EVERYBODY.

每個人。

LET'S SAY HELLO TO OUR FRIEND JON BATISTE.

讓我們向我們的朋友JON BATISTE問好。

HELLO, JON.

你好，喬恩。

>> Jon: HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON, STEPHEN?

>> 嘿，發生什麼事了，史蒂芬？

HOW YOU DOING.

你怎麼做。

>> Stephen: YOU KNOW WHAT'S ON MY MIND RIGHT NOW IS THE PASSING

>> 你知道我現在心裡想的是什麼嗎?

OF THE GREAT EDDIE VAN HALEN.

偉大的愛迪-範-哈倫的作品。

DIED TODAY AT AGE 65.

今天去世，享年65歲。

>> Jon: YUP, THE GREAT EDDIE VAN HALEN, TRUE GENIUS, WHO WILL

>> 喬恩偉大的埃迪-範-哈倫，真正的天才，他將會...

ALWAYS BE HERE WITH US THROUGH HIS MUSIC.

通過他的音樂，永遠和我們在一起。

HIS SPIRIT IS GOING TO TRANSCEND HIS LIFETIME, FOR SURE.

他的精神將超越他的一生，肯定。

>> Stephen: I'LL NEVER FORGET WHEN I WAS 15 YEARS OLD, I WENT

>> 史蒂芬：我永遠不會忘記，當我15歲的時候，我就去了。

AND SPENT A COUPLE OF WEEKS WITH A FRIEND OF MINE IN ANOTHER

並花了幾個星期與我的一個朋友在另一個地方。

TOWN, A GUY NAMED BILL CLARK.

鎮上，一個叫比爾-克拉克的傢伙。

AND BILL SAID-- THIS IS 1979, I THINK, SOMETHING LIKE THAT,

和比爾說 - 這是1979年，我想，類似的東西。

1979.

1979.

HE GOES, "SIT DOWN, I'M GOING TO PLAY AN ALBUM CALLED "WOMEN AND

他說："坐下來，我要播放一張名為 "女人和 "的專輯。

CHILDREN FIRST."

兒童第一"。

AND HE-- WE LISTENED TO VAN HALEN ONE-- HELP ME OUT.

而他... 我們聽了範哈倫的一... 幫幫我吧

VAN HALEN ONE, VAN HALEN TWO, "WOMEN AND CHILDREN FIRST."

範哈倫一，範哈倫二，"婦女和兒童第一"。

I REMEMBER HEARING "ERUPTION" FOR THE FIRST TIME.

我記得第一次聽到 "爆發"。

"RUN WITH THE DEVIL."

"與魔鬼賽跑"

"JAMIE'S CRYING."

"JAMIE'S CRYING。"

UNBELIEVABLE.

不可思議的。

2 HE CHANGED WHAT I THOUGHT WAS POSSIBLE WITH A GUITAR.

2他改變了我對吉他的看法。

WHAT A GENIUS.

什麼是天才。

>> Jon: HE HAD HIS OWN TECHNIQUE.

>> 喬恩。他有自己的技術。

HE HAD HIS OWN SOUND.

他有自己的聲音。

I LOVE HEARING THOSE STORIES FROM QUINCY JONES WOULD TELL ME

我喜歡聽那些故事 從昆西瓊斯會告訴我。

ABOUT WHEN THEY WERE RECORD AGO.

關於當他們記錄在案的時候，

>> Stephen: WAIT, QUINCY RECORDED VAN HALEN?

>> Stephen:等等 QUINCY錄下了VAN HALEN?

>> Jon: YES, OH, YES.

>> 喬恩。是的，哦，是的。

HE ROARED VAN HALEN, AND HE HAD A TECHNIQUE ABOUT HOW HE PLAYED

他對範哈倫大吼大叫，他對自己的演奏有一套技術。

THAT HE WOULD ALWAYS COVER HIMSELF ON STAGE, BUT QUINCY GOT

他總是會掩蓋自己在舞臺上， 但昆西得到了。

A CHANCE TO SEE IT.

有機會看到它。

I LOOF THAT STUFF.

我LOOF的東西。

>> Stephen: I FORGOT HE WOULD TURN AWAY FOR HIS HAMMERINGS.

>> 史蒂芬：我忘了他會為了他的錘子而轉身。

>> Jon: EXACTLY, EXACTLY.

>> 喬恩。完全正確，完全正確。

HIS SOUND IS-- YOU CAN'T MATCH IT.

他的聲音是... ... 你無法比擬的。

YOU CAN'T RECREATE THAT.

你無法重現。

THAT'S WHAT I LOVE ABOUT THE GENIUSES OF INSTRUMENTS, LIKE

這就是我喜歡的天才儀器的原因，比如...

