Name: 如何識別情緒化操縱的道歉？ (How to spot an emotionally manipulative apology)
Uploaded: 2020-11-05T18:49:05.000Z
Duration: 8 min 27 s

是啊，這是一個很長的時間來了。

I've made a severe and continuous lapse in my judgment.

我的判斷力出現了嚴重而持續的失誤。

I just want to say Sorry, I want to talk to you guys in this video.

我只想說對不起，我想在這段視頻裡和你們談談。

The YouTube apology and its inherent disingenuousness has become its own genre to the point that people are caused playing as them.

YouTube的道歉及其固有的虛偽性已經成為自己的流派，以至於造成人們扮演他們。

The apology video is such a part of our zeitgeist that public relations professional hunter Frederick went on the record to advise the key to a good apology.

道歉視頻是我們時代潮流的一部分，以至於公共關係專業獵手Frederick公開建議做好道歉的關鍵。

Video is authenticity and owning up to the mistakes made.

視頻是真實的，自己也要承認所犯的錯誤。

It also helps in the YouTube sense, to turn monetization off so it doesn't look like a money grab.

從YouTube的意義上來說，這也是有幫助的，把貨幣化關掉，這樣看起來就不像搶錢了。

Bad apology videos are longer than 10 minutes, he says.

他說，糟糕的道歉視頻超過10分鐘。

An overly emotional videos tend to get lost with the viewers.

過於感性的視頻往往會被觀眾遺忘。

I have no shame in admitting I have watched like hours and hours of apology videos.

我毫不羞愧地承認我看了好幾個小時的道歉視頻。

I think there's something inherently fascinating about them, which is probably why they rack up so many views.

我認為它們有一些內在的魅力，這可能是為什麼它們積累了這麼多的瀏覽量。

But almost all of the ones that I've seen are pretty emotionally manipulative.

但我見過的幾乎都是很有感情的人。

The only exception, in my opinion being Jenna Marbles, who made a 47 minute video, genuinely taking accountability for her lack of knowledge of how to take care of a fish.

唯一的例外，在我看來是珍娜-馬布爾，她做了一個47分鐘的視頻，真心為自己不懂如何照顧一條魚而負責。

Incredibly sorry it did not mean to disappoint anybody or make anyone mad or do wrong by any animals.

非常抱歉，它不是故意讓任何人失望或讓任何人生氣或做錯任何動物。

And I hope that if you are looking into getting some fishies, just don't do what I did.

而我希望，如果你想買一些魚，就不要像我這樣做。

And her 12 minute video acknowledging the racist things she's done in her past that that was never my intention.

而她的12分鐘視頻承認她過去做過的種族主義事情，那絕不是我的本意。

我希望這不是我過去的一部分。

And the reason I think Jenna's apology videos Air genuine is because she doesn't try to make excuses for her behavior.

而我認為珍娜的道歉視頻是真實的原因是因為她沒有為自己的行為找藉口。

She actually seems to reflect on how it's problematic, own up to it and vowed to do better.

其實她似乎在反思這是有問題的，自己也承認了，併發誓要做得更好。

I mean, I don't know Jenna personally, but from what we can see of her behavior post apology online.

我的意思是，我不認識珍娜本人，但從我們在網上看到的她道歉後的行為來看。

She does what she says, even when it's leaving her channel to reflect on how she can move forward.

她說到做到，即使是離開她的管道，也要反思自己如何前進。

I'm not sure that I want to continue doing stuff on this channel, and I don't wanna put anything out in the world.

我不確定我是否還想繼續在這個頻道上做東西，我不想把任何東西放在世界上。

On the other hand, most of the apology videos I've seen have the tell tale signs of emotional manipulation.

另一方面，我看到的大多數道歉視頻都有情緒操縱的蛛絲馬跡。

啊，巨大的一個是過度的哭泣。

I mean, there are a compilation videos online where people edit down an apology video to just the crying.

我的意思是，網上有一個彙編視頻，人們把道歉視頻剪輯下來，只剩下哭聲。

And sometimes it's 2 to 5 minutes, which is an odd choice when the video has been clearly edited and you could have taken all of that out.

