時間逐步加強改進，也有一定的謙虛成分。

Right, which is don't bite off more than you can chew, right?

對，也就是不要貪多嚼不爛，對吧？

Don't set grandiose goals, but incremental improvement will get you a tremendous distance.

不要設定宏偉的目標，但漸進式的改進會讓你走得更遠。

Yeah, it's a luxury to pursue what makes you happy.

是啊，追求讓自己快樂的東西是一種奢侈。

It's a moral obligation to pursue what you find meaningful, and that doesn't mean it's easy.

追求自己認為有意義的東西是一種道德義務，這並不意味著它很容易。

It might require sacrifice.

這可能需要犧牲。

If you need to change your job to, Let's say you have a family and Children and mortgage, you have responsibilities.

如果你需要改變你的工作，比方說，你有一個家庭，孩子和抵押貸款，你有責任。

You've already picked up those responsibilities.

你已經挑起了這些責任。

You don't just get to walk away scot free and say, Well, I don't like my job.

你不能一走了之，然後說，我不喜歡我的工作。

I quit.

我不幹了

That's no strategy, but what you might have to do is you think, Well, this job is killing my soul.

這不是什麼策略，但你可能要做的是，你會想，嗯，這份工作正在殺死我的靈魂。

All right, so what do I have to do about that?

好吧，那我該怎麼做呢？

Well, I have to look for another job.

好吧，我得去找另一份工作了。

Well, no one wants to hire me.

好吧，沒有人願意僱用我。

It's like, Okay, maybe you need to educate yourself more.

這就像，好吧，也許你需要教育自己更多。

Maybe you need to update your your curriculum vitae.

也許你需要更新你的履歷。

Your resume.

你的履歷。

Maybe you need to overcome your fear of being interviewed.

也許你需要克服你對被面試的恐懼。

I think what you have to do and this is part of humility is you have to look around you within your sphere of influence, like the direct sphere of influence, and fix the things that announce themselves as in need of repair.

我想你要做的，這也是謙遜的一部分，就是你要在你的勢力範圍內，比如說直接的勢力範圍內，審視你的周圍，修復那些宣佈自己需要修復的東西。

And those are often small things, you know, and they could be like your room.

而這些往往都是小事，你知道，他們可能會像你的房間。

Put it in order because the thing is, it isn't exactly so important that your room is in order.

把它整理好，因為問題是，你的房間是否有序並不完全那麼重要。

Although it is, what's important is that you learn how to distinguish between chaos and order and to be able to act in a manner that produces order.

雖然是這樣，但重要的是你要學會如何區分混沌和秩序，並能以產生秩序的方式行事。

Three years from now, you can have what you need.

三年後，你可以擁有你需要的東西。

You gotta be careful about it.

你得小心點

You can't have everything you can have what would be good for you.

你不可能什麼都有，你可以擁有對你有利的東西。

But you have to figure out what it is, and then you have to aim at it on when you're in the zone, you're expanding your skills at in a manner that's intrinsically rewarding because you're succeeding.

但你必須弄清楚它是什麼，然後你必須瞄準它，當你在區域內，你正在擴大你的技能在一種方式，這是本質上的獎勵，因為你成功。

And so you want to set If you're good to yourself, You think Okay, I need to set a goal, but I need to set a goal that someone as stupid and useless as me could probably attain if they put some effort into it.

所以你要設定如果你對自己好，你就會想，好吧，我需要設定一個目標，但我需要設定一個目標，像我一樣愚蠢和無用的人可能會達到，如果他們付出一些努力。

Now, if there are things about your life that are bothering you or things about the world that are bothering you, then you want to decompose them into solvable sub problems.

現在，如果你的生活中有一些事情困擾著你，或者世界上有一些事情困擾著你，那麼你要把它們分解成可解決的子問題。

You could do something as simple as just sit on your bed and think Okay.

你可以做一些簡單的事情，就像坐在床上想好。

There's probably, like, five things I could do today, so that tomorrow morning is slightly better than this morning Waas at least, Or at least I'm not falling behind.