THE PIANO AND GUITAR.

鋼琴和吉他。

IT'S THE SAME THING.

這是同樣的事情。

BUT THEY MAKE IT SOUND LIKE THEM.

但他們讓它聽起來像他們。

>> Stephen: WELL, JON, WOULD YOU MIND MAKING IT SOUND LIKE

>> Stephen:好了，喬恩，你會不會介意讓它聽起來像

YOU AS WE GO OUT TO TALK TO MR. JERRY SEINFELD?

我們出去和Jerry SEINFELD先生談談時，你呢？傑瑞-塞費爾德？

♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: JON BATISTE,

JON BATISTE,

♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: JON BATISTE,

JON BATISTE,

EVERYBODY, THANK YOU, JON.

大家，謝謝你，喬恩。

MY GUEST TONIGHT IS A COMEDIAN, ACTOR, WRITER, AND PRODUCER WHO

我今晚的嘉賓是一位喜劇演員、演員、作家和製片人，他是

HAS WRITTEN A NEW BOOK, "IS THIS ANYTHING?"

他寫了一本新書，"這是什麼？"

PLEASE WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW," JERRY SEINFELD.

歡迎收看 "晚間秀"，傑瑞・賽菲爾德。

HELLO, JERRY SEINFELD.

你好，傑瑞・賽義夫德。

HOW ARE YOU?

你怎麼樣？

>> YOU KNOW, STEPHEN COLBERT.

>> 你知道，史蒂芬-科爾伯特。

HOW ARE YOU, SIR?

你好嗎，先生？

>> Stephen: I'M DOING OKAY.

>> Stephen:我做得很好。

IT'S REALLY NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

很高興再次見到你。

IT'S BEEN TOO LONG.

已經太久了。

>> IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME.

>> 好久不見了。

>> Stephen: THE LAST TIME YOU YOU WERE HERE YOU SAID ONE OF

>> 上次你在這裡的時候，你還說了一句話

THE THINGS YOU LIKED MOST ABOUT THE SHOW IS HOW UNCOMFORTABLE IT

你最喜歡這個節目的地方是它的不舒適性。

WAS FOR ME HOW TO GREET THE GUESTS AFTER GOING DOWN THE TWO

對我來說，就是在走完兩段路後，如何迎接客人的到來。

STEPS.

步驟：

>> IT SEEMED TO BE THE ONE LITTLE PIECE OF BEHAVIOR YOU

>> 似乎是你的一個小動作。

WERE STRUGGLING WITH AS YOU WERE TRYING TO TURN YOURSELF INTO A

當你試圖把自己變成一個人的時候，你就會遇到困難。

TALK SHOW HOST, A NORMAL PERSON.

脫口秀主持人，一個正常的人。

>> Stephen: OKAY.

>> Stephen:好的

>> AND I JUST ALWAYS NOTICED-- BUT I DON'T THINK-- IT WASN'T

>> 我只是一直注意到... 但我不認為... 這不是...

REALLY COMPLETELY YOUR FAULT.

真的完全是你的錯。

I DON'T THINK PEOPLE LIKE THAT MOMENT.

我不認為人們喜歡那個時刻。

>> Stephen: WHAT-- WHAT-- >> THERE'S A LOT OF OPTIONS AND

>> 什麼... 什麼... 有很多選擇，而且...

THERE'S A LOT OF CONFUSION.

有很多的困惑。

AND NOW THERE'S EVEN MORE.

現在還有更多。

>> Stephen: RIGHT.

>> Stephen:右邊。

AND HOW DO YOU LIKE THE ZOOM?

你喜歡這個鏡頭嗎？

HOW IS THE AWKWARDNESS OF THIS?

如何是尷尬的這？

DOES THIS FEEL-- >> THIS STINKS.

難道這種感覺 ->這臭。

IT STINKS.

它的臭味。

YOU KNOW, WE LIKE PEOPLE.

你知道，我們喜歡的人。

WE WANT TO BE IN FRONT OF PEOPLE.

我們想在人們面前。

ALTHOUGH, YOU AND I, I THINK, ARE ENTERTAINING IN ANY FORM.

雖然，你和我，我認為，是娛樂的任何形式。

>> Stephen: THANK YOU.

>> Stephen:謝謝你。

I-- I WOULD AGREE WITH YOU.

我... 我同意你的看法。

>> YEAH.

>> 是的。

>> Stephen: AS SOMEONE WHO ENJOYS AWKWARDNESS, IN THE

>> Stephen: 作為一個喜歡尷尬的人，在......。

WORLD, NOT JUST IN THIS, IN THE WORLD DO YOU ENJOY THE

世界，不僅僅是在這個世界，在這個世界上，你是否享受到了這個世界的樂趣？

AWKWARDNESS YOU SEE WITH COVID?

