My name's Stephen LaConte.

我叫Stephen LaConte.

If you've spent any time on BuzzFeed,

如果你在BuzzFeed上花了點時間。

you might know me as the guy

你可能知道我這個人

who does the advice column there.

誰做的建議欄有。

Basically, the way it works is people DM me

基本上，它的工作方式是大家給我發DM。

on Instagram and Twitter.

在Instagram和Twitter上。

People send me their wildest, craziest,

人們給我發來了他們最狂野，最瘋狂的。

juiciest, most interesting problems,

最多汁、最有趣的問題。

and I try to solve as many of them

我試圖解決儘可能多的問題

as I possibly can right here on BuzzFeed.

因為我可能會在這裡BuzzFeed的權利。

For as long as I can remember,

從我記事起

I've been the guy that my friends turn

我一直是我的朋友向我求助的人。

to whenever they need advice.

每當他們需要諮詢時，都會向。

I don't really know why.

我真的不知道為什麼。

I'm a hot mess in virtually every life department,

我幾乎在每一個生活部門都是一團熱。

but I like to think I'm a logical,

但我喜歡認為我是一個邏輯的。

practical, reasonable guy.

實事求是，通情達理的傢伙。

Quick disclaimer before we start.

在我們開始之前，快速的免責聲明。

I'm not a therapist.

我不是一個治療師。

Please go to therapy.

請去治療。

That would not be me.

那就不是我了。

That would be an accredited person

那就是一個認可的人

who does things much smarter than me.

誰做的事情比我聰明得多。

That said, let's do this thing.

說完了，我們來做這件事。

(bell ringing)

（鐘聲）

So I recently got a DM from someone who wants to know

所以我最近收到了一個DM，有人想知道

whether they should meet up

相不相識

with their old high school teacher.

與他們的高中老教師。

"Dear Stephen," that's me.

"親愛的Stephen"，那是我。

"I'm currently 23 years old and I'm talking

"我現在23歲，我說的是

"to my former high school teacher.

"給我以前的高中老師，

"Yes," in all capitals, "I know what it must

"是的，"所有的大寫字母，"我知道它必須

"sound like, but hear me out.

"聽起來像，但聽我說完。

"He taught in my school for a year

"他在我的學校教過一年書

"and moved away to pursue a career in law.

"並搬走從事法律工作。

"He's a lawyer now.

"他現在是個律師。

"And that was 10 years ago.

"而那是10年前的事了。

"I haven't met him since.

"從那以後，我就再也沒有見過他了。

"We've only started talking recently

"我們最近才開始談

"and we have an 11-year age difference."

"我們有11歲的年齡差距。"

Okay, so let's just do some quick mental math here.

好吧，讓我們在這裡做一些快速的心理計算。

She's 23 years old now, she had him 10 years ago,

她現在23歲了，她10年前就有了他。

which I guess means she was 13 when she had him.

我想這意味著她13歲時就有了他。

Now she's 23 and he's 11 years older than her,

現在她23歲了，他比她大11歲。

which means he's 34.

這意味著他是34歲。

"We connect so well because we bond

"我們聯繫得這麼好，是因為我們的關係

"over work, politics and dogs.

"在工作，政治和狗。

"He would text me every day, but nothing too inappropriate.

"他每天都會給我發簡訊，但沒有什麼太不合適的。

"He's also expressed how he wants

"他也表達了他想如何

"to see me in real life and have a conversation in person.

"看到我在現實生活中，並有一個談話的人。

"Is this a bad idea?"

"這是個壞主意嗎？"

So your question was, "Is this a bad idea?"

所以你的問題是，"這是個壞主意嗎？"

Could we flip that and ask a different question?

我們能不能翻轉一下，問一個不同的問題？

If your question is, "Is this a good idea?"

如果你的問題是，"這是個好主意嗎？"

That one I can answer and I'm pretty sure the answer is no.

這個我可以回答，我很確定答案是否定的。

The guy taught you when you were 13.

那個人在你13歲的時候就教你了。

That's pretty young.