我今天大概可以做五件事 這樣明天早上就會比今天早上好一點 至少我不會落後於人

And those who usually be It's like having eat a toad in the morning, right?

而那些平時就像早上吃了一隻蛤蟆的人，對吧？

It's like it's not gonna be something you want to do.

這就像它不會是你想做的事情。

There'll be things you're trying to avoid their snakes essentially, air yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else's.

會有一些事情，你是想避開他們的蛇本質上，氣自己昨天的你，而不是別人的誰。

Today.

今天的。

I've dealt with hundreds of people in my clinical and consulting practice, and we set ah, goal.

我在臨床和諮詢實踐中和數百人打過交道，我們設定了啊，目標。

We develop a vision and work towards it, and things inevitably get better for people.

我們制定一個願景，併為之努力，人們的生活必然會變得更好。

So it's not a luxury.

所以這並不是一種奢侈。

It's it's difficult.

這是... ...這是困難的。

It's a moral responsibility and it isn't happiness.

這是一種道德責任，這不是幸福。

It's it's not.

這是它不是。

The pursuit isn't for happiness.

追求不是為了幸福。

Yeah, well, greatness is what reveals itself when you when you attempt to formulate when you attempt carefully articulate and live out what you believe to be true, it just happens because there isn't anything more powerful than truth, right?

是啊，偉大是什麼揭示了自己 當你當你試圖制定 當你試圖仔細闡明和生活了 你認為是真實的，它只是發生 因為沒有什麼比真理更強大，對不對？

That's the antidote.

這就是解藥。

Just suffering truth.

只是痛苦的真相。

If you ask yourself instead of telling yourself, what is it that I could do to set things?

如果你問自己，而不是告訴自己，我可以做什麼事情來安排？

Mawr right today that I would actually do.

毛爾就在今天，我真的會做。

It's usually some small thing because you're not that discipline.

一般都是一些小事，因為你沒有那個紀律。

Then you can go do it.

那你可以去做了。

Lay a disciplinary structure on yourself, get the chaos in check, and then you can move towards the state.

給自己佈下一個懲戒結構，把亂象控制住，然後你就可以向國家發展了。

That's freer.

那就更自由了。

Well, what happens if you don't treat other people like they matter?

那麼，如果你不把別人當做重要的人，會發生什麼？

Well, you lie to them, you cheat them, you steal you, you you enter into impulsive relationships with them.

好吧，你對他們撒謊，你欺騙他們，你偷你，你你和他們進入衝動的關係。

They can't trust you.

他們不能相信你。

That doesn't go anywhere.

這不會去任何地方。

They don't like you.

他們不喜歡你

You you end up alone at best and maybe like incarcerated at worst like that doesn't work.

你... ...你最終會孤獨的，在最好的情況下，也許像監禁在最壞的情況下，像這樣做是行不通的。

And so you watch the people around you who thrive regardless of what they say, they act out the proposition that everyone matters.

於是你看著身邊的人不管說什麼都能茁壯成長，他們用行動踐行著每個人都重要的命題。

If you're hungry and you eat while that's good, but it's over and then you're onto the next thing, right.

如果你餓了，你一邊吃，那是好事，但結束了，然後你就會去做下一件事，對吧。

It's not exactly sustaining.

這不完全是維持。

It's just necessary.

這只是必要的。

That's called Consume a Torrey reward, By the way, things other reward system is incentive reward, and the incentive rewards system works on dopamine.

這就是所謂的消耗託雷獎勵，順便說一下，事情其他的獎勵制度是激勵獎勵，而激勵獎勵制度是對多巴胺起作用的。

This neurochemical dopamine, which is also the the neurochemical tracks that opiates and cocaine and amphetamines, the drugs that people really like to abuse alcohol, often for some people.

這種神經化學物質多巴胺，也就是鴉片和可卡因以及苯丙胺，人們真正喜歡濫用酒精的藥物，往往對一些人來說，是神經化學物質的軌道。

Um, activate.

嗯，激活。

And so you might say, if you don't have enough meaning in your life, then you're more prone to addiction.