你看到的與COVID的尷尬？

BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW, LIKE, WHEN NECESSARILY TO SOCIALLY

因為你不知道，比如，什麼時候需要交際場合

DISTANCE OR IS THIS THE APPROPRIATE--

距離或這是適當的 --

>> I'LL TELL YOU ONE THING I REALLY DON'T CARE FOR IS THE

>> 我告訴你，我最不喜歡的一件事是：...

LITTLE-- THAT SEEMS TO ACCOMPANY THE ELBOW ATTEMPT.

小... ... 這似乎是配合 肘部的嘗試。

THERE'S AS YOU A LITTLE LAUGH LIKE...

有像你這樣的笑聲... ...

>> Stephen: YES.

>> Stephen:是的。

>> JUST EITHER DO TDON'T DO IT.

>> 只是要麼做，要麼不做。

I DON'T THINK IT'S GOING TO LAST.

我想它不會持續下去。

DO YOU THINK THE ELBOW THING IS GOING TO LAST?

你覺得肘子的事情會持續下去嗎？

>> Stephen: NO.

>> Stephen:編號：

>> I DON'T THINK IT'S GOING TO LAST.

>> 我不認為它會持續下去。

>> Stephen: AS SOON AS THERE'S A VACCINE THERE'S GOING TO BE A

>> 史蒂芬: 一旦有了疫苗，就會有一個。

GREAT RUBBING OF PARTS IN AMERICA AGAIN.

美國又出現了巨大的摩擦。

>> YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

>> YEAH，YEAH，YEAH。

>> Stephen: IT'S ALL GOING TO COME BACK OUT.

>> Stephen:它都會回來了。

>> THERE'S YOUR NOVEL.

>> 這就是你的小說。

THERE'S YOUR NEXT NOVEL RIGHT THERE.

你的下一部小說就在這裡。

>> Stephen: WHAT'S IT LIKE-- YOU WORK OUT YOUR MATERIAL

>> Stephen:

METICULOUSLY, LIKE IN FRONT OF A CROWD.

就像在眾人面前一樣。

>> METICULOUSLY.

>> METICULOUSLY。

I LOVE IT.

愛它。

>> Stephen: NO AUDIENCE, HOARE YOU WORKING ANYTHING OUT?

>> 史蒂芬：沒有聽眾，你有什麼辦法嗎？

OR IF YOU'RE NOT WORKING IT OUT, IS IT DRIVING YOU CRAZY?

或者說，如果你沒有解決這個問題，它是否讓你發瘋了？

>> YOU KNOW, I'M OKAY.

>> 你知道，我沒事。

I LIKE TO JUST WRITE.

我喜歡只寫。

WRITING IS A-- IS A-- IS A LIFE MISSION, A WAY OF LIFE.

寫作是一種--是一種--是一種生活使命，一種生活方式。

AND, YOU KNOW, I WAS ACTUALLY JUST WRITING BEFORE I WAS-- I

而且，你知道，我實際上只是 寫之前，我是... ...

WAS OVER THERE, AND NOW I'M OVER HERE.

以前在那裡，現在我在這裡。

AND, YOU KNOW, IN YOUR MIND, WHEN YOU'RE WRITING,

而且，你知道，在你的腦海裡，當你在寫作的時候。

EVERYTHING'S GREAT.

一切都很好。

IN YOUR MIND, ALL THE MATERIAL WORKS.

在你的腦海裡，所有的材料工程。

AND THEN THE AUDIENCE TELLS YOU THE TRUTH.

然後聽眾告訴你真相。

>> Stephen: I'VE OFTEN THOUGHT THAT, THAT, LIKE THE MOMENT I GO

>> 史蒂芬：我曾經想過，就像我去的那一刻，我的心就像一個人一樣。

DO THE MATERIAL-- BECAUSE, OBVIOUSLY, I HAVE A TEAM OF

做材料... 因為，很明顯，我有一個團隊的。

WRITERS AND EVERYTHING-- AND I READ THE SCRIPTS AND I THINK,

作傢什麼的... ... 我讀了那些經文，然後我就想：

"OH, MY GOD.

"哦，我的天啊。

THAT'S PERFECT SHEET MUSIC.

THAT'S PERFECT SHEET MUSIC.

ALL I CAN DO NOW IS ( BLEEP ) UP THE WAY I PLAY THE VIOLIN.

我現在能做的就是改變我拉小提琴的方式。

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

你知道我的意思嗎？

I HAVE TO-- I HAVE TO ADD SOMETHING TO IT OR ELSE I SHOULD

我必須... 我必須在上面加點東西，否則我就得... ...