而且有時是2到5分鐘，這是個奇怪的選擇，而視頻已經被清晰地剪輯過，你可以把這些都拿出來。

I mean, I think it's fine to say you were crying.

我的意思是，我認為這是很好的 說你哭了。

週四的時候我就像哭了一整天。

But to showcase full minutes of you sobbing when you're supposed to be taking accountability for something that's called weaponizing your tears and trying to get the sympathy and forgiveness of your audience through emotional manipulation means so much more to me than that you guys are worth so much more than that, and you guys are my family.

但是，在你本該負責任的時候，卻展示了你整整幾分鐘的抽泣，這就是所謂的武器化的眼淚，並試圖通過情緒操控來獲得觀眾的同情和原諒，這對我來說意義重大，你們的價值遠不止於此，你們是我的家人。

These videos also heavily dodge responsibility, often placing it on a third party as a result of all of the poisonous lies that were fed to me by Shane Dawson and Jeffrey Star, or on their humanity and imperfection.

這些視頻也嚴重回避了責任，往往把責任推給第三方，因為沙恩-道森和傑弗裡-斯達給我灌輸的所有毒舌謊言，或者說他們的人性和不完美。

I have no emotional outlets in my real life, But I'm not strong all the time.

我在現實生活中沒有情感的出口，但我並不是一直都很堅強。

Now, years later, I look back at that and and I talked about this before.

多年後的今天，我回過頭來看，和我以前談過這個問題。

But I When I say I hate that person, I mean it in the most intense way possible.

但我... 當我說我恨那個人時，我的意思是以最強烈的方式。

That person was filled with sadness, filled with anger about their own issues, uh, in the closet, constantly projecting on others, just like I don't know, just that that person is someone who I don't like seeing or, you know, they acknowledge some agency, but still there, ultimately a victim, too.

那個人充滿了悲傷，充滿了對自己問題的憤怒，呃，在櫃子裡，不斷地投射到別人身上，就像我不知道，只是那個人是我不喜歡看到的人，或者，你知道，他們承認一些機構，但仍然有，最終也是一個受害者。

I can usually spot deceit and manipulation a mile away.

我通常能在一英里外發現欺騙和操縱。

But my guard was down from being heart broken, and I allowed myself to be worked by Shane, Jeffrey and others.

但我的戒備心因為被傷透了心而放下，我任由自己被謝恩、傑弗裡等人利用。

It feels especially duplicitous when the Apologize er follows up with some public charity move that it's so obviously damage control for anyone watching.

當Apologize er在後續的一些公共慈善舉動中，感覺特別奸詐，誰看了都會覺得這是明顯的損害控制。

I want you to know you are not alone, and most of the time crisis passes.

我想讓你知道你並不孤單，大多數時候危機都會過去。

So if you or anyone you know, feels alone or trapped I encourage anyone to call or even Texas suicide or crisis hotline.

所以，如果你或你認識的人，感到孤獨或被困，我鼓勵大家撥打甚至德州自殺或危機熱線。

One girl even made an apology video for her apology video, which is an inception that I don't think needs to exist.

有一個女孩甚至為她的道歉視頻做了一個道歉視頻，這是我認為不需要存在的一種觀念。

And the reason why these videos don't ring true for us is because we consensus that there's no intention on the apologizes part to change their behavior.

而這些視頻之所以對我們來說不真實，是因為我們一致認為，道歉的部分沒有打算改變他們的行為。

It's a performative, purely self preservation.

這是一種表演性的，純粹的自我保護。

And now that I said that I'm gonna take accountability for my actions, I really hope that you'll like comment and subscribe at If you forgive me, I also have some new merch.

而現在我說了，我要為自己的行為負責，真的希望你能喜歡評論和訂閱，如果你原諒我，我也有一些新的商品。

Hey, a lunch order is like, Okay, Can you order me the salmon, truffle sashimi and a green salad dressing on the side?

嘿，午餐訂單是這樣的，好吧，你能給我點三文魚，松露生魚片和綠色沙拉醬嗎？

You have the transcript cry for 20 seconds?