所以你可能會說，如果你的生活沒有足夠的意義，那麼你更容易上癮。

And that's definitely the case.

而這絕對是事實。

Even with rats.

即使是老鼠。

If you take a rat, you put him in a cage by himself, and he has nothing to dio.

如果你拿一隻老鼠，你把它自己關在籠子裡，它就沒有什麼可嘚瑟的了。

And then you give him access to cocaine.

然後你讓他接觸到可卡因。

He'll get addicted to the point where he won't do anything but take cocaine.

他會上癮到除了吸食可卡因什麼都不做的地步。

But if you throw the rat back in with a bunch of the rats and he gets to do rat things, then it's very hard to get him addicted to cocaine.

但如果你把老鼠和一群老鼠一起扔回去，讓他做老鼠的事情，那就很難讓他對可卡因上癮。

And so the purposeless rat is prone to addiction.

所以無目的的老鼠容易上癮。

Well, it's the same with human beings.

嗯，人也一樣。

Kind of have this idea that that you have a certain delightful, wonderful positive freedom as a child, and then that's given up as you approach adulthood.

那種有這樣的想法，你有一定的 令人愉快的，美好的積極的自由作為一個孩子， 然後放棄了，因為你接近成年。

But the truth of the matter is, is that you have a lot of potential as a child, but none of that is capable of manifesting itself as freedom before you become disciplined and discipline is a matter of the imposition of order, and the order is necessary especially for people who are hopeless and nihilistic and lots of people are hopeless and nihilistic way more people than you think.

但事實是，你小時候有很多潛力，但這些潛力在你沒有成為紀律之前，都無法表現為自由，紀律是一個強加秩序的問題，而秩序是必要的，尤其是對於那些無望和虛無主義的人來說，很多人無望和虛無主義的人比你想象的要多。

And part of that is because no one's ever really encouraged them.

而部分原因是沒有人真正鼓勵他們。

The magnitude of the reward you experience as you're moving towards a goal is proportionate to the importance of the goal.

當你朝著目標前進時，你所體驗到的回報的大小與目標的重要性成正比。

So that means the more important the goal you pick, the more possibility there is for the kind of reward.

所以說，你選的目標越重要，那種獎勵的可能性就越大。

Let's say it's It's really a state of being that is life affirming on.

比方說它它真的是一種狀態，是生命的肯定上。

And it is directly life affirming in that you know, like if you're in a football game and you're and it's an important football game and maybe you break a finger and you know normally that's that's a problem, it hurts, and you're gonna stop doing whatever you're doing.

它是直接的生活肯定的，你知道，就像如果你在足球比賽，你是，這是一個重要的足球比賽，也許你打破了一個手指，你知道通常情況下，這是一個問題，它的傷害，你會停止做任何你正在做的。

But if you're right in the middle of the game, then you'll be so amped up on this reward system that it's an algae zik.

但如果你正處於遊戲之中，那麼你就會對這個獎勵系統充滿了期待，這就是一個藻吱。

It stops the pain.

它能止痛。

It also suppresses anxiety, people that have extracted unbelievable successes out of catastrophic failures.

它還能抑制焦慮，人們從災難性的失敗中提取出不可思議的成功。

And so and I'm not saying that in a naive way.

所以，我也不是天真的說。

I know perfectly well what happens to people you know you're doing fine in life, and then you get cancer and then six months later you're dead and all the heroism in the world isn't going to save you at that point.

我很清楚人的情況，你知道你的生活很好，然後你得了癌症，六個月後你就死了，世界上所有的英雄主義在那個時候都救不了你。

But that's not the point.

但這不是問題的關鍵。

That's not the point.

這不是問題的關鍵。

Life is bounded by mortality, but that doesn't mean that you don't get out there and contend, and you develop by contending, and you minimize the net amount of suffering in the world.

生命被死亡所束縛，但這並不意味著你不去爭，你通過爭來發展，你就能最大限度地減少世界上的淨苦。

And that's something, man.

這就是東西，男人。

That's something to do, yeah.

這是要做的事情，是的。