JUST GIVE THE SHEET MUSIC TO THE AUDIENCE.

只要把樂譜給觀眾就可以了。

>> IS THAT THE LANGUAGE WE USE NOW?

>> 這就是我們現在使用的語言嗎？

IS THAT OKAY?

可以嗎？

>> Stephen: YEAH, IT IS.

>> Stephen:是的，它是。

CBS-- CBS IS FINE.

CBS -- CBS是好的。

>> REALLY?

>> 真的嗎？

>> Stephen: CBS IS FINE ( BLEEP ) SUCKY.

>> Stephen:CBS是罰款（BLEEP）SUCKY。

( LAUGHTER ) YOU'VE GOT TO COME BACK TO

你一定要回來的

BROADCAST, JERRY!

廣播，傑瑞！

THEY'RE GETTING KILLED BY CABLE.

他們被電纜殺死了。

THEY'LL LET ME SAY ANYTHING NOW!

他們現在會讓我說任何話！

LAST NIGHT I SAID ( BLEEP ).

昨晚我說（嗶嗶）：

AND THEY WERE LIKE, "HILARIOUS.

他們都喜歡，"搞笑。

JUST DO IT."

就這麼做吧。"

EVERY WORD OF THAT SENTENCE JUST GOT BLEPPED, I THINK,

這句話的每一個字都被塗抹了，我想。

INCLUDING-- AND ESPECIALLY ( BLEEP ).

包括... ... 尤其是（嗶）。

( LAUGHTER ) I'M TIRED.

（笑）我累了。

I'M A LITTLE TIRED.

我有點累了。

I'M JUST A LITTLE TIRED.

我只是有點累了。

I APOLOGIZE-- I APOLOGIZE FOR THE SALTY TALK.

我道歉... ... 我為我的鹹話道歉。

I'VE BEEN SHOUTING-- I'VE BEEN SHOUTING JOKES INTO AN ALTOID

我一直在喊... 我一直在對著耳麥喊笑話。

CAN AND THROWING IT OFF AN OVERPASS FOR EIGHT MONTHS NOW.

罐，並把它扔出一個立交橋 八個月了。

I HAVE NO IDEA IF ANYONE EVEN WATCHES THIS-- THERE'S NO THAT

我不知道是否有人看這個... ... 沒有那個。

HE WAS I'M NOT JUST SHOUTING THESE LITTLE--

他是... ...我不只是喊這些小... ...。

>> I WATCH IT.

>> 並觀看它。

>> Stephen: YOU DO?

>> Stephen:你呢？

>> I WATCH IT.

>> 並觀看它。

>> Stephen: THAT'S NICE, JERRY.

>> Stephen:那很好，傑瑞。

>> BUT, I MEAN, IT'S SAD, IT'S SAD, IT'S SAD TO WATCH.

>> 但是，我的意思是，它的悲傷，它的悲傷，它的悲傷看。

( LAUGHTER ).

（笑）：

>> Stephen: YEAH, IT'S A A KATHARTHSIS EITHER WAY.

>> Stephen:是的，這是一個KATHARTHSIS無論哪種方式。

>> I LIKE YOU AND I LIKE THE SHOW.

>> 我喜歡你，我也喜歡這個節目。

YOU KNOW, I WATCH IT FOR SOMEBODY I WANT TO SEE.

你知道嗎，我是為了某些人而看的，我想看看。

>> Stephen: YEAH.

>> Stephen:是的。

>> AND-- BUT YOU'RE-- YOU'RE ESSENTIAL AWKWARDNESS AND

>> 而 -- 但你 -- 你是 -- 你是必要的尷尬和。

DISCOMFORT IS ALWAYS-- ALWAYS ENTERTAINS ME.

挫折總是... ... 總是讓我開心。

>> Stephen: OH, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

>> Stephen:哦，謝謝你，謝謝你。

THEN YOU MUST HAVE REALLY ENJOYED THE FIRST COUPLE OF

那你一定是很喜歡前幾部份的電影了

MONTHS OF ME DOING THIS SHOW WITHOUT AN AUDIENCE.

幾個月來，我做這個節目 沒有聽眾。

>> I DID, I DID GLI WOULD JUST FINISH THE SHOW, CRAWL UNDER THE

>> 我做到了，我做到了，格利會完成表演，在下面爬行。

COUCH, BURY MY FACE IN A PILLOW AND GO, "I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO

教練，把我的臉埋在枕頭裡，然後走了，"我不知道該怎麼做"。

DO THIS."

做這個。"

WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK, BUT STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY.

我們必須迅速休息一下，但要堅持下去，每個人。

WE'LL BE BACK WITH MORE JERRY SEINFELD.

我們會帶著更多的傑瑞・塞夫德回來。

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

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