But I think what we can learn from the YouTube apology video phenomenon is something that we often overlook in our own personal lives.

但我認為，我們可以從YouTube道歉視頻現象中學到的，是我們在個人生活中經常忽略的東西。

I mean, how often have you gotten into a conflict, or like a family member, a friend or a partner, and the problematic behavior in question?

我的意思是，你有多少次陷入衝突，或者像家庭成員、朋友或合作伙伴，以及有關的問題行為？

Whether it's perpetuated by you or them keeps repeating itself time and time again.

不管是你還是他們延續的，都在一次次的重複。

An apology with no intention or action or reflection to fix the root of a behavioral problem is basically taking an L.

沒有打算或行動或反思的道歉，沒有從根本上解決行為問題，基本上就是拿L。

So the other person shuts the hell up, whether it's intended or not.

所以對方不管是有意還是無意，都會閉上嘴巴。

Apologies without change behavior can't be manipulation.

沒有改變行為的道歉，就不能成為操縱。

We've probably done this as early as when we were kids, Like when we said, Oh, we're so sorry Next time, we'll for sure do our homework before we go outside and play.

我們可能早在小時候就這樣做了，比如我們說，哦，我們很抱歉，下次，我們一定會在出去玩之前做完作業。

We've had this done to us in relationships when someone chronically cheats and they promise it's never gonna happen again and they're so sorry they hurt you.

我們在戀愛關係中也遇到過這種情況，當有人長期出軌時，他們保證再也不會發生了，他們很抱歉，他們傷害了你。

We may even have this in our family dynamic.

我們的家庭動態中甚至可能有這種情況。

When we have a parent who promises to show up this time, and when this time doesn't happen, they ask for forgiveness and another chance.

當我們的父母承諾這次會出現，當這次沒有出現時，他們就會請求原諒，再給一次機會。

For the record, I don't think anyone is bad.

鄭重聲明，我不認為任何人是壞的。

I don't think anyone does this to be a bad person.

我想沒有人這樣做是為了做一個壞人。

I think it's really rare to meet someone who's actually trying to inflict harm on someone else.

我想，能遇到一個真正想害別人的人，真的很難得。

But intention doesn't matter as much as impact.

But if I do it, do you think my apology is gonna make a difference?

但如果我這麼做了，你覺得我的道歉會有什麼不同嗎？

And next time I promise I'll stop joking you.

When you asked me Dio I mean to be fair, you didn't ask me.

當你問我Dio的時候，我是說公平點，你沒有問我。

I mean, you were being choked, but still.

我的意思是，你是被扼殺，但仍然。

And this is the difference between a genuine apology and one that's manipulative.

這就是真正的道歉和操縱性道歉的區別。

Are we willing to examine ourselves and the issue at hand?

我們是否願意審視自己和眼前的問題？

If we're the person who's hurting someone, are we willing to put down our defenses and hear them?

如果我們是那個傷害別人的人，我們是否願意放下防備，傾聽他們的聲音？

And more importantly, are we willing to put in the effort to change?

而更重要的是，我們是否願意付出努力去改變？

Because, I mean, we're all gonna mess up one point or another.

因為，我的意思是，我們都會搞砸了一個點或另一個。

I mean, we have hurtful biases and behaviors and patterns, and conflict in this world is inevitable.

我的意思是，我們有傷害性的偏見和行為和模式，這個世界上的衝突是不可避免的。

But the only thing in our control when that conflict happens is how we choose to react, how we choose to integrate that into our lives moving forward and how genuine we could be when we say I'm sorry and I promise I'll do better.

但當這種衝突發生時，我們唯一能控制的就是我們選擇如何反應，如何選擇將其融入到我們未來的生活中，以及當我們說 "對不起，我保證我會做得更好 "時，我們能有多真誠。

I'm Anaconda and thank you so much for the patrons responding this video also thank you to square space for pardoning for today's video.

我是蟒蛇，非常感謝拍客們對這個視頻的迴應，也感謝廣場空間對今天視頻的赦免。

字幕列表影片播放

如何識別情緒化操縱的道歉？ (How to spot an emotionally manipulative apology)

phenomenon

inevitable

content

genuine