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  • Participant 1: Thank you. P2: Thank you.

  • P3: Thank you!

  • Julian: Well, well, well, if it isn't the

  • classiest audience I have ever laid eyes on. Yeah that's right. I'm talking to you.

  • Romantic relationships have a huge propensity to make you feel valued. Whether it actually does

  • depends mostly on how confident you are that your partner loves and values you. Well extensive

  • research has actually shown us that even though people with low self-esteem have more doubt,

  • they're less likely to accept compliments and praise. It's not that we don't give enough

  • compliments, it's that we often refuse to accept them. Allow me to demonstrate.

  • Julian: I love the way you did your hair today. Compliment Refuser: Really? It's a mess, I

  • haven't washed it. Julian: I love that necklace!

  • Compliment Refuser: Oh, I got it on sale. Julian: You look absolutely stunning.

  • Compliment Refuser: Yeah, okay whatever. Julian: See this? This is my life.

  • Thankfully there is a solution! Studies show that you can actually boost your self-esteem

  • and conquer insecurities if you go beyond accepting a compliment by focusing on the

  • meaning behind it. To show this, we did an experiment. First, we brought in couples to

  • act as our subjects and then gave them a test to measure their self-esteem. Without telling

  • them how they did, we asked whoever scored lower to briefly step out.

  • Julian: We have totted up the scores and I'm afraid I am going to have to ask Kai to step

  • outside. P3: Aw man.

  • Julian: Yeah sorry. Julian: I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

  • P2: Okay great! P1: Oh, okay.

  • Julian: We asked the person who stayed to really consider who their partner was and

  • write down five of the most authentic compliments they could give that person. When they were

  • done, we asked them to read what they wrote their partners.

  • Julian: By the way, no matter what he says you can only respond with "Thank you."

  • Julian: No matter what she says, you are only allowed to respond with "Thank you."

  • P4: Oh, okay. P5: Shakira Keller is a fantastic writer.

  • P3: Thank you! P6: You are smart.

  • P4: Thank you. P7: Tamara is beyond beautiful.

  • P2: Thank you. P8: Because of who you are, you have inspired

  • me to be a better and stronger person on this planet.

  • P1: Thank you. P3: Thank you.

  • P4: Thank you. Julian: According to the journal of personality

  • and social psychology, when people go beyond merely hearing compliments and are asked to

  • actually describe the meaning and significance of them, they actually started to feel better

  • about their relationships and themselves. Julian: Okay, Karina now Oscar is going to

  • repeat all of those one by one and for each one I want you to explain how what he said

  • makes you feel and how it is significant to your relationship, okay?

  • P5: Shakira Keller is a fantastic writer. P3: I love that! One of the things that I

  • do really pride myself on is my writing and as much as I don't let you read what I write,

  • I really do appreciate the fact that you think that. It makes me really happy.

  • P8: You are the most beautiful person I've ever met.

  • P1: I think that's very sweet. I don't think that's true, but I feel very humbled that

  • someone thinks that. P5: Shakira Keller is very stylish.

  • P3: No matter what it is that I put on, I feel like you would say that anyway, just

  • to make me feel good, which is great. I love you for that!

  • P7: Tamara is beyond beautiful. P2: I really need to hear from you sometimes

  • that I am beyond beautiful because I'm getting old and I hope that you still see me as beautiful

  • and beyond beautiful means like metaphysical, like the heart!

  • P8: You have inspired me to be a better person and a stronger person.

  • P1: I feel very thankful that you think that way, because I feel as though everyday you

  • show me who I can be and that person is always better so, I'm thankful that you think that.

  • P5: Shakira Keller is adorable in all the weirdest ways.

  • P3: I wouldn't call myself adorable, but I'm glad that you think that, because I don't

  • think that there's that many people who would say that and appreciate the weird things about

  • me. P8: You are the most loving and caring person

  • I know. P1: I think that this is very important to

  • Oscar, his mother was very caring when she was alive and very loving, and it's something

  • and someone I try to be everyday. And I know that he does the same for me everyday.

  • P6: You're confident. P4: It makes me feel good that she says that

  • as well because I feel like I don't have a lot of confidence, if she views me as a confident

  • person then maybe everybody else that I interact with sees me as a confident person as well.

  • P8: I love you more than anything. P1: Thank you, it's hard to always accept

  • that that is true. I feel like that's really something that everyone wants and I feel so

  • fortunate I feel the same way and I know that it's so special and it's unique and thank you.

  • Julian: When they were done, we went ahead

  • and tested their self-esteem one more time. We saw an average increase in self-esteem

  • of 11% with increases as high as 34% and nobody decreased. Accepting compliments doesn't mean

  • you are arrogant or conceited, it's healthy for both you and your relationship by validating

  • your partner's thoughts. You just watched us try this experiment out with couples, but

  • remember this is a great exercise to try in any sort of relationship you care about, so

  • feel free to try it out! If you want, film it and upload it to YouTube with the hashtag

  • "Science of Love" and we'll do something awesome with it!

  • I'm Julian, and this has been The Science of Love.

  • SoulPancake, Subscribe!

Participant 1: Thank you. P2: Thank you.


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A2 初級 英國腔

誇獎的力量|愛的科學 (The Power of Compliments | The Science of Love)

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    林利憲 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日