這是相當年輕。

You're both consenting adults now,

你們現在都是自願的成年人了。

perfectly capable of doing whatever you wanna do,

完全可以做任何你想做的事情。

but the fact remains you were 13 years old when you met him.

但事實是，你遇到他的時候，你才13歲。

I can't help. but think there's something

我忍不住想，但覺得有些事情

a little bit off about a man who would take on

一個男人對一個會接受

the very important responsibility of educating young people

教育青年的重要責任

in their most formative, vulnerable, impressionable years,

在他們最成長、最脆弱、最易受影響的歲月裡。

and then that same guy has the capacity

然後，同一個人有能力

to turn around and date one of them?

轉身和他們中的一個約會？

I'm not saying it's illegal,

我不是說這是違法的。

but I am saying it's a little weird, right?

但我說的是有點奇怪，對吧？

If you were 20 years out of high school

如果你高中畢業20年

or 30 years out of high school

或高中畢業30年

and your teenaged life was long forgotten,

而你的少年生活早已被遺忘。

maybe it wouldn't be that big of a deal.

也許這不會是一個很大的問題。

And that's just the teacher aspect of things.

而這只是老師方面的事情。

I would also have concerns about the age difference,

我也會擔心年齡的差異。

even if that man had never been responsible

縱使此人不負責任

for educating you.

為教育你。

And that's gonna bring me to a segment

而這將帶我到一個部分

I call Stephen speaks in sweeping generalizations

我叫史蒂芬以偏概全

that are probably gonna get him in trouble with commenters.

這可能會讓他在評論員的麻煩。

There are plenty of people out there

有很多人在那裡

who have age differences with their partners

與伴侶有年齡差異的人

and they're totally in love and happy

他們完全在愛和幸福

and have a great relationship.

並有很好的關係。

There's nothing wrong with that.

這沒有什麼不妥。

However, when a 34-year-old wants to date a 23-year-old,

然而，當一個34歲的人想和一個23歲的人約會。

I think it's worth at least asking a few questions.

我覺得至少值得問幾個問題。

An 11-year age difference isn't unheard of.

11歲的年齡差並不是聞所未聞。

It's not obscene.

這不是淫穢。

And the older you get the less of a gap it becomes.

而且年齡越大，差距越小。

A 40-year-old dating a 51-year-old,

一個40歲的人和一個51歲的人約會。

that's really no big deal at all,

這真的沒有什麼大不了的，在所有。

but the difference in life

殊途同歸

between a 23-year-old and a 34-year-old is vast.

23歲和34歲之間的差距是巨大的。

Sometimes when a 34-year-old wants

有時候，當一個34歲的人想要

to date someone in their very early twenties,

和二十出頭的人約會。

it means there's something else going on.

這意味著有別的事情發生。

Maybe they're kind of immature and they don't wanna grow up.

也許他們是那種不成熟的，他們不想長大。

Maybe there are weird things about them

也許他們身上有奇怪的東西

that a partner their own age would know to look for,

一個同齡人都知道要找的伴侶。

but someone younger wouldn't recognize.

但年輕的人就不認識了。

Maybe it means they're looking for a partner

也許他們在找一個合作伙伴吧

over whom they can exert some power or control.

他們可以對其施加某種權力或控制。

These things are not always true by any means,

這些事情無論如何也不一定是真的。

but it's worth asking yourself those questions

但值得問自己這些問題

before you get into a relationship

戀愛之前

with someone 11 years older than you.

和比你大11歲的人在一起

Okay, but I wanna bring an expert in here

好吧，但我想帶一個專家在這裡。

because, fact is, I'm not a teacher.

因為，事實是，我不是一個老師。

I'm just a guy.

我只是一個人。

I'd be really curious to know what someone

我真的很想知道，有人...

who actually teaches 13-year-olds thinks of this.

誰真正教13歲的孩子認為這。

Lucky for me, one of my best friends

我很幸運，我最好的一個朋友

in the world happens to be a teacher of 13-year-olds.

世界上恰好是一個13歲的老師。

I think I might call her. (phone ringing)

我想我可能會打電話給她。（電話鈴聲）

Are you there?

你在嗎？

- [Friend] Hi.

- 嗨，我的天

- I need your help.

- 我需要你的幫助

(laughing) - Okay, what's up?

好吧，怎麼了？

- The teacher, like, maybe asked her out on a date.

- 老師，可能會約她出去。

It's kind of unclear.

這有點不清楚。

She just wants to know if she should meet up

她只是想知道是否應該見一面

with this old teacher first for a date or not.

和這位老教師先約不約。

From a teacher who teaches 13-year-olds' perspective,

從一個教13歲孩子的老師的角度。

is this a bad idea?

這是個壞主意嗎？

- [Friend] This is 1000% a bad idea.

- [朋友]這是1000%的壞主意。

This is shady as hell. (laughing)

這是黑幕，因為地獄。（笑）

- Okay, tell me why.

- 好吧，告訴我為什麼。

- [Friend] There's a lot to unpack here.

- 這裡有很多東西需要解開。

He taught me for a year and then moved on to something else.

他教了我一年，然後就轉到別的地方去了。

Fine.

好吧

That's the general time that most teachers

這是大多數教師的一般時間

teach their students, right?

教他們的學生，對嗎？

You're with these kids for a year and then they move on.

你和這些孩子在一起一年，然後他們就離開了。

What happens though, is that these kids basically

但發生的事情是，這些孩子基本上

in your mind are always gonna be the age they were

在你的腦海中，永遠都是他們的年齡，他們是。

when you taught them.

當你教他們。

So, for instance, I taught first grade.

所以，比如說，我教一年級。

Those kids are in sixth grade now, which is horrifying,

這些孩子現在已經上六年級了，真是太可怕了。

but whenever I see them, like, in my mind,

但每當我看到他們，喜歡，在我的腦海裡。

they're still those first graders that I taught

他們還是我教的那些一年級學生呢

and they're just like little kids, right?

他們就像小孩子一樣，對嗎？

Second of all, 13-year-olds are unmistakably still children.

其次，13歲的孩子不折不扣地還是孩子。

Like, I don't care if you're the most emotionally mature,

就像，我不在乎你是不是情感最成熟的人。

self-possessed, physically developed 13-yeah- old

自強不息，身體發達的13歲少年

in the world, like, you are still visibly a child.

在這個世界上，喜歡，你還是明顯的一個孩子。

So like, it would have been weird then.

所以喜歡，那時候會很奇怪。

It's definitely weird now because the way he's viewing her

現在肯定很奇怪，因為他看她的方式

in his mind's eye is still from when she was 13

在他的腦海裡，還停留在她13歲的時候

and was still a kid.

而且還是個孩子。

Does that make sense?

這有意義嗎？

- It does make sense.

- 確實有道理。

So let's present a hypothetical scenario here.

所以我們在這裡提出一個假設的方案。

You have a bunch of 13-year-old students right now.

你現在有一群13歲的學生。

10 years from now. - No.

10年後- ぃ

- You haven't spoken to this student,

- 你還沒有跟這個學生說過話。

- No, no. - but 10 years from now,

- 不，不，但10年後。

what if they're really, really hot?

如果他們是真的，真的很熱？

- [Friend] No, there is no hypothetical situation

- [朋友]不，不存在假設的情況

you could give me where 10 years from now,

你可以給我10年後在哪裡。

like, what, I'm gonna teach them

像，什麼，我要去教他們，

about "To Kill a Mockingbird" and then 10 years,

關於《殺死一隻知更鳥》，然後10年。

try to date them?

試著和他們約會？

Like, that's not going to happen.

就像，這是不可能發生的。

- I do have one confession, though,

- 不過，我有一個懺悔。

I just, part of me does feel

我只是，我的一部分確實覺得

like a fraud with this whole thing.

就像一個金光黨，這整個事情。

The two of us went to the same high school.

我們倆是同一所高中的同學。

I don't know if I've ever told you this,

我不知道我是否告訴過你這個。

but once upon a time, I did find one

但從前，我確實發現了一個人。

of our old teachers on Tinder - Oh god.

我們的老教師在火柴人上 - 哦，上帝。

- and I did match with him.

- 而我確實和他匹配。

(record scratching) (friend laughing)

（記錄劃痕）（朋友笑）。

- That's not weird from your end, Stephen.

- 這不是奇怪的從你的角度，斯蒂芬。

It's totally normal for students

這對學生來說是很正常的

to have crushes on their teachers.

對老師有好感

It's super weird from the teacher's perspective.

從老師的角度看，這超級奇怪。

Because ultimately-- - That's exactly what I said.

因為最終...

That's exactly what I said.

我就是這麼說的。

- There's this thing with education

- 教育是這樣的

called in loco parentis, which is Latin,

稱為 "代位父母"，這是拉丁語。

that basically just means that when students

這基本上只是意味著，當學生

are in school, you're in the place

在學校裡，你在這個地方。

of the parent as the responsible adult,

父母作為負責任的成年人，

who's looking out for that kid, right?

誰在尋找出那個孩子，對不對？

That's why mandated reporting laws exist.

這就是為什麼有強制報告法的原因。

You're the adult in the room

你是房間裡的大人

that's looking out for the welfare of that child.

這是在尋找出 該孩子的福利。

So it's not like a parent child relationship

所以它不像父母子女的關係。

that gets developed between teachers and students,

得到發展的教師和學生之間。

but that's the general vibe is that it's like,

但這是一般的氛圍是，它像。

you're just literally supposed to be

你只是從字面上應該是

the responsible adult in the room, looking out for that kid

大人在房間裡負責任，為那孩子著想。

and definitely not thinking about wanting to date them ever

也絕對不會想著要和他們約會了

in any hypothetical situation. (laughing)

在任何假設的情況下。（笑）

- So what you're saying is,

- 所以你的意思是，

it's a good thing that I never met up with that teacher.

好在我沒有遇到那個老師。

- [Friend] It's a great thing you never met

- [朋友]這是一個偉大的事情，你從來沒有見過。

up with this person.

了這個人。

I'm definitely gonna text you after this

我一定會在這之後給你發短信

to find out who it was 'cause I'm super curious.

找出它是誰，因為我超級好奇。

- Thank you very much.

- 非常感謝你。

You are such a huge help to me with this.

你真是幫了我大忙了。

I really appreciate it.

我真的很感激。

- [Friend] No problem.

- 沒問題。

- So it's time for my final thoughts here.

- 所以，在這裡該是我最後的想法了。

At the end of the day, it really has

在一天結束時，它真的有。

to be your decision, not mine.

是你的決定，不是我的。

The truth is, if you've really connected

事實是，如果你真的聯繫上了

with this guy, if you're attracted to him,

與這個傢伙，如果你被他吸引。

if you think you're really like him,

如果你認為你真的像他一樣。

you're probably gonna meet up with him

你可能會和他見面

no matter what the guy on BuzzFeed tells you to do.

不管BuzzFeed上的人告訴你做什麼，

I hope me and my friend have given you

我希望我和我的朋友給你

some things to think about here

一些事情要考慮到這裡

and some important questions to ask yourself,

以及一些重要的問題要問自己。

but at the end of the day, it's got to be your decision.

但在一天結束時，它必須是你的決定。

And now I'm gonna turn to the viewers at home.

現在我要把話題轉向國內的觀眾。

What do you guys think?

你們覺得呢？

Should she go on the date?

她應該去約會嗎？

Should she head for the hills?

她要不要往山上走？

Sound off in the comments with what you would do

在評論中發出聲音，你會怎麼做？

if you were in her situation.

如果你是在她的情況。

I'm gonna read these comments

我要看看這些評論

'cause personally. I would love to know what you guys think.

因為個人。我很想知道你們的想法。

Oh, and if you guys have any questions for me,

哦，如果你們有什麼問題要問我。

if you've got a problem, you want me to solve, DM me.

如果你有一個問題，你想讓我解決，DM我。

I'll do my best.

我會盡力的。

(upbeat music)

(歡快的音樂)